He not only understands Gao Yi, but as a man, he can also gain insight into women's psychology, and in terms of intelligence, Gao Yi has always admired Hua Yun very much. Her intelligence is unmatched, even by Caicos (Gao Yi believes).

She showed great fear of difficulties in the specific steps of the action, Hua Yun smiled slightly, and her words became more and more gentle, giving her great encouragement and comfort. He began to praise him for his charm as a man, otherwise, how could a woman as wonderful as her fall in love with him back then? They broke up for other reasons (such as the inherent dullness of married life, her personality, and unhappiness at work), not because of his poor performance. Moreover, thirty-seven years old is the best time for a man (his fiancée is also exactly thirty-seven years old), and he is especially attractive to little girls who are not worldly (although she herself is no longer a little girl, but she is a little girl). She sang his praises while eating and drinking, and Gao Yiquan regarded this as a praise for the delicious food in front of her, otherwise, if she was singing praises to him, she would really feel embarrassed, and she would have a certain sense of grotesqueness.

Gao Yi decided to take action against Caicos. First, the barriers have been removed, and she and Hua Yun have completely divorced. Second, she really has no other goals after the divorce. The more critical reason is, of course, that Hua Yun gave her confidence, and under her teaching and encouragement, she felt that Caicos himself was simply at her fingertips, which coincided with her original imagination ("a layer of paper will break as soon as you poke it").

Hua Yun is not a blindly optimistic person, and when formulating specific action plans, he repeatedly warned Gao Yi to be careful. The first step is to understand the other party's situation, and only by knowing the other party can you survive a hundred battles!

It was already past two o'clock in the afternoon when they came out of the hotel that day, and Hua Yun gently took her arm, who found a crimson chemical fiber carpet on the stairs. Although the carpet was unsightly polluted by oil smoke, it seemed to Gao Yi to be a sign: she was walking on a path full of hope.

Mobilizing the masses is also one of Hua Yun's teachings. If Gao Yi's limited contact alone can he know the true situation of the other party? The wise Hua Yun told Gao Yi: It is not difficult for you to know anyone in this vast world, the relationship between people is like a fishing net, and the connection between people is like a knot in the net. Acquaintance with a complete stranger, through a maximum of six or seven people, must be an acquaintance of an acquaintance of your acquaintance...... Even if you want to get to know the President of the United States, that's entirely possible. Moreover, Caicos grew up in this city and studied at the school where Gao Yi taught, there must be someone between Gao Yi and Caicos who knows each other's details, and this person is simply ready to come out.

The problem is that Gao Yi doesn't want to turn to her colleagues, leaders, and students in her classes. If she asked them about Caicos, she would be exposed to the light of day, and she would not want to mess around at school in the future. Even so, Hua Yun was full of confidence in his theory. Even without recourse to those who had direct knowledge of Caicos's situation, they could still get the information they needed, but with a little more difficulty.

One night Gao Yi went to another university, where she had a few friends to study. They are undergraduate students, generally eight or nine years younger than her, and about the same age as Caicos. For this reason, they may have known Caicos, or had a common acquaintance with Caicos (according to Huayun's theory). These friends, all of whom graduated from the city's secondary school (like Caicos), and they dated Gao Yi because of literature, so although there is a large age gap, there is no teacher-student relationship between them. She called them out of the study room and sat on the lawn outside. Her visit was a little abrupt and preoccupied, but fortunately they could not see the excited expression on her face at the moment due to the cover of the night.

After a discussion about the Third Generation Poetry Movement, she revealed Caicos's story. It was the first time she had spoken to her friends about her secret feelings, and because of her trust in them, they were deeply moved, and the conversation was especially solemn at first.

Gao Yi heard his voice trembling nervously on the open grass, and they hadn't joined in yet. Later they joined in and gradually abandoned her. Everyone expressed their opinions, argued with each other, and gradually developed a competitive spirit and a desire to express themselves. When it comes to love, everyone feels like a veteran and experienced. They cite a lot of examples in an attempt to prove it to each other and hope to be recognized. Later, the topic was further diverted, and they began to talk about things like animal mating, adding names of boys and girls that Gao Yi had heard and had not heard of—and it was clear that the conversation had entered a familiar track.

