I think people will probably remember most of the first time.

It doesn't matter if it's good or bad for the first time, or it's the first time it's done and messed up.

And for the first heartbeat, the first hand-holding, the first kiss...... I remember all of this well, but I don't remember it at all...... What it was like to have her for the first time.

I don't remember at all. It was as if something had erased that memory.

Meeting her was probably the greatest luck of his life, and I could feel the ripples in my heart every time I thought of her, and it was only she who could make my heart feel that I was the only living creature in this icy world.

It was a fine summer evening, and I followed Edwin to a small dinner party hosted by the Duke of Leskova, which I said was actually a gathering between the old fox and his men.

Originally, I didn't want to go, but Edwin said that he would take me to eat something delicious, and I didn't shirk it, even though I usually eat really well.

It was the first time I had entered the mansion of such a big man, and his house was not only decorated in the garden, but also in the villa. Those were things that I had come into contact with in the homes of the little nobles that were not available.

If it weren't for the fact that I was his younger brother, I guess I wouldn't have been qualified to enter the house, let alone appreciate what the house of such a big man was like, and I wouldn't have met her.

Maybe that's fate. Destined for good things.

She was coming down the stairs when I bumped into her.

I looked up at her lovely face and delicate features, which was the most beautiful person I have ever seen, even though I have seen countless beauties in the north, but she is still the most beautiful woman in my heart.

She looked at us, at me, and with that look, I felt like my soul was going to be taken away by her. Countless nights after that, I can recall the way she looked at me.

I can't describe what kind of look it was, noble? Charming? No...... No. Charming? Neither is it. That look was not charming, on the contrary, what I felt was a trace of innocence, a trace of disdain and contempt that was not mixed with the high and low status, and the innocence that was not polluted by the world.

And this innocence is a little melancholy, so shy......

I've never seen a more charming face, and the features are so coordinated, not like what a mortal in this world should be. I won't describe ...... I don't have enough words to describe that sophistication, that beauty!

Her nose ...... The word cute is simply not enough to describe it. Even her ears! Elves' ears can only exist in the imagination, and you will be startled when you see a real person. But her ears ...... Tall, slightly pointed, how can you grow ears that are so suitable for this size, position, and angle!

From that day on, I began to have what a beauty should look like in my heart, and she became the standard for all I saw that women were not beautiful. Since then, there has never been a woman who can make me feel like I can immediately pour my heart out to her.

That side made me sink completely.

Can't help yourself.

During the feast, I was briefly introduced to the Duke of Leskova and the goddess beside him. Actually, I knew and dealt with most of the people at the banquet, but I cared more about whether the girl paid attention to me.

I forced my inner throbbing and used my peripheral vision to find out if she was looking at me. But I seem to ...... Not so attractive.

This made me feel very uncomfortable and anxious.

As he left the Duke's house, Edwin asked me for my opinion on some of the things that had been discussed, and I had to hum to deal with him. In fact, I have no impression of what they ate that night or not, and I don't even care about what they talked about. I just want to look at her and look at her again.

Edwin actually saw that I was absent-minded, and he asked me if Deria was beautiful.

It turned out that her name was Deria.

I answered. Edwin didn't press any further. But since then I have been in the torment of every day, I like her, I want to see her, although I have never dreamed of her in my dreams, but I don't think about her all the time.

That kind of longing made me sleepless, I couldn't even sleep at night, and countless strange thoughts arose in my mind, and I kept guessing countless possibilities about her, and the more I guessed, the more irritating I became.

I measured myself and knew that my identity could not match her, but I was just unwilling. I fantasized about her being with other men, and it was very tormenting to me, and I was overjoyed to learn that she didn't have a suitor yet, but I was afraid that another one would pop up at any moment.

This feeling is like finding a favorite but rare item in the market, and my heart is very itchy, knowing that I can't afford it but I'm afraid that others will buy it.

I told Edwin that the food at the Duke's house was really good, and that he must take me to eat again if he had the chance, and he agreed.

During the days of waiting, I simulated dozens of scenarios in my mind when we met again, and deduced countless possibilities. But no matter what I thought, I wasn't satisfied. I looked forward to seeing her, but I was terrified.

Finally waiting for the opportunity.

But when I met her again, I forgot all the scenes in my mind and all the words and actions I had prepared. I just want to look at her.

The scale of that banquet was quite large, and it lasted long enough when there were more people. All my eyes were on her until she left the table and never showed up again, which made me very depressed.

So I walked out of the banquet hall with a jug of wine, intending to go out and bring the bodyguards who had come with me but couldn't get in to the banquet. But at this time, I found a few girls chatting in the garden next to her, she was so dazzling among the seven or eight girls, and that kind of self-contained temperament made her very different from the people around her.

I stood there and stared at her, but I felt satisfied just looking at her. Maybe it was the sense, she looked around and saw me in the distance.

Scold! It's that amazing. Maybe that's what it is...... Fate. At that time, as soon as my brain was hot, I walked over. I don't want to waste this opportunity, although there are so many girls around her, maybe they will chatter, but if I don't take this opportunity, I may not know that I will see her again in the Year of the Monkey.

I can't remember exactly what happened, and I thought I would remember it for the rest of my life, but within a few years, I suddenly couldn't remember what happened.

Who is there, what they look like, what they say, what they look like. I just remember the way she looked at me and the smile flashed across her face.

I think it was the highlight of my life, when I dared to get up close and personal with the brightest star in front of a group of girls, and I made an impression that I didn't feel very bad.

This self-effacing statement should be understandable, but I couldn't sleep after I got home that night. I don't feel like she hates me and doesn't treat me like a lowly person. I didn't even see a hint in her eyes that she thought of me like a monkey clown.

She treated me like no other girl.

I'll get excited when I think back to some of the conversations and performances that seem a little funny and brilliant, and I'll beat my chest at how I wasn't smart enough to answer that way instead of that.

I swear that next time I meet her again, I must behave well, not like this, I can't behave too much, it will make me look frivolous. And so on and so forth......

So I'm getting closer to Edwin, and I'm going to fight for more opportunities to go to the Duke's Palace. I do all the work I do to the Duke's Palace, even if it's an errand call.

I was very happy during that time, although I didn't confess to her but I knew that she didn't hate me, I still had a chance, and I would succeed!

And when Edwin finally realized my purpose, he found me one night, and while we were talking, he suddenly asked about my love life.

I didn't want to talk to him and wanted to prevaricate him, but he broke me when I didn't want to say more. I glared at him a little surprised and annoyed, and I knew it wasn't good for him to break my recent performance. Good thing he won't find me.

Sure enough, he told me to stay away from Deria.

I was on fire at the time, and I didn't want him to interfere in my life, especially my love life. So I didn't listen to what he told me at the time.

It's true that I haven't had much success so far, but I don't regret it.

If I had to do it all over again, I would still tell her I love her without hesitation. For me, I do want to live forever, but I can't imagine what I'll do if I lose even the slightest hope of having her.

The day after that conversation, I sneaked into the palace under the pretext of looking for something with the duke, and then I went straight to her and confessed my heart to her.

I'm anxious, urgent, anxious, worried, but I can't care about that much. She didn't know what was going on, but she looked at me with a look that went from surprise to shock to joy and joy.

At that time, there was only one feeling, I felt as if I had the whole world.