Uncle Tian lived in the courtyard for a week, and I went every day, in the morning and in the afternoon. I was deeply loved by this old couple, after all, I am tall and handsome, with a diligent mouth and fast legs. I've tried to keep a low profile, but I can't hide my personal charm, and if I'm not careful, I'll leak out through a small gap.

"Little Joe, what do you do?" Uncle Tian asked me one day.

"I'm a young actor who just started a talk show, uncle."

"Ao, I know that, it's a bit like cross talk, it's good, it's good, it would be even better if I could change jobs." Uncle Tian said with a smile.

"Dad, Brother Qiao did a good job, there are a lot of fans, what kind of job do you change." Tian Yan was coquettish.

"Isn't this a talk show, a big twist in speech, hehe, right, Xiao Qiao? I'm just showing it. ”

My husband is funny and wise, and he never runs out when he speaks, and it's not sad for you to understand a pun.

I now completely treat them as family, so of course I dare to call them this smooth mouth. My mother-in-law likes me more, and there is a girl in her family, and now there is such a guy, can a guy like a son not be happy. As soon as I went to her house, she brought me all kinds of food, and let me sit and not let me do any work, and my love for me was really outrageous, outrageous, and even Tian Yan pointed at me angrily.

I want to pass on this experience to Han Dongxu, if you want to "enter the house and stand out from the crowd" in the target's house in the future, when you meet her family for the first time, you must not be lazy in work, and you must do your best. If you can lift a board axe and never pick up a kitchen knife, you can go up to the hall, so you can clean it again, because the first impression is difficult to change.

My performance today is in the afternoon, and I am a little nervous, because Tian Yan's family has come to be the audience. It's been almost 2 months since I was on stage, why don't I have any concentration when I perform? Take it easy and take a deep breath, and I quickly get on the field.

Hello everyone, I'm Qiao Yiding. (At a glance, I saw that my family and friends were sitting neatly in the first row, but I ignored them because I had to pretend to be a qualified actor.) One day I was anxious to go to the bathroom, and I was blocked at the door because I couldn't tell which door was male. The upper part of the icon on both doors is the same, and the lower part is also an oval pointed downward, except that the lowest point is connected and the other has a slight slit. The difficulty is that the two pictures are not on the same door, and you have to turn your head left and right to look at it, so you can't see the difference at all. Especially at this critical juncture, who can observe so carefully. Can you understand me? I rushed to the bathroom in a hurry (I ran in place in order to bring the audience in a more vivid way), but I didn't think about getting to the door of the toilet but was called to stop, (imitating the loud shouting) Come young man, don't worry, play a guessing game first, guess which is the female and which is the (heavy) men's toilet? (mimicking the sound of grinning teeth) my ICU, are you really giving me a difficult (male, aggravated) question? You're embarrassed (male, aggravated) to death for me. I'm a cauldron (brother) who is in a hurry to come to the toilet to do errands? Do you see my gritted teeth, does it fit the temperament of being happy to come here to play games? Friends, I wanted to solve a big problem in the bathroom, but I couldn't get past this guessing game, (slowly stating) I became the man in everyone's mouth, who couldn't do big things, I was the man who (paused) and couldn't do anything, (accentuated tone). Alas, to be a man, you really have to be able to calm down, and a man must have a big belly. I turned my head back and forth to observe, and I was dizzy when I saw it, and I couldn't get into the men's toilet because I was already dizzy. Friends, at the bathroom door, there is a joy that you can see it, (I slow down my voice) and even smell it already (sniff my nose), and it is easy to get him, just squat down and it's done. But you just can't crouch down (the audience laughed as I continued) because you didn't know where to squat. If you think you are very good, you usually walk with your head up, and it is your freedom to squat wherever you are, then when you squat, you may completely lose your freedom. Because at the same time as you are willful, you may step on the red line of the law. Surely you didn't expect that the red rope of the law is now just a door away from you, right? But you must see clearly, this is the red line of the law, and it is very different from the old one. Now I really believe that someone would cry and faint in the toilet because he doesn't know how to play picture guessing games, and -- he's a stupid kid. That's why the country launched the game anti-addiction system, because playing games is really tricky, it will not only make you cry and faint, but may even make the living suffocate to death by urine. But the problem was quickly solved, as a gentleman (loud and decisive) came out of the door, and he was the game finisher. I squatted in it and thought, this gentleman who went out just now, usually loves guessing pictures and art, it seems that cultivating high-level interest is stronger than low-level interest. When I got home, I discussed this issue with my friends, why can't many bathrooms write Chinese characters, is it difficult to write the words "men and women?" Friends said, 'The word is definitely not difficult to write, but it is difficult for foreign friends to recognize it, after all, our tradition is that there are friends from abroad, it is not advisable to hold back, hang a picture, foreigners are easy to understand. Because it can be seen from the appearance that foreigners have developed limbs, simple minds, and the key is not to have a Chinese heart, so guessing pictures is more suitable for them than literacy." Isn't not writing Chinese characters ignoring our national feelings? Why is there no cultural confidence at all? We are Chinese, aren't Chinese not pit Chinese, isn't this on Chinese soil? After saying this paragraph, I was taken aback, am I not a troll, no matter what happens, I have to go online, under the banner of patriotism, so that I can stand on the moral high ground, and then make criticism to attract attention, attracting brain-dead fans. In fact, my mind is high, and I only deserve to talk about the guessing game in the bathroom. He said what is so difficult for you to guess the picture, he has encountered this door with XX written on it, and XY written on that door. He thought about it for a long time and didn't remember which chromosome was male, so he complained "Open the door with sesame". As a result, the door to write XY opened with a brush, and a happy curly-haired man came out of it, and this person looked very much like (pause slowly) Ali Baba, note that this Alibaba is not the Ma Dad you know, but it may be the well-known Principal Wang. In my ICU, I need to learn biology knowledge in the bathroom, and I'd rather choose to guess the picture than this. After all, guessing it's just a game, and we'd rather endure a huge pain to play the game than be stupid enough to take some biology class in the classroom, aren't you, boys? Now I'm dedicating my thoughts to bathroom icons, which are generally easy to distinguish. If the top is the same, the bottom is the skirt and pants, either pointed and round, or seamed seamless. When you go to the bathroom, you will use it. You're going to say to me, watching you kid put on a show that not only makes me laugh, but it makes me pee happily, and you kid really makes me laugh and pee. If you're observant, you'll also find that the bathroom divides people into two categories, one is the timid and scared, just like me. I only dared to honestly guess the picture at the door, and at that time, we were honest and really "didn't dare to put a fart" (I held my stomach and began to perform physically to prepare for the end), because we were afraid that once we let it go, we would accidentally leak out some secrets. That, that's not easy to clean up, and if you can't clean it up, the consequences will be very serious, so how can I have the face to see people, so we can only endure, be angry, and swallow our voices. The other type of people are bold and witty, they will probe their brains at the door of the bathroom, and even push the door open the crack and peek at it secretly, but rest assured, they are not strange uncles who wear masks and often show strange eyes. They didn't shout as soon as they saw the red line of the law, and I couldn't help but want to rush over, because I was a bold cow. They just know that there are more urinals in the men's bathroom than in the women's, and they only have to look at the wall at the door to know the men and women. Okay, thank you, I'm Qiao Yiding.