At this moment, Gao Yi could leave quietly, but she just changed from a sitting position to lying on her back. One of them reminded her that there was dew on the grass and that she was careful of catching a cold, and then returned to the conversation. Her name is Dong Mimi, and she is the only one among them who has a boyfriend, so she appears more authoritative and convincing in arguments, and she treats people more thoughtfully than others. Even so, Gao Yi was puzzled: they were much younger than her after all, and it might have been a mistake to come to them for advice and talk about herself. On the other hand, she really wanted to be one of them, the size of them, and live on campus, so it would not be unconscionable to get close to Caicos. They talk about their achievements, and they are boasting and exaggerating, but she is not in a position to laugh at them. They just can't think from her point of view, who made her so special and eccentric (compared to them, who are mentally and physically healthy)? She reassured herself that she had not come to them for advice and support. The purpose of her trip was simply to learn a little about Caicos through them. Maybe they're wrong, maybe they're just trying to show off. The course of action they devised for her was varied, and there were some clever and poetic ones (such as offering flowers, borrowing books, waiting on the road that must be passed, etc.), but apart from being suitable for themselves, it was not suitable for Gao Yi.

In contrast, Dong Mimi is more pragmatic, and she mercilessly mocks the naivety and ignorance of her peers. In her opinion, the only reliable way to do this was to try to get close to Caicos and then see the stitches. As a teacher at the school, Gao Yi has a grand way of using after-school tutoring and visiting the boys' dormitories to mingle with the students.

Gao Yi is very grateful that Dong Mimi can partially take into account her situation, which is not easy. What she can't explain is that she is not an ordinary teacher (otherwise she would not be fanatically in love with her students), and that she can easily make school her home. She is the kind of person who avoids everything in school except lectures, and how can she not be suspicious when she suddenly becomes enthusiastic about the affairs of school? Don't mention anything grandiose, what she has experienced is that it is an old problem to be a thief, which cannot be overcome, and cannot be forgiven by everyone.

Later, they repeatedly persuaded Gao Yi to change his image, and the road of love would begin here. They suddenly agreed with Dong Mimi's natural and safe approach, which made Gao Yi feel a lot of pressure. It seemed to them that it was a simple matter, a matter of courage and faith. Looking at Gao Yi's cowering appearance, everyone hated to replace him. Because of his understanding of himself, Gao Yi did not consider changing his image. She admits that she is a coward, and that everything that goes from it is self-inflicted.

It should be said that Gao Yi still has gains, in this unaccompanied world, Dong Mimi is a person who can be relied on.

She pledged to learn about Caicos within a week, and subsequent developments proved that the approach she advocated was both necessary and even the only feasible. On the contrary, it is emphasized that knowing oneself and knowing one's opponent is irrelevant. Even if you don't know anything about Caicos, you will inevitably have to take action if you fall in love. The situation is the same if it is well understood.

Gu Tianqing is the kind of big guy who has developed almost perfectly. He was a student in Gao Yi's class and a classmate of Caicos, but Gao Yi barely noticed her due to the latter's presence. Gu Tianqing got Gao Yi's address out of nowhere and wrote her a letter, asking to meet alone. He actually knew that Gao Yi was writing outside of teaching and had read her published poems, and he wanted to exchange opinions with his respected teacher Gao on campus literature and other issues. In the letter, Gu Tianqing did not mention the economic research courses taught by Gao Yi, and it was obvious that he was willing to have contact with each other outside of school affairs. Gao Yi was excited for a long time after getting the letter, and her first reaction was that the letter was sent by Caicos. Later, she thought: How nice it would be if it was Caicos who wrote the letter? Avoiding school was exactly what she dreamed of. Her reputation as a poet had spread to her lecture classes, and perhaps Caicos had heard of it...... For a while, her thoughts were flying and she thought a lot.

Gao Yi did not reply to Gu Tianqing, nor did he react in other covert ways. But there is a certain temptation in this matter. As mentioned earlier, the writer of the letter was from Caicos's class, and the letter was sent from Caicos's school, and certain factors of geography or space made Gao Yi think about what was wrong with others, forcing her to hesitate. But if she dated Gu Tianqing according to her request, she would be disloyal to Caicos, so she decided to take a compromise approach. During recess, Gao Yi stopped Gu Tianqing, who was passing by the side of the podium, and in this public setting, she told her that she had received a letter from him and said that she could communicate with him in her office. The tall Gu Tianqing's face turned red, and he had no choice but to accept her arrangement.

