Isolated again, I fell into the abyss of despair, and this time, I finally broke down.

It is said that people who have broken down cannot use their minds to think, or rather, they have long since lost their minds, and I am anyway.

At that time, I was instinctive and habitual in my daily life, mechanical and rigid, and things that were beyond their ability would be simply skipped, such as final exams.

Although I still can't recall the process of those exams, I still remember the absurd results I had caused at that time.

I didn't even dare to dream that I didn't answer all the questions on the paper, including the essay, except for the multiple-choice questions...... Admittedly, as a person with mediocre qualifications, I was not destined to be a good student, so my best bet was to try to be an honest student.

As far as I can remember, throughout my long school career, I have always followed the rules and never caused trouble for my teachers, at least, I have never caused trouble on my own initiative.

It can be seen that there is really no other reason to explain such a deviant act than to prevaricate the loss of reason.

What made me even more ashamed was that at that time, I dared to face the class teacher's reproach with an absent-minded appearance, and even turned a deaf ear to his harsh criticism.

Of course, I must state that this was not my intention, after all, I was in a state of sluggishness and trance all day long, unable to understand the words of others or perceive their emotions.

In any case, I must admit that I was indeed wrong. After many days, whenever I think of the sad back of the head teacher's departure, I still feel very guilty.

Life during that time was as illusory as a mirror, as if it had been completely stripped from my life, leaving nothing but a mess.

Fortunately, God did not abandon me, and finally, I regained my senses. Not only that, but I can remember everything that happened that day.

I didn't know that I had already started the summer vacation, so I carried my schoolbag to school as usual. I should have turned back the way I came, but strangely, I got on a different bus and went somewhere else.

It wasn't until my feet signaled to me that I realized that I was walking deeper into the water.

At that moment, I was convinced that I had been pushed to the limit and could no longer go any further...... I want to give up, give up completely...... But the next moment, I immediately denied my dangerous thoughts.

Of course, there are no people or things in this world that I am worthy of, but that does not prevent me from surviving, after all, like most people, I fear death.

Besides, I only had to look around to be sure that my intentions were not suicidal. I recognized the river, and his house was on the other side of the river.

Unconsciousnessed, I actually made the stupid act of wading across the river in order to see him as soon as possible - the truth is so sad and ridiculous...... I retreated to the shore with an embarrassed face, ignoring the gaze and gossip of others, and cheekily took off my soaked shoes and socks to free my feet from the uncomfortable feeling of stickiness and coldness.

It was sunny and the breeze was blowing, but I didn't have to worry about whether my shoes and socks would dry. I sat on my knees on the grass, looking at the sparkling river, and unconsciously fell into deep thought.

In all fairness, should I hate him or not? The answer couldn't be simpler, I had no reason to hate him.

Undoubtedly, he betrayed my trust, but that trust was imposed on him by me, and you must know that he never asked me for my trust, nor did he allow me to place my trust on him.

Since there is no reason to hate, there is no question of whether it should be or not. Everyone understands the truth, but I always feel unwilling.

If I had to dig deeper, it was probably because I wanted to condemn his ruthlessness as a victim, complain about God's injustice, and then let my poor self cry unscrupulously, so as to win the sympathy of everyone, as if this was the only way I would feel happier and better.

It takes a lot of effort to hate someone, and soon I get tired. I didn't want to fall headlong on the dry lawn, but my back felt cold.

Looking at the cloudless blue sky, I couldn't help but cry. After the sunlight, the grass gradually becomes warmer, and it faintly exudes an extremely comfortable atmosphere.

After a while, I fell asleep in a daze. After a long time, I woke up from my nightmare and struggled to get up, when I found that a group of children who looked like elementary school students were already playing around me.

"If you don't play with me, I won't play with you!" Suddenly, one of the children ran past me shouting, apparently wronged.

As I watched the child go away, I suddenly became enlightened. yes, why are they the only ones who are allowed to shut me out?

Am I not entitled to drive them out of my world? What could be more reassuring than taking the initiative into your own hands?

Thinking about this, my mood has become much more relaxed. It doesn't matter what they say or do, they don't exist for me anymore!