I asked her to meet her at the south gate of Ritan Park. She was my old ministry and had been lost for many years. In recent years, the media circle has been full of turmoil; The peers, teachers and friends around me are changing. Some people are promoted and are satisfied; There are also people who are frustrated and lonely. A few of the acquaintances suddenly disappeared, and who remembers.

Two days ago, I suddenly saw her speaking in the circle of friends, and I remembered that I hadn't seen her for many years. Her words, a few words, to the effect that because of illness, she had not been in contact with the outside world for more than a year, and many friends were blocked. I felt something was wrong and suspected that she was depressed, so I called her and had to meet.

On this day, the silk rain is like smoke, and the water outside the south gate of Ritan Park is full of water, reflecting the blue bricks and red walls. She hurried from the rain, her hair scattered and wet into strands by the rain. It seems like I haven't changed my clothes in a long time.

After all, I was the first editor in her career, and I had worked together for many years, and my feelings were still there. There was no need to say hello, she told me about her situation.

Hell and Heaven

She was really depressed, and it went back 5 years. The onset is triggered by years of intense work and living in a controlling family. When she first became ill, she went to Anding Hospital, where the doctor gave psychological counseling and judged that her depression was irritable and did not require medication. The doctor told her to protect herself, leave the source of the violence, and slowly recover.

In five years, her condition has risen and fallen at least three times. There are fewer times of complete normality, and more of a time on the road of depression and excitement. When he is at a high level, he is energetic, works hard, and is able to travel day and night to track news figures; You can participate in multiple activities at the same time, study books, and pursue degrees; Strong physique, able to cross in the wild and run marathons. However, the good times do not last long, and they will soon fall from euphoria to depression. At its worst, I was curled up in my room for days and months, lying down all day, and my connection with the outside world was naturally cut off.

After listening to her brief description of her condition, my heart tightened. In my judgment, this is not simple depression, but bipolar disorder. I borrowed a pen and a piece of paper from the hotel waiter to trace the ups and downs of her condition.

According to her, when she was at her sickest, it was hard to do anything like friction, including bathing, brushing her teeth, and cutting her hair. "I haven't cut my hair for about three years, I've been procrastinating, procrastinating, my long hair has long been waist-high, dry and bifurcated, tangled, just like my life. I don't have much hair to care for, so I just brushed it a little when I came to see you today. ”

"You don't have long hair right now."

"Just cut it the other day. It took about four months from the time I wanted to cut it to the time I decided to cut it. ”

In addition to emotional depression and depression, physical symptoms are also obvious. She said that when it was severe, she was tired, chest tightness, palpitations, and palpitations after a little exercise. Sometimes when I lie in bed, my heart will "pound".

She said, "I'm memorizing and drawing." After speaking, a picture of her emotional ups and downs was clearly presented. For several of the important turning points, she can name specific times and relevant event factors.

I pointed to the picture and told her, "You just said that you had intermittent seizures, but you weren't. If you have unipolar depression, you will recover after an episode; Then it comes back and then it returns. This is called intermittent. But you are like this, up and down, one moment in heaven and one moment in hell. It's not intermittent, it's cyclical, it's a cycle of mania and depression. ”

I had the audacity to say, "I judge you to be bipolar." But I'm not a doctor, so I don't count. You should go to the hospital for a diagnosis. ”

"I knew it could be bipolar." She wasn't surprised, but added, "I don't want to use medication right now." I've read your article saying that depression is a specific disorder. Then, the treatment should be more than just medication. I endured the pain for five years without taking medicine, because I wanted to find a different treatment. ”

She looked at me and said sincerely, "Teacher Zhang Jin, please let me try to explore, even if I am embarrassed now." That's my right, too. ”

Try psychotherapy

Next, she recounts the arduous journey of exploring psychotherapy.

"I don't think depression can be dealt with in fragments. The stressful event that leads to the onset of the disease is only a trigger, and there should be a deeper psychological mechanism. Tracing back to the root cause and directly repairing the wounds in the heart is a more essential treatment. ”

She told me that five years ago, she started seeing a psychiatrist. Doctors are treated with psychoanalytic therapy and hypnotherapy. In hypnosis, the doctor will guide her to look inside herself, to see her personality layer by layer. In this way, the cause of depression, the wound in the heart, can be repaired little by little.

"The treatment of depression is a systemic repair project. Pharmacotherapy is physiological repair, psychotherapy is subconscious repair, and protection and repair in reality. Several treatments can complement each other. ”

According to her treatment method, after realizing that she has depression, she should first reflect and explore the part of her heart that is overabsorbing life energy. It may be a shadow of childhood, a chronic overload of work; It could also be a family member who has the misfortune to meet a controlling personality, or a sudden onset of trauma over a long period of time.

Second, create a safe environment for yourself to hold and try to avoid contact with the source of the trauma. She was particularly fortunate that, after years of intense work, she met a tolerant leader who tolerated her work much less intensively. "Being able to develop the disease means that the subconscious mind feels that the current environment is safe."

Subsequently, according to the doctor's instructions, she found a psychological counselor and intervened with psychoanalytic therapy and hypnotherapy.

Psychoanalytic treatment is also gradual. Initially started with soothing the mood, and after a few months, it showed significant results for the first time.

