Gao Yi stared at the list of students lying at the bottom of the drawer, but she was actually just staring at Casco's name. Now, the name is so prominent that it is obvious on the list: in addition to the unique asterisk next to the boy's name, there is also a five-pointed star outlined in red next to Kesco's name - one is naturally from Gao Yi's hand. There is only one name on the list, and even the only one in Gao Yi's years of teaching. Caicos on the list distanced himself from his group and stood out. Gao Yi can also ignore the reactions of others and communicate openly and privately with the name.

It is now finally clear for sure: he was not reading a book or reading a study material, but that his attentive and dull expression was simply reading Caicos's name. He reads for two hours, which is about the same time as a management or business study. It is difficult to tell whether his numbness is the result of being tormented by an inhuman learning system or due to unrequited love. The essence of the two is very different, but in Gao Yi's reaction, the two have become one: blunt and sensitive, incompatible with the environment, but passionate inside.

Gao Yi cherishes the study time twice a week more and more. She cherishes every opportunity to come to school. There was no reason for her to stay in school. Arriving early and leaving late was unthinkable—she would have liked to, but it must have seemed strange to her colleagues. Gao Yi regretted that he had gone so far as to give up some basic rights and conveniences. She could not stay in the school with nothing to do, walk around the campus or visit other departments. Don't go to the school cafeteria to eat, go to the playground to play ball, and go to the school building to see the students' evening self-study. Of course, it was impossible for him to go to the student dormitory, especially when the road to the men's dormitory was as high as the sky under her feet. If she really went desperately, it would have caused an uproar, and everyone would think that she had a nervous disorder or a precursor to an earthquake. That's not an exaggeration.

How jealous Gao Yi is of his happy colleagues, who regard the school as their home, and in addition to teaching work, eat, drink, have fun, and love and hate all in this square inch of the campus. How she wanted to be one of them, but it was too late. She must maintain her existing image and style, and must not let others see the slightest clue. On the surface, she is more determined and decisive than before, and even no longer uses the toilet in the teaching building, even if it is a small relief. As a result, the scope of activities has become narrower, and the factors available for exploitation and opportunity have become more limited, strictly speaking, almost none. She really didn't know what she could do but pray for fate.

At the end of the semester, Gao Yi decided to take an oral exam for the students. This is unique in the history of the course of economic research (basic theory of economic theory), but fortunately, there is only one teacher in this major, Gao Yi, and she can do her own thing. Such an unconventional approach is also in line with her seemingly withdrawn and eccentric personality, and colleagues are not used to seeing it. Gao Yi explained: This is to save trouble, if the written test is to get test questions and mark test papers, it is all her own business. The oral test is not only convenient, but also a comprehensive assessment of the student's performance based on his or her usual performance. She speaks eloquently, and her words are reasonable. In fact, it is not difficult to see that her calculations were wrong. The oral examination must be passed separately by each student, which is counted as five minutes per person, and 350 minutes for 70 students, or about six hours. Talking to a student without interruption for six hours is never easy.

No one would guess what she was thinking, people just thought of her as someone who insisted on reforming the way she did.

Who would have thought that she would go out of her way just for a male student? In order to be able to see him in a logical way, they talked alone for five or six minutes in parallel. In that case, it is impossible not to talk (oral exam), which is a necessary condition for the oral exam. She will have no choice but to talk to him, and so will he, and they will be forced to look at each other. She just arranged this oral examination to meet him, and naturally he would not be moved by it without knowing it. One day in the future, she might talk to him about all these hard work, but at this moment, Gao Yi was just moved by herself. All the people were unaware, and she deceived and took advantage of them. Gao Yi imagines that she has committed an unforgivable moral mistake (deceiving and exploiting the masses), but it is all for Kesco. Thinking about it this way, her emotions became even more agitated and surging.

For her sake, she was willing to be a bad person, breaking up with her family, abandoning her husband and children, turning against her friends, and even taking advantage of the masses...... He walked into Gao Yi's office in the afternoon. It was overcast, the light was dim (no lights on), and four or five students were rubbing around her, trying to improve their grades from good to excellent. There was another group of students in the hallway outside the door, making a loud noise, waiting for her summons. He belonged neither to the outside gang nor to the inside, and slipped into the office with his bag in his bag (after the name was called). Instead of joining the students surrounding her, he went to an empty desk and pulled a book out of his bag. Caicos waited patiently for the pestering student's student to leave, who looked at his graceful reading back with the rest of his eyes, feeling that there was some kind of tacit understanding between them. At this time, they all have the same purpose, they all want to let the students who are trying to improve their grades leave as soon as possible so that they can start early.

