I sat at He Xiaoyang's bedside and listened to the time. Clicking "little by little past my watch, I fell silent, not knowing what to say.

I can't remember how many times I repeated what I had told me about him tonight, and I looked down at the time, and at 2:28 I got up and walked outside, the cold breath of the room making my whole body cold.

The lights in the security room were still on, and I didn't knock on the door, but quietly walked through the door, came to the side of the road, and sat down.

Sometimes, when there is no one to tell about the pain and grievances in a person's heart, it is like a boulder pressing on the heart, making people breathless. I think that those who suffer from depression, the world in their eyes should be gray, or it may be black, there is no shadow in the gray world, no trace in the black night, they are lonely there, confused and afraid.

I looked up at the boundless night sky, the moon was scattered, the stars were blinking, the breeze was drifting in front of me, with the sound of insects in the forest, and the bright moonlight, flying towards the starry sky in the distance.

I unconsciously took out the cigarette case and lit it skillfully, in fact, I don't like the taste of smoke, but whenever I want to give up, my heart is extremely reluctant, it is like a glass of slightly poisonous wine, bringing you short-term pleasure and permanent damage.

However, in the silence and darkness of the night, it is the only one that can bring me fleeting pleasure, and I think it is okay to pay a small price.

"You haven't slept yet?"

A voice suddenly came from behind me, and I turned my head to look, and Lin Qingyue's figure under the moonlight slowly walked from far and near.

"Not yet, you haven't slept yet", I snuffed out my cigarette and threw it on the ground.

"I see it's going to be a good night tonight, so I'm going to come out and breathe."

At this time, she was without glasses, with a fair face, faint willow eyebrows, and black hair pouring down like a waterfall and falling over her shoulders.

"Yes, the starry sky in the middle of the summer night feels more beautiful than in other seasons", after a moment of silence, I turned to her and asked, "Do you plan to do this job forever?" ”

"Maybe, when my younger brother grows up and gets married, I think I will change my job and life," Lin Qingyue looked at the night sky in the distance and said slowly.

"Haven't you thought about your future right now?"

Lin Qingyue was silent and did not answer, the breeze gently brushed her hair, and her bright eyes were particularly charming against the background of the moonlight.

"Myself, it doesn't matter what happens"

From her tone, I could sense that she must have something unspeakable, the book on the bedside of her room, I clearly remember those two words "Alive", yes, I have read it too, but I still dare not read it a second time.

I didn't ask any more questions, I think that deep down in everyone's heart, there is a very hidden place, where secrets are stored that will never be made public, and only in the dead of night can they be taken out to bask in the moonlight.

"In fact, sometimes, I really can't figure out what people live this life for, going to school, graduating, working, starting a family, living, until they die, I feel that most people are following in the footsteps of their predecessors, living every day mediocrely"

"When you have a concern in your heart, you can feel the beauty of the world, every day of the sunrise and sunset, it is very beautiful, but few people notice, I used to be like you, complaining about everything around me, but complaining is only in vain after all"

Lin Qingyue's eyes moistened slightly, and then said: "Life is our own, not what meaning life gives us, but what meaning we give life"

I didn't answer, and I didn't know how to answer her, in fact, many times we understand those truths, but it's hard to do, and I think she should have done it.

I turned my head to look at Lin Qingyue's appearance, in front of her, I felt like a child who had never experienced anything, only complaining about everything around him, but never thinking about changing.

"I'll go back to sleep, you can rest early"

"yes, okay", I nodded, and replied.

Lin Qingyue's figure gradually disappeared under the moonlight, and everything returned to the way I was when I first arrived, the moonlight, the breeze, the insects, she seemed to have come, and she didn't seem to have come, maybe the road of life is like this, people gather and scatter, people come and go.

I looked up at my watch, and at 3:10 I thought I should go back to sleep, but my mind was chaotic and noisy, and I didn't feel sleepy.