That day, the doctor hypnotized her. Under the guidance of the doctor, she closed her eyes and subconsciously saw a tree with a sword stuck in its trunk. This sword has the head facing outward. The doctor asked her to pull out the sword, but she couldn't pull it out; With the encouragement of the doctor, she pulled hard and pulled, and with a "bang", the sword was finally drawn. At this time, she woke up from her dream, and her whole body was relaxed.

Since then, she has gone from being a good girl with a more depressed personality to being easily angry. "Depression is introverted, and the energy of anger is directed at oneself; After this treatment, I started learning to be less self-pressing. But there were also a lot of repetitions in the middle, and it took about a year or so for the personality to slowly stabilize and become gentle and firm. ”

She uses the word "directional blasting" to describe the treatment process. "In the process of growing up, I saved a lot of negative energy and trauma. Usually unappreciated in the subconscious, depression gives us the opportunity to return to the subconscious and see our own wounds. ”

After listening to these theories, I couldn't digest them for a while. I said to her, "Depression is a self-healing disease, which means that it is possible to temporarily remission even without any treatment. Can you be sure that your subliminal therapy is working? Is your recovery the work of a psychiatrist, or is it a self-healing remission? ”

"I'm working with a psychiatrist, and it's always cured." She said.

I said, "If it's cured, then it shouldn't be repeated." If you try it for five years, but the cycle repeats itself again and again, and it seems that the cycle is getting shorter and shorter, and the depression is getting worse and worse, does that mean that the effect is good? ”

"Psychotherapy is a long process," she said. In the subconscious, the wound is layered and needs to be healed gradually. In the past five years, I have also repaired my wounds little by little. This time, I was directed to blast, took the initiative to open the wound, and took another step down, so this round of symptoms was more serious. Otherwise, I would live a normal life like a normal person. ”

"How did you learn such a clever method all at once?" I feel mysterious.

I know that psychology is vast and profound, and psychotherapy is a unique technique, which can be said to be in dialogue with God and souls, how can she master it so quickly?

Hearing me ask, her gaze crossed my head, as if in thought. She told me a story on and off.

Sneak in the stream of consciousness

One day, in hypnosis, in the company of a counselor, following the stream of consciousness, she descended layer by layer in her personality.

The subconscious, she said, is also hierarchical. In the past, she was treated at a shallow level of consciousness, but this time, she had to go deeper into the subconscious to "directional blasting".

She sneaks all the way; Finally, in a basement water dungeon, a rubber man is seen.

"Rubber man?" I was surprised.

"Yes, it's Rubber Man, a Rubber Man in Superman's clothes."

"What does this mean?"

"This rubber man is faithfully guarding my defense mechanism. As a child, I lacked protection and developed a self-defense mechanism on my own. Its endurance, explosiveness, and endurance are extremely strong, and they often save me from danger. ”

"So what?" I asked.

"Episodes of depression are often the body's self-preservation, the subconscious mind that is really unwilling to endure the deprivation of life energy. Seeing the rubber man in the basement meant that my life had begun to change. In the imagery dialogue, I understood many of my own behavior patterns and saw the parts that I had suffered silently for so many years. I saw my wounds, and in the process of repairing, the negative energy contained in it was released, triggering a physical reaction. The mind is being reunited, and a new personality is being born. ”

She told me that that day, after seeing the rubber man, the third round of depression broke out. She retracted herself into the "turtle shell" and cut off contact with most of her friends. According to her, this is called a "retreat"; After a few months, now it is finally "out of the customs".

"What about the rubber man?" I asked.

"I'm grateful to this Superman for giving me protection for so long. It has sustained me through the most difficult years and supported me to improve little by little. Now that I'm growing, it's so tired, and I have enough support now to protect myself, and it's going to rest. ”

Wishes, only wishes

What she said was a new system that I had never been exposed to, and I couldn't comment on it for a while.

She said to me very sincerely, "Teacher Zhang Jin, you give me some more time." I don't want to be treated with Western medicine for the time being. Western medicine has to take medicine, take so many medicines, and I can't stand the side effects of drugs. I still want to continue using psychotherapy. ”

Looking at her pious face, I couldn't bear to say anything more. I said, "Okay, you try again." If it doesn't work this time, or if it's good and repeated, then you don't fantasize anymore and come to me immediately. ”

"Good!" She breathed a sigh of relief, visibly happy.

A month later, her symptoms improved and she was able to live and work normally. She sent me a WeChat message: "Depression is a process of retreat and rebirth, I was a good girl in the first half of my life, and then depression freed me and understood the importance of a person repairing trauma." ”

However, I am still worried that she will recur in the future. "Can you promise not to have any more seizures?" I asked.

She replied: "My treatment mainly relies on another theoretical system, which is to focus on whether there are volcanic eruptions or earthquakes on the ocean floor. If the wounds on the seabed are repaired one by one, the wind and waves at the sea level will not be too great, and the ups and downs will be acceptable and adjustable. ”

She continued: "Don't think of depression as a disease in its own right, but as a special period of life. I hope that I can continue to cultivate and regain the responsibility of life. Spiritual growth is a path that few people take, and I am enjoying the joy of spiritual growth and restoration. It needs to be accepted from the bottom of my heart, and the power of life is injected into my heart. ”

"I'm going to run it myself. Hope next time you see me, I'm glowing. She finally said.

I can't tell if she's right, but I'm glad she's so confident, uplifted, and so bright.

Wishes, only wishes.