I was fortunate to be assigned to a good class in high school, and I was not brushed down even after the entrance exam, so I was a lucky person.

That's how I started my high school life, without any expectations. And when I first felt stupid in high school, it was during exams. At the end of the test that day, two students in my class were discussing the answer to a math fill-in-the-blank problem, and it was so bad that I was standing on the sidelines, and I don't know what piqued my interest, and their voices really came to my ears. It sounded like an unusually easy question, because their discussion was not heated but laughing. But I didn't understand them at all, and their language seemed to me to be either foreign Chinese or bird language. I am deeply ashamed that I can't understand a simple combination of words, and the biggest reason is that I don't understand the answer to the question. Everyone is taught by the same teacher, why is there such a big gap? I asked myself, but I was still dozing off in class, and I was unrepentant, but I couldn't really put my heart into studying.

The school stipulates that I should be punished for being caught sleeping in class, but I didn't expect to sit in the middle of the first row, and the teacher dared to blatantly raise my head high and close my eyes under my nose. I'm hypocritically saying it's because our teacher is too gentle, but the truth is that he is, and I just use that as an excuse for me to sleep.

I think I'm a bit of a talent. Once, the math homework was a few practice questions in the textbook, and I copied it in a notebook and turned it in. I'm sure he didn't take that class, so he handed it in as soon as he finished writing the gourd, and the gourd I photographed was of course the type of question in the book. Later, when he was grading my homework in the class after this lesson, he shouted at me and asked me why I didn't write the way I was taught in class, and I explained the reason, and he had no reason to blame me anymore, just laughed. In my impression of every class after that, I was drowsy, and the content of the teachers was like an ethereal fog, I heard a little, I couldn't hear a little, and then I couldn't even hear it, just like something that existed in the examination room to block the effect of the Internet, I unconsciously blocked a lot of what they said.

However, after the first year of high school, I was still in an excellent class in the placement test, and my grades at that time could be said to be illusory.

There are some difficult questions that I can do, but there are many more basic questions that I can't write correctly. Many times I think that as long as the questions on the test paper are carefully listened to in class and the homework is completed carefully, then it is not a problem, and there is no question that I will not do. But despite this, I didn't put too much effort into my studies.

In high school, I think it was a happy and depressing semester.

The epidemic broke out suddenly that year, and the school issued a temporary notice to postpone the opening of the school. That year, my family installed a wireless network for the first time, because of the need for online classes, although it was said to be online classes, but it did not make me have any changes in learning, I still don't like to learn, and I turned on the double speed mode for online classes, even if that speed made me unable to hear what words were being said. And I also thought about pulling the progress bar, but unfortunately I was not allowed. My summer vacation homework was put off again and again, and I was afraid that the start date of school would be tomorrow, so I simply copied and copied the part of it, but I was still writing my homework in the middle of the night the day before I left. In fact, most of our later descriptions of homework were "rushing" or "making up", and I don't know why we always say this when we are a little bit behind in the time to complete the homework. It was the outbreak of the pandemic that caused the delay in the start of school that made me excited, and I am very bad I want to say that I am excited. Naturally, I didn't take the online class seriously, but when the teacher said that I should check my notes at the beginning of the school year, I still paused the screen to copy some of it, and probably studied a little more seriously. After all, I was still afraid of the teachers because my elementary school teachers were too strict. But I have to thank them for their severity, and only in this way have I stood so far.

Later, school finally started, and the days of online classes were completely over. But after only two months of studying, I felt extremely depressed. The students in the class were reassigned, and all I remember was that there was a girl who came from the same class with me. I thought that the fact that I went to the wrong class on the first day of school and took two classes would cause the whole class to laugh would make me friends in the class quickly, but because I was too shy, even the boys in front of the seats rarely talked to me. Like that time, my eraser fell off, and I wanted to ask the boy in front of me if he had picked it up when he put it on the balcony, because the eraser was so similar to mine that I recognized it. But I didn't ask. For this reason, I thought of countless ways to call him by his name in one class, but none of them were implemented, so that I later wrote an essay called "The Eraser Incident". Much of what happened was my rejection of the opposite sex, and the reason for this was that my mother, in order to prevent me from having the problem of puppy love, which seemed impossible to me, told me to just study hard. For example, I told her that there was a male classmate in our class who was in the same place as me, and she just told me to worry about other people's business. I thought if it was a girl, she would definitely ask me to invite her to my house. At this point, because of my poor communication with the opposite sex, I was happy to be able to meet my fellow villagers in the same class. I took the eraser quietly, and even though I didn't think it was advisable, I didn't have the courage to ask him.