Gu Tianqing didn't come to her alone, he also brought a male classmate with glasses. The latter is also a student in her class, and it is obvious that he is still Gu Tianqing's best friend, and it can be seen that they have nothing to talk about. He came here just to accompany his friends, and since it was none of his business, he was more relaxed, but Gu Tianqing was uneasy. Gao Yi's colleagues came and went in the office, and at first they felt strange (no student had ever come to Gao Yi here), and then they didn't care. In the face of two untimely visitors, Gao Yi behaved very depressed, and his face was full of exhaustion, and he did not hide it. She was wearing a bloated coat and felt her body slip down the back of her chair during the conversation.

The bespectacled student finally shifted the topic from Schopenhauer Nietzsche to her mental state, asking her if she was always so serious and unhappy? In his opinion, life is still bright, and people should trust each other. His statement stung Gao Yi, so that she didn't care about the identity of the teacher and began to sarcastically mock him. Zhang Huang, a classmate who wore glasses, was caught off guard, and the oversized glasses frame slipped down, making the tip of his nose smaller. Gao Yi had no mercy, couldn't restrain her malice, and used words they couldn't understand. Saying that life is pure suffering and no happiness in the world, suffering is suffering, and happiness is the cause of suffering, so it is still suffering, she really doesn't understand how they can still laugh! The two boys were shocked by her nothingness and anger and were too frightened to speak. An embarrassing cold scene followed, and the boys got up to say goodbye, and Gao Yi curled up in her coat and snorted. After going out, the bespectacled classmate turned back again, and he handed Gao Yi a note, which read Gu Tianqing's mailbox and his home phone number. Apparently prepared in advance.

A week later, Dong Mimi came to Gao Yi's house as scheduled, and the situation about Caicos was already clear through one of Dong's middle school classmates. His family lived near the Grand Palace, and his parents were intellectuals, both of whom worked at the institute. Caicos himself excelled academically in his class and had many suitors, but he did not have a girlfriend. It's worth mentioning that Caicos dreamed of studying abroad in the future. All of this makes Caicos stand out in a school that is geared towards skills training (his classmates are generally concerned about finding a good job after graduation).

Still, there is no normal way to go. Perhaps it was Gu Tianqing's letter that inspired Gao Yi, and she decided to write a letter to Caicos to confess her thoughts. This method is obviously very old-fashioned, and Dong Mimi warned Gao Yi to be cautious. She asserts that no one in the younger generation writes letters anymore, and that their approach is more direct, or simply romantic. Gao Yi didn't care about Dong Mimi's statement because Gu Tianqing wrote to her first, not to mention that she had no better way than to write a letter.

It would be an exaggeration to say that Gu Tianqing inspired Gao Yi, but he did give her practical help. He left her an accurate mailing address (once on the envelope of the letter, once on a note from a classmate who wore glasses, and the two were exactly the same), and Gu Tianqing's mailbox number was Caicos's mailbox number, and they were classmates.

Gao Yi continued to wait for a while until all the economic research courses in Caicos' or Gu Tianqing's class were over.

Now her isolation from them had become so complete that she would not have had the opportunity to contact them until she died of old age, if she hadn't been deliberately connected.

The pressure made Gao Yi take risks. On the other hand, she was unsure of the consequences of writing letters. If she refuses, there is no way to imagine how to continue the lecture in the eyes of her. Writing a letter is like an air raid on a faraway land, and since the country does not share borders, it may be the only possible way to win by surprise.

Her nervousness and excitement were like that of a war maniac, and her letters to Caicos changed over and over again. Gao Yi had always been unhappy with his wording, and it became almost a fatal problem when he wrote the letter. She had thought about printing the manuscript, so it would be too much like an official document. Maybe you can let Dong Mimi help with copying, and I have great trust in her calligraphy Gao Yi. But what she was counting on was the possibility of continuing correspondence with Caicos (not a one-shot deal), and she couldn't have to ask Dong Mimi to copy every letter to Caicos in the future, right? Even if the other party is willing, it is too inconvenient. It should be said that Gao Yi did think far ahead.

As for the wording, she is quite sure. As a poet, writing love letters should be a good thing, and because of her long-term repression, she has a stomach for Caicos to say. She did not forget to clarify the principle of moderation when it came to specific wording.

The letter was written shorter than expected, with a total of no more than three hundred words (one page of manuscript paper). In the letter, she expressed her admiration for Caicos and believed that he had the same affection for her (which was the premise of her confession).

She had no hope of convincing him by a letter (not to the point of being unrealistic), and if he didn't mean anything to her, it would be in vain to display all his literary talents. She merely wanted to draw a conclusion from him that the purpose of writing the letter was not to provoke demagoguery. The reason why it has been delayed so far Gao Yi also explained: she was in marriage at that time, and now she is divorced, and she is free. The only obstacle has been removed, and she will take full responsibility for his love.

