The nun, who was as simple as a blank sheet of paper at heart, rarely made an active request to Xia Ming.

She always listened carefully to all Xia Ming's words, gently and calmly accommodating all his good and bad thoughts and behaviors.

She rarely speaks her will, expresses her thoughts, and rarely takes the initiative to ask Xia Ming to do something for her.

But what I have experienced and heard in the past half a month, and the bits and pieces I have experienced with Xia Ming, witches, believers......

Her heart matured faster than Xia Ming, faster than everyone imagined.

When Xia Ming teased Ying Caiqing next door before, she listened quietly.

When Xia Ming asked her to cooperate with those behaviors in front of Ying Caiqing just now, she obediently cooperated.

These days, the voice of the witch deliberately sowing discord has been ringing in her ears with laughter and mockery.

But she didn't care.

She's just been thinking about a question.

What is the reason, because of what, that she feels that Xia Ming is her peace of mind?

She remembered when she was still in Para Town, living like a puppet.

She remembered that she was told the truth by Xia Ming in the form of a confession, and her heart was extremely shaken.

Everyone is nothing more than a puppet, she looks into the eyes of others, and others look at her.

In that time of confusion and emptiness.

There is only one person, only one person's gaze is so real and true, and it shines into her soul thoroughly and brightly.

What she desires, what she pursues...... That kind of peace of mind.

It turned out to be nothing more than her empty and empty heart, longing for a pitiful gaze.

Her peace of mind lies in feeling that everything is false and false, when someone sees through that false shell her true heart.

That gaze can still gently pity her again, look at her, and never leave.

It was the only anchor she could grasp in this false and real world.

This is what belongs to her, the real peace of mind.

She pulled Xia Ming to the edge of the bed and sat down, looking into his eyes with a deep gaze.

"What's wrong, Sheena?" Xia Ming looked into her eyes with a smile and asked rhetorically.

Her spiritual growth is changing so fast, Xia Ming's dark and translucent eyes seem to be unable to see through the emotions in her heart, and she can't see through her heart that has been dyed with various colors.

So, let's talk about my true emotions.

Then, let me show him my heart, which has been dyed with all kinds of colors and has ceased to be pure, as it is.

"Xia Ming, I'm ......"

Her voice paused for a moment, as if she was hesitating, but immediately became firm again.

"I'm feeling jealous."

When she admitted this fact and said this, a dark and heavy cloud that had been suppressed in her heart seemed to dissipate from her heart at once, making her words become smoother and smoother.

"From the moment I met you, you have always been different from me, sincere and warm, and the gaze that looks at me is emotional. You never hide it from me, you treat everyone else as a puppet air, I am your peace of mind, I am your uniqueness, I originally thought so, until I saw the same emotional gaze fall on Ying Caiqing, I ...... Jealous. ”

"I know, you just treat Ying Caiqing as a cute and pitiful child, you are still as enthusiastic about me, you care about me as much, you never hide it, and even work hard for me. I shouldn't care about such a trivial matter, I shouldn't care that the tenderness and care you fall on me falls on someone else, but whenever I see your eyes fall on someone else's body, and your pupils reflect someone else's figure, I ...... Jealous. ”

"Especially that night, when I saw your worried and anxious expression, so concerned and gentle to care for her, I seemed to have the illusion that one day she would take you away from me, and at that moment, I was not only jealous, but also terrified."

"Even after she was injured, you have to take the time to go next door to tease her and talk to her every day, and after you go next door, I just sit by that wall, listening to your voice and Ying Caiqing, imagining the interaction between you, I ...... Jealousy, fear, insecurity......"

"The sense of security you brought me has disappeared somewhere, even those games to shatter the dignity of witches, the rewards you gave me, the physical touch between you and me, the skin-to-skin communication......"

"I also seem to feel an illusion that you are not for me, but for dominating the witch to give me a reward, and be intimate with me, as if at that moment, even the witch can easily take you away from me and take away your time."

"How I wish you could look at me more, see my heart that is becoming dark, my fear of losing you, I can't get it from the heart, then ...... from the body"

"But every time you give me a reward, you say it's a training of my will, you say you want to play with the heart of the Broken Witch step by step, you never really go deep and touch me further...... You're so polite......"

"Xia Ming, looking at you now, I actually have a dark desire in my heart, I just want to possess you alone, I want to tie you to me, I only look at me forever, and I am alone."

"I knew it wasn't right, and my heart was both eager and resistant. Because I want to be your peace of mind, I want to tolerate all your sins and evils, so no matter what kind of thoughts you have, what kind of behavior you do, even if you go behind my back to find a new love, even if you abandon me from the beginning to the end, and share your time and love with others at will, I want to be gentle and tolerant, but ...... But ......"

"I found I couldn't."

She clenched Xia Ming's palm tightly, and for the first time, that holy and beautiful dignified face showed such clear pain, so tortuous and tangled.

She is not a doll without a heart, she also has her own desires and the complexity of human nature.

"The emotions of sharing you and seizing you are conflicting back and forth in my heart, but compared to these, a deeper and stronger fear and guilt than all the previous emotions suddenly overwhelmed me, I suddenly realized that I can't seem to be your peace of mind, I don't want to lose you, seeing my eyes and love fall on other people, I can't tolerate all your thoughts and behaviors, I ......"

Xia Ming...... Xia Ming ......"

"I'm sorry...... I ......"

Hina grabbed Xia Ming's arm and trembled violently, choked up, and made a sound almost crying.

"I can't seem to be your peace of mind."

"I ......"

"It seems to have become what you didn't expect."

In the cold moonlight, for the first time, crystal teardrops fell on the holy face that had never shed tears.

She was feeling guilty.

(End of chapter)