Chapter2(2014）

On New Year's Day, in the evening, the tavern is open as usual.

I sat by the window and drank by myself.

Lin Meow went to accompany her mother during the day and said that she would come back with me later.

Around nine o'clock, I saw Lin Meow walking towards the tavern.

After entering the house, she sat down and I saw several red scars on her hands.

"How did you get this hand?"

"Cooking for my mother, burned."

"How's your mom, is she okay?"

"It's not good to say, my body looks like I'm recovering from before, but my mental state hasn't been very good."

Lin Meow's expression was full of sadness.

"Okay, okay, don't be upset." I patted the back of Lin Meow's hand.

Lin Meow didn't speak, her expression was still very deep, and she looked sad.

"I'm really useless, I'm really cowardly. I'm disgusted with myself, I can't bear anything, I'm not as mature as you say I am, I'm just a piece of shit. Lin Meow's emotions were a little excited.

I didn't dare to speak.

This night, Lin Meow didn't say much except for a few brief words or drinking the wine in the cup and ordering the next glass.

She said that she had very little communication with her mother since she was a child.

Until her parents divorced.

She said that she longed for motherly love,

I am also eager to live with my mother in the future.

She said that when she filled in the college entrance examination, she hoped to learn psychology well, cure her mother's depression, and then live with her well.

On the last day of the New Year's holiday, the tavern.

"You know what, Lin."

"Huh?"

"I noticed that my mom still had some symptoms of schizophrenia, just not as severe."

I didn't speak.

"From what I've heard, it's very likely that my mom had postpartum depression after giving birth to me."

"But in those days, adults didn't understand and didn't take it seriously."

"My dad is a grumpy guy and he often beats my mom."

"In my memory, he always hit her with the wrong eyes, and scolded her viciously."

"She should have been affected by domestic violence and had a slight schizophrenia."

Lin Meow sighed.

"You hate him now, your father." I asked.

Lin Meow's expression instantly turned cold.

Her eyes were extremely cold, and I couldn't help but shudder when I saw it.

"He's worthy. In my eyes, he is not worth wasting a single trace of emotion on him, I just want him to disappear, completely disappear. ”

"Lin Meow... Don't do anything stupid. ”

Lin Meow looked at me in surprise.

"What are you thinking, I'm not that stupid."

"Now I'm at home, I won't talk to him, and the door to my room is always closed."

"And what about your dad?" I asked.

"He's not at home a lot, and I don't care about anything to do with him."

"It's okay, there will always be a day when you leave this home and live on your own." I say.

Lin Meow smiled faintly and did not speak.

After the New Year's Day holiday, Lin Meow went back to school to prepare for the final exam.

In mid-January, Lin Meow had a winter vacation.

When she got home, we didn't get together because I had to work overtime.

In late January, she went with her father to a relative's house to prepare for the New Year.

The tavern is also about to close due to the approaching end of the year.

We made an appointment to drink together after the New Year.

At the beginning of February, the beginning of spring.

The first time I met Lin Meow after the year, it was in a tavern.

"Happy New Year, Meow Lin." I was happy to see Lin Meow.

"Happy New Year, Lin."

We laughed and sat down together.

I ordered a blue Hawaii and Lin Meow ordered a Singapore Sling.

I found that when Lin Meow was in a bad mood, the color of the wine she ordered was darker and the alcohol concentration was higher.

Instead, she would order something that was not so strong and brightly colored.

"Where did you go for the Chinese New Year? How's it going? I asked.

"I went to an uncle's house, his family was very large, and he went to many relatives."

"It's okay, I don't like to talk to them."

"The elders don't like me, and I don't like them."

"I'm the same, and I'll be urged to get married." I say.

Lin Meow smiled.

"Lin, I'm also curious, haven't you ever had a girlfriend?"

"Had one, but we broke up later." I say.

"Oh." Lin Meow responded.

"Oh? That's it, you're not curious anymore? I asked.

Lin Meow laughed again.

"I just don't think there are a lot of questions that shouldn't be asked too deeply, and I'm not sure if the other person will be disgusted."

I smiled, "No, I'm not disgusted. ”

"Then I'd love to hear you talk about your emotional experience." Lin Meow's tone was very soft.

"I've only had one girlfriend, and I'm a science student. You are also a science student, you should know that there are very few girls, so I didn't have a chance to fall in love when I was in school. ”

Lin Meow nodded.

"After graduating, I met a girl at the place of work and dated for two years, and then we separated because she was transferred."

"Break up peacefully?" She asked.

"Well, it's peaceful."

"I think so, with such a gentle personality, it is impossible for you to tear your face with your ex-girlfriend."

I smiled.

"Then you haven't dated another girl?"

"Well, it's gone."

