Many people will remember the painful year of their senior year of high school vividly; Some people also saw it, recalled, smiled with relief, and said, "Although it was painful, there were no more days of working so hard in my later life, and there were no more good memories of doing my best to do one thing." ”； There are also people who think of beautiful love, helping each other, and struggling together for youth.

But for me, a nightmare is a nightmare, and even though it is gone, even though I can easily say it, that kind of thing, although it is painful, but thanks to it I have grown and matured a lot. But if you ask me if I want to experience it once, my answer is absolutely never.

Since junior high school, I have been eroded by ACG, and later played the series of "A Certain (Three) Color Painted Love", for me, Wuhan and Wuhan University, which is full of cherry blossoms, have become an ideal place to be fascinated.

But for the vast majority of students, Wuhan University can only be the ideal place, a campus that can only be reached by the best who have won the college entrance examination.

College Entrance Examination - The life of high school students, for most people under the education system, they will have a bright future if they take the college entrance examination, and if they can't pass the exam, they will be nothing. We are the examination machine, because the college entrance examination exists, we can have the meaning of existence, and I must be one of them.

Although it may feel absurd in retrospect, spending the end of the summer vacation with Shibai and being inspired by her also felt that I could do better and that I still had potential. Now that I am full of strength, Wuhan University is also within reach! Only if I succeed, I will raise my eyebrows, I will also have advantages, I will, I must be qualified to be an elder brother.

From time to time, I would have stomach cramps due to excessive stress and too much tension, but I was used to it and didn't care that much.

But no matter how solid the embankment is, sooner or later it will burst due to the "efforts" of countless ants, not to mention that my mental state and physical condition are not as good as a solid embankment.

Finally, the "Yellow River burst", and if I had not been rescued, I would have drowned in the turbulent waters of the Yellow River.

Early September 2018

On the first day of school, and only on the night of the end of the holiday, I could fall asleep around 10:30. Although I never take a nap in class, I clearly feel that only by getting enough sleep at night can I be refreshed.

I arrived at school at half past five, a five-minute walk from home to school, and I woke up at 5:20 like a sophomore in high school, never a minute earlier. Got up in a daze, opened his eyes in a daze, and rode to school in a daze.

Although I never take a nap in the morning self-study, in order to make myself more energetic and efficient, I secretly took out the mp3, and then put the earphones through the school uniform and hung them on my right ear. Taking advantage of the advantage of choosing seats based on grades, I decided to choose the back left position of the classroom, with the air conditioner as the front and back desks, and the windows as the same table. (Looks like most anime male protagonists, but I'm not trying to save on painting.) At the back left of the classroom, there is a lot of seating space, and I can even lean back on a chair with a backrest and stretch my feet, so the teacher won't pay attention to me during class, and I won't be noticed even if I listen to MP3s. ）

After class, I still do homework, do extracurricular problems, go to the toilet, and sleep. Go home at noon for dinner, take a 20-minute nap, take advantage of your quick rest, and get up early at noon to do English reading comprehension. The mechanical life came to an end with the tremendous pressure and workload I put on myself.

If there is anything different from the past, it may be that when the mind wanders occasionally during the day, I wonder what Shibai is doing.

Late September 2018

After a month of high-pressure study, the monthly exam was ushered in.

The monthly exam of Changchun No. 2 Middle School is very similar to my junior high school arrangement. Try to finish the test in one day as much as possible, and arrange no evening self-study and early vacation. (You ask me why high school students take the National Day holiday, it's very simple, the Education Bureau has suddenly tightened the supervision of high schools in the city since someone reported that they were making up classes during the summer vacation of high schools.) ）

In the afternoon, I took the comprehensive exam, and left an hour at noon to go home for dinner and rest. I bought some in a hurry, planning to go home and eat and sleep casually. This monthly exam may not mean much to others, at most it is a periodic examination, but it is extremely important for me, it is to test whether my efforts are meaningful, my direction is not correct, and the stomach cramps caused by anxiety during the exam are more intense than before, but I don't pay much attention to it.

