The seven days of the National Day were just spent as usual, I did my homework, and then I lay on the sofa and watched TV. Although I've been chatting with Shibai, I haven't met, and although I think it's a pity, I don't want to pester my sister all the time and make such a nasty move.

On the third day, the school released the results of the monthly exams. I managed to break through the 600 mark and came to 605, although it was only 15 points, but it was quite difficult, and it may be that the difficulty of the question is inconsistent, resulting in deviations. So it doesn't mean that a month's hard work has borne fruit. But it still relaxed my mind a little.

But the night when the human spirit is most fragile still brings me endless fear. Every night I couldn't sleep because of the unstoppable crankiness, tossing and turning. Every night, I was only able to sleep because I was really tired late at night.

Occasional episodes of symptoms occur during the day.

It was painful but helpless, and I really didn't want my parents to worry. And I don't think they can do anything about it, they're just in a hurry.

And so the day came to the end of October. As a senior in high school, there are monthly exams every month.

Finally, the unexploded bomb exploded.

There was an hour left on the exam, and I couldn't sit still. Completely unable to concentrate, his mind was in a mess, and his unstoppable thoughts were like those of a hunter, more vicious than ever. Relying on the last shred of reason, I did not turn my state on the verge of collapse into words. Just patient, just silent.

An hour was longer than ever.

After leaving the examination room, there was no such thing as a thought that did not let me go as "appropriately" as usual, but instead haunted me.

Leaving the queue at the noodle restaurant in front of the school, I had no time to think about where I should go, so I rode aimlessly on the bike. Subconsciously looking for a lively place, I unconsciously came to the Internet café at the entrance of the junior high school.

The glass was shrouded in a black curtain, but it still reflected the dazzling lights of the Internet café.

I walked up the stairs and turned on a computer with my newly grown ID card. In a trance, I was gently tapped on the shoulder. "Ah Song, why did you come here?"

suddenly came back to his senses, and Tingyu's figure was reflected in his eyes, but he was tired of explaining, so he hurriedly said a perfunctory sentence, "Just, relax and relax occasionally." Why are you here compared to that? ”

"Ah, didn't you notice that I wasn't in the classroom every night?" Instead, Tingyu proudly said his evil deeds.

"You've taken it to the extreme." I know Tingyu's temperament very well, and I didn't comment much.

"Well, I don't have such lofty goals, it's good to have an undergraduate. I told the head teacher that I was coming out for a tutorial class, but he didn't ask much. ”

"And this kind of thing? After all, he has no reason to refuse, he is saying that he can only talk about such an outrageous thing for five minutes in three math classes in one afternoon, and it is really normal to agree to your little request. ”

It was about the time for evening self-study, although I had no choice, but I had nowhere to go home if I didn't go home, so I had to accompany Tingyu home.

After that, I was mentally tortured, and I spent a long time in pain and knowing me, and I fell asleep tirelessly.

I honestly went to the evening self-study the next day. Before leaving, I explained the reason for the fabrication to the class teacher: "Teacher, I will have to study at night on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays in the future. ”

"Oh, didn't you come to study last night?" I was stunned for a moment when I heard this reply, and then realized that my location was close to the small corner of the air conditioner, and the homeroom teacher was always looking at his phone in the evening, so it was not too surprising that I didn't notice me.

At the same time, it was also the opportunity for me to start skipping classes non-stop.

From the beginning, I only skipped one, three, or five evening self-study, and became not going to study at all. Then I skipped a morning, an afternoon, and the last week only one or two days. But the relaxation and comfort after skipping class barely eased my pain. Until the end of December.

"Limu Song, come to Class 17 to find me after class later."

"Oh, good teacher." The English teacher interviewed me, which was unexpected and reasonable. Although it was sudden, I was already mentally equipped to think back to what I had done before. (English teacher Zhang Xin: She is a very responsible and gentle teacher, but I didn't understand her gentleness and caring students at first.) She is strict with herself and others. High school students are young and vigorous, because they are not very good in science classes in not very good schools, and they have won the first place in English several times, and they have achieved small successes and begin to flutter, thinking that they have their own set of learning methods, which has caused me to be in opposition to my English teacher for a long time. ）

After class.

In the year of enrollment, the school expanded the new school building, which was so spacious that there was a spare room opposite almost every classroom, but it was almost unused. Because the English teacher keeps an eye on the students in his class, he simply cleans up the empty classroom across the classroom as his own exclusive office location.

I belong to a dead pig who is not afraid of boiling water, and I think that when the time comes, I will apologize vigorously.

