Where did the dream go fell into silence again, Dongfang Siyi seemed to see the lonely figure on the other end of the computer, and time and space seemed to stand still at this moment.

After being silent for a long time, he talked about the feelings that his career brought to him: "Almost all of my friends are professional women, and this is a group that can rely on their own wisdom and ability to create their own lives. Because I was able to support myself, I felt that I could maintain an independent personality in my family and social environment. But, like my friends, I always had a deep sense of loneliness that would swell up inside me from time to time. ”

Dongfang Siyi felt the sound of a keyboard tapping in the night sky again, and the dream continued: "I don't know if others also have this kind of loneliness, but I can still understand this loneliness from their occasional melancholy and sadness. It is a kind of loneliness brought about by powerlessness and helplessness, not the helplessness of life, nor the powerlessness of career. On the contrary, like them, I have a good life and a good job. This loneliness seems to be unprovoked, but it is real. ”

Dongfang Siyi began to reflect on his own experience: "Occupation has drawn one circle after another for us, it may be difficult for us to break through this circle, it may be difficult to dance outside this circle, our stage is a stage that has been professionalized." But after all, we are living people, not empty shells, not real puppets, we have our own rich thoughts and rich emotions. No two leaves are exactly the same, and no one is exactly the same. Even if people may have the same experience with each other, due to the different personality characteristics of individuals, as well as the differences in living environments, there will be different feelings and thoughts, all of which will make everyone have their own independence, which may be ignored by the outside world, but it really exists in our own hearts, and we truly feel the ups and downs of life. ”

I have both the same feeling and my own doubts: "Yes, I sometimes feel a kind of convergence, and I always feel that we are similar people. But there is a difference in some aspects, but it is difficult to say what causes the difference. I know that everyone has their own independence to a greater or lesser extent, but I am never sure what aspects of my independence is embodied, so there is always a kind of doubt that cannot be solved. I feel like I don't know more and more about myself, is this what we often call losing myself? ”

Dongfang Siyi's thoughts and tentacles extend to the void: "This kind of independence is more of an inner independence, because people are animals with high social attributes, and people's words and deeds cannot ignore the existing values of society, and cannot ignore the evaluation of themselves by other individuals or organizations." Societal values affect each and every one of us, and no one can completely stay out of this evaluation. This kind of value or evaluation is a kind of stable standard line, which is like a track stretching forward, affecting you and restraining you, as long as you do not leave its track, you will definitely be able to reach a certain destination in front of you safely. At the same time, this kind of value or evaluation standard is like the circle that is drawn as a prison, and you either consciously and voluntarily stay in this circle, or jump out of this circle regardless of the cost. Staying in this circle, you can get many kinds of security provided by society; Jumping out of this circle may cost you dearly, even unbearable, to the point of self-destruction. ”

Where did the dream go and felt that the doubts in his heart were like a mess being sucked away one by one: "You said it very thoroughly, I have never heard others say social evaluation criteria and its role so clearly. Now I finally have a clear understanding of my confusion. Many people's words and deeds are made after considering the social evaluation standards and the costs they are about to pay, including ourselves, which are all constrained by our words and deeds. ”

Dongfang Siyi made an embarrassed expression, and then added a laughing expression: "You're right, that's how we restrain ourselves." If this is not the case, but recklessly, or inappropriate words and even disrespectful words, or misbehave or even misbehave, once because of your words and deeds that have not calculated the cost, there is an irreparable loss afterwards, you will definitely regret it. Have you ever done anything like this? ”

"No, I'm definitely not going to do anything at any cost, and I'm not going to do that for the sake of my parents, because I can't let them worry about me." I wouldn't do that for the sake of my daughter, because I couldn't help but think about her future, and I couldn't embarrass her for my mistakes and leave any shadow on her psyche. ”

Dongfang Siyi made a laughing expression: "Your math score must be very good, and the cost calculation is very good." This is self-restraint, and it is also the invisible restraint of social influences on oneself. ”