Let's go ahead! I sighed and stepped forward.

The funeral home is in the suburbs, relatively remote, I don't know where I'm going, I just keep walking along this road, as long as I don't stop, my mind will become very quiet.

The sound of the wind blowing the leaves is like a myriad of elves whispering, and the figures squirming and jumping in the grass don't know if it's a frog or a toad.

The road winds and turns as if there is no end, and at a fork in the road, I take a path that I don't know where it leads, but my inner curiosity drives my feet forward.

The path was potholed, and in the moonlight, I noticed that there were no crops around, it was full of weeds, and there was a lot of garbage thrown in the grass, and it smelled, but I ignored it, but kept walking.

There were lonely graves scattered on both sides of the road, as well as those paper money that had not been burned, I didn't pay attention to it, and kept walking, I don't know how long I walked, I saw a little flickering light in front of me, about three or four hundred meters in front of me.

"It should be human," I told myself.

When I got closer, it turned out to be a couple of fishermen, sitting around a deep pit, holding fishing rods, laughing at each other.

The pit was not too big, about sixty or seventy meters wide, and I didn't know how deep it was, and I didn't dare to pick up the stones under my feet and throw them in, for fear of scaring the fish away and disturbing the fishermen.

As I walked around the pit, the water was calm, reflecting the starry sky, and the water sometimes rippled, so I guess the fish poked their heads out to breathe.

I walked up to the fishermen, all of them about fifty years old, and they just looked at me and didn't say anything about my arrival, I picked up the weeds, cleared an open space and sat down, listening to their conversation, boasting to each other.

The night was quiet, the surroundings were quiet, the water was like a mirror, reflecting the heavens and the earth, and my heart became very calm, and the cool night breeze blew away the worries in my heart.

I think I should be completely integrated into my surroundings at this moment, it was like a dream, I lay down, closed my eyes, as if I was in the starry sky, I held my breath, feeling the gentle and healing heart of nature.

I don't remember the last time I was lying on the grass and feeling the wind blowing before, or when the next time I lay like this, maybe tomorrow, maybe next month, maybe a long, long time later.

I want to go to sleep like this, not caring about the world, no matter what tomorrow is.

"Oops, pull the hook and pull the hook", one of them suddenly shouted anxiously.

With the pull of the fishing rod, a snow-white and fat big fish jumped out of the water under the pull of the fishing line, forming a perfect arc in the moonlight.

"This fish is okay!" The man rolled up his sleeves, pressed the fish rolling on the ground, clasped the gills of the fish with his fingers, and threw it into the bucket.

I sat up and looked at the half-bent fish in the bucket, its body like an upside-down arched bridge, breathing out loud and staring at me with round eyes.

It was free a second ago, maybe it will soon become a dish on the table, we looked at each other, I could reach out and let it come back to life and freedom, but in the end I still suppressed the urge in my heart, I knew that the fate of the fish is like this, even if I release it now, maybe it will be caught again tomorrow.

I sat back on the floor, and I was glad that I was alone, and even if life was not going well, I still had a chance to do it again.

A balding man with a slight stubble on his face and dark skin turned his head to look at me, perhaps because he saw that I was neither fishing nor leaving, and was a little puzzled, and asked, "What are you doing?" ”

"Can't sleep, go out for a walk"

"Oh", the man nodded, "Don't you look like a local?" ”

"Yes, I have friends here, come over for a few days"

The man didn't ask any more questions, turned his head and continued to stare at the fish float, while I lay down on the ground again, my hands crossed behind my head, and watched the stars twinkle in silence.

There are too many high-rise buildings in the city, the roads are too hard, and even though the trees are surrounded by flowers and plants, I still feel the slightest taste of nature, and at this time, I feel a sense of intimacy that I have not felt for a long time.

I slowly closed my eyes and fell into a deep sleep, without any sorrow or anxiety, only the sound of insects and the breeze blowing in my ears.