"Better than me, I've never been in love yet."

"What's the same, I'm thirty years old, you're only twenty years old, will you be urged to marry when you go home, no, I will."

Lin Meow showed a sympathetic expression.

"Then you are also better than me, and I should not get married in the future." Lin Meow said.

"Is it because of your family?"

"I don't know, I just know, I don't trust marriage."

I didn't speak.

"I'm supposed to be in love, to experience feelings that I haven't experienced; But getting married is too hard for me. ”

"Actually, I guessed a little bit when you said you didn't want to have children." I say.

Lin Meow was silent.

"But do you remember what we said, everything is changing." I continued.

"You're only twenty years old now, strictly speaking, after this year's birthday, you've already started to be twenty-one."

"You haven't lived for decades, there are a lot of people you haven't met, a lot of things you haven't experienced."

"So you also have a lot of changes waiting for you."

"Hmm... Let's see if I'll think the same thing in a few years. Lin Meow said.

I smiled and didn't speak.

"You know what? Lin, my high school biology teacher said that seven years can make a person forget everything, when the cells of the whole body have been metabolized, and the whole person is new. ”

"Do you think I'm going to change then?"

Lin Meow looked at me and asked.

"What do you think?" I asked rhetorically

"Why don't you tell me in seven years."

I was just about to agree, but Lin Meow answered again.

"But after seven years, we may not be in touch anymore."

"No, I said I'd hold on to it." I hastened to answer her.

"I met you in June last year, and seven years later in 2019, and I'll tell you if you've changed."

"In 2019, it's so far, I graduated by then."

"Then we'll make an appointment." I raised my glass.

"Okay." Lin Meow and I clinked glasses.

Since Lin Meow is on winter vacation, we see each other more.

Not just going to drink together in the evening, but occasionally we would go to the library together to read a book.

She was recently reading a book called "Sigmund Freud: The Interpretation of Dreams."

Mid-February, weekends, taverns.

"What do you think of the interpretation of dreams? Have you been dreaming a lot lately? ”

Lin Meow smiled.

"No, that's what I'll talk about in class, and I'm also interested."

Then Lin Meow told me from a professional perspective what the subconscious mind is and dream interpretation.

"Lin Meow, do you have many friends at school?"

Lin Meow shook his head.

"I don't want to make friends."

"Why?"

"When I was in high school, I studied very well, but I was under a lot of pressure."

"You don't know how depressed people will be under the pressure of the college entrance examination at that time."

"And because I study well, I will get a lot of preferential treatment."

"The director, the teachers, and the leaders in charge of the dormitory logistics will take good care of me, and the students will be friendly or polite to me."

"But some of them will praise me in front of me and slander me behind my back."

"I'm also very distressed, and there is only one reason why my classmates are close to me, because I study well."

"I was a teenager at the time, maybe immature, sad."

"Why do I think others like me because of my grades, shouldn't it be based on what kind of person I am?"

"What if one day I lose my grades? They won't come near me? Won't be so nice to me? ”

"Actually, now that I think about it, it was really naïve at the time..."

"Isn't that what this world is? How much you have in yourself will earn you more respect, at least most of the time. ”

"People always have to create benefits before they reap benefits."

I nodded.

Lin Meow took a sip of wine.

"You must think that I lost interest in making friends because of the environment I had in high school."

I looked at her with a smile and didn't speak.

"Actually, no, because I was too depressed, I took a year off and then changed schools."

"In the second school, the environment was very different, the teachers were very open-minded, I made a lot of friends, and that was the happiest year for me."

"I'm smiling almost every day."

Lin Meow's expression also changed to a smile along with the memory.

"But on the day of graduation, I hugged my roommate and cried, and it was very sad to be separated from my friend."

"I don't know if you can understand it, but I understood at that time that once we graduated, we would never go back, and in the future, we would go our separate ways and be admitted to our respective universities, and everyone would have new circles and new friends."

"It's true, we will still be in touch at first, but then we will not be in touch very much."

"So, I'm really afraid of going through that kind of separation again, so I put away some emotions."

I listened very carefully.

"Lin Meow, I think it's because you're a person who values feelings."

"Maybe, but no matter how emotionally important a person is, he can't compete with the baptism of time."

I can't deny it.

Lin Meow continued,

"My once close friends, how can they be people who don't care about feelings."

"It's just that people's lives are constantly moving forward, and the person who accompanied them at the last stop is me, and the next stop will naturally change."

"There's no reason to be nostalgic for the past forever, and it's certainly right to look forward."

"It's just that when you fall into a certain sincere emotion, the process of separating from it is the process from intimacy to gradual alienation, which is too sad."

"And I saw this process first on the day I graduated, so it was very sad."