Of course, if she had misjudged (he did not love her) she had asked him to keep it a secret for her, and not to spread the word about the letter she had written to him—as soon as she had complete trust in his qualities at this point, she would not have written to him. If he really wasn't going to consider the possibility of being her boyfriend, her letter would have been better returned to her if possible, even if it hadn't been written.

The letter is logically rigorous. There are no loopholes, but it reads a little cold, and it doesn't match her tenderness for him. Gao Yi thought twice and decided not to revise it again, and in order to make up for the shortcomings, she also attached the "children's chorus". The poem had already been published, and Gao Yi cut it out of the magazine, glued it to the end of the letter, and explained that it was addressed to him.

She glued the envelope and went downstairs to deliver the letter. There is a post office near her house, and a green post box is erected in front of it.

Do you walk in and send it to the registered mail (which is safer) or do you drop it directly into the mailbox? Gao Yi hesitated. If she had to write her name and address on the registered mail, she would be exposed, so she ended up walking to the mailbox.

She shoved the letter into the wide mouth of the mailbox, pinched the corner of the envelope with one hand, and for a moment her courage was almost lost. Then she let go of her finger, and the letter fell into the depths. She seemed to hear the thud of the letter as it landed—all was irreparable.

She stood by the post box for a long time like a fool, watching the traffic on the busy road. It was a sunny afternoon, and people were busy with their own affairs, with a clear purpose, coming and going, and no one cared why she was standing here. Gao Yi imagined how to beg the post office staff to retrieve her letter to Caicos from the mountain of letters, but of course, it was just a thought.

She didn't know how she spent the next week. Calculate the time it takes for a letter to travel back and forth and properly estimate the factors that may be delayed. In addition to checking the mailbox several times a day, what is even worse is that I have to go to school as usual to participate in weekly political and business studies. As she rode her bike into campus to nod to her colleagues and students, it wasn't clear if Caicos had received her letter. Or has the news of her writing to him spread throughout the school, and everyone but her has heard about it? However, it was Caicos himself who she feared most. She had expected such an encounter before, but now she was afraid to avoid it. He received her letter, or he didn't, and two different situations required her to react differently. It was the scorching summer of the red sun, but Gao Yi felt a chill down his spine. She fled school as if she were fleeing the front line and returned home, respite. The mailbox downstairs was still empty, and Caicos' reply had not yet arrived. At this time, she remembered Dong Mimi's wisdom: although direct contact could not guarantee success, at least it could avoid the torture of waiting for a verdict. What would she do if the letter had been lost and Caicos had never answered? Such an outcome is not impossible.

The reply finally came, and Gao Yi didn't open it immediately. She took the letter and climbed up the gray staircase as if in a dream. Suddenly, she became superstitious, thinking that it must not turn out to be good if she opened the letter on the stairs. She stumbled indoors, pretending to leave the letter on the table with ease, locked the door, and even sat on the stove with a jug of water. She took a break on the couch before she opened Caicos's reply.

It wasn't Caicos's reply, to be exact, and the envelope contained nothing but the one she had written to him. He didn't write a word to her, except for the name and address of the recipient on the envelope. According to her agreement with him, this situation means that he has rejected her.

With nothing else to do, she unfolded the letter she had written to him and reread it. She imagined how he tore open her letters, reading every word she wrote, and she could fully understand his cold and mean mood as he read them. It was as if someone had been separated from her and became the one who read the letters. They read the letter together, which she had written to him, and which was the only reply he had sent her. She applauded his unwavering and unforgiving attitude, and she was more contemptuous of herself than she could. It was only when she read the "Children's Chorus" that she felt a little gentle and warm, and Gao Yi couldn't hold back her emotion, and almost burst into tears. And he is so proud and confident, looking forward to going abroad, how can he expect such a boy to be as touched by a simple poem as she is?

Caicos didn't understand poetry, and that's the only regret.

The envelope he used was uniformly printed by the school, and the name and address of the school were in the lower right corner. He didn't write his mailbox number (worried about the letter being returned?). ), but six numbers were filled in the boxes – the zip code of the zip district where the school is located. At this time, the postal code system is still in the trial stage, and the postal code is not mandatory when sending letters. Considering this particular situation, Gao Yi felt that there was hope. She concluded that Caicos was looking forward to receiving her letters on the basis of the Arabic numerals, at least, possibly. Maybe the numbers were just from her subconscious (written on them) and she didn't know what she was thinking. On the other hand, in addition to this string of numbers, Gao Yi really has no reason to contact Caicos again, and even if he has this number, it is very reluctant to contact her. But when her life is at stake, she has no choice.

