To live is to spoil yourself.

―――

I don't know what you're saving, do you think you can feel at ease if you hold your money in your own hands? A lot of money in your own hands, reluctant to spend a penny, girl, why are you so stupid.

You don't love yourself, you don't know how to treat yourself, who do you think will be good to you?

Dear girl. I just want you to know that happiness and money can be fished. What you are trying to fight for is only your last trump card, not your family as the whole thing, but also your career. It is sad for a woman who gives up her career, and I only beg you not to be such a woman.

A lot of times, chicken soup isn't meant to comfort anyone. I just write down my inner thoughts and hope that someone will understand me. But I know that they don't know even if I'm funny or uninteresting. I am happy for myself, I treat myself. I will fight for everything I want, not hoping that someone will buy it for me. If it's expensive, I'll save money and won't think about who will pay for me, this is the style of a polite girl.

Don't say you're okay, there's nothing wrong with that. All the things you complain about can only be blamed on the boredom of this day.

There are some things, don't show off, you show off, which proves that you are controlled by these things.

At the end of October, he and Qu Zhi'an went to Beijing to attend the wedding of an old friend. When I received the call, I didn't expect that my friends who competed together in a recitation competition were now married.

She doesn't look amazing, she can't even say that she looks good. When I was in high school, I had to struggle for a long time to buy a bucket of instant noodles, but now I heard that she didn't blink when she bought a suite, and she didn't care about it for a little money.

When I raised my glass, her eyes were on me on the stage.

Lip-syncing with her, she said:

"Thank you."

The light shone on them, and she was especially beautiful at the moment.

My heart was sad, and tears fell down my cheeks. I don't dare to cry, it's not a blessing. I could only laugh and smile and say to her, "I wish you happiness." ”

I wish you happiness, Lin Jiao!

Your thank you, are you telling me about you that year? Did you give up your studies for Li Zhihuai that year?

In 2000, the day before the Spring Festival, Lin Jiao told me that she was going to drop out of school.

My hand holding the hat paused: "Why?" ”

"I'm not going to take the college entrance examination."

"Are you crazy?"

"I'm not crazy, I don't think I'm going to fail. I'm not like you, we're not all the way. ”

"Why aren't you all the way? We're good friends! ”

"I'm not a person all the way, I'm not destined to be admitted."

"Why can't you pass the exam? You study better than I do! The teacher likes you so much! Why don't you take the college entrance exam? The college entrance examination will be in half a year, and you said you won't take the exam? Lin Jiao, you are sick! ”

"You're sick! Jiang Jingmu! You're sick! Don't you know where my account is? As long as you study a little harder and get better grades, you can get into a good university! I'm different! I'm not a local! ”

Lin Jiao grabbed a handful of snow, threw it on me, and turned around to leave. The anger provoked by her words suddenly jumped up, and I reached out and fished her back: "You shit! Lin Jiao! You're just for Li Zhihuai! ”

Li Zhihuai's three words successfully quieted Lin Jiao: "Look, Lin Jiao! You like him, right, I can see it a long time ago! You are with him, you are self-destructive! I'm telling you, you'll regret it! He was expelled from school, and you stopped studying? You're having a convulsion in your head, aren't you? Do you dream... Do you dream of it? Yes? Let's talk about the entrance examination of the Academy of Fine Arts, you don't take the exam? Do you know what others like you will think of you, and you will take the college entrance examination soon, and you say you won't read? In the future, when others mention you at class reunions, what will you say, they will say that Lin Jiao, the class leader back then? Haha laughed at me, I dropped out of school for a scumbag, for a penultimate first, just to be with him, an idiot! What an idiot! ”

"Yes, yes, yes! I'm a fool, I'm a fool! Okay, right? I just want to be with him, is that wrong? It's not just about going to school, we can start a business together. You should bless me, not scold me! ”

Lin Jiao, who didn't listen to my advice, was with Li Zhihuai after dropping out of school. The one who was beaten by her parents at school, the eighteen-year-old she, chose a path that was not only tortuous, but also invisible, for love.

I have seen her and Li Zhihuai eating unhygienic snacks at the night market many times, and she is smiling so happily. I carried a heavy school bag and continued my college entrance examination sprint. And she and he went out to sell things in the wind, and at that time she didn't want to buy a pair of eight-dollar gloves, and she put them down after seeing them, and her hands were frozen with hemorrhoids. When I went to see her, she was still smiling so happily.

At that time, she said, "I am very happy. ”

That face, although tired, had light in its eyes at that time......

