"Does it hurt?"

I shook my head. Like an old tailor, Millet helped me remove the sling from my shoulder little by little, slowly and precisely, as if the slightest deviation would make a huge mistake. The sound of tearing and pulling Velcro creaked in the empty bathhouse, as if coming from the darkness and silence deep in the room. There was hot water in the afternoon, no one, but no lights on. Neither of us took a shower yesterday, so we chatted in the dorm room for a while and then took the basin to the first floor.

I put the removed sling in the basin and Millet took off his socks. The two of us walked to the row of benches in the middle of the bathhouse dressing room, and Miller stood barefoot so that he was much taller than me. I obediently let him help me peel off my clothes one by one from behind, like peeling a vegetable, I don't know, after all, I haven't helped my family much when cooking. I closed my eyes and listened to the whisper, enveloping the darkness of the bathhouse, and I wanted to doze off a little. Now it's really nap time. So sleepy.

"I can't spare that new little ghost." Millet almost squirted the phrase out of his mouth. He helped me put my clothes in the basin but didn't jump off the chair.

"Ghosts, little ancestors, I have told you several times, but my hand hurt myself. It has nothing to do with that little ghost. Ah, can you not think so spicy? ”

I turned to look at him, and finally for once, it was my turn to "look up" at him. In the dark bathhouse, only the shutters behind Miller let in the light of the leaves, floating on my body one by one, like a small snake swimming in the dark.

"I don't care! Anyway, he got your hands first! If he doesn't kick, you won't get hurt at night! He bit his lip tightly, "You don't want to take things on your own." It's what it should be! Ye Ruiyang told me yesterday afternoon, and Tao Tao also said it. You think I don't know if I don't see it? ”

"Okay, I understand you, I understand you." I stretched out my right hand, and it was only up to Millet's waist. I patted him twice and looked at him with grateful eyes.

"Hmph. You have come again, and you will not turn to me. Mi Le pursed his mouth, stretched out his foot and kicked me, but he didn't use any force, "I sold it to others and counted the money for others, what a great sage." ”

Maybe it was Miller who was kicked, and I would say the same. If I had seen it on the field with my own eyes, at least my reaction would not have been smaller than that of Ye Ruiyang, and maybe I would have rushed up and pinched someone's neck like I did three years ago. Not necessarily, I'm the captain now, and Jiang Xiaofei didn't seem to be intentional at that moment.

"Why are you dumb? Stupid Koko. He glanced at me reluctantly, and I was distracted again, and he didn't see it, and crouched down in his chair to ask if it had just hurt from the kick. I shook my head, and he told me to turn around. I listened to him, and he kicked me in the ass again.

"It's better to play here, you can play with confidence. If you get a front kick wrong, it's miserable. He changed his smug tone and quietly leaned down on my right shoulder.

"Ke Ke, I want to ask you something."

"You say."

I was kicked by him just now, and I was not sleepy at all, and even had some inexplicable special feelings. But he made me nervous—I didn't tell him the whole truth. Zhao Rui has done this to me in the past, and today I have done it to Mi Le. I'm not lying too much, I'm hiding part of the truth. Admittedly, part of the truth may not be the truth.

I didn't mention what Li Bin's mom did, either to me or to the strings. I just told him that it was too late that day, it was dark, there was no light in the factory area, and it was raining heavily, and I hurt my hand.

But Miller is so smart, if he finds any flaws, he asks all the way, how long can I last? If he finds out I'm lying to him, will he get angry and even stop playing with me? I don't want to cheat people, and I don't want to cheat on my best friend. But...... I don't want him to get involved in any of these things anymore. Maybe, I mean, maybe, I'm trying to keep Millet out. It's my own business, and I'll be responsible for all the consequences. I know that no matter what I say to Miller, he will listen and carry it with me without hesitation. But I don't want him to carry it with me, and passing on the depression won't reduce much of the burden, but will make my best friend sad with me. He has been scared about his grandfather's affairs for a day, and I don't want him to feel bad about me anymore, and I don't want him to hate Li Bin or his mother, they have nothing to do with him.

It's enough for Miller to kick me around.

"Then I said it......"

Nod.

His voice was thin and soft, like the wind blowing in my ears. But after saying that, he couldn't help but put a hippie smile on his face. My face was flushed.