Dongfang Siyi pondered: "Now, let's talk about your loneliness, your unprovoked loneliness is also partly rooted in this. Because we can't jump out of the circle of occupation, those invisible circles that exist around us one after another, so the heart that wants to jump out of the circle is slowly imprisoned by itself, which is the price that must be paid to ensure the survival and safety of our society. You can't get unfettered freedom and ideals without paying any price, and human beings don't have such laws of existence at present, at least not at this stage. ”

Dream Gui was silent for a while and said: "After your analysis, I can think more clearly than before, or a kind of thorough transparency. You're right, this loneliness does come from the collision of reality and ideals. Personally, I'm an ordinary woman, an ordinary woman with no story. Parents commented that I was a good teacher, and my colleagues commented that I was a good mother. However, for myself, I have to be a good woman first, and then a good teacher, a good mother. But they just ignore that I am a good woman. It is not difficult to be a good teacher, I am very dedicated, and I have always insisted on learning new theories, new knowledge and new methods, and the students like me in the classroom because I have always taught people tirelessly. Parents also like me outside of class, because as long as I do what I can, I will respond to my requests, and parents always say that I have a bodhisattva heart. It is not difficult to be a good mother, I lead by example and educate my daughter to be self-reliant, distinguish between right and wrong, and be close to good and far from evil. The daughter is also not disappointed, with excellent academics and good conduct. But being a woman is hard, and being a good woman is even harder. I felt as if I was being strangled by invisible chains, and a deep feeling of suffocation often weighed me down. ”

She seemed to want to explain something: "You might say, this is the twenty-first century, it shouldn't feel that way, right?" Yes, I know, and I understand, that the days of wrapping women in all kinds of tangible and invisible footwraps are long gone. I know that some of the shackles are imposed on me, which may be related to the education I have received, and it can also be regarded as one of the circles you are talking about. Many shackles are invisible, and so are the circles you speak. They exist in all corners of society, you can't see them, but you can't get rid of them. Actually, I didn't blindly add your QQ, I did see the personality signature on your QQ. I don't know your profession, why you are interested in marriage and family issues, why you study this aspect, but I feel that you are a trustworthy person, a gentle person, and a person with a temperament. Women often pay more and suffer more harm in marriage and family. I myself am a living example of this. I wanted to talk, but I didn't know where to start, or I couldn't find someone I could talk to with with confidence. Today I can be sure that you are a suitable person, but I don't want to say it now, because I haven't made the necessary mental preparations, or rather, I still don't want to say my pain in my heart, which is a very contradictory psychology. I want to calm myself down first, really calm down, and if you're still willing to listen at that time, I'll tell you about it. ”

Dongfang Siyi looked at the lines of words flowing in front of him, as if he saw a small stream that had been hidden, it passed through a forest, and tried to break through the earthen embankments and piles of rubble in front of him. He hoped that the stream would pass through the obstacles and flow happily where it was supposed to go.

"I'm willing to wait here for you, to hear you tell your story and everything you want to tell slowly," he affirmed. ”

"I used to use a screen name, called Years Like Water, I searched on the Internet one day, there are thousands of people who call this kind of screen name, a very popular name, maybe it's just a mood. Later, it was changed to a small town story, and it was changed to a breeze, but I didn't think it was interesting. It wasn't until this dream made me uneasy that I simply changed my current screen name. Seeing your screen name, to be honest, I suddenly felt the same dream, and I couldn't help but want to add you, and then I looked at your personality signature, and I was sure that you were the person I was looking for. After talking for a long time, I especially wondered why you would use such a lonely, cold, or a somewhat cold screen name, which is a name with almost no warmth. ”

Dongfang Siyi smiled helplessly: "Show you a short article I used to post in the evening newspaper, and you may be able to understand the origin of this screen name." This article is called "People on the Internet", you can rest early after reading it, just don't continue to have that lonely dream, I hope you can have more gentle light in your dreams in the future. ”

People online

In the shadowless and invisible space, you seem to be out of reach, but it stretches infinitely around you. This existence, which we call the network, has built an unparalleled virtual world. At the countless endpoints of the network, there are faces that are vivid with joy, anger and sorrow.