When bowing and curtain calling, the audience responded with warm applause, I have to bend over and not look up, so that everyone can applaud again, after all, my father-in-law and the whole family are watching, hehe, I am really a clever ghost.

"The performance is good, Xiao Qiao, the language is intonation, and the physical coordination is perfect. Especially the part where he complains about trolls is quite insightful, and now some people are very good at using everyone's patriotism to circle fans, as long as anyone says that it is good outside, he will spray you immediately, and the angry young people who don't know the truth will immediately join the war group. ”

Hearing this, Daxu immediately agreed:

"Yes, Uncle Tian, now many people's thinking has been unconsciously solidified by themselves, they don't listen to what you say at all, but as long as your point of view is different from his, then they will immediately give you a hat, they are very ignorant, but they feel that they have mastered the truth, hehe."

Uncle Tian waited for Daxu to finish speaking and nodded approvingly,

"Xiao Han is also a smart person, looking at the problem very deeply, the ancients said that I should introspect three times a day, which means that every day I think about what I am doing is not right. As a result, many people now feel that they represent justice, and never want to think about their own lack of understanding. As long as they have a little normal thinking, they should know that learning from each other's strengths and complementing each other's weaknesses is not our ancestral experience, so we will now insist on carrying out reform and opening up. Learn from other people's strengths and supplement your own shortcomings, so that the rise of a great country will be realized, and our Chinese dream will be realized. They don't even understand the basic national policy, and they always feel that they are very knowledgeable and patriotic. Xiao Qiao, having said that, the scale of your topic is also just right, in short, it is good and good in all aspects. ”

"Of course, what does Little Joe look like, what an excellent child. Go to my aunt's house, I bought the sea cucumber and made it for you. ”

I'm definitely the celebrity in front of my aunt now, and she looks at me like my mother, and her eyes are shining.

"No, Auntie, the four of us haven't been together for a long time, so we have already scheduled to eat together."

"That's okay, young people should eat and drink, when to play now, unlike your Uncle Tian who can't drink wine, then he must come to eat at home tomorrow night, but he is not allowed to ask for leave." Auntie is talking about me openly, but secretly Uncle Tian is not moving the delusion of drinking.

"You say that the child has to shave me all at once, as if I used to be a drunkard. But I'm all cured now, it's okay to drink less, what do you say, little Joe? "How could a smart person like Uncle Tian not hear it.

As soon as Auntie heard what Uncle Tian said, she immediately turned her head to me and blinked. Oh, it's obviously two old men playing football, why did they kick the ball on my head, but who should I pass this ball to, obviously it will offend anyone.

"Uncle and aunt, you two get in the car first, and when you are free for a while, I will ask the Bodhisattva if it is okay to drink something." I can't help it, I can only pass it on to the Bodhisattva, who made you save the suffering.