After briefly analyzing the psychological problems in the divorce case of the plaintiff Qian Abao v. the defendant Cheng Youfa and the divorce case of the plaintiff Han Shuai v. the defendant Wang Jing, Dongfang Siyi summarized some of his thoughts in the trial process.

Dongfang Siyi said: "I give these two examples, that is, I want to say that in some similar cases, it is not a legal problem to decide a divorce or a judgment not to allow a divorce, the problem is that a judgment has been made according to the law, and the case can be filed and shelved, but the contradictions and problems of the parties have not been resolved, that is, we often say that it is difficult to conclude the case, and may even lead to greater and more serious contradictions and conflicts." For example, the case of Han Shuai v. Wang Jing for divorce, in the final analysis, is still a psychological problem and contradiction, the parties avoid the psychological problems encountered, and try to break the status quo from the perspective of the law, using legal means to break through, and seek a breakthrough by dissolving the marriage relationship, and the judge can also discuss the matter and make a judgment in accordance with the law, but the tragedy is still staged there and has not been changed. From the perspective of the parties, we just ended their legal relationship on the basis of facts, but in fact, their relationship between husband and wife has not broken down, and the judgment of divorce is not in line with the fundamental principles of the marriage law. From a social point of view, we have not really solved this family conflict, but left a possible hidden danger to the society. ”

In family relationships, the relationship between husband and wife is generally at the core. Problems in the relationship between husband and wife are a major factor in family instability. Managing the relationship between husband and wife can not only make the family more harmonious, but also bring a good environment for children to grow up, and it is also the most basic factor to promote a harmonious atmosphere in society.

In litigation divorce cases, the common problem is that the husband and wife are estranged due to changes in their feelings. Psychologically, mutual exclusion began to appear, which led to a constant cold war, and even when they returned home to face each other, the couple became very cold and like passers-by. Jier will develop feelings of mutual disgust, and eventually evolve into neither of them wanting to see the other. As long as there is a little direct conflict, it will be like a flash of spark and ignite a fire, and the war between husband and wife will be on the verge of breaking out.

In marriage and family relationships, in addition to blood relations, psychological relationships are very important relationships, and the key to psychological relationships is the interaction between each other. From the analysis of the current social situation, there are many negative factors that affect the psychology of marriage and family, such as unmarried cohabitation, married separation, sexual orientation, celibacy and unmarried, premarital sexual contact, sexlessness after marriage, unmarried pregnancy, etc., these negative factors will affect the psychological relationship in marriage and family, and the psychological relationship will affect the quality of marriage and family life. How to effectively reduce negative factors and increase positive factors through psychological counseling is a major topic for improving the quality of marriage and family and promoting social harmony.

As the saying goes, "everything is prosperous at home", how can we ensure and promote the harmony and stability of a family? If we do not pay attention to the psychological problems of marriage and family, and if husband and wife do not pay attention to adjusting their psychological state, marriage and family disputes will become more and more difficult to handle.

For example, when two parties are in love, in order to maintain and develop their relationship, all interactions are voluntary, and disputes rarely arise, because the relationship between lovers has no rights and obligations stipulated by law. After getting married and becoming husband and wife, both parties must fulfill their rights and obligations in accordance with the provisions of the Marriage Law. If both parties cannot adapt to this change and continue to demand each other without any bottom line, various disputes will inevitably arise.

Dongfang Siyi said: "A psychology expert I am familiar with said that in psychological counseling involving marriage and family, it can be found that many couples complain that after each other get married, they become different from before marriage. The wife complains that her husband is cold to her and suspects that the other person no longer loves her. The husband complained that his wife was too verbose and interfered with his normal social interactions. The key problem of these contradictions is that they have not correctly adjusted the psychological relations in marriage and family, and are only willing to replace the rights and obligations of the husband and wife as stipulated in the Marriage Law with their own requirements, and have given less consideration to the rights and obligations of the other party. Over time, contradictions and conflicts become inevitable results. ”

Vice President Wen also agreed with Dongfang Siyi's view: "It is normal for husband and wife to have disputes over troubles in life, but if such a situation often occurs between husband and wife, then there must be some psychological problems between two people. If there is a problem psychologically and cannot be solved in time, then the two people will gradually drift apart, and eventually the relationship will break down. ”

Dongfang Siyi then said: "Therefore, in order to deal with the relationship between husband and wife, both parties must have a correct psychological understanding and adaptation to marriage and family and the relationship between husband and wife, cultivate positive psychological factors in marriage and family life, and avoid psychological problems such as emotional indifference, refusal to communicate, and mutual harm. As the saying goes, heart disease should be cured by heart medicine, and the mental illness of the relationship between husband and wife can only be solved by a blind heart medicine, which is mutual understanding, mutual tolerance, mutual care, and mutual appreciation. Marriage is a spiritual practice, and if the husband and wife give up the heart of cultivation, and the communication and understanding between the hearts, they will definitely break down. ”

Before men and women enter marriage, before becoming husband and wife, most of them come from two different environments, may have different educational experiences, have completely different living habits, and even have certain differences in values. Mutual understanding and mutual tolerance have become the basic requirements for couples to get along, if they can care for each other and appreciate each other, then we can overcome and reduce the risk of conflict brought about by the different aspects of the couple's personality, so that the relationship between husband and wife becomes warm and affectionate.

