Under the triple pressure of my father, Lu Quan, and my own extreme self-blame, I fell ill. I was so anxious that I couldn't sleep, my body was extremely tired, but my brain was constantly reflecting, recalling, and deducing whether it would be different after making a new choice.

When I was sober, I tried to defeat my inner self-blame with rational analysis, but emotions and reality hit me again and again.

Then I realized that I might really be wrong, and if I got rid of Lu Quan, maybe it would be better.

At this time, I fell into another strange circle, that is, I love Lu Quan, even if he treats me like that, I still love him......

I hated myself to the core, and kept asking myself why, why did he treat you like that, and you still loved him humbly.

I used the most vicious language to attack myself, even hurt myself, but I still couldn't change myself.

If there is a way, who wants to be trampled under their feet in such a humble way. I've tried my best, but I can't change it, and I'm leaving myself bruised.

A year ago, I was persuaded by Lu Quan to see a doctor, and before that I had not slept well for a year.

Every night, the voice of a stranger always rings in my ears, whispering in my ear. I woke Lu Quan, but he didn't hear anything. There were a few times when he got so impatient with me and hit me......

I looked up information on the Internet and thought I might be having auditory hallucinations...... But I didn't dare to say it, I was afraid that Lu Quan would be a monster when I was a monster, and I still loved him deeply at that time and didn't want to lose him.

I deliberately diverted my attention, listened to music, brought earplugs, but it didn't work, the sound was deep in my ears, like it came from my head.

After a while, I started taking sleeping pills, and at first I could sleep for a few hours under the effect of the drugs, but then my body became resistant to the pills, and the more I took the pills, the shorter and shorter my sleep time became. Be awake at least 5-6 times a night, and sleep no more than 1 hour each time.

Because of sleep problems, my mood is getting worse and worse, and Lu Quan hired a nanny during this period and let his daughter sleep with her.

I didn't agree at first, but he said it was for my own good. At that time, I was stupidly moved for a long time, thinking that he loved me, cared about me, and wanted me to sleep well. Now that I think about it, I'm stupid, the babysitter is actually another means for him to control me.

After more than half a year, my stomach seems to have problems, and I am very prone to diarrhea, and sometimes I can't even get out of the door. I started to suspect that I had cancer or that I had a tumor.

That fear surrounded me and made me feel suffocated, even though I went to the hospital many times later and the doctor told me that I was just having a gastrointestinal disorder...... But I still don't believe it.

I checked again and again, denied again and again, my spirit was about to break, and I would rather I have cancer, at least then there would be a result.

My condition got worse and worse, and I even evolved into living with diapers like a dying old man.

I came to the hospital again in despair, and the young doctor half-jokingly said to me, "Are you taking diet pills randomly?" You're in the same situation as a girl who overweight the last girl.

In a word, although my stomach has been weaker since I was a child, in the years when I studied abroad, there was no problem with eating raw food for a long time, why is this now.

So I started to pay attention to my diet, and I, Lu Quan, my daughter, and the nanny ate the same thing, the only difference was that I had been supplementing with vitamins.

Lu Quan said that I was too thin, and my health was not good, so I needed to supplement trace elements. The medicine was brought by him from abroad. Every morning, he would pour the water himself, put the medicine bag in the cup, hand me the warm water, and watch me drink it.

This little tenderness of his was the only support for me to persevere in the midst of my bitterness, and I kept convincing myself that he loved me.

Xiao An, writing here is as smart as you, did you also guess something?

Yes, that's when I suspected that he had drugged me. I told the doctor about it...... He laughed it off, and my situation was a perfect fit for the symptoms of mental illness......

He asked me to go out first and talked to Lu Quan alone for a long time. When I came out, I could confirm from their eyes that they thought I was sick...... It's still a very bad disease.

When I got home, I was beaten up, he said that his kindness was treated like a donkey's liver and lungs, he said that I was a psychopath, and that if I didn't obey again, he would send me to a psychiatric hospital so that I would never see my daughter again......

I was really scared, I was afraid that he would abandon me because of this, I was afraid that I would be put in a mental hospital, I was afraid that I would never see my daughter, I was afraid that no one would believe my words......

So in the days that followed, I tried to look normal and try to hide my condition, but luckily he stopped forcing me to take 'vitamins' and I didn't have the same gastrointestinal disturbances as before.

I went on for a while like this, until I met you, until I was sent to the hospital, until I learned that my mother was sick, until I reconnected with my father...... At this time, although I was obsessed, I was somewhat shaken.

When a person keeps loving and giving herself unreservedly, she is 'burning' herself. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't wake myself up, but when I was about to dry myself, an opportunity suddenly appeared, like a basin of cold water on my head to wake me up.

It was that woman who brought me to my senses, it was she who made me realize how stupid I was. Xiao An, she is actually not a junior, she is Lu Quan's ex-wife...... Back then, she left him because she never conceived a child, and she loved Lu Quan from beginning to end, and even divorced for him......

Now that Lu Quan has found her, he naturally wants to be with her, and he wants to take my daughter with her......

For so many years, I always thought that he loved me, or at least loved me.

But now that I think about it, it may have been all wishful thinking on my part. During the days we got along, he always looked at me decently and calmly, and there was no emotional wave except for domestic violence.

By this time I was completely conscious, I was calmly preparing for a divorce, and I thought he would happily agree, but he refused.

At this time, I realized that he wanted more, money, love, and children......

If you've investigated his company, you should know that the funding chain there has long been broken. So he not only started the idea of our house, but also thought about my parents' property.

My parents' illness gave him an opportunity to knock me down again, and everything would fall into his hands.

I'm not going to let him get his way. Xiao An, I want to thank this hospitalization, because here I found out that I was not mentally ill at all. All my symptoms are caused by him......

If he wasn't so ruthless, if he left me a line, for the sake of the fact that I had loved him before, I wouldn't fight back, but now...... I'm ready.

Xiao An, I want to ask you and Luo Li to be my lawyers, and if you agree, come to see me in the hospital.

(End of chapter)