"Fuck off! I can do it myself! Don't want it! ”

"Don't force it." He grabbed both of my cheeks, rubbing them as if I were rubbing a ball of dough.

"Nope! Just no! With my head held high, I walked to the cupboard with my basin in my hand. When I took off my pants with one hand, I once again felt the difficulty and jerkiness of missing a part of my body. I couldn't stand firmly, I couldn't take it off and couldn't take it off, I was like a child who had just learned to get dressed, or a clown in a show, entangled in his own pants, swaying uncontrollably, anxious and angry. Suddenly I felt that I had become a wasted person, and I couldn't do any small things. Millet must have been gloating, and it made me want to prove myself. Health is something that you only know how precious it is when you lose it, and how easy it was to do things with two hands before, no one will ever feel that it is a luxury and happiness. In an inexplicable anxiety, I didn't stand still and slipped. If I did, I'd probably be slamming my fist on the tile floor or yelling in a rage. It's so humiliating to not even be able to control your own body, and to live without any dignity. No wonder Mu Zheng was so desperate when he was sick, all people's patience and confidence were challenged, and they were defeated without suspense.

Millet held me up.

"Hey, I said, don't get along with yourself like this. Isn't it much easier to sit on a chair and take it off? He coaxed me, lifted my half-stripped outer trouser legs, and moved me step by step to the bench.

"You help me." I hung my head and hummed, wrapping my lower lip in my mouth.

"Hmm!" He nodded diligently, raised his head and smiled at me.

"Thank you."

He didn't say anything, but after helping me take off the weed-like trousers, he quietly pushed my forehead with me.

Maybe one day, I'll get sick or get old. On that day, I couldn't dress and take off my pants by myself, I couldn't take a shower by myself, and I didn't even need help to go to the bathroom. Maybe reality and life are like that, and it can make you hate it in the most uninteresting and simple way. I don't know what I'll be like then. I'm still young, and in a few months my arm will be too good to be like nothing had happened. But that day will come, and birth, old age, sickness and death will always accompany us. Probably like I used to think, people are looking for a partner, probably because they are afraid. Fear of being alone, fear of the darkness of falling asleep at night, fear of illness, aging, death and forgetfulness. You need someone who is about the same size as you to be around. That person can't stop all this, and you can't stop it, so you can only accompany and bear it together. Although birth, old age, sickness and death are all a matter of one person, there may be a moment when someone who is very close to you can feel you. Maybe it's just a moment, but there is such a moment, it seems that it can be said that "this life is in vain"?

I thought of this as the hot water gushed out of the faucet and flowed through my body, and I couldn't help but kick the slippers on my feet far under the faucet on the other side. Millet helped me kick it back, and it was like crossing two streams, splashing the stars. As the water fell, I thought of the darkroom of the photo studio, and I guess someone washed out the photos in this way in the years after I was born. The bath seems to be the shaking, tossing and washing of human bodies and shadows in the darkroom, the water is flowing and the heat is churning in the bathroom with only a beam of light, as if it can never stop. Time washed over year after year, and the photo remained, but the person was gone, leaving only a pair of eyes fixed in the photo.

I'm kind of tempted to run under Millet's faucet. Pretending to wash together, washing and washing, suddenly touching a handful of foam in front of his eyes, making him want to chase and hit me but couldn't find it. It must be interesting.

"Have you seen it before?" Millet tilted her head and looked at the old man who handed us the menu. He had gray silver hair and wore a crisp shirt. After taking a bath, the two of us slept quietly on our stomachs for a while, like two kittens who crawled out of the water and basked in the sun until they fell asleep. After that, Millet asked me to treat him to dinner – I was going to have a birthday. Actually, he didn't say it, and I was going to wait until that weekend to take him to my house to play. But he asked for a separate meal, like the one he took me to the day before his birthday. It was the happiest day of the whole summer vacation, we finished cram school in the morning, didn't go to homework, didn't go to practice, stuck on the sofa and played mobile games all afternoon, changing postures. First on opposite sides, then back to back or shoulder to shoulder, then with his feet on the back of the couch (my dad used to say that I was sure to see him), and finally he used my knees as pillows. Sunlight was rolling on the floor through the glass windows, the air conditioner was blowing a refreshing breeze, and on the table were two Cokes taken out of the refrigerator, steaming with vigour. From afternoon to evening, it seems that the whole world is only the two of us, thinking about nothing, caring about everything, and being lazy for half a day in an air-conditioned room is so happy.