When I have the courage to do something, my heart will jump to my throat, and my whole body will become extremely tense. I hated the feeling of my heart beating out of my body because I was afraid of death.

We sat in a row of three, in groups of six, but I didn't develop a good relationship with my members, and even if I were at the table, we didn't communicate much, let alone the others. But happily, there was a female member who became my tablemate in my third year of high school, and our relationship became very good because of this, and we were in touch until the end of the college entrance examination and the beginning of college. If it's to become a better friend in the future, it's not a big deal even if it's a stranger now.

It's a pity that the two months of study in high school are just full of depression when I think about it now, but fortunately, it's only two months.

The female student who came from the same class as me was a quiet and excellent student, always writing homework and brushing up on questions. Of course I was always with her, after all, at the end of last semester, I only told her to see you next semester. I'm really lucky that we're still in the same class, and the oppressive life is somewhat sunny, but it's hard for me to remember all the things about her during that time. Maybe we don't have many days together.

The second year of high school after that was the period when I was most tired of studying and had the most psychological trouble.

I walked down the hallway of the school building thinking about skipping class and skipping school all the time, but there was nothing behind me, and I couldn't pretend I didn't see any consequences. For the sake of simplicity, I could only suppress my inner thoughts, honestly go to the classroom and sit down, and start a full day of classes. It seemed like I was listening carefully, but there was nothing in my head. It wasn't until later that I fell in love with a boy in the class. At first, I was afraid to talk to him, and even asked his table mates to bring their homework. I used my laziness to hide the panic in my heart. He said at the table that I would just collect it myself, and I just smiled and said you can just take it. At first, the emotion was caused by the teacher's adjustment of seats. His seats went from standing still in the last row to changing with us on a weekly basis, and we were in rows of two. The most special thing is that he is now seated on the right side in front of me, and we can be very close to each other every week. Later, I went to the classroom because I wanted to see him, and when I saw him, I smiled inexplicably. He once asked me what I was laughing at, and I shook my head and said nothing.

In fact, I deeply know that any love is unrealistic, just like the crush I had for a boy in junior high school stemmed from his excellence. I like him now, more because of my inner desire to be in contact with the opposite sex. Besides, I always say that puppy love can't happen to me, and even if there really is something that the other party wants to do first, I'm afraid of too much contact and communication with him. I don't think love comes inexplicably, and I like it for a reason, although I can't find it sometimes. I can only like them because of my rejection of the opposite sex, which makes me want to have normal friendships with them and more of them, just as I feel envious when I see a girl and a boy making a normal joke and laughing together. This is my understanding of myself, I always think that the love in those high school years was mixed with too many pure thoughts, far less than real love. When I was in my third year of high school, the boy and I were not in the same class, and we usually communicated, but most of them were online. I think it would be a long time before what little communication we had would have turned to smoke and drifted away.

