Time flies in an endless trance. Her performance puzzled the teachers, who really couldn't figure out what was wrong with this diligent and studious girl. The teacher's several conversations made the parents frown, and they didn't know what happened to their daughter. Honestly, they don't have much ability to think, let alone have no language skills, they are anxious but unable to do anything, their faces are gloomy all day long, sighing, and the silent family is even more lifeless.

Looking at the plummeting report card, Qian tried to make herself sober and less fantasizing. But when she stared straight at the textbook, looked at the white chalk words on the blackboard, and listened to the teacher's endless chatter, her brain was blank. When no one was around, she tugged at her hair in pain, and pulled it hard; She slapped herself in the face and hit her madness; She gritted her teeth and banged her head against the wall desperately, making a thumping sound, trying to wake herself up. She thought she was crazy, completely insane. Hopelessly insane, completely insane. She scolded herself countless times, cried and laughed, laughed and cried. A good student who should be envied by everyone, but because of an irrelevant fly, she experienced all the life that she shouldn't have experienced.

Qian had insomnia, and for countless nights she wanted to stay up all night studying hard with a book, but she just couldn't read it. Short sleeps can also wake you up from nightmares. The appearance of Fei completely changed the trajectory of Qian's life, not just now, but for a lifetime. Qian is still a student, a child, and she doesn't know who she can talk to about the predicament in front of her, and she doesn't dare to tell anyone. But there are many things that she can't face and solve, and she spends every minute in torment. Every time she thinks of her old father, her frail mother, and her honest and honest brother, she blames herself deeply. She is not a child without conscience, she does, but she is desperately running towards a dead end. Qian is in a trance all day long, and her studies are already a mess. In the midst of pain, I got the high school entrance examination.

Qian has always remembered this most important and humiliating exam in her life. Sitting in the examination room, she was frightened, sweating, and full of exam questions that she couldn't know, she knew that her life was over. After the results of the high school entrance examination came out, Qian failed to be admitted to a key high school as her family wished, and her grades were only enough to go to the worst ordinary high school. When she went to school to get her report card, she saw the elated appearance of her classmates who did well in the exam, and Qian's heart collapsed, she knew that this would be the result, but when she really faced it, she still couldn't accept the reality. Qian came to a no-man's corner, she left tears, she was crying for herself, crying for her family. But everything is in the past, tears can't restore what has been lost, after crying, tears are dry, she must make a choice about her life path. Sitting in the yard at night, the sultry weather made her depressed mood even more irritable. The dim light of her parents' room flickered in the darkness, and from time to time the sound of her father knocking his pipe and sighing on the kang railing could be heard.

Her parents didn't scold Qian, but she didn't have the face to face their disappointed eyes. The honest brother walked out of the room and sat next to Qian, he was not as desperate as his parents, optimistically encouraged Qian to face the reality, he felt that ordinary high school was not bad, and told Qian that he would work hard to earn money for Qian to go to high school and college. Hearing her brother's words of relief, Qian was even more ashamed. Between continuing to study and giving up reading, Qian hesitated, giving up reading, which means that her dream since childhood was completely shattered, and she didn't have the courage to spend her parents' hard-earned money to live in vain, she knew that her heart could not go back to the past.

Qian locked herself in her room, and she had no concept of time day and night. She was asleep during the day, and at night she sat on the bed, her legs folded, and in the darkness she kept her eyes wide open, trying to see what was in front of her, but she could see nothing. She didn't want to think about anything, but in her mind, she reacted what had happened over and over again in the past few years like a movie. Most of them are sad, unbearable, and there are few happy things. She was crying when she was lying down, and the tears were still flowing when she sat there, and the tears of her anger kept flowing endlessly, and in the end she couldn't cry anymore.

The cowardly and incompetent parents were very anxious to see their daughter lock herself in her room without eating or drinking, and they were afraid that their daughter would not be able to think about it and embark on a road of no return. The father kept banging on the door and calling Qian, but Qian just didn't make a sound. Mother dragged the sick and crooked body, was half supported by the father, half held, panting to the door, she wanted to knock on the door, but she raised her hand with great effort but did not have the strength to knock on the door, with a weak voice called Qian, she cried and said: "Son, you can't, you will kill me!" Qian listened to her mother's crying, she was even more remorseful and sad, but she didn't know who to hate. The mother cried for a while and was dragged away by the father. That night Qian opened the door, and she came to the tattered wall covered with awards, which had been her proudest and most precious treasures. Looking at the awards, the scenes of learning from childhood to adulthood are vivid. In the winter, the ears were frozen, bleeding and scabbing, and then frozen, and so on, until the weather was warm in the spring, because I had frostbite before, and now when it comes to winter, my ears will rot. The hand that was red and swollen from the cold and full of scars, couldn't hold the pen, but she still insisted on writing her homework, the handwriting was neat, and if there was a little problem, she would revise it carefully, without sloppiness. In the summer, her classmates were too hot, so they all ran to a cool place to rest, and she sat alone in the steamer-like classroom, the sweat on her forehead dripped down, soaking her clothes, wetting her book, and not stopping her from studying. At that time, life was hard, but it was fulfilling. Over the years, her efforts have earned these papers that symbolize pride and honor, and now, how unbearable and embarrassed she is now.

The classmates who were much worse than her own were all admitted to key high schools, and she clearly remembered how happy and proud those students who did well in the exam when she went to get the report card that day, and how disappointed she was. She didn't dare to look at it again, and she didn't want to think about it again. Raised his hand and tore off all the certificates in one go. She said goodbye to her former self completely. Qian made up her mind to never mention the word reading again.