"Seems like so." The old man's eyes, which were deeply sunken in wrinkles and eye sockets, flashed, "Have you ever eaten at the Jinbao Island restaurant in Jiangdong Gate?" I'm the owner, and I opened a branch here this year. ”

"Hey, boss, are you from Taiwan Province?" Miller's eyes lit up. The boss's accent is indeed a bit Taiwanese.

"Yes, I've been on the mainland for several years." The old man smiled and nodded.

"I remember! Yes! Ate there last year and that's just the two of us! Miller made a rare OK gesture at me, "I almost forgot." Last time, I had a meal after going to the memorial, the fish was a little salty, I told the boss, and you also gave us a fruit plate. ”

"This time the fish won't be salty, and the fruit bowl will continue to be delivered." After the boss finished speaking, he politely left the menu and left. It was not yet five o'clock, and there were still very few people in the store. After ordering, Miller walked up to me from the opposite side, said a word, and drove me to the seat inside. I was a little puzzled, but I let him sit next to me.

"What? I don't want you to feed me, I can still solve the problem by myself when I eat. I blushed and looked out the window.

"Forget it, I'm not happy if you want me to feed me!" He pinched my thigh, "There's something I want to tell you." ”

You won't be asking about yesterday again, will you? I finally knew how hard it was to hide a secret, and as soon as Millet leaned over me, I was going to stop talking. It's no wonder that Pu Yun wants to leave our class, Zhao Rui is not easy, we have to meet at least once a week, and every time we see him, we have to high-five me, and I never see anything abnormal about him. Keeping a secret takes perseverance.

"Hey, don't be so nervous. Rest assured, my grandpa is really fine. I told you when I made sure he was safe, because I was afraid that you would be worried. He shook my right arm, "I was scared to death when he didn't wake up, but I didn't want to make you look like me." ”

It turns out that the two of us are about the same. Relieved, distressed, or perhaps with a hint of bitterness, I smiled and patted him on the shoulder with my right hand. We tacitly looked at the windows facing the street, and the daylight at nearly five o'clock was much brighter than in the morning.

"Sometimes, I always want to go faster, grow up quickly, and have a good time. I have to get ahead of my relatives before they get old, so that they can all live a good life quickly - of course, not the kind of corrupt official life that my grandfather said, where secretaries and beautiful women hug each other. He looked at the light that had spilled on the white tablecloth, and it was spotless, "But when I went back this time, I suddenly felt that it was nice to be with my loved ones." If I spend all my time on growing my life, will I miss out on a lot of things? Like the time spent with them. It may take me more than a decade to make myself a little more decent, but in the blink of an eye, I may find that I don't have much time to spend with them. What should I do? ”

"I don't know. But I know that it is right to work hard and accompany your loved ones, and maybe you can do it well at the same time. ”

"If only it could succeed right away. Forget it, in the end, I'm still lazy, and I know how to complain. He scratched his head in embarrassment.

"Where? You're not lazy at all, and you haven't complained much. Only those who are really lazy and complaining don't want to get ahead. ”

"I'm just lazy. You can verify it yourself. He smiled and gestured a finger at me, "Oh, remember?" On the first day of military training, I lay on your bed and refused to go up. ”

"I'm talking nonsense. Why are you holding such a grudge? Please, forget! I reluctantly stretched out my only remaining hand to him, and I might have begged him with a fist instead.

"Oh, just kidding, I just remembered it." He winked mischievously, "I'm a Cancer, but unlike you, Scorpio is the one who holds the most grudges." ”

"So don't feel lazy. Miller is obviously very diligent and hardworking. ”

"Obviously very diligent and hard-working, Miller...... It's okay. If you can succeed with hard work, it will be too easy to succeed. It's okay in school now, but it's always better to work hard. I don't know what will happen when I get to society in the future. Sometimes if you do your best, you might not be as good as someone else just playing around. ”

"What's wrong with you? So frustrated? I subconsciously reached out and touched Mi Le's forehead, and then touched my own, which was not very hot.

