With full curiosity, Zhang Ya hurriedly looked at the page of text in the note.

She had to take advantage of Chen Li's turn of the page to quickly finish the page......

"June 8, 1981, the weather, cloudy..."

"My name is Chen Li, and I'm six years old."

"My family is very difficult, and my parents often quarrel......"

"When we were arguing, my parents would yell at me, saying that it was because of my arrival that it made it more difficult for the family."

"I don't know what I've done wrong, why is my father and mother angry and quarrelling?"

"How shall I answer them?"

"I remember that usually, my neighbors' uncles and aunts would praise me for my good smile."

"So I didn't talk to my parents, I just smiled at them."

"After I laughed, they stopped yelling at me."

"It's working."

On this page of the diary, there are only a few lines of crooked words, and the handwriting is very sloppy, and Zhang Ya quickly finished reading it.

And at the moment when she finished reading, Chen Li also turned the page in a timely manner......

He... It seems that I'm also revisiting this one... A diary of his life...

"August 16, 1982, weather, fine."

"I'm seven years old, and all the kids around me have gone to school."

"And my father and mother said that because our family conditions are not good, we can't provide for me to go to school."

"They said, in two years, I'm going to work in the fields, and the children of poor families will be in charge early."

"They also say it's a man's responsibility."

"I'm not happy."

"Does this mean that I'm going to be separated from those kids?"

"No! I don't want that! I want to go to school! ”

"I don't like this home! I don't like my dad either! ”

The diary on the second page is also very short, which Chen Li recorded when he was seven years old.

And seeing this page of the diary, Zhang Ya thought in his heart......

It turned out that Chen Li had such a difficult time when he was a child......

And Chen Li has never told her about these things.

"Why is that?"

A trace of doubt rose in Zhang Ya's heart......

Soon, Chen Li stretched out his hand again and turned another page down.

The date of this page, a short interval from the previous page.

"August 24, 1982, weather, cloudy."

"I'm so happy! I was finally able to go to school! ”

"I remembered the movie that the village organization had seen before."

"When the children in the movie can't go to school, they will cry to other people's adults."

"When the crying is over, the adults in other people's families will dissuade the child's parents and let the child go to school."

"In the past few days, I have also used this method to cry to other people's adults, as well as my grandparents."

"I can't say that I want to go to school because other children have gone to school."

"I remember in the movie, when the children said they wanted to become scientists, the adults in other people's families were very happy and would praise the children."

"So I told my grandparents, and the adults in the neighborhood, I want to go to school, I want to be a scientist."

"It works!"

"After that, the adults in the neighborhood, as well as the grandparents, all went to dissuade my parents."

"They said that my father and mother were not a good father, and that there was no way to let the children go to school."

"I know, it turns out that my father and mother are bad people."

"So I'm going to have someone else do it for me."

"But after the others left, my father and mother all had gloomy faces."

"I think they look horrible, I can only keep laughing at them, I'm afraid they're going to hit me."

"But after a while, my father sighed and said that since I wanted to go to school, then let me go to school, but he told me to study hard, saying that if I didn't study well, I wouldn't be allowed to continue in the future."

"Sure enough, I'm right, my father and mother are all bad people!"

"Why do I have to live with bad people every day? I'm upset. ”

The text on this page of the diary is a little more......

And seeing this page of the diary, Zhang Ya's doubts deepened......

When Chen Li was a child, he was a little too precocious......

At such a young age, he had to use some methods to make his life a little better.

In Zhang Ya's mind, it seems that he has made up the picture of a seven-year-old boy facing his parents.

She was inexplicably a little distressed.

She suddenly felt that she was wrong to blame Chen Li?

Could it be that what is recorded in this diary is only the deepest memory of Chen Li's heart, but he doesn't want to show it to others?

And now, could it be that his death has made Chen Li's mood extremely bad, so he wants to record the next diary in this diary again?

In Zhang Ya's heart, when doubts were born.

Chen Li stretched out his hand again and turned the diary to the next page.

"April 23, 1985, weather, cloudy."

"I'm ten years old and I'm in the third grade."

"My grades in the class have always been number one."

"Actually, I'm not happy."

"Because my father always said that if I can't keep my grades in the first place, then let me drop out of school and do farm work......"

"Now I'm grown."

"I know that doing farm work is very tiring, and I have to experience wind and sun every day."

"No matter how you look at it, it's much easier to learn than to do farm work."

"In order not to do farm work, I had to study hard."

"I don't know why I was born into such a family."

"Even though I have good grades, many people will come to my house, and they will praise me."

"But although my father and mother have a smiling face, I know in my heart that they are actually not happy, and they have always felt that I am a burden since I was a child."

"I envy other children, their parents, who will buy them delicious cakes on their birthdays."

"But when it came time for my birthday, there was nothing, just a sigh and a few complaints."

"In the past two years, because others always ask my parents to be nice to me, there have been a lot fewer quarrels between my parents and my parents."

"But when no one comes to the house, they still fight."

"Only now, they don't seem to yell at me much."

"Maybe it was the dissuasion of others that played a role."

"Sure enough, over the years, my thoughts have always been right, my father and mother are bad people, and I am a child raised by bad people."

"But why is my life so miserable?"

"Today, the teacher told the story of the little radish head, saying that the miserable life experience of the little radish head deserves our sympathy."

"Although I, like the other children, left tears for the story of the little carrot head."

"But in my heart, I don't really feel much."

"Because no matter how hard the little radish head is, at least his father and mother treat him very well when he is alive."

"But what about ......"

"My father, is it really good for me? I think they're so bad......"

"Actually, I kind of want to die too......"

"I feel really tired and tired to live......"

"I have to smile every day, because only when I smile will others sympathize with me, and others will persuade my father and mother to be kind to me."