Gao Yi wrote a second letter to Caicos. The letter was so earnest that it almost reached the point of tears. It is no longer a piece of paper (informing him that she loves him) and asking for a receipt. This is a letter that is intended to move people's hearts and is three times longer than the previous one. Gao Yi could have written more, but he had reservations considering that this was a long-term and ongoing work that needed to be done gradually. In this letter, she no longer asks for a reply.

Now that the matter had begun and the mail route had proved clear, Gao Yi was ready to keep writing about it until one day Caicos was influenced by her. She will face a lot of stress (danger of exposure and anxiety of waiting) in the process, and yet Caicos has rejected her, and the worst has happened, is there anything more difficult to accept?

The more she didn't think about the possibility of Caicos' reply, the sooner it came. While she was still preparing her third letter, her second reply had already arrived, and she was lying downstairs in the mailbox. This time she didn't wait to get inside, and opened the letter on the stairs. Like last time, the envelope was enclosed and her letter was returned intact without even being opened.

Of course, she had found something else compared to the last time: a note had fallen out from between the two envelopes, which he had addressed to her.

Not exactly a reply, but a note. The paper he chose was so light and thin, almost transparent, and the amount he used was so economical that it was even stingy. A strip more than two fingers wide, as if torn from the edge of an old newspaper, Gao Yi thought to himself: such a note is probably just right for cigarettes. The cigarette paper fluttered and flickered, almost lost in a gust of wind. Gao Yi searched in the corridor for a long time and found that it was lying next to the trash can in front of the neighbor's house and did not move. She carefully grabbed it, took it indoors, and leaned close to the light to see Caicos's handwriting. The pencil he used was about 2H, and his handwriting was very blurry due to insufficient force.

He wrote, "You are just my teacher! "There is no payment, and his name is not visible. But she knew that it was written to her, that "you" was obviously Gao Yi, and that the person who wrote the note was of course Caicos. All he had to tell her was this vague little line. It was all out of necessity, he didn't want to show himself in front of her, and he had no desire to show it at all, which can be concluded from the choice of paper and the way she wrote.

How short his writing is (no lack of force), how shallow his writing is (not strong enough to penetrate the back of the paper), and he chooses a pencil that can be erased with an eraser. He just wanted to disappear in front of her eyes, no longer existing, on the grounds that he was a student of her scripture study class, and the class was already over. The envelope he gave her didn't even have the number zip code she used as a mouthpiece), which shows that he was completely unintentional last time. This extra figure had caused him unnecessary trouble, so he deliberately avoided it this time (despite the requirements of the postal system).

Under normal circumstances, Gao Yi rides to school, and the journey takes about 40 minutes, crossing the city from east to west. Sometimes she also travels on the bus, rain or snow, or the bike breaks down and needs to be repaired. There is no direct line, so she has to change trains on Qingshui Street once and walk when she gets off. Riding a bicycle is physically demanding, but there is a sense of freedom, after all, you are riding the bike, and you are walking forward with it. The body is exposed to daylight and blends in with the street scene characters, and the process is always uplifting and enjoyable. Gao Yi rarely rides after the Caicos incident, and she is discouraged and allows the crowded bus to carry her bumpy. This transformation was done gradually. In the beginning, she used to ride more and ride less, but then she simply bought a monthly pass. Her bicycle was left in the carport downstairs due to a momentary breakdown, and Gao Yi thought about repairing it at first, but then put it behind her. Now she not only goes to school, but also takes the bus everywhere. Of course, she rarely goes out unless she is forced to.

Twice a week she had to go to political and business studies, which was a matter of jobs. But what kind of difficult journey is this? The closer she got to the school, the more resistance she felt, and her mood was depressed, almost to the point of suffocation. Especially on the road from the station to the office, she got out of the trunk where she was hiding, passed the campus and walked to the office building in front of her. There was a stretch of the road where she had to be parallel to the students and teachers on their way to school (Caicos caught up with her on the way), so she learned to arrive early and try to avoid the afternoon rush hour. She was relieved to find that the road leading to the office building was as depressed and silent as depicted in "A University in the Suburbs." Sometimes there are accidents, a group of students who have just finished eating from the cafeteria, and the road suddenly becomes noisy.