Finally, at 12:15, when I was about to go to sleep, something really changed my life.

When I close my eyes, instead of feeling anxious about the loss of learning efficiency due to poor sleep, I will start to think about some unanswered questions in my head:

Where did man come from, not from his mother's womb, not from an ape, I mean where it came from, what is outside the universe, what is at the end of the universe, where is it going after death.

As a science student, as a high school student who has accumulated a certain amount of scientific knowledge, I began to think about this. It has been said that inexplicable questions drive people crazy, and there are only two ways to get out of this dilemma, one is to come up with a reasonable answer to a question, and the other is not to think about it.

Whenever I tell myself that this kind of thing is meaningless, hurry up and rest, the problem seems to be entangled in me, and I can't get rid of it, and I am entangled. Feeling scared and frightened, I hurried to play music to calm myself down, but my brain forced me to think about this fruitless question.

Even though I sat up and my brain didn't stop, at least it didn't scare me that much. In this way, I would rather not sleep at noon than experience the fear of closing my eyes.

I thought that by entering the exam room, focusing on the exam, relying on my concentration and the diversion of the questions on the test paper, I would be able to get rid of it temporarily, even if it was only for a while, and I am thankful. But fear made me stare at the clock countless times, and I wanted to escape from the exam room countless times. Even if reason makes me sit still, it doesn't get me out of fear.

Finally the winding bell rang, everything was over, I just wanted to go out with Ye Qing to relax.

On the way back to the classroom to pack my school bag. That familiar figure caught my eyes "Lianxue" Before I could think about it, I called it out, as if I was going to grasp a life-saving straw, without reason, but after calling the name, I calmed down again, is this kind of thing appropriate to talk to Lianxue, I 。。。。。。

Before I could say anything, she turned around and smiled at me with a sweet and gentle smile as usual—a smile that would make me feel warm even when I was tired.

I stopped talking and said, "I'll go first." ”

She waved her hand as well.

But the fear in my mind kept chasing after me, and I didn't stop oppressing me for a moment.

Walking on the road with Ye Qing, I told him the bitterness in my heart.

"You're thinking too much, you're too nervous, try to control it, you're called Hu 。。。。。。"

Probably seeing the pain and seriousness on my face, he realized it and chose to cheer me up, "Let's go, go shopping, you, put too much pressure on yourself." ”

The smell of earth in People's Park after the rain, the humid air and the last touch of heat left over from early autumn and summer should have been so relaxing. When I came to the gazebo where I was used to staying, the air by the lake was colder than in the garden, but for me, even if I was afraid and uneasy, it calmed me down a little.

I thanked Ye Qing for his consistent understanding, even if what I was afraid of was completely incomprehensible to him, he didn't deny and ridicule too much, just found a topic from time to time, trying to dispel the gloom on my face.

When I got home, I was suffocated by the empty room, and the uninhabited air made my heart freeze to the extreme. The second hand of the quartz watch jumped like a sharp knife to my chest. Half an hour was like a year, and I couldn't bear it anymore.

I rushed out of the door, trying to find a place where it was crowded.

Hurrying out of the house, the cold wind grinded my skin, and I sat on a bench in the square that had been sparsely populated due to the sudden drop in temperature, not caring about the residual rain soaking my pants.

I took out my clenched phone, and my eyes were disfocused for a while, but I still didn't dial my mother's number.

"Are you alright? This month, I feel like you've been talking less. ”

Reyuki's greeting, which was a little different from usual, touched my heart.

In a daze, I sent out my impulsive words.

"Can I see you a little bit, in 20 minutes, downstairs at your house."

I was a little surprised when I realized what I was sending, but for me, I have always lived for the purpose of not causing trouble to others, and more for fear of being hated if I cause trouble.

