The more you talk about the back. Xia Wei's voice became softer. By the time of the last sentence. It's so light that it's almost like a sigh. Her gaze went beyond the green trees outside the window. I don't know where it fell. There was a momentary blankness in the expression on his face. Then it brought a little memory and sadness. In the end, it slowly faded again. It becomes a natural calm. It's like there's a gust of wind blowing across the water. There were slight ripples in circles. In the blink of an eye, it is as smooth as a mirror.

When you open your mouth again. Xia Wei began to tell An Ran about her first love.

"He was my college classmate. Same school. Different faculties. A very good boy. Regardless of appearances. Nature. Ability. He is excellent in all aspects of his knowledge. We have a lot of common language. There's always something to say. Xia Wei had a smile on her face. But only purely. Laugh peacefully. There are no memories and sadness of the past. "My personality was actually different then than it is now. I don't like to talk very much, though. But he didn't close himself off like that. Especially in terms of appearance. Much more normal than the old virgin's dress now. ”

The corners of An Ran's mouth couldn't help twitching. The heart says. Mr. Xia. Did you know that......

"At that time. It was almost love at first sight for me and him. The first time I saw him, I felt. Huh. Isn't that the guy I've always been looking for? ”

Teacher Xia said this, with some sighs and sighs. "Later. When we were together. He also said. That's what he thought at the time. The people around us also think that we are a good match. It looks like a natural pair. We were all serious. During the holidays, they also took each other to meet their parents. The parents of both sides are also quite satisfied. At that time, I thought simply. I thought it would last forever. If it weren't for something that happened later. Maybe we'll be like a promise. Get married after graduation. ”

In Xia Wei's senior year. She was hospitalized with a severe cold. Injections and medicines. But the fever has not subsided. Thereupon. The doctor advised her to have a careful check-up.

This examination identified the problem.

"It's cancer." When Xia Wei said this. Even with a smile. But. Maybe there was a little laugh in her voice. Probably because Enron's jaw-dropping appearance was too entertaining. Before she almost popped her eyes out. Teacher Xia always enjoyed the shocked reaction of An Xiaoran. Finally slowly added. "It turned out to be a misdiagnosis."

But no one knew about it at the time. Xia Wei, her family who rushed to school from Jinling, and her lover at the time were shocked to hear the bad news, and they felt that the sky was about to fall.

"The world changed all at once. It's like the end of the world. Xia Wei laughed self-deprecatingly. Actually, it is. If there is no misdiagnosis. Then it will be my end. ”

Physical discomfort is secondary. The main thing is that I have a complete mental breakdown.

And the influence of the spirit on a person can even be fatal. It's not often that kind of legendary joke. Someone was told one day that he had been poisoned. One day the following year, he died of poison. And the man was convinced of this. Sure enough, it came the day of the second year. He literally fell to the ground and died. But in fact. The man was not poisoned.

Xia Wei after learning that he was sick. Soon proposed to break up with his lover. She thought she was dying. Why drag down your lover any longer. It's better to let it go. Let him pursue a better future.

"Wasn't it naïve at the time?" Xia Wei asked.

An Ran was a little surprised by her question. It's even more puzzling. I know I have a disease. Ask to break up with your lover. Isn't that a normal reaction? But since Mr. Xia asked this kind of question. Apparently she had a different opinion at this time.

"Actually, to put it bluntly. On the one hand, they are bent on thinking about each other. On the other hand, it is not a kind of timid calculation. Xia Wei saw Enron's doubts. So to speak. "Since you have to think about each other. You should ask the other person what they mean. Look at how he is. Is this empathy really needed. Like what. Empathy. If your friend is seriously ill. Therefore he will disown you. What would you think. ”

An Ran pondered carefully for a while. Said slowly. "If that's the case. I'm going to feel sad. In the last days. I want to take care of him as much as I can. accompanied him through the last part of his life. In that case, even if he unfortunately dies in the future. I'm still very sad. But because he has done his best. while feeling safe. Otherwise, I wouldn't just be sad. And lifelong regrets. When I think about it, I feel uneasy. ”

Speaking of which. She naturally understood the meaning of Xia Wei's words. Raise your eyes to her. Sure enough, I saw her smile and nodded. "Yes. That's it. If you really think about each other. So do you want him to accompany me on the last journey? It should be up to him to decide. It's not up to me to unilaterally make a judgment on the relationship. As for timidity. It's just that I'm afraid that the other party will not be firm. I will dislike myself in the future. Give up the relationship. Or torment each other. I hate each other. In addition to the pain of **. There is also a heavy emotional wound in the heart. Rather than that. It's up to me to take the initiative. Take the lead in giving a death sentence to the relationship. Draw a full stop. While there are still feelings for each other. ”