The girl in charge of typing in the office,By chance, she wanted to find a netizen with the nickname "pig head" she knew a few years ago, she opened QQ search, but she didn't expect the search results to be hundreds of "pig heads" at once. This "pig head" is not the other "pig head", which is the "pig head" that the girl once loved?

The girl hesitated, looked at me and said faintly, "This pig's head may have been renamed, maybe it's called 'sheep's head' or 'dog's head' now." So, she tried to find it again, and this time she found more "sheep's heads" and "dog heads" than "pig's heads". She has long lost his QQ number, and can only remember his nickname. Looking at the vast sea of "heads" in front of her, the girl faced the computer blankly, as if thinking: "Where to find the netizen who still can't let go, this boy who doesn't know what kind of 'head' is hanging now, is he okay?" ”

Seeing that the girl was very disappointed, I comforted her and said: "If that netizen still remembers the other party and remembers you like you, he should also look for you, otherwise don't look for it again." She said that her nickname has also been changed and changed, and the QQ number has also been changed and changed, and the past has long been abandoned, and the "pig head" in the past just wanted to find her, and it would end up in vain like her. They don't have the tree they can be sure of each other, they can keep the old time, maybe they miss it, and they will never see each other again.

Snowflakes drifted outside the window, this was the first snow of the winter, although it was not big, but the scattered white snowflakes still gave me a rare pleasure. I remembered a woman who once had a conversation in an online chat room, and although they didn't talk for a long time, they talked very speculatively. Because each other entered the chat room as "passers-by". After a chance encounter, like a cloud of smoke drifting away with the wind, they will disappear without a trace. So we agreed that when we could meet again, we would start with "It's snowing, it's snowing, it's snowing." "As a code word, it's a bit of an underground party joint.

When I was bored, I searched for my screen name on QQ, but I didn't expect to see several of the same name, so I decided to change my name. After changing and searching, there are still people with the same name, so I changed it again. I am a person who likes to walk alone, so I finally chose the name "Wasteland Nightguest", thinking that this is the only name that can reflect my middle-aged feelings of staying quiet in the hustle and bustle, and still calm in the face of temptation. I searched again, and I got my wish, and it was really unique. In the vast sea of people, I finally have a quiet corner to think, explore, and taste.

When I was bored, I searched for my screen name on QQ, but I didn't expect to see several of the same name, so I decided to change my name. After changing and searching, there are still people with the same name, so I changed it again. I am a person who likes to walk alone, so I finally chose the name "Wasteland Nightguest", thinking that this is the only name that can reflect my middle-aged feelings of staying quiet in the hustle and bustle, and still calm in the face of temptation. I searched again, and I got my wish, and it was really unique. In the vast sea of people, I finally have a quiet corner to think, explore, and taste.

Thanks to the Internet, it allows us to experience the infinite excitement of life while retaining our own limited personality and privacy. At the same time, it also gives us unexpected convenience and speed, so that we have more opportunities to make our dreams come true.

Lost loved ones smell the same breath thousands of miles away online, so much so that we are often moved to tears by the stories of online family searches. The unexpected encounter between separated lovers on the Internet has also achieved a good story of lovers eventually becoming married. It's just that those beef cattle who bow their heads and graze never thought that it had been sold to foreign diners on the Internet, and those flowers blooming in remote villages did not expect that their beauty had been displayed on the Internet to all corners of the world.

This is the infinite wonder of modern life brought by the Internet, which gives us a different world. Of course, the virtual world is like the real world, and truth, goodness, beauty, falsehood, evil and ugliness also coexist, but cyber garbage cannot change the infinite beauty of this world.

This is a platform that embraces the infinite extension of the battlefield, shopping malls, officialdom and even the love field, and this is an infinite and magnificent network that includes the business network, spy network, legal network, political network, emotional network, and all-encompassing knowledge. The Internet has deduced successes and failures, joys and sorrows for mankind that has entered the new century.

People on the net are like fish in water.

We are islands of our hearts, and it is the Internet that allows us to stretch our tentacles in all directions, and our tentacles grow wildly, so that we are closely connected to the world.

(Next Episode: Chapter 21: The Broken Vase)