As for the sporadic pedestrians on the road, it is difficult to be guarded. And that's just the entry into the campus. Leaving school is another ordeal, and the problem is even worse. She had to walk with her co-workers, students, and even waited for a bus under a stop sign, ditto a car. Gao Yi held her breath, her eyes did not squint, and her eyes were empty, and she could only feel a little safe in this semi-blind state.

Gao Yi originally thought that this was just a special reaction in an extraordinary period, and it would naturally alleviate after a long time. After a semester, she found that she was not improving, and her fear of school and its related things had intensified. As time goes on, she thinks that the spread of her letter to Caicos will increase. Even if she kept her a secret at the beginning, she couldn't help but relax after a long time. She told one or two of her close friends about it, and they had enough time to spread the word and eventually make it known to everyone. In Gao Yi's view, the bizarre and ridiculous nature of this matter is indeed worth talking about.

The only thing she can do now is to go to school as little as possible and avoid meeting with teachers, students and staff who know the details. At the end of the economics course in Caicos' class, she asked not to substitute teach. Due to the general shortage of class time allocation in the teaching and research room, Gao Yi is reluctant to attend classes, and others are asking for it. She also often excused herself from studying politics and business. Later, she asked someone to take a long-term sick leave so that she could stay at home all day. Even so, she had to go to school to get paid, and even though it was only once a month, her mental burden was still very heavy. Perhaps it was because she went to school less often that she became more sensitive than she had been. It's as if there is a constant amount, and if you don't bear it separately, you will bear it twice as soon as you have the opportunity.

At this time, there were rumors in the school that were unfavorable to Gao Yi, some people said that she went on sick leave to do business, and some people knew a little about her situation, saying that she was writing scripts at home. In short, no one believed that she was really sick. In the name of visiting a patient, her colleagues came to her door to inquire about the truth, and the school also sent a special person to investigate the infectious disease hospital where she was on sick leave. Later, the leaders talked to Gao Yi and knocked on the side, and they wanted to know the real reason why she was reluctant to go to class. Of course, this reason exists, but Gao Yi will never say. Perhaps they already knew about her letter to Caicos, and it was not impossible that they would tamount to teasing her to do so.

Gao Yi avoided the important and confessed to the fact that she was writing at home, but she did not expect to live peacefully with them.

It was completely impossible for her to go to class again, and she shuddered at the thought of being on the podium and facing so many students. The experience of going to school more than once a month (to get a salary) is no longer acceptable to Gao Yi.

Because of her eccentric performance, the school couldn't help but get to the bottom of it, so the scope and scale of the investigation were further expanded. Gao Yi feared that the truth would come out over time (even if they didn't know it yet), so her reaction became particularly violent. That's when she made up her mind to leave the school where she had taught for seven years.

Originally, the possibility of her staying in school was pinned on the premise that Caicos would graduate and leave the school. Her departure will take with them secrets about her—if she hasn't already divulged them. There is still a year before Caicos graduates, and Gao Yi originally hoped that she would be able to calm down in this year's time, but now the school is in such a hurry that she has no chance to breathe at all, and she has long nights and dreams. And once Caicos is gone, what's the point of her staying in school? It was so ridiculous, Caicos' presence made her heart tremble, and she had no intention of staying long if she left. Gao Yi regretted that he couldn't understand this simple truth in time.

In the dean's office, they pointed out to her two paths for her to choose from. First, to concentrate on one's own work, to take the school as one's home, and at the same time to give up literary creation, at least within the scope of hobbies, and not to interfere with normal teaching activities (including the preparation of lectures and the necessary political and business studies). Second, if Gao Yi's interest was elsewhere, they didn't force it, so they had to ask her to "find another job". Listening to their verdict, Gao Yi couldn't help but be overjoyed, but he didn't show his face on the surface. She used the excuse to have a big fight with the school leaders. This quarrel was unprecedentedly fierce and loud (which left a deep impression on Gao Yi, who was usually silent, in the memories of his colleagues back then), and at the same time, it was also irretrievable, making her departure inevitable.

On the eve of leaving school, Gao Yi saw Caicos again.

