8.

After leaving the cemetery, I took a taxi to the hospital and gave myself an obstetrics and gynecology number.

Not to go for a check-up, but to have an abortion.

The screen of the hospital's calling machine lit up again and again, and before the cold mechanical voice called out my name, I opened the message interface with Pei Yanchuan.

The last message was from him: "Cersei, I'll take you to something delicious after work, wait for me at home."

It's a pity that I will never have a relationship with him again.

"Let's break up," I said, and my finger paused, and I clicked the send button.

Then he walked into the operating room.

The operating room is dimly lit, and doctors in surgical gowns are preparing for surgery.

I suppressed my frantic heartbeat and clutched the sheets.

After the anesthetic, I quickly lost consciousness and fell into a deep sleep.

When I woke up, my head was dizzy, my lower abdomen was distended and painful, and I forced myself out of the operating room.

When he turned on his phone, it was already a 99+ logo, and Pei Yunchuan was bombarded with messages like crazy.

"Don't be kidding."

"Where are you?"

"We're getting married, don't mess around."

"And now we have our baby."

"Don't scare me."

…

I didn't reply to the message, so I took a taxi back to my wedding room with Pei Yunchuan.

The light in the living room was not turned on, and the mobile phone flashed faintly in the dark, reflecting Pei Yunchuan's figure.

I turned on the light, and the light poured out into the room.

Pei Yunchuan threw an unconscious gaze at me as if he had lost his soul.

Seeing that it was me, his pupils shrank, and he suddenly stood up and walked towards me.

He smiled at me, his eyes flattering and careful: "Cersei, are you back, have you eaten?" I'll make you whatever you want to eat. ”

Pei Yunchuan acted as if nothing had happened, I didn't send him that breakup text message, and he didn't send me a 99+ message in a panic.

I shook my head and handed him the abortion report in my hand.

With a trembling hand, he reached out and took the report.

"Why?" It took a long time for Pei Yunchuan to raise his head, his voice trembled, and his lips trembled unconsciously.

"There's no why." I looked him in the eye and said, word by word, "I don't love you."

It's not that I don't love anymore, but I never loved it.

Pei Yunchuan's whole person seemed to be numb, stiff and motionless, only his eyes were very red.

I didn't look at him again, went straight into the room, and picked up the suitcase I had packed in the morning.

Walking to the door, Pei Yunchuan grabbed my wrist tightly, as if he could keep me in this way.

"Cersei, can you not go."

I broke free from my wrists, put the key to the house in the hallway, and left without looking back.

9.

After leaving there, I came to a small apartment.

This apartment was bought by Hua Nian and I at the university. The house is not big, but it is very warm, and every corner of it is carefully selected and arranged by me and her.

I buried my head in the quilt and smelled the familiar scent on it as if she were still with me.

After I went to college, Hua Nian and I still kept in touch every day, and we talked about the classes, the classmates around us, and the food we ate, just like in high school.

Until one day, a boy named Pei Yanchuan frequently appeared in my chat with Hua Nian.

Hua Nian said to me, "Jiang Jiang, I met a very special boy."

"Jiang Jiang, others say that he is very attentive."

"Jiang Jiang, I seem... I fell in love with him. ”

"Jiang Jiang, we're together."

The joy and happiness in her voice I still remember vividly.

At that time, I replied, "As long as you are happy with him." I really hope that Hua Nian can find her happiness.

Gradually, my contact with Hua Nian became less. I was busy with part-time jobs every day, and I deliberately didn't want to disturb her time with her boyfriend.

It was more than a month after I received Hua Nian's call again.

She talked and laughed with me, reminiscing about our high school life, but there seemed to be something else in her laughter.

I heard a whirring sound on her side, like the wind blowing.

My sixth sense told me it seemed like something was going to happen, so I chartered a car and talked to her on the phone while rushing to the neighboring city.

But two hours away, but it is as far as a century.

Just when I was about to arrive at the house of the two of us, Hua Nian suddenly said: "Jiang Jiang, thank you for always being with me, I'll sing you a song!"

I had just reached the bottom floor, ready to go upstairs, and did not answer her words.

Without a response from me, she sang to herself:

"Where are the fallen leaves going with the wind?

Leave only the sky beautiful

The sound of the dance

Like angel wings

Crossing my happy past

Where love has been

The fragrance of yesterday remains

That familiar warmth

Like angel wings

Across my boundless heartache

I'm sure you're still here

Never left

My love watches over you like an angel

If life ends here

Since then, there has been no me

I'll find an angel to love you for me."

The song fell, and I was just about to tell her I was back.