"Actually, it's going to be a joke. It's just a lack of courage. to yourself. to each other. I don't have enough confidence in my feelings. To put it selfishly. If there is someone at that time. Ken reaches out and pulls you. Why are you pushing him away. Why can't you hold his hand. Stand up with the love and courage he gives. Then walk forward bravely with your own strength. In that case. Even in the end, he still can't escape death. can't escape the emotional wounds. At least at the moment when you close your eyes. I can say it to myself. At least I've tried. I fought hard for life and love. Although it didn't work out. But I have no regrets. Xia Wei said this. Stopped. He shook his head with a smirk. "Running the question, running the question. I was going to say something. ”

Her words made An Ran fall into deep thought. At this moment, he raised his head in a daze. reacted. before answering. "Oh. After you learn about life. A breakup was made to him. ”

"Oh. That's right. He didn't say yes at the time. Pleaded with me bitterly. I actually can't bear him. But there was no consciousness to stand up with the help of his strength. Just thinking that it would be good to even look at him again. There's always going to be a breakup anyway. Then take another look. Wait for tomorrow or the day after tomorrow. I plucked up the courage to leave him again. But people are greedy. Say it's one more look. But in my heart, I can't wait to watch it forever. ”

But her lover was not as strong as he had imagined. Gave up sooner than she thought. It's only been two months. He couldn't take it anymore.

"Now think about it. I don't blame him. At that time, I was facing graduation. He's busy writing papers. Find a job. And squeeze in time to take care of me. It's a lot of pressure. Places like hospitals are always filled with all sorts of despair. Especially in places where cancer patients are congregated. Stayed for a long time. It is easy to be infected with all kinds of pessimism. It's normal that he can't stand it. At least he didn't give up on the relationship in the first place. That's it. I should still feel comforted and grateful.

"I've been thinking about it ever since. Maybe even if there was no misdiagnosis in the first place. We're afraid we won't be able to make it to the end. The two of us just look like a good match. Have common hobbies. It seems to be quite able to talk about it. It's really been getting along for a long time. In fact, there is always such and such friction in personality and way of doing things. and was reluctant to give up that relationship. can only hold each other. When it's smooth. This kind of small friction and pulling is like a little love between some couples. Harmless. But once the time is long. Or when you're in trouble. It came out to the fore. In the end, it is fatal. It's like you're wearing a pair of shoes. A little bit of discomfort. But I really like it. Getting closer, there are no problems. But go long distances or wear it over the hills. I can't hold on anymore. ”

Although Xia Wei now talks about it, she seems to be completely relieved of that relationship. At the time, it was undoubtedly a huge blow. Although it later turned out that her illness was nothing more than a false alarm. Her body is normal and healthy. But the consequences of that misdiagnosis are far from over.

"It's like having cancer." Xia Wei summed it up like this.

Xia Wei, who has gone through the double blow of emotional injury and misdiagnosis. Before I knew it, I changed a lot from my personality to my lifestyle. It's like a frosted flower. Even after rescue measures, he survived. But it has been drained of a lot of vitality and vitality. Like what. Unconsciously. Her personality became cold. Autism. It seems to be simply enjoyable. In fact, he has lost his enthusiasm for many things. I didn't fall in love again. It's not that I can't forget my original lover. Rather, they lost the anticipation and enthusiasm for this relationship. It's not just love. The same goes for friendship.

"My parents thought I was because I couldn't forget who I was. That's going to happen. Xia Wei shook his head. Sometimes even I am a little confused. Until this car accident. I died again. only to find out. Not really. ”

"I've found out since the misdiagnosis. I seem to be in a state of suspended animation. ”

"Suspended animation." An Ran repeated Xia Wei's words. There is a crack in my heart. I just feel how uncomfortable this word is.

"Close your heart. No emotion. Nor do I gain emotion. Refuse to be approached. I don't want to get close to people either. Seemingly indifferent to everything. In fact, it is not a kind of timidity. It's like there are some people who have been hurt. Will subconsciously forget about the memories of the injury. In fact, those memories are not lost. It's just mothballed. My own behavior over the years is probably a kind of self-protection behavior after being hit. ”