I also had crazy thoughts about a boy in high school, but because he wasn't in the same class as me, and because I didn't dare to come forward, it was just my personal wishful thinking in the end. I always see him from afar, find him in the crowd, even if I don't wear glasses, I recognize him by a gesture, and I judge that he is him because of the appearance of a school bag. More often than not, I was always waiting for him where he was going to be, and I knew at what point in time he was going to get stuck and walk into the building, which was horrible, but I just casually looked at it. It was only later that he went out of the school for training with the school's art class, and it was difficult for me to see him again, and it was because of this that I learned that the school's art class was going to go out of the school for training. I told my friend about it, and at one point she said, "I don't think you like him at all." And after listening to it, I naturally said that I liked it! It's just that I saw him very little at that time, and I noticed him, but at the beginning of the school year, on the wide and high stairs, he suddenly brushed down his fluffy hair, and at that moment I remembered him, and later found that he was on the same floor as me, and always met him in the cafeteria, especially that day in the cafeteria, there were few people He suddenly turned his head and saw me, he was making a cute expression at that time. I'm sure he's the type I like and want to get involved with, but I'm still too timid to even be a friend. However, in this relationship is more of my huge imagination, my ego has fallen, so whether or not I have gotten further into the relationship is actually understandable in my opinion, and there is not much regret.

In my last year of high school, I made new friends, not so much with them, but with my classmates.

My two lesbian tables.

Later, the seats became three people again, and although the three of us girls sat together, the closeness of the relationship only happened after we gradually got acquainted. And it wasn't like that in the original group of six. Until it became like this, we slowly played around and laughed together.

I wasn't supposed to eat in class, and I never dared to do that. It's a pity that I was affected by the two female tables.,I actually think that it's only delicious to eat secretly in class.,And we don't eat the things we buy after class.,But we have to wait until after class to share a little bit of you and me a little bit.,And then look at the teacher If she doesn't pay attention to our side,,We quietly chew the food in our mouths and swallow it into our stomachs.。 Sometimes you also raise your hand to the corner of your mouth to cover the chewing action. These behaviors have been tried and tested.

They clearly understood that I would always sleep during class, and even though they had supervised me and woken me up several times, it was difficult for me to change it.

Once, in Chinese class, the teacher was standing a little far away from us and was lecturing, and I suddenly snored because of a nap, and it was just a sound that woke me up. I looked at them in amazement, and they looked at me in surprise, their eyes widening. I checked with them to see if they heard the sound, and it wasn't until I was finally sure that I wasn't dreaming about it. Of course it was an accident, I never snored when I slept in class.

Although our habits are not very good, their results are really okay and have not been delayed in the slightest. When the college entrance examination is approaching, we also supervise the study together and brush up on the questions in the competition, which is a great help to them, but I am sorry that it does not have much effect on me, because I just look at the right and wrong, unlike them who will correct it, will ask why, and even if I ask, I can rarely remember it.

My memory has never been very good, I can't always memorize the knowledge points, and I have to memorize ancient Chinese poems for a long time. Thinking about it now, this should have arisen after I got tired of learning and stopped thinking and stopped using my brain. And now when I want to study hard, I always feel that my brain is not as good as before, and I will regret it in my heart, but if you ask me if I will study hard again, then I can only say let me go!

In my junior year of high school, I couldn't stand the evening self-study anymore and chose to go to school.

Evening self-study has always been a stage for students to write homework and self-study, but because of the college entrance examination, some teachers even said that evening self-study should be a topic! I slept half of the class in just 40 minutes, and the first night of self-study was an hour! One day I called my dad and told him that I didn't want to live on campus, and he miraculously agreed to let me leave without refuting it, and I was so happy that I almost got carried away. I thought it was going to be a few rounds with him, and then my withdrawal. It's not the first time I've told him about day school, but I haven't said yes before, and this time I was really caught off guard.

It took me almost a week to go through the day school process, and even the homeroom teacher asked me to think about it again. Mainly because there is not much time before the college entrance examination, the countdown is already ahead, and at home is not as strong as in school, and instead of believing in invisible consciousness, the head teacher wants me to study with other students in school. But I don't want to think about it so much anymore, even if I am alone at home doing my homework, there is no learning atmosphere, there is no motivation to study, I have to become a day student and leave school. The homeroom teacher gave me a few days to think about it, but when I was in the dormitory, I said, "Then give her a few days to think about it." Anyway, no matter what they say, I'm going to change to day school! My parents have agreed to my request, I have gotten my aunt's consent to live in her house, I don't have any worries, what else do I need to think about! My excitement could not allow me to wait any longer, but I had to suppress myself and tell myself not to rush, that this matter would only be closer to success if it was resolved slowly. I can't let them see that my decision is to avoid studying, and I can't let them know what kind of mood I'm waiting in. I lived a few days without hurrying, and finally I got the signature of the head teacher, and later went to my aunt's house to get her signature as a guardian.

