Russell could probably imagine what it was like.

At the age of sixteen, the delphinium killed his beloved grandfather with his own hands with unwavering determination.

And before that, the dull life that had been smooth sailing suddenly changed. Fall into the abyss without doing anything wrong.

"That was the best thing I could do. But now that I think about it, I still feel remorse and sadness. ”

Delphinium smiled helplessly: "If I had to choose again, I'm afraid I'll still do it after thinking about it carefully."

"But that doesn't stop me, and I still feel pain about it."

It is the "right answer" that is recognized by reason but rejected by emotion. The delphinium acts with that kind of reason, but the heart is still touched by emotion.

That's when everyone acts with love and tortures each other...... Until the dilemma of the complete collapse of all.

It's like a machine that is trying to keep running the way it used to even though one of its gears has become worn out and broken.

It's hopeless, but it's not desperate to the limit.

Therefore, it is not yet possible to hate, it is not yet possible to be angry.

True sadness, love and murderous intent are intertwined, and at the same time, there is absolutely no hatred or anger. After brewing in such a soul for a long time, "death-causing love" was born.

“…… Sure enough, this is only half a step away from the demon. ”

Russell was a little scared just by listening to it.

Just listening to Delphinium's understatement, he felt the pain and despair.

If it weren't for the delphinium's strong mind and strong will, I'm afraid she would have fallen into a demon long ago.

At this moment, when he looked at the gentle and calm smile of the delphinium, Russell realized the weight of this smile a little more in his heart.

…… No wonder, Delphinium's smile and words are always reassuring.

Because that's not a carefree and innocent smile. It's a complicated smile that has experienced despair, given up a lot, and finally arrived on the other side.

"So, how did you awaken your spiritual powers?"

The delphinium asked softly.

But Russell was silent.

That's not "I don't want to say", it's "I don't know".

He didn't even know what his original desire was.

Compared to the origin of the inferior and the life of the delphinium, whether it is in the past life or in this life, the pain experienced by Russell himself seems to be so insignificant.

In front of the delphinium, he felt ashamed for a moment—it was a hesitation caused by the indescribable suffering.

“…… Let's not talk about it for now, is that okay? ”

"It's okay."

The delphinium smiled softly, and whispered comfortingly, "Whether you can't say it, or you can't say it, or your heart is hazy and vague...... It doesn't matter.

"I'll be there when you want to speak. It doesn't matter when or where...... This is a promise I make to you as your commander. ”

“…… Is it just a sir? ”

Russell couldn't help but ask.

Hearing this, he always felt a little empty in his heart.

If you want to describe it, it should be a kind of "cognitive gap".

I already know a lot about the past of the delphinium, but the other party still doesn't know anything about me - the gap between this cognition creates a kind of gravitational potential energy between hearts. Let Russell just look at the delphinium and want to tell her something.

Looking at Russell, who was a little restless, Delphinium pinched his ears with some amusement: "Otherwise? ”

"I just want to ......"

"How are you thinking about how to soak me?"

Delphinium smiled and asked bluntly.

She said, slightly lifting her left hand: "This hand is still holding and I don't want to let go." ”

This made Russell's cheeks suddenly turn a little red, and he let go of the delphinium's hand like an electric shock.

But at this moment, the delphinium naturally reached out and chased after him, holding the back of his hand with his backhand.

The delphinium propped her right hand on her cheek and looked sideways with a smile.

Her snow-white hair hung messily down to her ears, looking a little lazy.

"I didn't say no."

She leaned over and whispered in Russell's ear, "But have you thought about it?" My love is poisonous...... I once killed my favorite grandfather. ”

"I ......"

Russell opened his mouth.

Delphinium chuckled and easily removed Russell's hand.

"You're hesitating."

She affirmed.

“…… Be. ”

Russell took a deep breath and nodded slowly.

He did have a crush on Delphinium, but it was closer to the heat of the mind after listening to the story.

But now that I have calmed down a little, I will find that it is just "like", or a little "pity" and "respect".

It's not enough to "love".

Not to mention putting it into life and death.

"It's better to hesitate."

The corners of the delphinch's mouth rose slightly, and she said with relief: "You will hesitate, which means that you are thinking." You are rational and serious about feelings...... This is good.

"I don't want a short-lived relationship. Otherwise, I would have had a boyfriend when I was in school...... It's a bit of a boast to say that, but I actually think I'm pretty cute. ”

Russell nodded in agreement.

