After sitting quietly for a long time, I looked back at Mu Xichun's hair was still wet, and then I remembered that she had asked me to help her blow her hair, so I picked up the hair dryer again, lifted her hair, and blew it.

Mu Xichun turned his head to return me with a gentle smile, I knew that this misunderstanding had been solved, and this matter was already in the past between us, although I almost lost at that time, but at the most critical moment, in the face of the huge temptation of interests, I still insisted on my nature.

But through this incident, I understand that although I have achieved nothing and am poor, I still have something to insist on, and in the big dye vat of society, I still retain a trace of my original color, although I am out of place, although I am precarious, I am still me after all, which makes me somewhat glad.

I stood behind Mu Xichun, her long hair stranded through my fingers, and the unique fragrance of her body made me a little intoxicated.

Looking at her white neck, I couldn't help but think that if I hadn't passed her test at the beginning, I don't know where in the city I was stealing my life at this moment.

Come to think of it, God is fair, you thought that your meaningless insistence made you miss a chance to get rich overnight, but you would not have thought that there would be something better waiting for you in the near future!

The so-called misstep into a thousand years of hatred, just because people can't see the future of themselves, the natural lack of security makes people want to grasp the immediate interests more, but unfortunately time can not bend, can not put the future and the present in front of the same time to make a comparison, the so-called people, to put it bluntly, is just a greedy word can be summarized.

"May I ask you a question?"

Mu Xichun raised her head, blinked her big eyes, looked at me and asked.

"What's the problem?" I asked.

"You already had the papers, so why did you suddenly change your mind? What made you give up? ”

She turned around and looked at me earnestly, as if the question had been bothering her for a long time.

I put down my hairdryer and was silent for a moment, thinking back to the day when I didn't want to tell her, but seeing that she wanted to know so much, it didn't hurt to tell her.

"Because the moment I turned around, I suddenly remembered an incident when I was a child......"

So I told Mu Xichun about the incident when my mother took me to the market to sell eggs that I had saved for a long time, and was defrauded of all my mother's money with a fake 100 yuan bill.

Mu Xichun listened to my story quietly, and when I finished speaking, she was silent for a long time, probably still immersed in the situation of my story.

"So at that moment, you thought of what your mother told you when you were a child, and you gave up?"

After a long time, Mu Xichun spoke leisurely.

I nodded wordlessly.

"You...... You've never told me about your childhood, can you tell me about it? Mu Xichun asked in a tentative tone.

I sighed, but her words had left me silent for a long time.

I remember telling her before that she should stop asking about my parents, and although she just wanted to know about my childhood, it was clear that the two were inextricably linked, and no one's childhood could exist independently of their parents, and apparently her question touched on my taboo.

But today is no longer the case, she is now my girlfriend, and it is not too much to ask such a condition, but it will undoubtedly plunge me into that unbearable memory swamp again.

"What do you want to know?"

After a long time, I finally broke the silence, with our current relationship, she will have to know these things sooner or later, since sooner or later it is inevitable to reveal the scar again

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It doesn't hurt to tell her now.

"I want to know everything about you, your childhood, and ...... Your parents ......"

Speaking of her parents, Mu Xichun's tone became a little cautious, because she knew that this was where my rebellion was.

"I remember telling you that my biological father left after I was born, that he only came back to see me once when I was a year old, and then never came back!"

I finally opened my mouth and began to tell my story, and the memories came flooding back again, although what I had just said was not in my memory, because it was impossible for a child who had just turned one year old to remember what had happened, and my mother had never told me, it was a message that had been connected from the words of the people around me as I grew up.

As far as I know, it goes something like this: a year before I was born, my grandfather was seriously ill and was ready for the future.

Grandpa's last wish is to see his only son start a family and continue the incense.

The old-fashioned rural family concept, I don't want to comment too much here, the inheritance of blood may be the greatest meaning of life for people at that time, especially when people are about to die, this matter will become particularly important.

Although my father was highly educated and should have my own opinion on these stereotypes, my father decided to fulfill his grandfather's request in order to fulfill his last filial piety before his death.

My father and mother were soon married, and I was born a year later.

The union of parents seems absurd, but in that era, this kind of thing was not uncommon, but the more it seems that the marriage that was achieved overnight, it can always go to the end and grow old together.