In the whole incident, I was the only one who walked to my aunt's house to sign the autograph, which showed that I was anxious, but I couldn't, or even wanted to wait, any longer. The thought of me becoming a day student makes me smile even when I walk down the hallway outside the classroom.

After that, I finally became a day student according to my own thoughts, and this is the only thing I don't want to forget for the rest of my life, and only this thing is true and follows my own wishes.

When this happened, my teachers, aunts, and classmates were all trying to persuade me not to go to school, and I was shaken because every time I told my dad that I didn't want to live in school, I still had to tell him even though I knew that the result would not work. But I've gone through the formalities with the head teacher two or three times since the beginning of the story, and if I let it go at the moment, it's like I'm playing, and even if the result will make them happy, I'm ashamed that I've been insisting on it in the end. I don't want the tide to stop in mid-air and suddenly drop, not to mention it for some reason, and make me feel that I am extremely demented, and I will feel ashamed in front of my classmates, and I will be suddenly persuaded to quit before the storm can bear fruit. Besides, I wanted to become a day student because of my attitude towards learning, and I didn't want to endure it all the time.

In my days as a day student, I only had to complete nine classes a day, and then I came home from school, walked out of school, and really got "out of school". Every time the bell rang for the end of class, I started to pack my school bag. And because I became a day student, I also made detailed inquiries and records about my homework, and even if I didn't finish it seriously, it was not a reason for me to return to the boarding school. Sometimes when I came home, if that friend hadn't gone to dinner, I would hit her coldly and run out of the classroom towards the school gate. The happiest thing is that I can run forward without any scruples, but she can't, she chases me, chases me back to a punch at most, and if she can't catch up, she has to walk back the same way and waste her time doing boring things, besides, how can I let her catch up?

When I first completed the day study procedures, I was overjoyed because I was too happy, and I hit the wall hard, and the pain in the back of my head was already covered by happiness. I didn't take all the things in the dormitory home, I could use them during my lunch break, but I didn't live up to my roommates' sighs at the time, saying that I couldn't chat with them before bed because I changed to day school. The accommodation fee was not refunded because my date change was out of time and I didn't bring up the idea at the beginning of the unified process, which doesn't matter because I still have a bed left for me. Even though I didn't move out of the dormitory during the time period when I could have moved out, the lunch break application was arranged later.

Although this did not make my boredom of school disappear, I no longer thought about skipping school, but I still had very little time to attend classes, let alone whether the content in my head had increased.

When I went to school on my first morning, I woke up early, maybe the temperature was getting colder, the sun didn't bother to get up, and the sky was gray. I didn't feel scared when I was walking on the road after school, and it was getting dark, I just walked home during the time of school, during the normal walking time, so why should I rush back in a panic. I also like to see what the streets are like after school. I was so happy that I was walking around for the first few days, but then I gradually got used to riding a car, and finally bought my own bicycle.

Even if I was tired of studying, I was afraid to ask the teacher for leave with false excuses, and I didn't dare to use what could have been prevented but I didn't do it as an excuse to take time off.

There was a time when I didn't get on the first bus because of the number of people. On the way home, I got my phone and called the class teacher to explain the situation, and I thought about how to start the conversation about how I could explain why I really couldn't get to school at the allotted time. Finally I texted and said I would only be a few minutes late. It seems to me that "a few minutes late" is the point of this passage. Actually, I could have had a leisurely breakfast before entering the school, and then I didn't do it, I wasn't afraid of missing the first class, I just thought it was some improper reason to be late, even though I was still tired of school.