After saying this, Lin Meow was silent.

"So you're always indifferent to people, and you're afraid that you'll be upset if you're too emotional?" I asked.

"Hmm."

February, the month with the fewest days in December, passes quickly.

During these days, Lin Meow didn't talk a lot, and most of the time we spent together was reading books.

At the end of February, before Lin Meow returned to school, the tavern.

"Do you know, on the first day of school, I was determined to be a good student who takes every class and studies hard."

"And then?" I asked.

"Later, when I came to the dormitory, I found out that my dormitory was full of seniors older than me."

"Did the senior sister tell you not to study hard?" I asked with a smile.

Lin Meow smiled.

"Of course not, they gave me a stack of leave slips, and the senior sister is from the student union."

I didn't answer.

"As long as I fill in the additional class by myself, sign the name of the instructor, and hand it to the teacher, I can skip class justifiably."

I took a sip of wine and asked Lin Meow,

"Did you skip class?"

"Like the class that I skipped at Christmas with you before, elective or public class, I escaped, and I rarely skipped professional class."

I smiled and didn't speak.

"So the environment still has a great impact on a person, even if I used to aspire to do well in every class."

After a short silence, Lin Meow added.

"Of course, I didn't resist the temptation."

After saying that, she smiled embarrassedly.

"I think I'm a person who is very susceptible to the environment, and I'm also the kind of person who is more emotional and cares about the environment." Lin Meow then sighed.

"People are more or less affected by the environment." I say.

"No, I'm very serious. For example, in my dormitory, I have to put warm wallpaper on the white walls, and I must put curtains around the bed, so that I can have a separate and closed environment, but also have a warm atmosphere. ”

"I bought a doll, maybe I don't need it, it's just a prop for me to create an environment."

"Maybe I'm making up for what I missed when I was a kid."

"You seem to like to analyze yourself."

"Well, maybe. I always feel like I'm lost. ”

"It's a feeling that no matter how much I know, I don't actually grow up in my heart."

I think Lin Meow is very interested in her subconscious, and she seems to be always analyzing herself since she talked to me endlessly.

On the last day of February, Lin Meow returned to school.

I didn't send her.

But we said that we would make an appointment on WeChat for the next meeting.

At the beginning of March, Lin Meow posted a circle of friends.

With the text "Boring lessons. ”

The accompanying picture is a drawing she drew with her backpack on the table and drew a drawing-like drawing.

I have to say that Lin Meow is a child with a developed right brain, she draws very well, and those who don't know think she has a year or two of painting skills.

In mid-March, we met at a tavern near her school.

"Lin, do you have anything in particular that you like?" Lin Meow asked me.

"Hmm... I love sunflowers because I think it's sunny and beautiful. ”

Lin Meow smiled.

"I saw that you praised my painting, I will give you a sunflower."

"Good! When will it be given to me? "I'm delighted.

"I'll give it to you when I'm done." Lin Meow said with a smile.

"Okay."

On this day, I am very happy.

I didn't tell Lin Meow that the day we met, March 16th, was my birthday.

Speaking of which, Lin Meow didn't tell me her birthday, but the day I met her happened to be.

After we sat down for a drink on her birthday last year, the waitress at the tavern brought a glass of wine as a gift, saying it was an event on the customer's birthday.

Last year was the second time Lin Meow went to that tavern for his birthday.

But because Lin Meow didn't take the initiative to tell me, I didn't tell her my birthday.

Until the end of April, I didn't see Lin Meow again.

During this period, I contacted her twice on WeChat, but she said that she had other things and would meet me after a while.

Naturally, I didn't take the initiative to ask her about the painting.

My expectations in my heart were a little disappointed, and I think Lin Meow should have forgotten about the sunflowers.

During the May Day holiday, Lin Meow didn't go home, I asked her, and she said that she stayed in school with her classmates.

I felt a little sad in my heart: even if I would deliberately grab it, would Lin Meow still run away.

But I still told her that I wanted to see her, and told me when I had time.

At the end of May, on the weekend, Lin Meow went home.

We made an appointment to meet at the tavern.

"Long time no see!" Lin Meow looks good and seems to be in a good mood.

"It's been a long time, what have you been busy with lately, you can't catch it." I smiled and said hello too.

Lin Meow ordered a glass of SolCubano.

"Lin, I'll tell you a secret. I didn't even tell my family about this secret. ”

"Hmmm! You said. ”

"I'm in love."

I felt my expression change from curiosity to surprise and froze.

Lin Meow was still looking at me, with some confusion in her eyes.

I quickly put on a smile and asked her in a tone of disbelief, "It's really fake." ”

At this time, the wine ordered by Lin Meow was served, and I hurriedly took it and put it in front of her to avoid letting her see my mood.