Speaking of various phenomena in the psychology of marriage and family, Dongfang Siyi can't help but continue this topic like opening a monograph on psychology: "There is a kind of boredom called the life of husband and wife without waves. Some couples have gone through a marathon love process before getting married, and they have no privacy about each other, and they can sense each other's thoughts between gestures, and choose to be together because they know each other too well. But after getting married, because they know each other too well, they don't have a sense of freshness, and over time, both parties may lose their passion for family life. When I have something on my mind, I would rather go out to chat with a good friend and sigh and sigh, rather than go home to talk to the partner I am very familiar with, and sometimes I am even reluctant to go home and see that familiar face. It seems to be a sequelae of love, and mutual boredom is generated because of love. ”

Rights and obligations always need to be reciprocal and always balanced, not only in social life, but also in family life. In family life, if one party only thinks about enjoying rights and neglects to fulfill obligations, over time, it will inevitably lead to a psychological imbalance in the relationship between husband and wife, and then produce various contradictions.

Rights and obligations always need to be reciprocal and always balanced, not only in social life, but also in family life. In family life, if one party only thinks about enjoying rights and neglects to fulfill obligations, over time, it will inevitably lead to a psychological imbalance in the relationship between husband and wife, and then produce various contradictions.

The more ordinary the life, the more you need to find the romance of life in the ordinary, to find the joy of life, ignoring and indifference will only consume the feelings between husband and wife, causing tension in the relationship between husband and wife, and the accumulation of grievances is getting deeper and deeper, and eventually leads to an irreparable rupture in the relationship between the husband and wife.

The fundamental reason is the lack of psychological preparation for real married life, which is a contradiction formed by the inconsistency of thinking and action. Marriage is a real life that can be seen and touched, after entering the palace of marriage, if you are still in the psychological state of the love stage, do not know how to adapt to the role of husband and wife, if you are not ready to be a father and mother, it is inevitable that newlyweds will have such and such problems, and there will be all kinds of problems in marriage and family.

The fundamental reason is the lack of psychological preparation for real married life, which is a contradiction formed by the inconsistency of thinking and action. Marriage is a real life that can be seen and touched, after entering the palace of marriage, if you are still in the psychological state of the love stage, do not know how to adapt to the role of husband and wife, if you are not ready to be a father and mother, it is inevitable that newlyweds will have such and such problems, and there will be all kinds of problems in marriage and family.

Every family has a different background, such as economic environment, education, occupation, housing, and neighborhood. However, the factors that affect family harmony are essentially the same. In a harmonious family, everyone cooperates with each other, and each family member understands his or her own responsibilities and understands and cooperates with each other in dealing with family issues. All members are able to talk easily, communicate with each other and express their opinions, and work together on family matters. At the same time, we will respect the rights of individuals and allow each member to have their own space for development. If a family lacks these positive elements, problems may arise, either personal psychological problems or family crises.

Vice President Wen said: "I have also seen relevant reports on the introduction of the study and application of psychological problems into the relevant trial work, and some courts have taken the lead and have accumulated some experience. The stones of other mountains can be used to attack jade, and we might as well actively create conditions for beneficial exploration. For example, in the trial of family dispute cases, the women's federation at the same level may be entrusted to recommend professional psychological counseling institutions or psychological counselors to provide services related to mental health, such as marital psychological counseling, family conflict analysis, and scientific parenting counseling, as needed for the case, to help family members involved in the case relieve psychological pressure and negative emotions, and to provide psychological support for the proper handling of family disputes. I will raise this issue at the next meeting of the dean's office, and first conduct the necessary research and then promote practical exploration. President Oriental's opinion is very good, and I agree with it. ”

Dongfang Siyi's melancholy eyes swept over the professional faces of his colleagues who couldn't see joy and sorrow: "Forgive me for leaving the scope of discussing the law in the case discussion meeting today, and delaying everyone's precious time." Our era is in a specific period of change and transformation from tradition to modernity, and people's various ideas and concepts will inevitably be reflected in marriage and family relations, and some seemingly simple problems, but the reasons are complex and changeable, and they are the result of integrating various factors in the process of social development and progress. It is true that these problems cannot be solved simply by relying on the provisions of the law, and we do need to find new ways to find multiple solutions. This will be of positive significance to the better development of court work, to do a better job in social work, and to social harmony and stability. ”

(Next Notice: Chapter 18: The Smell of Life)