"Hey, it's not that it can't be done, it's just that it's so late, what's wrong with you. It's so cold today, if you want to come, wear more. ”

"You should wear more clothes too, and I'll be there in a moment." Subconsciously reminded my sister to wear more.

Although I never knew Shibai's home before, I usually like to ride a bicycle and brush the street, according to the positioning uploaded from Cine, I recognized it at a glance as Luyue Plaza (the shopping mall in the south of Yida Plaza, which belongs to the affiliated shopping mall of Luyue Community, you can refer to the abstract map in front. next to the attached cell.

I got on the electric car and ran all the way to Beicheng District.

Despite the rush to get out, I added a coat. But it rained lightly on the road, and the air mixed with the rain once again caused the temperature to plummet. But it was not a good thing for me, for the biting cold wind affected my thoughts and reduced the pain that afflicted me.

Let the rain soak your clothes, even if it's a light rain, but it's accumulated long enough, it's a little permeable.

After asking the security guard, I followed the path to the B8 building. It was 5 minutes away from the agreed 20 minutes. Dropping the car down the hallway, I sat down on the steps of the escape staircase.

I broke my usual lunch break habit and began to feel sleepy at night, so I leaned against the wall of the ladder passage in a daze.

After a little confusion, the phone

Shake up. I was just about to answer the phone and was hung up.

"What's going on? Why are you sitting here? "It seems that Shibai just called me to find me." You wouldn't have come here in the rain, would you? The walls are covered with water. She asked worriedly.

"It's okay, you won't catch a cold if it rains." I look back on my previous experience in the rain and say it doesn't matter.

"Come upstairs with me, change your clothes, and find my dad." Her expression suddenly became serious.

"No, no, no, no matter how much I do, I can't communicate with a large family of people I don't know except your father." I hurriedly refused.

She seemed to react and understood that I definitely wouldn't go up, "Isn't it stupid, don't wear wet clothes, take them off quickly, and keep covering it like this, I can't feel the risk and I can't run away." She sighed, "The rain has stopped, you can't stay downstairs in my house all the time, let's change places." Go to KFC in Luyue Plaza, there is really no place left. ”

"Ang, it's so cute that my sister is so considerate. Having said that, at this time, how did you talk to your dad to let you out? Despite the confusion in my brain and the clammy feeling in my body, I couldn't help but tease.

"Hmph, it seems that I still have the strength to say sassy words (the so-called sassy words refer to ridicule similar to teasing, or there are topics about sex.) Maybe it's because of the broken feelings of his parents.,Sobaku seems to hate all related topics such as sex jokes.。 It seems that the appearance of emaciation has not affected your body in the slightest. By the way, I told my dad that I was going out with you, and he immediately agreed, and said that if you don't bring me back intact, you'll be demolished. ”

That old man is really his daughter, since the last time Shibai said that he didn't need him to drive home, he actually said that he wanted to ride a shared bicycle over and then ride back with her, which is outrageous.

"Okay, I'll definitely send you back later."

In order to prevent rain back, Shibai proposed not to ride a bicycle, and it was better to use an umbrella to block it when it rained. Luyue community is not generally large, whether it is east and west, or north and south distance is about 1500m, plus the cobblestone road bends and spreads, B8 is located in the southwest position to take about 13 minutes.

"So what's going on, haggard looks, severe dark circles, and being able to sit down on the side of the stairs and fall asleep. Let's say okay first, don't say that you want to see me or anything like that! ”

In fact, I was at most able able to ease my cranky fear a little bit because of the change of topic or something, but this uncontrolled thinking never stopped.

At her urging, I told the story.

“。。。。。。 I also knew that there was no point in this kind of thing, but I couldn't control myself anyway, and I told the others that they"

Before I could finish speaking, I was interrupted, "You can squat a little bit, squat to the same height as me." ”

"Ah, what?" My face was full of doubts.