"Well, it's true."

I sorted out my mood, folded my arms together on the table, and relaxed myself to chat with Lin Meow.

"Is that your classmate?" I asked.

"Yes and no, he's from our school, but he's from another college, and he's a graduate student."

"Oh." I didn't speak again.

"Are you learning from me?"

"yes, I'm afraid you'll be disgusted if I ask too much."

Lin Meow smiled.

"I won't. So far, you haven't turned me off. ”

Lin Meow couldn't hear the wry smile in my heart.

"Then don't talk about me, let's talk about you, I haven't seen you for a long time, how are you." Lin Meow asked me.

"I'm okay, I just want to drink and chat with you, no wonder I can't see anyone, it turns out that I was abducted."

Lin Meow lowered her head and smiled, but did not speak.

"Lin Meow..."

"Well, you say." Lin Meow was still drinking with a straw in his mouth.

"Then can we still drink and talk together in the future?"

Lin Meow was surprised, "Why can't you?" ”

"Because I'm in a relationship?"

"Hmm." I nodded.

"Why? We haven't done anything nasty, or do you have bad thoughts about me? Lin Meow squinted his eyes and deliberately made a sly expression.

"No, but if you have a boyfriend, boys will mind if their girlfriend gets along with other members of the opposite sex. I don't want to affect you. ”

Lin Meow looked at me, and her eyes softened a lot.

"Lin, don't worry, we knew each other earlier, and if you want to talk about influence, he also influenced us."

Lin Meow said half-jokingly.

I smiled, and knew that Lin Meow was comforting me, so I didn't continue to dwell on this issue.

"And I mentioned you to him, too."

"And what did he say?"

"He said it's good that I like to talk to you, and he said I'm usually too closed off and should talk to people more."

"He won't be jealous?"

Lin Meow said while shaking his head.

"No, he knows how old you are."

I was speechless for a moment.

Lin Meow realized that his words were inappropriate and did not speak again.

"I'm sorry I said the wrong thing."

I smiled, "It's fine." I know you have no ill will. ”

Lin Meow also smiled.

This reunion ended in a somewhat awkward atmosphere.

June, summer.

"It's getting late."

Lin Meow and I sat on a bench outside the tavern and said to me.

She has a faint smell of floral water.

"yes, summer is coming." I replied.

"I loved summer when I was a kid."

"Why?"

"I love swimming."

I didn't answer, waiting for the story that Lin Meow was going to tell me today.

"Actually, I didn't like summer."

"Because there are so many little bugs in the summer, I hate bugs the most. But summer is great for swimming, and you can eat a lot of watermelon in summer. ”

Lin Meow turned her head and smiled brightly at me.

The music playing in the tavern is "Youbelongtome" by Carla Bruni.

Lin Meow seemed to like this song very much, closing her eyes and smiling on her face, her head swaying gently with the song.

"Lin Meow, I think you have become a lot more cheerful after you fell in love." I say.

Lin Meow opened his eyes and looked at the sky, and I also raised my head.

The moon is bright tonight.

"yes." Lin Meow sighed.

"Maybe it's something I've never experienced before."

"He gave me a lot of company and care, and he was just like you, a gentle man."

"You know, Lin, when I first learned about my mother's illness, I had indescribable pain and despair in my heart."

"Just before I met you last year, I ran away from home once."

I was surprised, but didn't speak.

"Mom is sick, and Dad is still irritable and moody, both for me and for Mom."

"I have to go to school, and my mother can't take care of herself."

"I have to rely on one or two relatives on my mother's side to take care of her."

"And my heart is so fragile and vulnerable."

Lin Meow shook his head when he said this, and took a sip of wine.

"Let's come back, anyway, under all kinds of sadness, I ran away from home."

"I chose a city far away and bought a train ticket."

"But it was also a holiday, and I only got one standing ticket."

"My dad found out I was missing and mobilized his relatives to contact me."

"And I didn't eat for two days in a row, and the bumps on the train made me feel terrible."

"A relative's sister texted me and scolded me sharply and accused me."

Lin Meow fell silent for a while.

I still didn't speak, waiting for her next words.

"Isn't that actually the case?" Lin Meow's tone became sad.

"Even if two people love each other and get married, when the passion passes, the contradictions begin to appear and finally they are incompatible."

"People don't care about right or wrong, they just assign camps according to blood."

"So all my relatives on my father's side blamed my mother, and when I ran away from home, they blamed me too."

Lin Meow turned his head to look at me, with a helpless expression.

"Then I told her that I didn't have a seat on the train and was very unwell right now."

"She said, 'You brought it all upon yourself, you deserve it.'" ”

Lin Meow laughed twice and sneered.