There was also a time when I really didn't want to go to school for Saturday class, but I didn't have a good reason to take time off, so I thought about my stomach, which was always aching when it was time to wake up, and going to the toilet would solve it. This is an improper reason to take time off, and I can completely circumvent it and arrive at school on time. But I didn't want to do it, so I told myself that if I woke up tomorrow with a stomachache, I would take a leave of absence and let God do whatever God had to do. The next morning, I don't know if it was psychological, I didn't think my stomach hurt as much as before, but I felt a little bit, but I still mustered up the courage to call the head teacher. The second call was picked up, and I spoke quickly and I didn't know if she heard clearly, and I didn't even dare to breathe while waiting for her reply, and I was afraid that the breath I exhaled was my hypocritical explanation, and the breath inhaled was her saying "It's better to come or come." And in the end she just said gently: Then you have a good rest. Relieved, I hung up the phone and went back to sleep, falsely telling myself that I wouldn't have to go to class on Saturday.

Since I became a day student, I have always been thinking about what kind of reason to ask for leave, so that I can accept it with peace of mind, but I didn't expect to end up deceiving myself and asking for my own comfort.

You must know that my attendance rate for school is as high as 100%, and I once asked for leave in elementary school and had a fever and had to go to the hospital, and in the text message edit, I told the teacher that I was sorry that I couldn't go to school.

It's hard to imagine that I went from being a student who could to not be, and I got my wish to live as a poor student. The difference is that the poor students are supposed to stay in the parallel class, while I stay in the top class. Sometimes I feel troubled because I am a poor student, maybe just because there are only some top students around me, and for this reason, I don't study hard. My homeroom teacher also reminded me more than once that I need to take my studies more seriously, and that the benefits of being admitted to university are my own after all. I understood what she meant, and I thought that everything she said to me was right, and her original intention was always for my good, but I really couldn't study hard. Learning well means starting from scratch, starting with the basics, starting with concepts. Where is the foundation of three years, where is it to learn well and remember it all immediately? Besides, I don't have the heart to learn anymore.

I still remember when I was a freshman in high school, I didn't have to pay my homework because I didn't have to hand in my homework, and I didn't write dozens of pages of math homework. Later, when I did the general review, I just studied according to some routines, and learning was to get rid of the teacher's education and minimize the probability of complicated things such as conversations that might be encountered.

I have always thought that I have a talent for learning, after all, even so, the college entrance examination score is still more than ten points above the first line, of course, more than ten points is not something to be proud of. I admit that I am conceited to say this, but in my opinion, as long as you study hard in class, do the homework that should be done carefully, and memorize the knowledge points that you should memorize, there are very few difficult problems. And I have doubts about the highest score in our class in the college entrance examination, I don't believe that this is the result of their serious study.

Of course, I am not afraid that you will mock and belittle my conceit, but it is true, and I have never expressed my opinion in front of others.

I can't recall anything more about my three years of high school, but maybe my interest in basketball is worth mentioning.

At first, I didn't dare to think about it, and I always felt that most of the people who liked it were boys, and there were very few girls. It was only then that I read a novel that had a description of a basketball game, which was so detailed that I was surprised to always stand on the edge of the court as I had never watched a basketball game.

At that time, our grade level was going to have a friendly basketball game, and that was when I became interested in basketball. Although the basketball team in our class is uneven, they perform brilliantly in the real game.

I don't pay much attention to the school games, and I always think that they don't play as intensely and beautifully as I think, let alone the field battles that are always played by boys on the field after class. But so what, I was still deeply intrigued. And that game also led me to become interested in one person.

Although he is not tall, his ball skills are completely okay, and his posture can also be said to be very handsome. As long as he's playing basketball, I'll watch it. At one point, he was even waiting for him on the field. If it weren't for my rejection of the opposite sex and my panic when talking to them, I think I would have been positive and become good friends with him and learn playing skills from him. Of course, this is what he wrote in his friend's classmates at the end of the semester. Unfortunately, our relationship didn't go very well. It's also because I always go to watch him play, and I end up being misunderstood by others. Actually, it's not so much that I like him, it's that I like him as he plays, or the ball he plays. Later, when I started playing and found a friend who played, I rarely watched it anymore. I had time to watch, so I had already taken up the court with a basketball. Of course, I didn't learn any cool posture from his court viewing, which is one of the reasons why I don't watch him play anymore.