Finally, after their wishes were partially fulfilled, they (the pestering student) left, and he came to her table and sat down on a chair. The office door was closed, and only the two of them were left in the room. In addition to Gao Yi's desk, there are five other desks that are empty. He chose an afternoon that was neither political nor business, and greeted the head of the department, and the office would be used by her until dark, and no colleagues would come in and disturb him. This is the spatial situation. The time is only five minutes, Gao Yi knows in his heart, maybe it can be extended appropriately, and it should not exceed ten minutes. Ten is the limit, and when the limit is passed, it raises suspicion. She asked him some questions in a businesslike voice, so stiff that she couldn't even believe it. The other party answered one by one. He noticed her nervousness, which was a rare tension for a teacher in the face of an ordinary student, and besides, it was an exam. He wasn't so nervous that he lost his temper. In general, her nervousness was just a reaction to his nervousness, and he couldn't let her relax.

He sat with his back to the window, his face in shadow, a shadow that gave him the necessary sense of security to allow her to stare at his relatively pale face with a little presumptuousness. Her face was so close to his face that she had never seen him so closely, and she felt that she liked him all the more because of it. She is no longer so abstract, as if it stands out from the paper, becomes so concrete. He could clearly see the shape of her lips curling and moving as she spoke. He saw every inch of skin on her face and the occasional laugh lines. Her face was not as smooth and bright as it was from a distance, which was better, and perhaps the truth touched his heart more.

She asked him questions such as "What are the general principles of basic economic research?" Such a question, while staring at him with infinite tenderness. His eyes and mouth were closed in their respective realms, not cooperating with each other, but they were not in the way, and they sent two different sets of messages to Caicos, which he took with his gaze and words. He answered her questions and met her gaze without showing the slightest hint of weakness. It was her, who was confused and uneasy. Perhaps, her gaze was too open? Maybe her questions weren't sharp enough. She was tempted to combine them (gaze and question) into one to establish a complete and credible image of herself. But they continued to split, running along their own tracks (which she could not restrain themselves), like two parallel lines that would never intersect. After the oral exam, Gao Yi wanted to say something else. It was an opportunity that made it possible for her to integrate herself.

She said, "I gave you a gift." And he said, "Actually, you did not answer well and did not prepare well." ”

Although the two are still talking about the exam, their attitudes have changed significantly. He was clearly ingratiating himself and wanted to let him know about it. She cheats on favoritism and confesses to him, so a little secret arises between the two of them. In order to maintain his good results, Caicos naturally would not say anything about his cheating, and he certainly would not.

After this confession, she saw him pack his books and put them in his bag, and stood up to leave. He had not answered her words, and did not seem to have any intention of furthering the conversation. With that he retreated to the door, and the moment he left the room, he suddenly responded to his gaze.

Caicos turned slightly and leaned slightly, and he said to Gao Yi: "Since I didn't answer well, why did you give me You?" ”

Gao Yi was speechless. After a five-second pause, he really left.

He didn't give her enough time to react, was he afraid that she would change her grades? From good to good, that's what he deserves. He didn't give her a chance to make amends, which made his excellence an unshakable fact.

And he didn't want to be held responsible, he had never asked for it, and even objected to it—all to blame for her insistence. If there was anything wrong with this, it was caused by her, and he wanted her to understand it. He doesn't want to owe anyone a favor. In short, his excellence is a beautiful mistake, which cannot be changed, and someone else is responsible, he is just lucky.

Maybe that's not what he meant. He asked her why she had given him a chance to delve into an ambiguous topic, and he gave her a chance to continue expressing and explaining. In this opportunity, she can say, "I give you advantage because I like you." Of course, she can also answer like this: "Since you don't want good, then give you good." ”

In fact, Gao Yi didn't say anything, and she stammered in the face of Caicos's question, and froze in the chair.

Fortunately, he didn't have long to leave her, and he left a moment later. If he insisted on not leaving, and Gao Yi had to answer, then she would most likely answer her in the first way, and of course in the second way. In short, she had to answer, and it was impossible for her to remain silent for long. If she answered him, it could only be one of the two ways, and Gao Yi couldn't think of a third way other than the two. There are many different directions for the dialogue that may continue, so let Gao Yi and his heart sort out the following.

One of them: Gao Yi: I gave you an advantage. In fact, you didn't answer well and didn't prepare well.