I saw her in her favorite white dress, like a broken butterfly, leaping from the top of the building, and red flowers bloomed in front of my eyes.

My years left me, my parents, and this world like that, forever.

10.

Later, I pieced together the cause of her death from her diary

It's because of Pei Yanchuan's boy.

After Hua Nian was with Pei Yanchuan, he thought that he was a special existence for him.

Therefore, Hua Nian's diary has hopes for the future of her and Pei Yanchuan.

But time has proved that Hua Nian is no different from his previous dozens of girlfriends for Pei Yanchuan.

So he broke up with Hua Nian after he got tired of it.

This was not enough to kill Hua Nian, however, Hua Nian became pregnant.

When she went to have an abortion, she was seen by her classmates, and the rumors intensified.

The invective and ridicule of Hua Nian also followed. Some people say that Hua Nian had a fetus because he was adopted by an upstart person, and some people say that Hua Nian went out to do a special occupation and conceived a child. They say that Hua Nian is a bitch who can do his best.

But Pei Yanchuan, the hero of the story, never came out to clarify a word.

Hua Nian finally couldn't hold it anymore, so he chose this way to prove his innocence.

When I went to the relics of the Chinese New Year, I saw Pei Yanchuan.

He stood in the sun, his expression was indifferent, and he looked high-spirited.

The brother next to him hammered him on the shoulder and said jokingly: "You kid is really attractive, your ex-girlfriend jumped off the building for you."

And when he heard this, he just raised his eyebrows and smiled proudly.

Since then, I have decided to avenge Hua, and I will also let Pei Yanchuan taste the feeling of love.

I failed to protect Hua Nian as she did when she suffered these things, so revenge was the last thing I could do for her.

Then I changed my name, and Hua Nian's favorite poem is "Jin Se unprovoked fifty strings, one string and one pillar Si Hua Nian", she said that this is the origin of her name.

So my name changed from "Jiang Zhaodi" to "Jiang Jinse", and I want to use this name to remind me forever that I can't forget Hua Nian's death.

I came to Pei Yanchuan's city from a neighboring city and worked hard to enter his company.

Then he pursued him frantically for five years, so that he would get used to my presence and like my kindness to him.

And the child who miscarried in order to protect him, those words that were like ashes after the miscarriage were just the final blow I gave to make him fall in love with me.

As it turned out, I succeeded.

11.

In the past few months, I have been shopping for groceries, cooking, eating less than two bites, and then throwing them out, and repeating it every day.

Since the revenge on Pei Yanchuan ended, I didn't seem to be interested in anything. I did the same thing every day, and when I was done, I sat by the window in a daze.

I think about a lot of things, about the high school years I spent with Hua Nian, about her voice and smile, and about whether it hurt when she fell from the stairs.

I seem to be sick.

Until I saw Pei Yanchuan's car downstairs.

His company seems to have gone out of business, because since I left, he has been drinking heavily, the company has lost all its customers, and its employees have not been paid.

But none of this has anything to do with me.

I haven't seen him for a few months, he seems to be so thin that his cheeks are sunken, and he can't see his original high-spirited appearance.

I was going home from grocery shopping, but he stopped me downstairs.

Pei Yanchuan was holding a bouquet of roses, just like the day he stopped me at the airport.

"Cersei, even if you don't love me anymore, can you come back to me?" He looked a little humble.

I looked at him, didn't answer his words, and smiled, "Go upstairs and sit down."

I made a big table of dishes as usual, and it was full.

"Come and eat." I said to him.

Pei Yanchuan was a little restrained, looking at my words and deeds, he didn't dare to drop the chopsticks.

I ate it to myself.

After about half an hour, he finally couldn't help it: "Cersei, is it really because you don't love?" So what is your companionship for so many years, and what are the kindnesses you have to me? ”

I put down the dishes and chopsticks and looked directly into his gaze: "Pei Yanchuan, do you remember the girl who committed suicide because of you in college?"

He was a little dazed, "Huh? "Yes.

He didn't remember Wen Huanian at all, the Wen Huanian who was abused and slandered to death because of his irresponsible behavior.

I don't feel angry, I already know what kind of person Pei Yanchuan is.

I continued, "Her name is Wen Huanian, and she is my best friend and your ex-girlfriend because you committed suicide."

Pei Yanchuan seemed to understand something: "So you broke up with me because of her?"

I snorted, "Not because she broke up with you, but because she was with you." Then when you fall in love with me and can't do without me, break up with you. ”

I stared at him and spat out word by word: "You killed the person I love the most."

Pei Yanchuan stared at me in disbelief, as if he wanted to see my heart through my face.

