An An's cry was heartbreaking, and it also tugged at my heart as a mother.

This annoyed me, and I was angry with the childcare teacher, thinking that she couldn't coax the child, and the child was already crying like this, but she still let the child continue to cry.

I was furious, walked directly to the parenting teacher, snatched An An from her arms with a cold face, and reprimanded with a cold face: "Will you take the child?" What are the children crying like?! ”

My reprimand made the nursery teacher look aggrieved, and wanted to defend but stopped, just biting her lip, watching me hug An An, and trying to pick up the child several times, but I avoided it indifferently.

I coaxed An An softly, sang to him, kept walking around, shaking him in my arms, but let his cry gradually weaken.

Looking at An An, who was slowly falling asleep in my arms, my aching heart eased a little.

The nursery teacher cautiously advised me, "Put the child on the bed, it will spoil the child if you hold it like this." ”

As she said this, she reached out to me to take the child, but I didn't give it to her.

I hugged An An and looked at her sleeping face, and I felt more and more that she was very similar to Xixi when she was a child.

When I was a child, Xixi also liked to cry, but every time he came to my arms, he would obediently stop crying.

My gentle gaze stared at An An for a moment, but I subconsciously pronounced Xixi's name out of my mouth.

"Xixi is not afraid, Mommy is by your side! Mommy is with you! ”

During this time, the childcare teacher persuaded me several times before I reluctantly put An An back in the crib.

At this time, I gradually calmed down, and I couldn't help but feel guilty when I thought of my attitude towards the childcare teacher just now.

Xixi was brought up by a childcare teacher when she was young, and now An An is also taken care of by her.

The nursery teacher has been following me, and I know very well how much she cares about Xixi and An An.

But what I did just now really broke the heart of the childcare teacher, as if I didn't trust her.

Feeling guilty, I took the initiative to call the nursery teacher as I walked out of the nursery.

I sincerely apologized to her: "I'm sorry, just now my attitude was not good, I was too worried about the child, she cried so much that my heart hurt, I somehow got carried away for a moment and lost my temper with you." ”

"It's okay, I can understand it." The nursery teacher didn't blame me, but comforted me empathetically: "Every mother is reluctant to let her child cry, and An An did cry a little fiercely just now." But children can't be hugged as soon as they cry, let alone hugged and coaxed while walking, which will make children habitual, and it will be difficult to coax when they cry later. ”

When it comes to raising children, parenting therapists are professional after all, and they know more about children than I do.

I nodded knowingly, understanding that I had misunderstood the parenting teacher.

"I know you must have a reason for doing this, but I was in a daze. I don't know what's wrong with me, as soon as An An cries, I feel like I've lost my hungry mind......"

Listening to my explanation, the parenting teacher sighed.

She looked at me seriously and persuaded me earnestly: "I suggest you go to a psychiatrist, your current mood and mental condition are not quite right......

The nursery teacher was cautious, but she told me the truth calmly.

"When you were holding An An just now, you kept shouting Xixi's name in your mouth."

I was stunned, I didn't even notice it.

I did think of Xixi when I saw An An, but did I always call the name of "Xixi"?

In response to my skeptical gaze, the nursery teacher nodded affirmatively, "Yes." ”

"I know that Heehy's death hit you hard, but you can't keep living with yourself like this. If you go on like this, you're going to get sick. ”

The parenting counselor's eyebrows were furrowed, full of worry about me, "So I still recommend that you see a psychiatrist and open the knot completely." ”

My mind was a little confused, and I thought I was coming to terms with the fact that Heeki had passed away, but the reality was that I didn't face it.

The nursery teacher patted me on the shoulder, "Hei Xi doesn't want to see you like that. ”

My heart was so empty and uncomfortable that I didn't know what was wrong with me. Maybe it's true, as the nursery teacher said, I'm sick.

……

Since returning to the Su family's villa, I have slept in Xixi's room every day, and only in Xixi's room can I sleep peacefully.

And I'm used to locking myself in Shei's room, fiddling with the toys he used to love, taking those Legos apart and reassembling them, as if Shehi was still playing with me next to me.

Until two knocks on the door shattered my self-delusions.

I subconsciously raised my head and was surprised to see Xie Yue.

Xie Yue was still carrying a suitcase at this time, obviously rushing over as soon as he got off the plane.

"You're back?" I was still a little surprised, I remember that he said that he was going to go overseas for a long time.

Xie Yue let go of the luggage in his hand, walked into Xixi's bedroom, slowly sat down beside me, and picked up the bits and pieces of Lego on the ground.

"That's what Hei Xi likes, right?"

Xie Yue asked softly, which made my eyes red.

I replied and smiled bitterly, "But I'm too stupid to take it apart and put it together." If Hei Hei is here, he will be able to assemble it quickly. ”

"I'll help you." Xie Yue patiently stayed by my side, accompanying me to put the Lego together little by little.

Looking at the reassembled LEGO, I didn't feel any lightness in my heart.

Lego can continue to be assembled in pieces, but life cannot.

Those who have lost can never be returned to their side, just like my empty heart now, which cannot be filled.

Xie Yue's mood was also very low, he stared at the Lego, and said softly: "As soon as I was on the plane, I heard about Xixi, and I know that this is a hurdle that you can't overcome." ”

Xie Yue said what I thought.

Everyone was trying to persuade me to be relieved and to move forward.

But everyone understands the truth, but Xixi is my son, and I watched him grow up little by little, how can I be relieved?

My tears fell uncontrollably, and I laughed self-deprecatingly: "I feel like the most incompetent mother in the whole world, I failed to give him a happy family, did not give him a warm growth environment, let him be forced to be sensible, and did not even give him an innocent and happy childhood." ”

I frowned painfully and looked at Xie Yue as if I was verifying: "You say, does Xixi necessarily regret choosing me as a mother?" If there was an afterlife, he would definitely not choose me again. ”