Caicos: Why are you giving me a good answer when I can't answer well?

Gao Yi: (Forever silent).

Since eternal silence is impossible, this cannot be sustained.

Second: Gao Yi: I gave you a favor. In fact, you didn't answer well and didn't prepare well.

Caicos: Why are you giving me a good answer when I can't answer well?

Gao Yi: Since you don't want good, let's change it to good!

Caicos: I want you, so don't change it.

Or: then change it to good, I don't care!

In either case, it is unlikely that the conversation will continue any longer, because the results will soon be available, which will be either good or good. The interlocutor, due to psychological barriers, confined the conversation to the choice between the good and did not dare to take a step beyond the mine. Such conversations tend to be withdrawn and conservative, the topic becomes narrower and narrower, and finally reaches a dead end.

Third——:Gao Yi: I gave you a gift. In fact, you didn't answer well and didn't prepare well.

Caicos: Why are you giving me a good answer when I can't answer well?

Gao Yi: I give you you because I like you.

Caicos: Really? Why do you like me?

Gao Yi: I can't say clearly, I just like you and always want to see you. I feel like I'm in love with you.

Caicos: What do I have to love? There are more girls better than me!

Gao Yi: You are different, you are different from them. I fell in love with you at first sight.

Caicos: But you're my teacher!

Gao Yi: So what? The power of love is immense and can break through all resistance.

If it weren't for the limited time (with students waiting outside the door), the conversation would have gone on forever. After Gao Yi told Caicos about his feelings, Caicos also confided the same feelings to the other party. They talked about each other's situation, their parents and family, and Gao Yi also talked about her ex-husband. She wasn't going to hide anything from him. However, if all these topics are developed in a calm and in-depth manner, it is not enough to use all the time for the oral examination, and they will have to find another time. So they agreed on contact information and left each other's addresses.

All of this really happened in Gao Yi's imagination, and in her opinion, it was the only kind of annihilation of reality. Just because it didn't happen that way doesn't mean it's unfounded. It's just that she missed the opportunity again. At first everything was normal and hopeful, but in one place she didn't hold on, and then the situation took a turn for the worse and there was no going back.

She said, "I gave you a gift." In fact, you didn't answer well and didn't prepare well. "Obviously, it was she who took the first tentative step, which is really commendable. And he had the courage to respond.

He said, "Why do you give me an advantage when I don't answer well?" Then it was her turn again, and she kicked the ball back again. If she replied, "I give you you because I like you." "They will embark on another bright future. But her strength was suddenly exhausted, and she became stunned, and her head could not turn. That few seconds of silence changed the fate of her life.

She didn't give him enough time to react, which just said that she was nervous, that she had a ghost in her heart, just like him.

"Why do you give me an excellent answer since I can't answer well?" This is not something that is said casually. He was obviously seducing her, forcing her to say, "I give you you because I like you." However, he was not sure that he would be able to withstand his confession, and he felt a great deal of pressure while waiting for an answer, so he avoided it before she could react. Too much tension, too much pressure, for both sides. This is the root cause of missing out on each other.

Gao Yi thought that Caicos liked her, which was just one of several possibilities, and she later accepted it as a reality. She no longer considered other possibilities. She thinks her mistake was just not picking things out, and they already knew each other. Maybe not picking it out isn't a mistake. Although he and her husband are divorced, there are still a lot of problems that have not been dealt with, and it is inconvenient to find out at this time. She could do it whenever she wanted to, but she didn't want the innocent Caicos to get involved in her conflict with her ex-husband, and it was obviously unfair for such a handsome lad to have a lover. The crux of the matter is to redeem one's free body as soon as possible.

So Gao Yi stepped up the list, and kept writing with those friends who were rich or poor, close or estranged.

She borrowed money from them publicly, but was rejected or verbally promised, and there were many who did not answer. Gao Yi persevered tenaciously. A friend was about to embezzle public funds for her business, and Gao Yi was deeply moved when he found out, but he did not stop the other party from doing so. She risked sending her longtime friend to prison, which shows how urgent things are given given that she is not a mean person. Not only did she not stop her friends from embezzling public funds, but she also publicized it everywhere in order to set an example to potential creditors.

However, the development of things was completely beyond Gao Yi's expectations, and at the beginning of the summer, she finally separated from Hua Yun completely, and the latter did not go to Australia. They were finally completely divided, and they were very cleanly divided. After that, Hua Yun moved out of Gao Yi's suite and went to rent a house outside by himself. Hua Yun left Gao Yi without the slightest use of her strength.