"Limu Song, you haven't come to the evening self-study much recently, and the dictation is also a mess of mistakes, I never praise anyone for having talent, especially you, because do you understand, no matter how natural the beautiful jade is, it can't be worn without carving." Although he had made up his mind to mess up, the English teacher's tone was still full of coercion.

"Teacher Zhang, I've been not feeling well lately." There really is no better reason to use illness as an excuse.

"Ah," she sighed softly, and I could read in her look her genuine concern and her anger at the iron. "It's going to be the college entrance examination soon, adjust well, I know you may indeed encounter any difficulties, otherwise it would be impossible for the results of all subjects to decline so quickly, if you have anything, you can also tell me about it, if you want."

I couldn't sleep normally every night, I kept tormenting my uncontrollable thoughts, and my grades kept slipping after the first monthly exam, at this time she didn't keep blaming me, but was willing to listen to my reasons, and all kinds of factors made my heart rush like a tide of feelings and grievances.

"Maybe I'm pushing myself too hard, I 。。。。。。" As I slowly explained the matter, my emotions gradually became excited, and my eyelids could no longer hold back the tears of beans, and I opened my heart to the "enemy" I had always bean.

When I finished speaking, she hugged me gently, "Don't be too anxious and nervous, my sister also said that this is the case, no one has taken care of her feelings, and it has slowly become serious, and the doctor said that it is depression." Anyway, I haven't had this kind of disease, and I can't understand this feeling, but if it's so painful, it would be better to rely on my teachers and family to be more and more emotional. Besides, with your grades, isn't it easy to get a book? Even if you take two exams, the college entrance examination is only part of the long road of life. ”

Her sincere love, like a warm current into my chest, different from others pointing at me with their own understanding, her sentence "I have never had this disease, and I can't understand this feeling" but I was deeply moved, didn't you just say that you don't think about it.

Tears flowed uncontrollably, but on the contrary, it was a sign that the gloom in my heart had slightly dispersed.

It can only be said that the English teacher's professional ability can be called a full score, not only in teaching, but also in the ability to figure out the psychology of students. From the conversation and the long-term understanding of me, she concluded that I would not talk to my parents, and I guess I contacted my mother after I left the office (after all, the contact information of the school is left with my mother), otherwise I would not have seen my father who had been on the go for a long time when I came home.

"Mom, I," I was hugged by my mother before I could say anything. I didn't say anything, I just felt the warmth of my family and couldn't help but burst into tears.

"You don't say anything like this, how can I rest assured that your mother and I are outside, you don't even rely on us for such a trivial matter, how can you be embarrassed to expect you to support your old age in the future." From the balcony came the half-lukewarm "complaints" of the smoking father.

"Ah Song, it's hard work, we weren't by your side during this critical period, and we only found out when your teacher called. If you can't get into college, we have a way to live, but no, I don't know how to comfort people。。。。。。 My mother hugged me with self-reproach and guilt, and my father was silent with a cigarette.

Although I was inevitably seen wiping my tears, I still cheered up and said, "What are you sad about, and no matter what, you will definitely be able to get into university!" Besides, I still have a conscience, and I will definitely give you a pension to the end! ”

My mother thought I was taking my father's words seriously, and hurriedly explained, "Your father will talk nonsense, and we know that you will definitely be a filial child in the future。。。。。。。 ”

As if to encourage my parents and myself, I clapped my hands vigorously, "Okay, tomorrow I will go to the Psychology Department of the People's Hospital to see a doctor, no matter how you say that the regular big hospital must have a saying, don't worry." And I talked to my English teacher this afternoon, and then I felt a little lighter when I went home. ”

"I'll be fine with your dad too."

"It's so close, it's fine." I made a judgment on my knee-jerk independence.

"We're all back, you can rely on your parents who are irresponsible all year round" Mother is very resolute, and I don't plan to refuse anything anymore.

In fact, all along, maybe it was my mother's meticulous and selfless love when I was a child that nourished me, so I learned to feel and give, so I never felt owed by my parents, if it wasn't for life, who would want to wander north and south, living in a fixed place, I also really have a good material life, and developed a lonely character.

Although I finally went to the doctor, and the doctor said that this situation is very common in high school juniors, it would be good to relieve it with a small amount of psychotropic drugs, so he prescribed me some paroxetine hydrochloride.

The effect of the medicine was unexpectedly good, and as the time of medication increased, and during the small break (four hours off Saturday afternoon) and the big break (Saturday and Sunday) when I "adjusted" to two days off, my parents who were at home from work would prepare a hearty meal, and the family of three would watch TV and chat together while enjoying dinner. His condition improved significantly.

But even if the dam was repaired, it could not erase the traces of the erosion of the river.