"Okay, okay, leave it alone, do as I say"

Just as I was confused, a gentle touch came from my hair. "I've been working hard lately, so let's relax a little bit on National Day."

"Oh, oh." I don't resist being caressed.

"Wow, but there's a gruff." For a moment, I panicked, even if this situation is good, but it must be disgusting to touch the oil in my hands. But at that time, in order to sober myself up and reduce my crankiness, I washed my hair with cold water.

"Oh, no, I've just washed my hair anyway."

"Lie to you, hehehehe."

"What a bad atmosphere. Don't casually do this kind of behavior to soothe vulnerable men! You'll be entangled by strange men. "Actually, I was pleasantly surprised and shy at the same time, although I usually clamored to touch her head, but I never did it for fear of being hated.

"Like you?"

The atmosphere gradually became strange: "I don't count, I'm the guardian." ”

"So it doesn't matter to you?" (The meaning here is not that you are special or anything, but that it is simply out of trust and mutual support that you take care for granted.) ）

Then we arrived at KFC and spent two hours in vain (flattening our clothes on a chair and letting it dry with air-conditioning; Drink boiling water from the store; And find a place to sit casually. ）

Shibai and I have completely different interests, but we can always talk to each other, and we don't stop all the time, and every time I realize this, I feel incredible.

"Hey, it's hard to take seven days off, and I basically don't have any free time." Shibai complained helplessly.

"Eh, what's the matter with you, why don't you just do your homework?"

"No, my dad just found a tutoring class next to my house, and it is estimated that there will be about 4 days of one-on-one in the past few days, which is the result of my strong protest. Then there will be a day to go back to grandpa's house. Shibai gently slapped his fist on his forehead, expressing his dissatisfaction and headache.

"It's head-scratching. Be reasonable, it's better to find me, I will charge you 20 yuan an hour, which is enough for the two of us to eat. I smiled at her.

"Don't!"

"It's too fast, it's hurtful, am I not good enough, woo woo." Play this very fake sad look.

"Hmph~ Seeing that you are laughing here so energetically, I am worried in vain. I'm gone. ”

"If you leave, brother, I may be scared to death here because of loneliness and fear. It will cause trouble for the staff and the restaurant. It also breaks the heart of my lovely sister. ”

"It's too exaggerated, it's okay, your lovely sister is very strong, even if the idiot brother is finished, she can live strongly."

"How so?"

"Alright, don't be poor. Adjust your mood by yourself, see if your condition will improve after a few days of rest, and then I will look for you if I have time. ”

"Hmm~ o(* ̄▽ ̄*)o, if you don't see me, I'll be lonely, no!" I chuckled and poked my finger in her cheek.

"Smack" was talked about with a finger in the head. "Yes, yes, yes. She replied perfunctorily. ”

。。。。。。

Around ten o'clock, I sent Shibai home.

Building B8 downstairs.

"Hurry up and get up."

"No, you go first."

"I watched you go upstairs, and then I received a message from you that I was home, so I could go back with confidence."

"Oh, no, you're a little too protective."

"I don't care, I don't feel at ease if I don't hear from you arriving home anyway."

"No, I don't know which idiot just fell asleep in the hallway like a homeless puppy. I can't take care of myself, and I'm still worried. We don't know who's more worried. ”

。。。。。。

We argued for 5 minutes about who would go first.

"Come on, let's go in the meantime. The elevator is not used, so I go up for about 2 minutes, and I will give you a message as soon as I arrive, you go first, even if there is a problem in the middle of the way, you can return immediately, so it's always okay. ”

"Okay. Then you hurry up and go up, I'm leaving. ”

I wanted to stay at the door until I received the message, but she kept staring at me, so I had to go first, slowly.

After receiving the news, I turned the handle of the tram and ran home.

On the way, I felt better, as if I could face the fear of the chaotic thoughts in my head.

But the truth is, I just thought it was just that.