"But I'm back, or you wouldn't know me."

Lin Meow smiled at me.

I smiled too.

"When I came back, one of my relatives' younger brother told me that the elders of the family said that if I were his child, they would beat me out of the house and let me never come back."

"I'm really confused, Lin, do you think these people really have emotions?"

Lin Meow turned her head and asked me, her eyes already moist.

I pursed my lips, sighed, and touched her head, "Don't think about them, don't think about this, it's not worth it." ”

Lin Meow's moist eyes shed a tear.

"So, you should understand that I am a very uncaring person, although I don't want to admit it."

Lin Meow lowered his head and said.

"That's why being in a relationship can change something for me."

"Because what I've been lacking has been met with a certain amount of satisfaction."

"Actually, it's the same to be able to know you, except that you're a good friend, and he's my lover."

Lin Meow smiled playfully.

I also laughed and laughed, listening to this song "YouBelongtoMe", and there was a trace of bitterness in my heart.

At the end of June, Lin Meow's birthday is approaching.

Lin Meow's birthday is on Monday, and she shouldn't be going home.

I also plan not to bother her, I know she will definitely spend time with her boyfriend.

So I only sent her a WeChat message to wish her a happy birthday.

Lin Meow replied, thank you.

But after a while, she posted another one, "I'm home on the weekend, and we'll have a bar together." ”

I agreed.

Saturday night, tavern.

Lin Meow sat in front of me with an expressionless face.

No talking, no drinking.

"Lin, I'm out of love." She said this calmly.

I was no less surprised than I knew she was in love.

It's just that there is a secret glimmer of joy in my heart at this time, even though I know it is a little immoral.

"It's been a long time since I've loved someone, and life has robbed me of most of my ability to love and be loved." Then I met him and felt like I was in love with him. ”

"But now, it's all gone."

I'm going to listen quietly to what Lin Meow has to say.

"I felt sorry for him for a long time, and in the end, I compromised."

"I'll still miss him. The day was fine, but in the silence of the night, I missed him so much. Lin, what do you say is going on? ”

"This is not love, Lin Meow, this is loneliness."

Lin Meow smiled, she seemed a little relieved that someone could see through her.

"Lin Meow, can you tell me about him, what kind of person he is." I say.

"He's my senior, a graduate student from a different college than mine."

"We met at a symphony recital at school."

"He's sitting next to me."

"We have to participate in a certain number of activities every semester, which counts as moral education points, and going to that recital is one of them."

"But he went because he liked it, he went to the conservatory."

"It was a wonderful concert and the orchestra played very good tunes."

"When he saw me laughing, he asked me if I was from the conservatory."

"I told him it wasn't."

"He started to introduce me to the instruments in the orchestra and the repertoire."

"Then he asked me if I could make a friend."

"He was 5 years older than me, and he was also a resident singer at a bar."

"After the concert, we added WeChat."

"Later, he invited me to see him perform at the Qing Bar."

"I had a good impression of him, so I went."

"That night, he chose a place for me directly facing the choir,"

"I sat there with his guitar in his hand and sat there with his eyes on me and singing in front of me."

"I don't know how, but I'm moved."

"Maybe it's the romantic mood, he looks gentle and attractive."

"In the evening, when he got off work, he handed me a cigarette, and the name of the cigarette was, Love You."

"He knew I didn't smoke, but he lit a fire for me anyway, and he said, 'I like you.'"

"I took a hard breath, but it didn't go past my lungs, and I choked on the smoke and coughed."

"I looked at him in the smoke and had an indescribable feeling."

"Actually, we haven't been together for a long time, more than two months."

"Maybe I've never been in a relationship before and I'm too involved."

"He's the kind of guy who is more introverted."

"I don't know why, but I like quiet people very much."

"Sometimes, he would accompany me to public classes."

"Occasionally he would look out the window with headphones on, and I thought his side face was gentle and good-looking."

"We've been to the beach together."

"I'm sitting and he's sitting across from me and playing guitar for me."

"At that time, I felt like I was happy like a dream."

I thought of Lin Meow not going home during the May Day holiday, and she should have gone at that time.

"He would kiss me, touch me, hold hands with me, but never deviate."

"At the end of the next semester, he will graduate from graduate school."

"Last week, we went to that beach again."

"In the evening, we were walking hand in hand, and he suddenly told me something."

"The ex-girlfriend he once told me hadn't broken up yet."

Speaking of this, Lin Meow glanced up at me.

"At first, what he told me was that he and her ex-girlfriend were very incompatible."

"Now it becomes, his ex-girlfriend is still an ex-girlfriend."

"It's just that they're still not suitable."

"But he couldn't live without her."

"What more can I say?"

