As the summer vacation draws to a close, his mother's illness worsens, disrupting Chen Siping's rhythm of life, and the heavy responsibility of the family suddenly falls on his shoulders, making him unable to study wholeheartedly.

Chen Siping sought medical advice for her, went to the hospital, went to the bookstore, and wrote down a belly of useless information.

"Alzheimer's disease is medically divided into pre-dementia and dementia stages, and the main difference is whether the patient's ability to live has decreased. In the pre-dementia stage, memory is mildly impaired, the ability to learn and retain new knowledge is reduced, and other cognitive abilities, such as attention, executive ability, language ability, and visuospatial ability, can be mildly impaired, which does not affect basic daily living skills and does not reach the level of dementia. The stage of dementia is Alzheimer's disease in the traditional sense, and the cognitive impairment in this stage leads to the decline of daily living ability, which can be divided into three stages: mild, moderate and severe according to the degree of cognitive impairment.

"Mild dementia first appears is memory loss of recent events, often forgetting what is done daily and some commonly used items, with the development of the disease, long-term memory loss, that is, the forgetting of things and people that have happened for a long time, some patients have visuospatial disorders, can not find the way home after going out, can not accurately copy the stereogram. Fatigue, anxiety and negativity in the face of unfamiliar and complex things, personality disorders such as uncleanliness, unkemptness, irritability, irritability, selfishness and suspicion.

"Moderate dementia memory impairment continues to worsen, work, learn new knowledge and social contact ability decreases, especially the original knowledge and skills have a significant decline, logical thinking, comprehensive analysis ability decline, verbal repetition, calculation decline, obvious visuospatial disorders, such as not being able to find their own room at home, aphasia, apraxia, agnosia, etc., some patients can also have epilepsy, tonic-oligotic syndrome. Introverts become irritable, excited, and verbal, while extroverts may become reticent, disinterested, disinterested, and even disgraceful, and even engage in shameless behaviors (e.g., open defecation).

"The above symptoms of severe dementia gradually worsen, such as apathy, impermanence of crying and laughing, loss of speech ability, so that they cannot complete simple daily life tasks, such as dressing and eating, being speechless all day long and lying in bed, gradually losing contact with the outside world (including relatives and friends), stiffness or flexion paralysis of limbs, sphincter dysfunction, often complicated by symptoms of systemic diseases, such as lung and urinary tract infections, pressure ulcers and symptoms of systemic failure, and finally death due to complications."

Chen Siping felt that her mother was in the transition from mild dementia to moderate dementia, and she needed treatment, but every time she mentioned going to the hospital, she was furious. He guessed that his mother knew that something was wrong with her body, and she buried her head in the sand like an ostrich, unwilling to face it.

At the beginning of the new semester, his position has not changed, staying in the storage room of the auditorium in the morning and helping out in the library in the afternoon. The work is not heavy, and no one is watching, so I can sneak back to see my mother at noon. The income of a temporary worker is not high, but fortunately, he has no other hobbies except reading books on weekdays, so this salary is not a problem to make ends meet.

The teaching office is busy, and Director Lu often thinks of him, free labor does not have to be in vain, running errands and moving things, and finding things for him to do every once in a while. Chen Siping didn't have any complaints, but he did too many chores, the time was cut into small sections, he was impetuous, and it was difficult to read the book. When I get home from work, I have to cook and cook, take care of my mother, wash and scrub, and when everything settles down, it's almost 9 o'clock. From morning to night, he can sit down and read the meeting, for some reason, he often wanders, his concentration is not as concentrated as before, and he is sleepy from time to time.

He felt as if something was missing from his life.

Working in your twenties, if there are no accidents, you have to retire at the age of 60 and earn work to support your family, this is the price you must pay, there is nothing to complain about, at least to avoid the worry of cold and discouragement. People have three insurmountable shortcomings, one is that they will be hungry from time to time, the second is that they need to add clothes when it is cold, and the third is that they are full and warm, and their spiritual needs will secretly pop up, and they will feel empty if they are not satisfied. It would be nice if people could not sleep, but Chen Siping couldn't do it.

In the dead of night, Chen Siping was worried, his mother was sometimes very quiet, sometimes very noisy, and even patrolled the room in the middle of the night, the footsteps kicked and stomped, and the noisy little couple downstairs came to the door to give advice, and it took a lot of effort to persuade them to go back. Life is a battle, and Chen Siping feels exhausted.

"Life is a futile battle against entropy," my father said, "doomed to defeat and inevitable." The human body is not designed to live to the age of eighty or ninety, the human body is designed to reproduce. Diets and the environment are improving, and the average life expectancy is increasing, but this is not enough to change the original design. Metal can also get tired, not to mention that the organs are made of meat, and after decades of use, there will be more or less problems. The most ideal ending for people is 'old death', the old tile pot is smiling, can't sleep, and dies suddenly, but this is only the luck of a few people, in most cases, a year of old age, lingering on the sickbed, suffering from physical and mental torture, this is the norm. Hospitals, hospital beds, ventilators, infusion tubes, feeding tubes, urinary catheters, fecal bags, demerol, demerol, demerol...... What is even more unbearable is the whispering of the people around him, pretending to be relieved, which is pity, happiness, and insult.

"The dignity of death is a more difficult choice than the dignity of life, and the resistance we face is not only a fluke, but also the unspeakable need of those around us, who need us to lie in a hospital bed, need us to be treated, need medicine flowing through our bodies, and get comfort and forgiveness. But does it all make sense to the man lying in the hospital bed? Death is an inevitable end, so I avoided medical examinations, avoided knowing, and my spirit was not strong enough to face the bad news calmly. I would like to spend the rest of my life alone in self-deception, please do not disturb me, in any way of kindness or malice. So, please leave me alone ......"

Chen Siping didn't know what "fighting entropy increase" was, but he deeply understood his father.