He knew very well that there was no going to be anything between us.

I think this may be the last time we will see each other in our lives.

12.

I went to visit Hua Nian's parents.

The death of their only daughter crushed the elderly Wen's father and mother, and the gray hair climbed up their temples, and fine lines took root in the corners of their eyes.

They made a big table of my favorite meals to welcome me, and then put chopsticks into my bowl one by one, but I couldn't eat them without a few bites.

They looked at me with some concern.

When I was leaving, they stopped me and said earnestly: "Jiang Jiang, let the past pass, stop clinging."

This is the first time that someone has called me "Jiang Jiang" since Hua Nian's death.

I smiled and nodded, telling them I understood.

However, I don't seem to be able to let go of Hua Nian, and I always feel that she should still be in this world, waiting for me to find her somewhere.

I realized that something was wrong with my psyche, so I went to see a psychiatrist and the diagnosis was severe depression.

The doctor advised me to hurry up and get treatment, but I refused.

I don't love the world and I don't want to accept it again.

So I found a lawyer, made a will, and carefully calculated my property, only to find out that what I really owned was only this small apartment between me and Hua Nian.

I left this apartment to Mother Wenfu.

13.

Just like the last time I came to see the Chinese New Year, it was still raining lightly today.

There was no one in the cemetery. Instead of wearing a white dress, I wore my favorite red and stood in front of her grave.

Hua Nian said to me before: "Jiang Jiang, I like you to wear a red dress the most, because I hope you can be brighter, smile more Jiang Jiang, you look the best when you smile."

In fact, in my heart, Hua Nian is the best when he smiles, bright and sunny, which makes people want to forget it.

I sat in front of Hua Nian's grave, my head resting lightly on the tombstone, as if leaning against her.

It's just that my body is getting colder and colder, and my consciousness is starting to blur.

Until the end, I seemed to see Yu Zhongnian coming towards me, she didn't change much, the same white dress, the same bright smile.

She reached out to me, and I tentatively grabbed the outstretched hand.

This time, I finally caught the warmth I couldn't ask for.

Wen Hua is outside

There was a girl in the class who had a very low presence. I was so low that I was in my classmate for a year, but I didn't even remember her name.

I started noticing her because one day I saw her feeding the big fat orange cat at school with steamed buns.

She looked at the cat's eyes very gently, gently stroked the cat's cat, and a shallow smile appeared at the corner of her mouth.

The orange cat benefited from the feeding of his classmates at school, and his food was round.

The girl squatted in front of it, and under its backdrop, the girl's back was thin.

I paid special attention to her name when I was collecting my homework, her name was "Jiang Zhaodi".

I don't think the name is nice at all, but her last name is pretty good.

So I secretly named her "Jiang Jiang" in my heart.

I began to pay attention to her, and I found that Jiang Jiang rarely smiled, and wore gray and heavy clothes every day, and her beautiful eyes were covered tightly with heavy bangs.

She seems to be bullied often, and some classmates will fan the air in a weird way when she passes by, and spit out a sentence: "It stinks to death"; Some classmates would deliberately bang her chair when passing by her position, and without apologizing, they would walk away on their own; Some thugs would even pull her into an alley after school and beat her.

But she never resisted, just silently endured all malice.

Once I couldn't stand it anymore and wanted to step forward angrily to theorize, but the table mate next to me grabbed me, looked at me and shook his head, and whispered, "I'll be isolated."

I admit I was scared.

So for a long time, I forced myself not to care about her situation, to force myself not to pay attention to her.

It wasn't until that afternoon that I saw her being pulled into the alley again.

I stood at the mouth of the alley, and the sharp words of knives and the fists like raindrops in the alley fell on her again and again.

I suddenly remembered the phrase "all bystanders are accomplices", and I was one of the accomplices of the bystanders.

At that moment, I seemed to be full of courage, so I rushed into the alley and stood in front of her.

At that moment, I seemed to not only protect her, but also save myself who was cold-eyed, selfish and cold-blooded.

I helped her with her wounds, which were so dense that they stung my eyes.

I decided to protect her from being hurt again.

So, when she wanted to leave, I stopped her and said, "Jiang Jiang, let's go to school together and go home in the future, okay?"

In fact, what I want to say more is: "Jiangjiang, can we be good friends?"

When I was with Pei Yanchuan, I shared my joy with Jiang Jiang. But when I was bullied and insulted, I didn't want to tell Jiang Jiang.

She managed to climb out of this quagmire, but because I was about to jump back in, I didn't want her to see all these ugly faces of the world again.

So I decided to carry it myself.