He didn't ask her for a penny and left her with all the furniture and rags. He clearly has a new love outside. There is a female boss who is also divorced and is going to study abroad and invites him to accompany her (as her husband). Of course, this is only a matter of name, in fact they have been living together for more than half a year. There are many things that Gao Yi is inconvenient to study. For example, Hua Yun and her hadn't divorced half a year ago, and they didn't even have any signs at all (otherwise she wouldn't have written those letters of debt). Another example is that she fell in love with Caicos just half a year later.

Hua Yun said: "Doesn't this just save you trouble?" Save you from borrowing and paying it back. Save us from separating first, and then we have to leave. ”

Gao Yi said: "Yes, this greatly saves time, one step in place, and saves you from having to find a woman in the future." ”

Hua Yun said, "Isn't it? Save worry and effort, save you and save the country. ”

However, there is a clear imbalance here. Hua Yun took refuge in a rich woman in one step and will follow her to a distant place. And Gao Yi didn't get another man. Theoretically, she still has to carefully search for and cultivate her feelings, and then remarry. Therefore, divorce is not a one-and-done thing for her. Of course, there was a Caicos in her heart, which Hua Yun didn't know. But he was never just a phantom, but Hua Yun actually went to sleep with that woman (whether before or after the divorce). Whenever I think of these, Gao Yi's heart will be sad.

Of course, he also had plenty of reasons to console himself. For example, she has long been separated from Hua Yun, and she has long wanted to divide (so she will absurdly go into debt). For example, she had Caicos in her heart long before the divorce, and having it in her heart means having everything. Her love for Caicos was enough to constitute a betrayal of Hua Yun, and a fundamental betrayal of the soul, no less serious than the physical union between Hua Yun and the woman. Besides, she just didn't have a chance, and if she had the chance, she wouldn't refuse Caicos's body. She didn't stay loyal for Hua Yun.

Of course, nothing like that is better, and this is some kind of innocence that is obtained by accident. Compared to Hua Yun and the woman's adultery, her spiritual love with Caicos was much more noble and pure. At this point, she could have despised him and them.

She used to think of Caicos alone, thinking of him for the sake of missing him. Since the divorce came in, she hasn't had a chance anymore, just thinking about him. More often than not, she thought of Hua Yun, of his departure and betrayal, of her woman. She thought about it a lot before she remembered Caicos. And once she remembered Caicos, her courage was doubled, and he became a source of strength and a magic weapon for her to overcome the crisis. If she hadn't missed Caicos, she didn't know how to deal with such a terrible thing. So sometimes she felt that missing Caicos was just a means to establish some necessary balance. Gao Yi began to think about the authenticity of her love affair with Caicos. Her love for him began in the final stages of her marriage to Hua Yun. If it weren't for the crisis of her marriage to Hua Yun, if she hadn't been so bad and empty, would she have fallen in love with Caicos? Or will you feel like you're in love with her? Away from all these backgrounds, is Caicos still a man worthy of her love? She didn't know anything about him, most likely because of his looks that attracted her. Didn't she feel like she was in love with a certain boy in her class during her previous lectures? Only then she knew it was an illusion, a necessary game to maintain interest in lecturing. At that time, her relationship with Hua Yun was normal, and she had not yet encountered unsolvable problems.

As a ceremony to break up, Gao Yi and Hua Yun had dinner together for the last time, which was not in the plan. They made an appointment to go to the real estate bureau to get the transfer procedures, and after coming out, they walked together for a while. When the big thing was over, the two of them felt more relaxed, and it was lunchtime to eat anyway, so they walked into a Japanese restaurant on the side of the road. On the second floor, they sat down at a table, almost all of them in the hall. Seven or eight waiters waited for them to eat and drink, and more often they crowded in front of the counter to talk and laugh while watching their every move. Obviously, this is not an environment for intimate conversations, but fortunately they no longer need the opportunity to contact in private.

At the dining table, which was covered with a clean, transparent, indiscernible plastic tablecloth, Hua Yun talked about his disloyalty to Gao Yi. He talks and laughs freely and expresses humorous expressions. What surprised Gao Yi was not his relationship with that woman that led to their divorce, even to that woman, Hua Yun had no loyalty at all. This does not mean that he still slept with Gao Yi during the half year of adultery with the woman (they were not divorced at that time, and she slept with him as a wife), and Hua Yun had other people besides Gao Yi and the woman.

