After introducing the first divorce case, Dongfang Siyi then talked about the second divorce case that has not yet been concluded.

Han Shuai of the criminal police team sued for divorce for the second time. When suing for divorce for the first time, Han Shuai's wife Wang Jing resolutely disagreed with the divorce, Wang Jing thought that she and Han Shuai had a good relationship, and his request for divorce was completely unjustified, and during the pre-trial mediation, Han Shuai really couldn't say what conflicts and contradictions he had with Wang Jing, but repeated one sentence over and over again: "I can't stand it, I can't stand it......."

Dongfang asked puzzledly: "Why can't you stand it?" What is the reason for not being able to stand it? Han Shuai said helplessly: "What is the specific reason, I really can't say, and I don't want to say anything." It's just that I feel like this, but I can't stand it. ”

Dongfang Siyi looked at Han Shuai, who was sitting uneasily in the plaintiff's seat, and said: "That can only show that the problem you said does not exist, and you ask for divorce on the grounds that there is no existing problem, which is a very irresponsible behavior for marriage, and I can only sentence you not to divorce." ”

Han Shuai froze, and still said helplessly: "You judge, I can't stand ......."

After a year, Han Shuai came again, the reason was still the original reason, of course Wang Jing still resolutely disagreed with the divorce, and the reason was the same reason, but she seemed to be greatly stimulated in her heart, and said coldly to Han Shuai in court: "If you have to insist on divorce, I will die to show you." ”

After Wang Jing said this, her emotions suddenly collapsed, and two lines of hot tears instantly flowed down her cheeks. Han Shuai didn't dare to look into her eyes, but he still muttered like a line: "I can't stand it, I can't stand ......."

Dongfang Siyi felt that their marriage should have encountered their own insurmountable obstacles, one seemed to escape, the other seemed to grasp something, what is the story behind this?

In order to thoroughly understand the real reason why Han Shuai filed for divorce, Dongfang Siyi took out an afternoon to talk to Han Shuai about the situation in Wang Jing's family, and wanted to know where the reason for Han Shuai's "can't stand it" is.

Wang Jing is a middle school teacher, she and Han Shuai met in a friendship event, and after more than two years of contact, both parties felt that they were in love, so they began to talk about marriage. Wang Jing only mentioned one condition, Han Shuai must be willing to be a son-in-law. Han Shuai is not embarrassed, he was born in the countryside and has two brothers in his family. The elder brother is married, he is the second in the family, and his parents do not object to him making any choice.

After a year of marriage, his life was spent in peace, because the work of the criminal police team was more sudden, and he often went on business trips to other places, Han Shuai didn't spend much time at home, not so much as a door-to-door son-in-law, but more like a tourist staying in the hotel, so Han Shuai felt that he had not really integrated into this new family.

Han Shuai only knew that in addition to him, there were three other women in this family, one was his wife Wang Jing, one was his mother-in-law Lao Teacher Wang, and the other was Wang Jing's sister Wang Hui. After a long time, he slowly learned about some things in Wang Jing's family.

He only knew that his mother-in-law was a retired teacher, but he didn't know that Mr. Wang was divorced when he was young. Teacher Wang is a person with a somewhat strong personality, she has never entered into marriage again in her life, and she raised her two daughters alone. Wang Jing told Han Shuai that her mother was very beautiful when she was young and a graduate of a prestigious university, so after her parents divorced, her mother always had many suitors behind her, and in her impression there were several very handsome and gentle uncles, who used to always be by her mother's side. But her mother finally chose to be single, and Wang Jing only learned when she grew up that her mother was afraid that her two daughters would be wronged because of remarriage, and she would rather sacrifice her own happiness than let her two daughters suffer any grievances.

Wang Jing's sister Wang Hui is engaged in scientific research at a atmospheric environment research institute, I don't know why she has not talked about marriage, if Wang Jing talks to her about this issue, she will laugh and scold: "Just marry you, and take care of your sister, it doesn't hurt to tell you, I am a celibate, don't talk to me about this matter in the future." "My mother-in-law, Mr. Wang, often weeps secretly for this matter.

Han Shuai remembered some things after his marriage, and felt that he might have disappointed his mother-in-law very much: "I know that as a son-in-law and the only man in this family, I should do more." I also wanted to do more, but I didn't always have time to do it. I can also understand that Mr. Wang must have thought in his heart that finding a son-in-law like me could solve some worries in life, but I didn't expect that I always disappointed her. ”

Han Shuai was often called away by the captain with a phone call, and sometimes he didn't even have time to say hello to Wang Jing, so he disappeared without a trace. In case of emergency, I can't see anyone for more than ten days when I'm busy. Occasionally returning to this home, the exhausted Han Shuai either lay down for a long time, or didn't say a word and didn't ask anything.

Teacher Wang was disappointed, and he couldn't help but be a little nagging, and Han Shuai could still feel the hidden complaints in his words. Therefore, whenever he has time, he will take the initiative to do some tiring work, such as buying rice and oil. But he doesn't have these life experiences at all, and the things he buys back are either of bad quality that Mr. Wang thinks or that Wang Hui thinks there are hidden dangers to environmental protection, and sometimes Wang Jing thinks that the price of the things he buys is too expensive to be cost-effective.