She was packing up in her office that afternoon, the door was open, and he happened to pass by in the hallway. At that time, she looked up from the table and glanced out casually, but she did not expect to meet his gaze. Caicos didn't let that slow down, but kept his face to the side of the office. He didn't look back when he was about to disappear from the doorway, and although she could still see him, they weren't facing each other anymore. In this case, if he still wanted to see her, he had to roll his eyes, and Caicos did just that, and the eyewave twisted, making Gao Yi's heart flutter. Then he was replaced by the merciless wall. She heard his footsteps go away and went up to the second floor. She figured that he hadn't come to see her (I heard she was leaving school), and that the brief encounter had been just a coincidence. She was emotional, but more real than ever. He must have gone to the student office, or their department's office (these departments are upstairs), and he had something to do. Of course, he probably expected to meet her in the office building. Caicos chose a path past her office, at least, passing by the Department of Politics he realized that this was her department, so his face kept turning to the right (otherwise, why not look straight ahead or to the left at the Finance Section?). Even though it was dark in the office building, he saw her and recognized her—as he could see from the look in his eyes. Of course, he didn't know how her heart was clear at the moment, and how he felt about her. His hair was cut short, it was a very fashionable hairstyle, he was more handsome than a year ago, and he became a star. He was as alert as before, but clearly more confident. His self-confidence may also be due to her affirmation of him. Gao Yi recalled that in her second letter to him, there was such a wise assertion: It seems that your emotional way is to refuse, to get satisfaction by rejecting others, and it seems that you have been spoiled.

Gao Yi's musings were interrupted by a few colleagues who walked into the office. At this parting moment, they became affectionate and seemed very reluctant. After leaving each other's phone numbers, they repeatedly nagged and said: We must strengthen ties in the future, although colleagues can't do it, but we are still friends, maybe it is better to be friends in this way, more pure. They suggested holding a tea party to send Gao Yi off, and stood in her position to accuse the school of all kinds of wrongs, saying that they were too disagreeable, and that a tea party was the least, if they didn't pay the money, we would!

Gao Yi declined everyone's kindness, saying that there was no need for this at all. She took a novel from a drawer and some blank letterheads, put them in the satchel she had brought, and kept everything about her teaching career (textbooks, lesson notes, tutorial materials, and study documents). Of course, she took the list of Caicos' classes with her, not to keep it as a souvenir, she didn't want to leave any clues. Gao Yi left her colleagues in this way, waved goodbye to them, and walked down the concrete steps of the office building.

Only one year. A year ago/I couldn't predict these changes/You broke away from the form of a child/Like a success/Narrowing your pupils in the sun/Some male substance flew around you/A year, every minute and every second went wrong/Your hair is no longer a smooth cloth/I never saw that you were a beauty/You went your own way, and walked on the path of beauty/Insist on marching in the moonlight/No matter how brilliant things are, they can't withstand it/This cool brilliance

Exactly one year, the sun transforms a child / Like a quenching at the last moment / For the birth of another batch of children / I go down the stairs and remember your childish form / I feel that growing up is a mistake / Then is time

The poem, titled "Growing Up Mistakes," was written about a year apart from "Children's Chorus."

Since then, Gao Yi has completely left the school and never returned.

Everyone thinks that her departure is because of literature, because literature and teaching life are incompatible with each other, and Gao Yi does not want to wronged himself. Everyone was touched by her persistence and decisiveness. Her former colleagues, like her, thought that the school was not worth nostalgia for, but they lacked the courage and more importantly the talent she had (she could sell literature for a living), so they had to rot here. Compared to her, they can't help but be ashamed of themselves. Not only Gao Yi's colleagues, but also relatives and friends who know her usual personality also explained her resignation in this way. They first tried to stop her from doing things, and afterwards they admired her resoluteness. Later, Gao Yi's relevant deeds further spread to the literary world, and almost became a myth: she was the first person in China to resign for literary ideals, and her reverse movement is not only rare but also precious today, when literati are going to the sea to do business. Under the pressure of public opinion, Gao Yi sometimes believed it and realized that she was noble and extraordinary, at least, it was of great help to the publication and sales of her novels.

After leaving school, and the writing and publishing of novels were relatively smooth, Gao Yi was much more relaxed than in the past. She struggled not to reminisce about the past, especially the one that caused her to quit her job and leave school. For a long time, her spine sweated whenever she remembered that she had written to Caicos, that it was an unmistakable fact that she had written to her. For a while, Gao Yi's blood surged, and his cheeks were hot, although no one else was present at that time. Gao Yi was ashamed of his actions. There is no such thing as pain or sadness, but it is not at all less tempered by its emotional intensity, and the inner conflict is intensified by its inner nature. Perhaps, this is nothing more than contempt and disgust for the ego. As these emotions intensified and frequented, Gao Yi realized that she had broken free from her fascination with Caicos. She knew that she didn't love him anymore, that all she cared about was herself. Her nervous system, in a way that devalues herself, saves her from the possibility of falling in love with him. She was so inferior and ugly, how could she be associated with something related to him? Loving Him is an unrealistic illusion both today and in the past.