……

Later, she had frequent abdominal pain, her body was getting worse and worse, and her skin turned yellow. At this time, Li Zhihuai also met a lot of beautiful girls outside, and often did not come back. Even when he came back, he directly asked Lin Jiao to ask for money. She gave him all the money for all the hard work of setting up a stall outside, and he went away for a few days and did not return.

She couldn't stand the pain in her stomach and called me. It was a holiday, and I went back to Shanghai. When I received a call from her who was weak, I panicked and took her to the hospital on my bicycle.

As a result, the fetus was stillborn...

She didn't even know that she was pregnant, her body was getting worse and worse, and she thought she was too tired recently. Unexpectedly, it turned out to be stillborn, and she had been holding on to the little money she had saved for so many years. I can't afford to spend a penny, and I haven't bought a new dress. She was reluctant to eat meat for a week, was severely malnourished, and her face was sallow.

She was twenty-two years old.

Everyone else was trying to finish their studies at college and going to internships, and she had a miscarriage.

After the operation, she stayed in the hospital for two days. In the past two days, I have made countless phone calls to Li Zhihuai, and I have been busy. After the last call is dialed out... Empty number...

Lin Jiao sat on the hospital bed, disappointed, trembling and grabbing me: "Jingmu, Jingmu." Let's go back, we'll go back. I'm so panicked, I want to go home! ”

When I opened the dilapidated rental house, it was empty. Lin Jiao knelt on the ground in an instant, crying heartbreakingly.

Li Zhihuai... She took the passbook she had saved for four years and packed up all her belongings and ran away.

Not a word was left.

She laughed and cried and asked me, "Is it stupid?" ”

"Lin Jiao..."

"I'm stupid! I'm just an idiot! It's been five years! He said he would try to give me a good life, and the result? He is lazy all day long, I am really sick, I don't study well, and I am with such a person. He ran away! Did you see that? He ran away! He ran away with my money! Ha... I'm really blind. ”

"Lin Jiao... You don't want that. ”

"Smack!"

She gave herself a slap in the face. She slapped her so loudly that her right cheek immediately turned red.

Before I could react, there were several loud slaps.

"Lin Jiao! What are you doing? Don't hit, don't hurt yourself. I cried and held her hand, but she struggled to pull it out and fanned herself again.

"It's useless! It's useless! Lin Jiao! You listen to me, you can't solve it by beating yourself, you listen to me. Good no good? Let's figure it out together, shall we? Calming. ”

I reached for her hair and gently held her face.

… pale

Lin Jiao frowned tightly, holding back her tears and sobbing continuously.

"Yasuki..." even his voice trembled...

"What should I do... What to do..."

When she moved out of that room, she was twenty-two years old. The last bit of light in my eyes, in one night... Extinguished.

――――

"Someone! Someone! Someone is going to jump off the building, someone is coming! Girl! Girl! Don't be so stupid, good youth! You can't think so! ”

When I saw her in the news in the report, Qu Zhi'an and I had just finished yoga at home, lying on the ground chatting, and Qu Zhi'an adjusted the stage casually.

"Yasuki!"

"What the hell. What are you shouting, it scares me. ”

"Look, is this your classmate? What's it called? ”

"Huh? What are you talking about? What? ”

"No, look! This seems to be your classmate, right? The report said she was going to jump off the building? Mom! Jumping off the building! ”

Qu Zhi'an reacted faster than me, pulled me who was already stunned, and ran outside. When she took a taxi to the place where Lin Jiao was about to jump off the building, she just fell from the tenth floor on the fire safety air cushion prepared by the firefighters.

The onlookers around him screamed in shock. Qu Zhian was also scared, and covered his mouth with his hands.

It's just me... No screaming, no consciousness watching as she was being lifted into the ambulance. Didn't even take a step.

Luckily, it's fine.

The year was two thousand and four years (2004), and at the end of the same year, Li Zhihuai, who ran away with Lin Jiao's money, was arrested for theft.

Poor Lin Jiao left Shanghai and went to Beijing.

――――――

When toasting, Lin Jiao had already changed her wedding dress, held the groom's hand, and toasted people. Qu Zhi'an and I didn't eat to the end, sent her a text message and left.

I know that no one wants to mention that memory. No one likes to be born again when the future is bright and they are born again. I will be so happy to see people who have seen their downfall.

I came, just to know. Over the years, she has had a good life.

When I saw it, I was relieved.

Leaving, not meeting, not reminiscing about those years for her, is my best wish to her.

By the time I got on the plane back, it was already evening. At that time, she had already seen the text I sent her.

"Honey, you've finally grown up, congratulations."