She is indeed a rare beautiful girl. Just sitting outside, you will be accosted to the extent that you will be accosted.

Even in terms of Russell's raised aesthetics, it can be called beautiful and generous.

Otherwise, he wouldn't have been easily seduced by the delphinium.

To put it mildly...... If someone else were to tell about this past, Russell might only have pity, sadness and sorrow in his heart, and would never have the urge to "like".

As if sensing what Russell was thinking, Delphinium also said bluntly: "I also think you are very cute, which suits my appetite." That's why I say these things to you.

"But what I want...... It is a permanent covenant for a lifetime. If it is a relationship premised on marriage, we know too little about each other. Appearance, ability, origin, and appearance of character alone are not enough. The determination, seriousness, and responsibility that must be paid for this relationship are not something that can be promised with one mouth on the first date. ”

“…… Hey? ”

Russell was stunned: "Is this a date?" ”

He thought it was just pure psychotherapy.

"You can interpret it as yes or as not."

Delphinium leaned over and touched Russell's head, revealing a gentle expression: "For some girls, just walking together is a date; And for some girls, going out to eat and have fun together is just a normal relationship. ”

"What about you?"

"I can do it all. It depends mainly on what you think. ”

She reached out and stroked her left breast, which was where her heart was.

Delphinium sighed a little helplessly: "Now, I don't dare to love people easily." It's not a happy thing to be loved by me...... I can't even imagine what kind of new poison will be brewed in that kind of love. ”

“…… I also know some girls. But they are secretive about the true standards of their chosen objects, their emotions, and their thoughts. ”

Russell felt a little uncomfortable: "You don't shy away from it. ”

"Have they killed so many people and so many demons like I did?"

Delphinium propped up her face, smiled and said terrible words: "After deeply realizing your ugliness and understanding your true heart...... A girl's vision of a fairy tale is over. What I need to seriously think about is the reality of the future. And not illusory dreams and fantasies.

“…… At the end of the day, I also want to live such an ordinary life, dreaming about what a girl should do, and having unrealistic fantasies. ”

She drank the last sip of fruit tea, lifted the cup and shook it at Russell, and then got up.

And at this time, the barbecue was finally served.

Delphinium first helped Russell bring chopsticks and plates, poured Russell a glass of lemonade, and helped him replace the hot milk with a new one.

Then she brought her share and gave Russell a full dipping saucer: "I remember you like to eat non-spicy food." So I got you a copy of the ingredients and sauces, and let me know when you want to add them. ”

"Ah, yes...... Thank you. ”

After Russell took it, he whispered, "I'm a bit of a cat tongue." You can't eat spicy and hot. ”

He had a strange sense of dislocation.

The first time he went out to eat with other people, he experienced the feeling of "sitting in his seat and not moving at all".

It's like he's the one who is taken care of as a woman on a date...... And Delphinium is more like a calm, mature and proactive, reliable brother-like character.

When the delphinium sat down again, she also brought a disposable napkin for Russell.

She pulled Russell over and helped Russell put on the napkin carefully. Prevent the juices from the barbecue from spilling on your body and staining your clothes.

At that moment, Russell was touched by something inexplicable and indescribable.

After Delphinium sat down, she picked up the previous topic and chuckled, "But how to say it...... Perhaps poverty is also a disease. Just by looking at its case book, I know that dreams and fantasies are a drink that is not good for the condition and is taboo. It's like wine. ”

"I think ...... This world is the one who is really sick. ”

Russell whispered.

The delphinium stared at him fixedly, then nodded slowly. And staggered his gaze, picked up the barbecue and placed it on the hot barbecue plate.

"yes," she whispered, "I think that sometimes.

"One friend after another, fallen or sacrificed before me, I protected the lives of the innocent and took the lives of the equally innocent.

"Some people are doing their best just to live, and some people are destroying the lives of others with all their might. If someone has done nothing wrong, they have to experience despair...... Some people make many mistakes without pain.

"Some people have become like wild beasts since they were born; There are people who have been alive and have not aged for a thousand years.

"If the world is sick, I'm glad I do. After all, as long as it is a disease, there will be a day when it will be cured. ”

Delphinium helped Russell turn the roast meat while muttering softly without looking back.

It's like just talking to yourself.

“…… Rather, what I'm afraid of is that it's not sick. I'm afraid this is how the world should be...... Isn't that the deepest despair? ”