My love for basketball is reflected in the fact that I still have my shadow on the court when it's raining, and even more so when the sun is fierce.

My friends told me to take care of my sun protection, but I didn't wear sunscreen until after playing, and they laughed at me for it. On one occasion, we were playing in the sun, which caused our face to get sunburned, and when we came to school the next day, our face was still red. They laughed at me again.

It was the third year of high school, the year closest to the college entrance examination, and the head teacher confiscated all the basketballs in the class and asked us to reduce the time we played, in order to let us focus on studying. But this has no effect, the basketball in the school gymnasium can be borrowed, as long as there is a field, basketball is not a problem at all, and the basketball of several classes is used interchangeably, and whoever wants to play to borrow it is completely fine. As long as you reduce the likelihood of being spotted when playing, the boys do this to the fullest.

If there is any large-scale event, as long as you can't see the shadow of those few people, you don't have to think about playing on the court, and the court in front of the teaching building does not have it, that is, the court on the mountain. Once, in physical education class, they ran to the court in order to play ball, and because of this, the whole class was criticized and educated by the physical education teacher.

I also bought basketball online to play. It's a pity that it disappeared after only a few days after being brought to school. For this reason, my friends and I searched the entire grade level and found nothing.

The teacher in the gym had memorized me completely, and when he went to borrow the ball, he would smile and tell us that he was here again. I once lost my basketball and didn't dare to go to the gym room for a few days, and I also kindly said: this teacher is quite old and has a good memory. And he's very kind. Of course, losing the basketball is not my thing, but the name of the loan registration is written on me, so I naturally need to explain. Fortunately, the ball was only borrowed by someone else, and it was returned with it during class. That's when the PE teacher brings a basket of basketballs. I don't know if it's true or not, I was just explained by others, and when I explained the situation to the gym teacher, I found witnesses, and then he didn't punish us. It stands to reason that if the school finances are lost, they should be compensated as they are.

After the college entrance examination was over, I bought a new one and asked a friend to go to the gymnasium to play, but I didn't expect to collect money.

It's simple, and I have recalled a lot one after another, and I have changed a lot. I don't know what this kind of memory can bring me, but I think that when I look at it one day, I can really feel that I have been here when I recall that time.

I wrote because I wanted to leave a little bit about me in the world. I came blank, but I didn't want to leave with nothing. I always imagined that when I died, people would forget about my existence, and my life would become meaningless. I was afraid of this feeling, I felt that this kind of life was worthless, and it made me not understand the purpose of my birth in this world. Besides, I didn't do anything, so I just wanted to write down everything that mattered to me. It's like when I was in elementary school, I included all my essays, but unfortunately it didn't last until now. Sometimes I would go back to the pages and feel the immature way of writing, and understand the expectations I was full of at that time.

At first, I wrote it for myself in a notebook, and then I wanted to write it for my future children and grandchildren. In order for them to remember forever that there was such a person. And I wondered if I should take what I had written with me when I died, and whether I should leave it for them to see. Later, my idea changed to wanting to write to more people than my children and grandchildren, and even though there was a relationship of interest involved, if it was writing, it would not be too much of a problem. I want to leave the name, just like Lu Xun left. I know I can't live up to his greatness, but I have something to look forward to.

My lost youth is not publicized, but it is also a memory, which is worth cherishing. To make any summary, no more than a real experience. It's finally over.,Write down everything you can think of.,Finally gave it an imperfect explanation.。。

No words are as good as the real experience, we are all bystanders, the subjective meaning does not represent the parties, and there are no words that can be said calmly from the mouth, but in the end, Zhang Qiuchi wrote in the handbook: "I use extremely beautiful words to cover up my heart's most authentic views on the past and their most true views in the past, and I suddenly feel stupid behind the words." What am I afraid of, will there be their revenge? I have no reason or any capacity to answer this question, but the truth is nothing more than that, the idea is nothing more than that, where is the real need to cover up? ”