"I'm not interested in questioning or denouncing."

"I just want to leave. All the complications make me want to escape. ”

"He's a Pisces, a Pisces who appeals to me so much."

"Warm, careful, but irresponsible."

"I don't think I'll ever like Pisces again."

Lin Meow stopped, looked down at the wine glass quietly, as if he was reminiscing, and as if he was thinking.

"Then are you in a better mood now, do you still miss him?" I asked.

"I don't know, I still think about him, I still will, but I really don't have that much strength to like it."

For a moment, I was embarrassed about my Pisces identity and didn't know what to say.

July, graduation season.

Lin Meow contacted me on WeChat, and I went to the Qing bar near her school to find her.

Lin Meow was holding a little golden retriever in his arms.

"Lin, I need your help." Lin Meow seemed to be very anxious.

"Don't worry, you speak slowly." I say.

"My previous boyfriend, this golden retriever he gave me."

I wondered, "To make peace with you?" ”

"No, he graduated and is going back, so he asked me to meet before he left and gave me this dog."

Lin Meow sighed.

"Because I told him that I love dogs, and my favorite is the Golden Retriever."

"He said that he shouldn't have been in a relationship with me irresponsibly at that time, and he was sorry that he couldn't continue to be by my side."

"He said that I am a person who is very sad, and he hopes that this dog can live with me, and that I will be happier."

Lin Meow's tone was a little sad.

"But I'm still in the dormitory, and I can't really fit it."

"Do you want me to raise it for you?" I asked.

"Well, it's only temporary, I'm already looking for a house near the school."

"Okay, I'll take care of it." I took the dog.

"Thank you." Lin Meow's expression relaxed a lot.

"You can tell me when you look at the house, and I can show it for you, after all, I have experience." I say

Then I told Lin Meow some things that need to be paid attention to when renting a house.

Maybe the puppy has a place to settle, and Lin Meow's mood has eased a lot.

She began to talk to me in a slow tone.

"In fact, compared to hurting a person, sometimes you don't know what a person has done to you, and then you suddenly know it, which is more sad."

Lin Meow's eyes looked directly at the wine glass, as if he was contemplating.

"Just talk about him, if he just walks away, or says something nasty to me, I'll probably let go sooner."

"But no, he took what I said to heart, and prepared such a parting gift for me."

Lin Meow sighed.

I didn't answer either.

"I hate it the most."

"Hurt with gentleness is the most hurtful."

Lin Meow finally added these two sentences.

At the end of July, Lin Meow moved into a rented house.

On the day we settled in, we celebrated at the bar near her school.

"Does your family know that you moved out?" I asked, in fact, he was the only father in the family.

"You know, otherwise where would you get the money to rent a house?"

Lin Meow's expression was a little disgusted.

"My dad was a vicious ATM to me."

"I don't expect much warmth and care from him."

Lin Meow was silent.

"At least he still has the role of an ATM, in fact, there are many people who have a harder life." I say.

"I know, but it's not that easy to get him to give me money."

Lin Meow lowered her head, and her voice was low as if talking to herself.

"I've never seen anyone who cares so much about money, Lin. You know, every time you ask him for money, it's like cutting his flesh and blood? ”

"In my father's eyes, the first thing is, of course, money, then his face, and the third, maybe me. Maybe not, maybe I'm further back. ”

"I know, you must feel skeptical, but believe me, only I know what I have been through in the past twenty years, how many faces I have seen him."

Lin Meow bowed his head again and was silent.

"Okay, okay, don't mention this, Lin Meow, I think you should learn to let yourself go."

"Liberate yourself from a bad experience, not be unable to extricate yourself."

"Soon you'll graduate, get a job, and then you won't have to rely on your family."

Lin Meow nodded and didn't speak.

"Did you name the dog?"

"The last word of his name is Jin, so I'll call it Ah Jin."

"Are you taking revenge on him?" I asked with a smile.

Lin Meow also smiled.

Lin Meow's dog stayed at my house for more than a week.

I have to say that I felt the hard work of raising a child in advance.

Ah Jin doesn't sleep, and often starts screaming in the early morning, so I have to get up and coax it.

I also told Lin Meow about this, so that she could be mentally prepared.

In the middle of summer in August, Lin Meow didn't go home during the summer vacation.

Lin Meow's university is in the city, and she stays in her rented house during the summer vacation.

She and I occasionally meet at a bar near their school.

The house rented by Lin Meow is also very close to her school.

It's just that the floor is very high, and it's good to have an elevator.

In the evening, let's clear it.

Lin Meow didn't bring Ah Jin out.

The music playing in the store is Jay Chou's "Rainbow".

"I've wanted to have a dog since I was very young."

I looked at Lin Meow and didn't speak.