Wang Hui sometimes speaks very directly, generally does not take into account the feelings of others, if he thinks that the things he buys are not good, he will often snort disdainfully, or criticize him without minus: "Stupid, no brain, no IQ, no EQ!" This made Han Shuai, who originally thought that he couldn't hold his head up in this family because of his low education, even more embarrassed.

He is just a college graduate, and Mr. Wang and Wang Hui both graduated from prestigious universities, and Wang Hui also went to graduate school after graduating from university. Although Wang Jing comforted him, he said: "You are too careful, academic qualifications do not represent anything, that is, a person's learning experience, neither can represent a person's ability, nor can it explain a person's character." But Han Shuai still felt a kind of depression.

Han Shuai said with some hesitation: "I'm sorry, President Dongfang, there is one thing I forgot to tell you, before and after getting married, I always called Wang Jing's mother, Teacher Wang, and wanted to change my voice to call my mother, but I never changed my mouth." Sometimes, I reflect on this question myself, why can't I change my words? Will Mr. Wang mind this very much? I have also read psychology, and I have analyzed it from a psychological point of view, and if it is a kind of resistance, it must be wrong, because I admire her old man from the bottom of my heart, and she is actually very good to me and cares about me. If it's a kind of inferiority complex, it doesn't seem to be completely in line with it, and it's more or less far-fetched. I didn't know what to do, and every time I tried to change my voice and call my mother, I swallowed the words back when they came to my mouth, and I just thought it was weird. ”

Dongfang Siyi said with a smile: "I think it's not that you have the psychology of resistance, nor that you have an inferiority complex, but because your self-esteem is too strong, and because Wang Jing's family has given you a certain sense of depression, which has caused your self-esteem to be extremely stimulated, and this stimulation is reflected in your name for Teacher Wang, just like setting up a safety door in your heart, and when you want to change your words, it will automatically close." What I'm saying isn't necessarily right, and you shouldn't mind too much. ”

Han Shuai thought for a while and said: "President Dongfang, what you said seems to be true, I understand, it is indeed my self-esteem is too strong, and I have never been willing to admit the gap with others, even in front of Wang Jing, which may be regarded as a weakness of mine that is difficult to change." I don't think it's wrong to call Wang Jing's mother, Mr. Wang, and she has always been called this way before she got married, so there is no need to change her words, in fact, this may still be a kind of self-esteem at work. ”

Dongfang Siyi nodded and said affirmatively: "Regarding the question of the title you mentioned, in fact, there may be a variety of factors. I don't think it's just a question of a simple title, it's not just a question of whether it's appropriate, it's not just a question of whether you can change your name, it's a question of how to change it psychologically. If you and Wang Jing are not married, but just a simple boyfriend and girlfriend, this title is appropriate and there is no problem. And after you married Wang Jing, you still call it like this, in addition to your self-esteem, I think there are at least two other problems. ”

Dongfang Siyi looked at Han Shuai and continued to analyze: "The first question is: whether you accept Wang Jing's family is also a question of your relatives. It seems that there is nothing wrong with you calling Wang Jing's mother, Teacher Wang, but subconsciously, you do not regard Teacher Wang as your own relative, this is undeniable, you say that Teacher Wang will not mind, I think there must be an opinion, but she may not care too much about it, she may forgive you. Another question is: the question of whether you are ready to really fit into the family. If you accept the family psychologically, you will definitely feel that it is natural to change the name, and you will swallow it back without talking. I think you can't deny this, this kind of choice makes you feel very helpless and irritable, and you will think 'I can't stand it', this is your reason, not Wang Jing's reason, nor Wang Jing's family's reason. Hopefully you can understand this, understand this. ”

Han Shuai remembered that once he came out of the bathroom, and when Wang Hui, who was about to go to the bathroom, saw him, he immediately covered his mouth and nose with his eyebrows, turned around and returned to the living room, and yelled at Wang Jing with an irritated face: "Let your stinky man be conscious next time, don't let your behavior go, that will seriously affect the air quality of this space, what a rough man!" ”

Han Shuai's self-esteem was eroded little by little, he began to be afraid of the eyes of these three women, the eyes of his mother-in-law were disappointed, the eyes of his wife were longing, and there was always a cold contempt in Wang Hui's eyes. Han Shuai slowly became numb from psychology to physiology, he once had the idea of buying a house with his wife, but he was denied by himself in an instant, because before he married Wang Jing, he had promised in front of Mr. Wang that he would never leave their family and would support her in old age, and he couldn't break his promise.

Dongfang Siyi looked at the pensive Han Shuai and said: "I find that you are escaping, whether it is to escape a responsibility, or to escape an environment that you feel you can't fit in, only you know best in your own heart, you need to adjust your psychological state, you must make a correct choice." ”

(Next Issue: Chapter 17: The Psychology of Marriage)