I tried not to go to school or the Internet, but the abuse seemed to have been engraved in my mind and slowly took root.

Later, even I believed that I was the kind of person they said I was.

I can't seem to hold on, but in the end I think of Jiang Jiang.

Jiang Jiang is very introverted, not good at communicating with people, and I only have one friend, if I leave, what will Jiang Jiang do?

I was standing on the rooftop that day, and the wind was very strong and blowing.

I talked to Jiang Jiang on the phone for a long time, and I smiled and recalled our high school life with her, and told her a lot of interesting things, but in fact, what I wanted to say the most was: "Jiang Jiang, be brave, even if I am not by your side."

I really couldn't hold it anymore, and the moment I jumped, I felt like I was finally freed.

I was confused, I didn't know if I was dazzled, I actually saw Jiang Jiang.

I raised my hand, trying to wipe the tears from her face.

"Jiang Jiang, be brave."

Pei Yanchuan is outside

Pei Yanchuan has been the pride of the sky since he was a child, he studies well, looks good, and is a proper child of other people's families.

So he never lacks the pursuit of girls, which also leads to his casual attitude towards feelings. He never wanted to marry anyone, and for him, marriage would only put a shackle on him.

Pei Yanchuan's favorite type is a pure little girl wearing a white dress and a long straight black hair.

But one day, he met a very special girl, she came to the company for an interview.

That girl's dress is his favorite type, but the temperament around her body is very inconsistent with her dress.

Her expression was indifferent, and she lowered her head to exude the aura of being unapproachable, like a cold moon.

Pei Yanchuan looked at her interview form and learned that she had a nice name, "Jiang Jinse".

Since then, Pei Yanchuan has been obsessed with Jiang Jinse, and specially greeted the personnel department to leave her.

However, Jiang Jinse was no different from the girls who pursued him before, and was even more humble and crazy than them.

Pei Yanchuan was a little disappointed, he thought that Jiang Jinse would be a special existence.

He was annoyed and ashamed of Jiang Jinse's heart, so he deliberately had the intention of humiliating Jiang Jinse, and did countless excessive things to Jiang Jinse.

The time Jiang Jinse sent him home drunk, he was actually sober, but the ghost sent him to the gods, and the moment he felt Jiang Jinse's hair sweep over his skin, he kissed it.

After they were together, Pei Yanchuan was actually satisfied with the ambiguous gaze that looked at him and Jiang Jinse, but he just pretended to be reluctant for the sake of face.

Later, when Jiang Jinse was pushed by hooligans and blood continued to flow from under her, Pei Yanchuan felt unprecedented panic.

While waiting for Jiang Jinse to wake up, he prayed to the gods countless times, begging the gods not to take Jiang Jinse away.

Fortunately, Jiang Jinse is safe and sound.

But when she woke up, she didn't cry or make a fuss, but told him calmly, "I'm leaving the city."

Pei Yanchuan didn't stop her, he didn't want to admit that Jiang Jinse already had a very important position in his heart.

Pei Yanchuan thought about it for a week, recalling the bits and pieces of Jiang Jinse's five years by his side, he didn't know what would become of his life if Jiang Jinse left him, and he didn't dare to know.

On the day Jiang Jinse left, he finally figured it out, he couldn't accept Jiang Jinse's departure, and he couldn't accept life without Jiang Jinse.

So he stopped Jiang Jinse, who was leaving, at the airport.

Pei Yanchuan finally learned how to love Jiang Jinse.

He learned to cook, learned to understand Jiang Jinse's life preferences, and learned how to love Jiang Jinse well.

When he heard the news of Jiang Jinse's pregnancy, the president of more than one meter and eight meters sat in the office and cried fiercely.

He felt that he could finally have a home with Jiang Jinse.

Therefore, until he got Jiang Jinse's miscarriage report, he didn't dare to really believe that Jiang Jinse wanted to leave him.

Jiang Jinse said that he left because he didn't love her, but Pei Yanchuan already loved her to the core, and Jiang Jinse had become an inseparable part of him.

After Jiang Jinse left, he drank heavily every day and the company went bankrupt, but in fact, he never believed in his heart that Jiang Jinse would really leave him.

Until he found Jiang Jinse again, she was almost skinny, and there was no brilliance in her eyes. He said to him, "You killed the one I love the most."

At that moment, Pei Yanchuan understood that there was no longer any possibility between them.

The next time I saw Jiang Jinse was in the cemetery, Jiang Jinse turned into a cold stone tablet and stood there quietly.

Pei Yanchuan thought, I almost touched my moon,

It's a pity that it's dawn.