"At that time, you didn't have to have a golden retriever, you just had a dog."

"But my dad just won't let me."

"At first, it was because of loneliness, and then they divorced and my mother left, and it became afraid."

"Because my dad's temper is so short-tempered, he loses his temper all year long, and there are only two of us in the family."

"I'd love to have a big dog by my side."

"That's when I started to like the big golden retriever."

"Later, I was very naïve, and I thought, who will give me a big golden retriever in the future, I will marry him."

Lin Meow smiled embarrassedly.

"I wasn't stupid, but I didn't expect that in the end, it was because I had my dog like this."

I still didn't speak, just raised my wine glass and touched it with Lin Meow.

"Lin, you're really a good listener."

"I remember you saying things like, 'I'm luckier to meet me.'"

"Actually, I'm the lucky one."

I smiled.

"Lin Meow, maybe in your eyes, all you see is your own body full of unbearable and scars."

Lin Meow looked at me curiously.

"But I've seen more." I say

"What is it?" Lin Meow tilted her head and asked me, looking very cute.

"First of all, I can feel that you are a very kind child."

"It's just that you're such a person, so you don't know how valuable your quality is."

Lin Meow grinned and smiled embarrassedly.

"Don't believe me, I'm not done yet." I say.

"Okay, you go on, I'll listen. I kind of like to hear people compliment me. ”

Lin Meow smiled a little playfully.

"Secondly, your emotions are very delicate, and maybe you don't usually express them easily."

"And your mind is more or less mature than your peers."

"Actually, you're a very attractive girl, because you're also beautiful."

"But you're very closed to yourself."

"You don't trust people easily, you're like a kitten hiding in a corner."

"You'll be watching until you've let your guard down, and then you'll show yourself."

Lin Meow looked straight at me.

"No one has ever said these things to me, Lin." Lin Meow lowered her head again.

"Maybe it's my bad character. No one wanted to get to know me, including my family. ”

"There are some people, they will take the initiative to approach, but after I dodge, I will give up."

Lin Meow bowed his head and was silent.

"So we're very lucky, you said, we are strangers who are destined to look at each other when we pass by in the crowd." I say.

At the end of August, I accompanied Lin Meow to send Ah Jin for injections.

In the evening, we gathered at the Qing Bar again.

Lin Meow held Ah Jin in his arms, and Ah Jin kept making trouble.

"Well, it's not as easy as you think, is it?" I asked Lin Meow.

"But it's going to stay with me for a long, long time." Lin Meow raised her head and answered me with a smile.

School started in September, and Lin Meow was in her sophomore year.

She didn't have as many classes as she did in her freshman year, and we used to get together on the weekends.

On weekends, the weather is nice in the evening, and it is clear bar.

The music in the store is "Cryonmyshoulder".

"Lin, aren't you going to have another girlfriend?" Lin Meow asked me suddenly.

"It depends on fate."

"What about you, when you were in college, did you plan to fall in love again?" I asked her too.

"I don't know."

"When I fell out of love at that time, all I thought about was how good he was to me, and the more I thought about it, the sadder I became."

"Even if he hurt me later, I always felt that I would never meet such a good person again."

She sighed.

"But it's actually a big world, and you're always going to meet the next better person, and then the next one."

"Maybe you don't believe it now, Lin Meow, then you just wait, and then come and tell me when you meet me, whether what I said is true." I looked at her and said.

One weekend in mid-September, Lin Meow went home once.

In the evening, the tavern.

"I won't be coming back." Lin Meow's tone was indifferent and ruthless.

"What's wrong, what's wrong?" I'm a little worried.

"My dad took his girlfriend and his girlfriend's kids to my house."

"Her child is in my room."

"I found myself with nowhere to live."

I was speechless for a moment.

"This home doesn't belong to me, so I won't come back."

That night, Lin Meow packed up her things and left.

At the end of September, after Lin Meow took Ah Jin to get the last shot of the vaccine, he began to take him out for a walk.

Let's go to the dog after we walk the dog.

At the beginning of October, during the National Day holiday, there were many people in the Qing bar.

Lin Meow and I chose a quiet corner.

"You left home like this, is your dad still responsible for your living expenses?"

"Will give, just late. He's always been like that. ”

"Have you really decided? Are you really not going home? ”

"I wanted to leave a long time ago."

I didn't speak.

Indeed, in that environment, it's no wonder that she wants to leave.

In the evening, Lin Meow only talked to me about some things in the school club.

When I sent her back, I offered to give her some money, but she refused.

In mid-October, there was a boy chasing Lin Meow.

We were drinking at the clear bar and she told me.

"He's not from our school."

"From another school?" I asked.

"Not really."

"He worked."