"Only by smiling will my father and mother not yell at me."

"Moreover, I had to study hard to stop doing farm work."

"It's really tiring and tiring on days like this......"

"But I don't have the courage to die."

"Moreover, I haven't even eaten a piece of cake, and I just died, isn't my life too worthless?"

The text on this page is very long, and when she saw this page, Zhang Ya's heart was only filled with endless sadness......

Some of Chen Li's actions, Zhang Ya finally found an answer.

It turned out that the smile he always had on his face was just his habit......

He has become accustomed to living with a mask, and has been like this since he was a child......

Zhang Ya couldn't help but sigh a little for Chen Li's past......

At this time, seeing his past diary, Chen Liwei frowned......

His face unconsciously showed a bit of gloom......

He reached out again, turned the journal again, and turned a page.

"March 23, 1988, weather, cloudy."

"I'm in sixth grade and I'm graduating soon."

"In the past few years, every day has been like a year."

"It's so tiring to keep that simple smile all the time."

"And my father and mother make me feel more and more disgusting!"

"They're not even as cute as the neighbor's dirt dogs!"

"Even the neighbor's native dog, after giving birth to puppies, knows to be good to puppies."

"But what about them? They do nothing but quarrel and complain about the injustice of fate and the waste of money! ”

"Why would I have such parents?"

"Why am I so unlucky?"

"A few days ago, the grandfather next door passed away......"

"He is one of the few people who can help me dissuade my father and mother, and can blame my father and mother for treating me badly......"

"Even though he didn't really help me, he didn't do anything to me other than give me a few pieces of candy once in a while."

"But at least, he can help me deal with my daddy......"

"When he died, how I wished that it was my father and mother who died, not him!"

"I've heard that when someone in the family dies, the survivor gets a funeral fee."

"Why didn't my father die?"

"If my father and mother die, can I use the funeral money to live alone? Am I not going to have to continue to look at their faces? ”

"Hey... I want to die again..."

"I'm too tired to live......"

"I don't know if I can continue to go to junior high school after graduating from elementary school."

"If I could, I would like to go to middle school in town so I can leave my parents."

"But I heard that the tuition fee in middle school is higher, and I'm afraid my parents will have a hard time getting it......"

"If it really doesn't work, it looks like I'll have to use the same method I used when I was a kid!"

"I now know what the word acting means!"

"I have to make my acting skills better!"

After reading another page of the diary, Zhang Ya's heart felt very sad inexplicably......

What kind of experience can make a teenager look forward to his parents dying soon......

What kind of experience can make a child wear a mask all the time in life......

……

"Hey......

After reading the page of the diary in front of him, Chen Li let out a somewhat grim laugh.

He seemed to remember that sad childhood again.

He slowly stretched out his hand and flipped the diary again to the next page.

"September 8, 1988, weather, cloudy."

"I've finally got my wish!"

"I'm in junior high school in town, and I'm still a boarding student!"

"That way, I just have to go home for two days on the weekend!"

"My lifelike acting skills before played a role!"

"I cried for a long time in front of my grandparents, and I said that I wanted to borrow money from them to go to junior high school, and when I grew up, I would return the money to them."

"After that, my grandparents called my father and mother and talked to them a lot ......"

"Eventually, my grandparents agreed to lend my parents some of the money to pay for my schooling."

"My father and mother couldn't resist them, so they had to agree to let me continue to go to school."

"Once again, I've won the fight against my father!"

"When I arrived at the school, I knew that from middle school onwards, there would be some subsidies for outstanding students in the town, and after that, there would be scholarships for high school and college!"

"Actually, I don't like to study, what I like is just money!"

"As long as I have money, I can get rid of my parents and live on my own!"

"As long as I have money, I can live the life I want!"

"So, I can only continue to study hard, I want to get a grant, I want to get a scholarship!"

"In the past two years, my father and mother have aged very quickly, and I don't know if I am tired from doing farm work."

"Looking at their appearance, I didn't feel distressed at all."

"They... When, exactly... Will you die? ”

"Even I've wanted to kill myself countless times... Why aren't you dead? ”

Chen Li in this diary is thirteen years old, in addition to being excessively precocious, at that time, Chen Li's heart was full of violence and distortion......

Zhang Ya could see that at that time, Chen Li was already abnormal......

What kind of mind should a normal child have......

But Zhang Ya inexplicably understood him......

She is glad that she has two parents who treat her very well......

And what about Chen Li?

Isn't it unreasonable for him to have that kind of emotion, that kind of mentality?

Children, in fact, are the same as animals......

They can easily tell who is good for him and who is bad for him......

The child's mind is also very simple, and the person who is good to him is a good person in his world.

On the contrary, those who treat him badly are naturally regarded as enemies in his world......

"Hey......"

Zhang Ya let out a long sigh......

At the same time, Chen Li stretched out his hand again and turned the diary to the next page.

"October 23, 1990, weather, cloudy."

"I'm fifteen years old, and I'm in my third year of junior high school."

"By next year, I'll be graduating from junior high school."

"My grades have always been stable, and I studied hard for everything I wanted!"

"That's why I've always been number one in school!"

"I got some grants and my tuition was reduced a lot."

"In the last two years, my parents have complained a lot less about me......"

"Aside from blaming me for not being able to help the family with farm work, they no longer complain that I need to spend too much money!"

"Because my tuition fees are running out, and I have never asked my parents for anything other than tuition."

"I envy the new clothes and shoes that my classmates are wearing."

"But I never mentioned it to my parents because I didn't want to talk to them, and I felt sick even when I saw their faces!"

"Why aren't they dead?"

"Last month, my grandfather passed away, and there is one less person who can help me deal with my father......"

"I've got to get strong quickly!"

"As long as I have the money myself! I can live the life I want! ”