However, when his father married his mother, he probably didn't think so long-term, maybe he was just thinking about letting his grandfather leave without regrets.

Sure enough, things went as he wished, and when my mother was pregnant with me for six months, my grandfather finally became terminally ill and smiled at Jiuquan.

The father fulfilled his grandfather's last wish and fulfilled his last filial piety as a son of man.

It's just an accident, as a father of a high-level intellectual, how can he be like most ordinary people, how can he be willing to give up his career and settle down with his family, and accompany an illiterate village woman to spend the four seasons in an ordinary way?

So soon after I was born, he left my mother and me alone, and only came back to see our mother and son once when I was one year old, and never returned. He didn't even come back once on his grandfather's death day.

After my father left, I was left with my mother, who was a rural woman with no education and no skills, and she supported the family by force, not to mention the hardships of life, but since I was sensible, I knew that what my mother gave me was the limit of what she could do.

When I grew up, I thought to myself more than once, why didn't my mother remarry when she was fashionable and young? Instead, she chose to bear the hardships that did not belong to her, and supported her until the end of her life......

But I never asked my mother, because I was afraid of touching the taboo in her heart and making her sad.

But as I grew older, I was able to understand that until I was 10 years old, or more precisely, until the day my mother planned to take me with me, my mother had always hoped that my father would come back, and until then, it was probably this belief that had been supporting her to live a difficult life.

On that day, the villagers brought news from afar, which made her belief collapse, and she finally understood that not only would her father not return, but also had another family outside......

That's why the grieving mother will feel desperate and think of it

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Die to seek liberation. If it weren't for my words, who knew nothing about this at the time, that made my mother change her decision, I am afraid that my mother and I would have become unclaimed corpses under the mountain stream by now.

That night, when my mother took me by the hand and came home from the hillside, she silently went to the kitchen to make dinner, and after dinner, she supervised me to finish my homework as usual.

Although she didn't know a single word, and she didn't know if I was right or wrong, she continued this habit until I reached high school, and her expression was unusually calm, not unlike before, at least I didn't see the slightest change in her at that time.

The days went on as usual, and nothing seemed to have changed except for my mother's words that I couldn't understand when she was going to take me away.

It wasn't until one day, many years later, when I was walking back to my dormitory after my evening self-study in high school, that I accidentally recalled this past and woke up.

It is true that the days of poverty have not changed, but my mother's life has changed dramatically on that day, and the driving force to support her life is no longer my father's return, but my future.

Since then, my mother has never been strict with me in life, except for my studies.

It was only years later that I learned my mother's intentions. Although she never complained to my father in front of me, she did not hate him, she just wanted to prove to his father and everyone with her actions that she alone could raise me and raise me to be a talent.

I know that she is angry, her silence, her tenacity, her forbearance, all of them are angry with the man who has lost her, even if she is betting on her own life, even if she takes her life......

So the only time I told my mother that I didn't want to go back to school, my mother slapped me in the face in anger.

My words made her despair, made her feel the despair of all her persistence and dedication that was not understood.

If I drop out of school halfway, I will inevitably end up in mediocrity, so how can she be willing to lose this game without an opponent......

So before she died, my mother still told me to study hard, which was her last and only request for me......

She knew that although her life was dying, the gamble was not over, and as long as I could study well, she would be the final winner......

I roughly understand that my mother's life is hateful, in addition to hating her father's ruthlessness, she also hates herself for being illiterate and uneducated, so her father has no affection for her, even if they have their own flesh and blood, he still resolutely left this home, and did not even look back.

That's why my mother passed on this regret to me, and she must not let her experience happen to me again, perhaps this is her last dignity and obsession as a mother.

For my mother, although I lived up to her expectations, I still insisted on completing my studies after her death, and finally became a literate person in her eyes.

But I don't think I have anything to be proud of, but I have achieved the attitude of living a life that I can live without seeking progress, and if my mother knew about it, I would probably be disappointed.

I spoke silently, in a flat tone, without sorrow or joy.

To this day, although I still feel deeply about this memory, I can already familiarize myself with this feeling in my heart, and I will no longer be tense every time I remember it, I know that the world will not empathize with your joy, but will only like to see your sorrow, and showing it will only add laughter to the world, that's all.

(End of chapter)