"No fever, no nonsense. Don't worry. It's just that I suddenly feel like I've wasted a lot of time and should be with my family. He licked his lips and shook his head slightly.

"I'm sorry."

"What?"

"It's me wasting your time. I'm so sorry. I've implicated too much of my own business on you. It's me who is too selfish. I heard the sound and hung my head. I've always been interesting. All good things come to an end. If others don't want me anymore, I'll go, go immediately, and if I go far, I won't wait for people to catch me.

"No, that's not what I meant......"

"I'm sorry. It's me who has been pestering you, asking you to stay by my side to do this and that, but in fact, you don't have this obligation and responsibility. You could have gone home every weekend, but I had a problem with myself, so I didn't dare to go home, and I dragged you along. I'm sorry I wasted a year of your time and took half a summer vacation with me. If you go back to spend more time with your grandfather, he might not fall. I'm sorry, but if you think we're too close, I can take the initiative to stay away. You don't have to eat together or go to cram school, but if you want to change dorms, I'll ...... too."

"Kopeve! Are you braining Watts? He interrupted me chattering and threw me a napkin in annoyance, "Psychotics!" I haven't seen you for a day, and your brain is caught in the door? What nonsense? ”

"I'm sorry ......"

"You know 'I'm sorry'! What's wrong with you? Do you want to be so sorry? He smacked me in the face, "If you're sick, you'll be cured!" ”

I swallowed the last "I'm sorry" back in my throat.

"You don't trust me so much, you always think I'm going to drive you away? Twice a weekend! I'm by you. He shaved my nose aggressively, and I was at his mercy, "My parents are often on business trips, and they are rarely at home on weekends, so if I come back, won't I go to dinner with them?" Where do I think you're wasting my time? I wanted to thank you for always being with me! Big stupid! ”

After that, he also asked me to promise that I would "never dare again". Of course I have to say. It happened to be served as well, and he helped me clip a piece of fish and put it in a bowl. Tasted it, it's really not so salty.

"I'm so scared of losing them." He wiped his mouth and stared at me blankly.

I didn't speak. To be honest, when he said this, I was a little panicked.

"Once you're gone, you'll never see you again. Ha, what nonsense. But I'm scared. I wonder if you're old enough to think about these things? Maybe. ”

I'm afraid, I don't know. I didn't say anything, but he should know. After a while, we didn't say anything.

"Actually, there is always some time worth wasting. The main thing is to see what is wasted. "Maybe in the eyes of the dean, as long as we're not in the classroom, we're all wasting time." ”

"Lao Ye's father must think so too." I said with some rejuvenation.

"Yes. However, people always waste their own time. As long as you don't think it's a waste, or you know it's a waste and still think it's worth it, that's acceptable. There seems to be a poem in the journal of the Literary Society, I don't remember the title, what is it called "I want to waste time with you"? ”[1]

I'm really embarrassed to tell him that I didn't read the magazine. When my sister finds out, she will definitely say that she wants to slap me.

"I never felt like it was a waste of time to stay with you. I don't care if anyone thinks I'm wasting my time and making them feel good, but you don't have to think so, you know? ”

Nod.

"I'm asking you something."

"Don't, little ancestor, why do you have so many questions today? I haven't seen you for a day! ”

"It's the last one of the day. It's also strange to say, I haven't seen each other for a day, as if a week has passed. Maybe that's how the time is, it's so slow when you're stuck in traffic, and it's fast when you're taking exams. He tilted his head to me, "Listen." What if one day, I'm okay, but I have amnesia, and I don't have any relatives and friends around me except you, what will you do? ”

"I ...... I'll be with you until you remember everything. "Didn't think much about it.

"But I don't remember you at all, maybe I'll drive you away. Will you stay with me then? ”

"Accompany. Drive me away, and I won't go. ”

"Really?"

"Really. I'll take you to do what we used to do, go to school together, read books together, play games together, do homework together, and play football together. I'll call everyone back and kick together, maybe I'll remember. ”

"But what if I think very slowly, slowly, and it will delay you many, many times? For example, you could have written a good poem, but it would take you a long time, a long, long time to write. If you take care of me, you won't be able to write poetry, will you still accompany me? ”

"Like you said, it's not a waste of time. There is always someone who is worth your time and effort. I don't want to be a poet. Without people, even the best things are gray and meaningless. ”

"Okay, let's eat."

