In fact, it was surprisingly easy to put my ideas into action.

Ever since my hard-to-see final exam results have gone away, my reputation as the last in all grades has made my classmates around me find more legitimate reasons to show their disdain and disgust to me. Even students in other grades who had nothing to do with me felt that they had the right to judge me. By that time I had become numb both mentally and emotionally, and I could not turn a deaf ear to the repetitive and tedious cynicism, nor would I feel sorry for them. The world outside of me seemed to be cut off from a thick fog, and it seemed distant and illusory, and it was an incident that happened before the summer holidays that really cut me off from the outside world. In the self-study class that day, a group of girls gathered together as usual to talk about their love experiences. I didn't pay any attention to their conversation until they mentioned my name.

"People aren't as useless as you say...... For example, whenever I see her, I feel relieved...... After all, compared to her, what is my little trouble? ”

"Also, no matter how bad we are, we won't be able to take the test at the bottom of the whole level......"

"I won't find such a sloppy boyfriend......"

"I won't let that kind of person be dumped......"

"That's right!"

As soon as the words were finished, they began to clap their hands and laugh as if no one was around, and they seemed so happy.

I can't tell which sentence touched my dull nerves, and the anger that had been silent in my heart for a long time exploded, and the girls bore the brunt of the suffering.

"What do you say!" I rushed to the teaching platform, raised the triangular teaching ruler with my trembling right hand, and smashed it straight to the teaching platform. The clash between the ruler and the desk made a loud noise. "I have the ability to say it again!"

My unusual behavior instantly caught the attention of my classmates, who all looked at me dumbfounded, and the classroom suddenly fell silent. Probably stunned by my momentum, even the squad leader did not stand up to stop my crazy actions. One of them often boasted that she had been cared for since she was a child and had never suffered any grievances, so naturally she couldn't stand my rudeness. She flattened her mouth and immediately cried aggrievedly. The other girls also suddenly changed into a weak look, and whimpered in a low voice while shrinking their necks.

"Don't be too arrogant, someone will teach you a lesson!" Before school ended, one of the girls glared at me from afar and warned me in a haughty manner.

The next day, some "well-wishers" walked past me and proudly told me that none of the girls' boyfriends were easy to mess with, especially the crying girl who was the captain of the basketball team. Listening to them, I couldn't help but laugh. I really don't know what to brag about being the captain of a basketball team that never plays against? If he's the most capable of these people, then there's nothing to be afraid of.

If I were the same as I used to be, such a threat would have made me unable to eat and sleep. However, somehow, at that time, I was unusual, not only fearless of the impending troubles and even dangers, but also with curiosity and a play-watching mentality, waiting for those menacing other people's boyfriends to come to me to settle accounts. There's nothing left to lose, and I'm going to see how they can do to me. Strangely, they didn't show up until the summer vacation came. Except for the change in the attitude of others towards me, that is, from contempt and ridicule to fear and avoidance, nothing happened. Was it because they were afraid that I would suddenly go crazy like I did that day, so they escaped? When I think about this, I can't help but feel a little refreshed. And just like that, my world was emptied.

The time spent alone during the summer vacation calmed my mind a lot and restored my ability to think. One night, I dreamed of Xingyuan again, dreaming of that accident. After going through the pain and suffering, I found that my heart was much stronger. I began to dare to look directly at the beastly wagon in my dreams, the blood of the people, and the gaze of the star. I even secretly rejoiced at the arrival of the nightmare, because I hadn't seen Xingyuan for a long time, and this was the only way to see her again...... I seemed to see Xingyuan smiling at me, and although I couldn't tell if it was the truth or my imagination, my heart was never so sure that I didn't kill Xingyuan. After relieving myself of the burden of guilt, my dreams became clear. Revisiting the dream, I was surprised to find that although Xingyuan was smiling, her eyes were shining with tears. Again and again, I tried to pounce on her and pull her away, but my legs and my whole body could not move, and I cried with all my strength in grief, but I could not make a sound. Under the shroud of the light, Xingyuan's face exuded an extremely dazzling brilliance, which was indescribably beautiful. I vaguely sensed that there was inexplicable sadness in Xingyuan's starry eyes, and even vaguely realized that she had something to say to me...... Am I thinking too much? Still is...... I suddenly became so white that I needed to know the truth, or I would never be able to let go of this for the rest of my life. But what is the truth? Perhaps, the truth I want does not exist. Xingyuan's death was indeed an accident, but because I have always refused to face reality, I kept spinning in the dead end, looking for the so-called clues......