He had no love or hatred for her, and the last feeling he left her with was infinite shame. Of course, he didn't have to bear any responsibility, it was she who brought shame on herself.

But she didn't cut off all ties with the school. Gao Yi called Gu Tianqing, and the other party's response was also very enthusiastic. Now, he was lying on her bed, naked under the thin quilt. Although he has graduated and started working, many of his friends are still classmates from college, and he still maintains close ties with the teachers who still teach at the school. Gu Tianqing has an outgoing personality and has a wide range of contacts, but judging from the fact that he easily dedicates himself to her, she does not know about Gao Yi's letter to Caicos. Of course, she never mentioned it.

She did not love him, nor did she expect to arrive in Caicos through union with him. Even, she never used him as a substitute in any sense to comfort the perverted mind. She had only been associated with him because he had written to her, and she saw in his attitude that there was an opportunity. He left her with the impression of being nihilistic and hopeless, which was good, and she didn't try to change it. Gao Yi spoke to Gu Tianqing very frankly about her unhappy marriage, and talked about Hua Yun's infidelity and cheating.

She no longer believes in love and believes that there is only a moment of warmth between people, which are the prerequisites she must understand. Gu Tianqing nodded yes.

Sometimes, she would see in his eyes some kind of worrying sympathy, even something a hundred times more fervent than sympathy. Perhaps her experience aroused the other party's competitive spirit, and it could be seen that he was trying to influence himself. He has become more submissive than before, beckoning and waving. When he was with her, he never asked questions that embarrassed her, such as: Do you love me? Or: Who am I? Or: What do you think is the relationship between us?

It could be seen that his plan was long-term, infinite, and even eternal, and Gao Yi couldn't help but feel scared.

She knew she was taking advantage of the other person's feelings. She never said love to him, and she also restrained him from expressing it like this, and the seemingly equal relationship was completely unfair. She didn't say that word to him because his soul was empty, and he was full of enthusiasm. If exploitation is a depravity, purposeful deception is even more unforgivable. Sometimes Gao Yi really feels that there is no room for self-defense.

She smoked silently while hugging Gu Tianqing to her side with her arms. Her body was slightly cool and smooth when she first came in, and slowly began to heat up, and now it was a little resistant to the touch. She placed an ashtray on her bare breast, flicked the ashes and began to pull around. Every time, after the principled question passed, it was always like this, and Gu Tianqing responded positively, chatting about various irrelevant topics. somehow talked about Dong Mimi, he actually knew her. They graduated from the same high school, and Dong Mimi was one year higher than him. She was definitely a celebrity in Eleven, she was a cadre of the Youth League Committee and the captain of the school basketball team. "When she was playing basketball, all the boys ran to see her, and almost all of us fell in love with her." He said.

"What about you?" Gao Yi asked.

"I'm no exception. Of course, I'm just one of all the girls who fall in love with Dong Mimi, unrequited love. ”

Gao Yi said: "It's called Plato, you know? Plato was a philosopher in ancient Greece, and his theory of ideas asserted that the essence of the world is spiritual, and that the seemingly material world is nothing but a poor imitation of the world of ideas, and that all learning and research are only memories, memories of the world of ideas in which the soul once dwelt. Later, people called non-physical spiritual love Plato, and unrequited love was one of them. Are you listening? Isn't this more interesting than me? ”

Gu Tianqing recalled that one day a year ago, Dong Mimi ran to him and asked him about Caicos's situation. She told him that a friend of hers had taken a fancy to Caicos and asked him to help him find out. At that time, Gu Tianqing was still in school and was in the same class as Caicos, although their relationship was average, they still knew something about him. When Gu Tianqing asked who the person who had taken a fancy to Caicos was, Dong Mimi didn't say whether he was alive or dead, and this is still a mystery.

His eyes were always lowered as he spoke. Suddenly, he opened his eyes and looked directly at Gao Yi and asked, "That person is not you, right?" ”

This moment was very short-lived, and since his posture had not changed, his eyes had to roll when he looked at her, so he looked like he had glanced at Gao Yi in a white light, like lightning in the dark room. Immediately, his eyes reset, and two delicate eyelids covered his gaze again.

Gao Yi heard her dishonest voice ringing in the empty room, and she trembled and said, "How is it possible?

You know, I'm a person who doesn't believe in love. ”