"But his previous girlfriend was from our school."

"He used to come and walk around our school."

"One day, I also went to the school playground and got to know each other."

"Do you like him, then?" I felt a little nervous.

"I don't like it, I just don't hate it."

I didn't speak.

"But I don't want to be in a relationship anymore." Lin Meow said softly.

I secretly breathed a sigh of relief.

"Let's wait until I'm more mature and independent." Lin Meow added.

"Lin Meow, I want to ask you a question."

"Well, you say."

"Which will you choose, who loves you, and who you love?"

After a short silence.

"I'll choose what I love."

"If you choose to just love me, your personality may not be independent enough."

"And thus it becomes dependent."

"There is nothing but the love of others."

"That's why if you have the ability to love others, you will reap love."

"I have to learn to love first."

Lin Meow said seriously.

I smiled.

"Don't laugh, Lin."

"Love is not that simple."

"Theoretically, love is a giving that does not expect anything in return."

"How much more love can there be?"

I listened quietly with my chin on my hand.

"You think, when dating, the guy invited the woman, he must have hoped for further development."

"It's rare, I like that girl, I just do it to make her happy, even if she's not with me."

"Even if it's two people who are already together, they all have expectations for each other."

"Therefore, when you really know how to love someone, it must be when you have grown up."

"They don't depend on others for happiness, they have the ability to take care of themselves well, so that they can divide their energy and love others."

"Because they don't need anything in return, they don't have any distractions in their efforts."

"There is only one reason for everything to do, and that is love."

Lin Meow took a sip of wine, and then said,

"It's a pity I'm not that kind of person."

"So I don't want to be in love again for a while."

I didn't speak, but nodded thoughtfully.

I'm thinking

What about me.

Now I am in love with Lin Meow.

At the end of October, Ah Jin's body size had become much larger with the naked eye.

When I went to the playground to walk the dog with Lin Meow, I was the happiest I had ever seen her.

In autumn, it's Lin Meow's favorite season again.

Lin Meow would occasionally let Ah Jin go and let him run on the playground on weekends when the school was less crowded.

Lin Meow and I sat on the side and watched it.

"It's very dependent on me."

"For the first two months, she always slept in my arms."

"I never knew dogs were so spiritual."

"I take it out, and even if I let go of it, it will come back to me for a run."

Lin Meow looked at Ah Jin, who was running on the playground and looking back at her from time to time, said with a smile.

"Because you've been with it."

"It'll treat you like a relative."

I replied with a smile.

I have to say that after Lin Meow got a dog, the whole person became a lot better.

Before you know it, it's the end of the year again.

Throughout November, there was not a lot of time to meet Lin Meow, but it was not a lot.

Most of the time is to go to the playground to walk the dog.

Most of the content of chatting in the Qing bar has also become Ah Jin's daily life.

Lin Meow is a lot more cheerful.

I was also relieved to see the changes in her.

In December, it is Lin Meow's favorite, because there is Christmas.

Lin Meow decorated a Christmas tree in her small home and sent me a photo.

I asked her if she was going to spend Christmas at home.

She said yes.

Naturally, I asked her if I could join her, and promised to prepare a gift with my heart.

Lin Meow said that she just wanted to invite me to show me the photos.

I'm very happy and looking forward to it.

I chose a digital camera as a gift.

I remember her saying she wanted to travel with a camera.

Christmas has finally arrived in anticipation of me.

I went to Lin Meow's house with a gift and a bottle of wine.

Lin Meow doesn't like to drink red wine, she likes gin the most, and I naturally bring this.

Knocking on the door, I heard the barking of dogs, the sound of music, and the exhaust of the kitchen hood.

For a while, there was a feeling of coming home.

Lin Meow prepared steak, fried salmon, Italian risotto.

She mixed two random cocktails with the gin I brought.

The sake with peach juice is sweet.

The content of the chat is still around Ah Jin, and Lin Meow is smiling much more heartily than last year.

After eating, I opened the gift.

Really surprised.

It was at the beginning of the year that Lin Meow promised to give it to me, the sunflowers she painted.

It's just not one, it's a full volume.

Each one is dated on it.

The first one was on March 20 and the last one was yesterday.

Lin Meow said that she would finish drawing one in about 3 days, and she would draw one when she had time, so she painted a full book.

I held the album tightly and thanked Lin Meow.

Lin Meow opened the gift I had prepared for her.

"That's a lot of difference."

"I gave you your own drawing, but you gave me a camera."

"You're too bad."

"No, the one I bought is not expensive, I am afraid that you will have scruples if it is too expensive."

"And to be honest, it's my favorite gift I've ever received."

"You can see that you draw very carefully and beautifully."

"I really like it."

Christmas ended happily in our little moods.