We continued to eat.

"I'm not going to let you make that choice. Don't worry. After a while, he wiped his mouth and leaned into my ear, leaving a light and secure reassurance.

"Is the fish salty?" Seeing that we had almost eaten, the boss brought the fruit plate to our table as promised.

"No, it's delicious." Millet snapped his fingers smartly.

"By the way, do you want to change the background music? Do you young people prefer Jay Chou? ”

If it weren't for the owner's mention, Miller and I wouldn't have cared about the background music in the restaurant. It seems to be integrated into our chats and meals, gentle and delicate, like soft sunlight all the time, unnoticed but conveying a touch of comfort.

"I like Jay Chou very much. But I also listen to Teresa Teng, my parents like her very much. ”

I nodded. My parents said the same.

"Maybe when we reach the age of you, boss, everyone will think that Dong Chou is an old singer that young people haven't heard of much. But classics will always be classics, and they won't change because of time. Miller said, poking on her phone and releasing a video. It turned out that on the 22nd anniversary of Teresa Teng's death, Japanese fans used holographic projection technology to reproduce her image on the stage. Without warning, she suddenly appeared on the stage like a shadow, bowed to the audience who had passed away, and sang a song "I Only Care About You", singing so that everyone with gray hair burst into tears. At the end of the song, she said goodbye as in the past, and the dream quietly disappeared.

It seems that the lost time really came back in that instant.

"The owner...... I see that there is a stage for singing in your store. Can I sing a song? "I felt an urge that was churning in my head, urging me to do something right away. The boss readily agreed and asked me what I wanted to sing, and I said it was Teresa Teng's "I Only Care About You". Miller covered her mouth in surprise, it was indeed unprecedented, I never sang in front of others. Of course, empty restaurants gave me more courage. If a table of people suddenly came in, I probably wouldn't dare go up.

"I want to give this song to someone who is very, very important to me. If you don't sing well, bear with me. ”

The accompaniment remembered, and I cleared my throat. After listening to and singing for so long this morning, I think it's time for me to learn something. Even though I can't compare to him, I also want to try to sing well so that that person can hear me.

If I didn't meet you

Where will I be

How are the days going

Step into the boundless sea of people

Don't make any promises

Living an ordinary life

I can't just rely on

Pieces of memories live

Let the time pass in a hurry

All I care about is you

Willingly infect your breath

Life geometry can get a confidant

It's not a pity to lose all your strength

So I beg you

Don't let me leave you

I can't feel it except you

A hint of affection

"Ke Ke, you sing better than I thought. It's no wonder that your sister sings very well! It's inherited in the family, and the genes are too powerful! But you sang upside down, and you remembered the wrong words! Check the lyrics before you sing them! Boss, you said yes, right? I don't hear much when I look at it. My parents love to play songs while driving. By the way, you're singing to your brother, right? Isn't it? He could hear it for sure. He didn't leave us, never, even though I didn't see him, just like Teresa Teng never left the people who liked her. Maybe one day he will come back to us, won't Teresa Teng come back? Isn't it? We can do it. We don't have amnesia. Right? Well, I know I'm talking a little too much today, especially with a lot of questions. I'm not asking you this time, and you don't have to answer. Don't worry, don't worry, I understand you. Come on, let's eat the fruit, it won't taste good if it is left for a long time. ”

[1] What Miller said was probably "I want to spend time with you", written by the poet Li Yuansheng. It may be that the editorial of the Literary Society excerpted the poem. It reads as follows:

I want to waste time with you, like looking down at the fish

For example, leave the teacup on the table and leave

Waste their good-looking shadows

I also want to waste even the sunset, like a walk

Fade until the sky is full of stars

I'm going to waste the time when the wind rises

Sit in the hallway in a daze until the clouds in your eyes darken

All blown out of the window

I have wasted the world, and it passes through me

Tired, and like never loved

But tomorrow I'm going to do it again, wasted

Full of flowers and plants, life should be as beautiful as them

It's just as meaningless, like a movie that has been wasted

Those desperate love and death

Bring us a brief silence

I want to waste each other with you

Spend a short silence together, a long meaninglessness

Spend the delicate and old universe together

For example, leaning on the railing and looking down at the mirror of the water

Until all that is wasted

Behind us, thin wings grow