Did Gao Yi's pain lessen after learning about this? Or did it make her even more distressed? It depends on how you look at the problem. At least at this moment, Gao Yi was carrying a new property certificate, and therefore knew the truth of the matter, and the man (the rich woman) was still in the dark. For Gao Yi, Hua Yun has no secrets to speak of, and even he said that he is willing to go back to take a nap with her after dinner------ he does not hesitate to create a secret between them against the rich woman. Everything was turned upside down. How is that possible? Gao Yi was puzzled.

The empty beer bottles on the table have increased to four. Hua Yun's face was crimson, and he looked very excited, he counted those men Gao Yi knew and didn't know, as if he was showing off, and like seducing each other, but also out of the need to vomit out of morality. If he is an unfaithful man (Hua Yun himself thinks so), at least he is honest, although this honesty comes a little later.

A few specimens of dust rose and fell on the edge of the bowl, and Gao Yi stared at the very complex lines that they wound, and his thoughts wandered. She smoked cigarette after cigarette and ate very little. Hua Yun's aggressive gaze and gushing conversation caused a huge amount of stress on her psyche. He was shining again, and Gao Yi felt that he was gradually falling behind. Indeed, she was not disloyal to him, and she was loyal compared to what he did. But what is loyalty in this messy table? Here, here and now, confession is everything, and honesty has an incomparable precedence here. By contrast, her so-called loyalty was nothing more than a last resort, a lewd one, and a principled insignificance. He's been hinting at that. As she remained silent, her face wrapped in a veil-like fog, he had to burst in and ask sharply: had she had been unfaithful to him during their three-year marriage? She replied no. He snorted from his nose and said contemptuously, "I knew you didn't." The implication was that it was all due to her incompetence, which he knew all about.

Hua Yun used his man's charm to create a certain deceptive atmosphere, in which they looked back on the history of marriage, as if loyalty was morally corrupt. Gao Yi knew that something was wrong, but he just couldn't get rid of it, so his expression became more and more gloomy, and he felt guilty in his heart. Hua Yun didn't give her any chance to think otherwise, and asked further, "You haven't slept with other men, but have you thought about it?" "It's certainly self-evident that every healthy woman will have an abundance of sexual fantasies." Ignoring her prevarication, he asked:

"Have you ever thought about sleeping with a specific man? A specific man you would love to get her, salivating over her body? "Of course there is a man, and it can only be Caicos. Gao Yi couldn't decide whether to give him out of the pan in order to gain the initiative for a while. She feared that the innocent Caicos would be slandered by Hua Yun, and at the same time feared that it would be too late to confess accordingly. She hesitated, her face unspeakable. Hua Yun smiled and said seductively: "Are you in love with someone?" Is it some male student in your class? ”

Gao Yi nodded yes. "Ha......" Hua Yun couldn't help but slap his hands and laugh, he danced at his unexpected words.

Because of the passage of time, everything is no longer the same after all, including how people react to things. If Hua Yunzhun had scolded or overturned the dining table before, he would have done all kinds of extreme actions. But at the moment he was very calm, just a little curious. He said, "Well, as I expected! He was indeed more excited than he had just been, but it was for his foresight, for his ingenuity. He then went on and on about his instincts, his hunches, and all kinds of facts proved that he was superior in these areas. Gao Yi cautiously emphasized that she had never done anything with Caicos, she just felt that she liked him and had some feelings for him.

She tried to correct Hua Yun's understanding that things were not as he thought they were. Maybe she was too worried, Hua Yun didn't feel anything unacceptable. He behaved so normally and generously, even with a rare look of concern on his friendly face.

Perhaps Caicos's openness has lifted the burden of conscience on Huayun's heart. Perhaps, because the old love is still there, he really cares about Gao Yi's whereabouts after the breakup. Of course, this noble sentiment is based on the premise of his own bright future. He is about to go through the marriage formalities with the rich woman Gao Yi has never met (which is why the division of property is so hasty, and they were entangled because of this before), and went to the other side of the ocean to accompany him, leaving the lonely Gao Yi to be taken care of by the young man named Caicos, Hua Yun can rest assured. It's part of the aftermath. With so many details to discuss, they extended the lunch, Hua Yun ordered a lot of food and drinks, and said that he would pay for it, and he asked Gao Yi (who did not say who would pay the bill).

Hua Yun began to interrogate Caicos's age, appearances, profession and family, as well as their contacts, not out of jealousy, but to solve the problem. Gao Yi said everything he knew, without concealment. For a long time, he and she needed someone to talk to him about this matter, and as a man who knew himself, there was no more suitable person than Hua Yun.