Language is a comprehensive science, war is inseparable from guns, communication is inseparable from language. The face is warm and heartbeat, the mouth is open, and the words are incomprehensible; Being generous, talking, and coping with ease is another performance. Good language is like a good color, it is easy for people to feel your temperament as a person, and effectively play the role of communication. Flamboyant, boastful, and grandstanding are not good eloquence, but they can be regarded as mastering this science if they are in place, decent, and ingenious.

1. "High hats" can't be sent too outrageously

【Social Rubik's Cube】

One of the deepest intentions of human nature is the desire to be praised, admired, respected.

—William James

When interacting with people, properly giving each other a "high hat" can not only gain good popularity, but also make both parties get closer psychologically and emotionally, and shorten the distance between each other.

One morning, when Rich Ferent, a dentist in Dublin, Scotland, received a new patient, he was shocked when he pointed out that the mouthwash cup and tray she was using were not clean. Yes, she used paper cups, not trays, but the rusty equipment obviously meant that his professional level was not enough.

When the patient was gone, Dr. Ferent closed the private practice and wrote a letter to Agnes, a maid, who came to clean twice a week. Here's what he wrote:

"Dear Agnes,

I've rarely seen you lately. I thought I should take a moment to pay tribute to the cleaning you did. By the way, 2 hours per week, which is not a small amount of time. If you wish, feel free to come and work for half an hour and do something you think you should do regularly, such as cleaning the tray of gargle cups, etc. Of course, I'll pay for this extra service as well. ”

When he walked into the office the next day, his desk and chair were polished almost as bright as a mirror, and he almost slipped off them. When he entered the examination room, he saw a very clean, shiny chrome cup holder that he had never seen before in the storage. Doctor Ferent can blame a maid for her poor work, but doing so will only cause her resentment, and of course, the doctor can hire another maid, but the new maid may not be better than Agnes. So Dr. Ferent chose to give the other party a "top hat", and for this little compliment, the maid worked harder and more seriously, so how much extra time did she spend? Not at all.

It should be noted that it is not easy to put on a "top hat", and the so-called "sycophants", "sycophants", and "flattery" are all counterfeit products processed by poor skill tall hat factories, because they do not meet the standards of praise and compliment.

Although the top hat is good, the size must also meet the specifications. It would be unwise to overdo an overweight tall hat. Praise begets honor, and honor creates satisfaction, but when people find you exaggerated, they often feel that they have been fooled. Therefore, it is better not to compliment than to exaggerate.

There was a lady A in a certain company, who was beautiful and smart, and had a very sweet mouth. Her boss loves to be beautiful and can match clothes, and with a little move, he can conjure up a lot of new clothes that seem to be sets. And the sweet-mouthed lady has become a distress for this boss. Because, as soon as I arrived at the company every morning, the uncomfortable compliment from the other party poured into my ears, "Wow! Manger! Bought a new set of clothes, right? The color is so beautiful! It's not the same when you wear it. As soon as we met the next day, they came again: "Look and see!" It's another set, it's expensive, isn't it? And necklaces, earrings, also new, right? I don't have the ability to dress up like you. Not only that, but she also "complimented" her boss in front of customers, and almost always said: "Under the wise leadership of our 'manager', I have today's results, and many people ask me how long I have been with our 'manager'?" Actually, it hasn't been long, but adults are generous, willing to teach me! Right! ”

The boss was finally annoyed by her excessive "compliment" and insincere eyes, so he had to tell her: "It's not that you haven't seen the new clothes, my clothes are five or six years old, but they are well maintained, and they are different when they come and go!" When you yell, people think I'm a waste, how can I buy new clothes every day, please don't talk about my clothes in the future! "This sweet sister's top hat to her boss is very illegal, first of all, the content is the same, there is no new idea, and secondly, her praise gives people the feeling of insincerity. violated these two taboos of sending "high hats", and it is strange that her leaders will like it.

So how do you send a good word of thumbs up perfectly?

(1) Praise should be unique

Praise tactics are often used by people, and for a particular person, there may be some compliments that he hears a lot. These compliments are often aimed at his most prominent and obvious characteristics, such as his appearance that he looks younger than his actual age, his appearance is beautiful and handsome, his temperament is extraordinary, etc., these compliments have been heard many times for him, and have become a habit, and the effect of hearing the same compliments will follow the law of diminishing returns, and finally he will interpret them as regular communication procedures, and no longer have a specific meaning, and even think that you do not have a deeper understanding of him.

Therefore, to maximize the effect of compliments, you should try to make your compliments to the other person as novel as possible, different from the compliments that the other person often hears. Novelty always takes precedence over attention, and that's when compliments really work. However, it is necessary to emphasize the sincere basis of praise and try to be as novel as possible, which requires you to observe each other carefully, deeply understand each other, and discover the advantages of his praise from the outside to the inside. Obviously, such discoveries can only be accomplished through a great deal of deep interaction.

(2) Don't praise too much

The more times you compliment the same person over a period of time, the less powerful the compliment will be. For example, Ms. A in the story, she keeps praising her boss, and her praise does not have the desired effect, but makes people feel numb. Thus, while praise is needed, praise cannot be given casually without hesitation. If you praise someone too often, you are likely to be misunderstood by the other person as a flatterer who uses false reputation to attract people, and even become wary and disgusted with you.

The law of changes in the level of interpersonal attraction by the social psychologist Aronson shows that we always like people who praise us more and more, and we prefer those who praise themselves all the time to those who initially belittle themselves but gradually develop to praise themselves. Emphasize the frequency of praise, that is, to give praise carefully.

(3) Praise is best sent indirectly

One of Roosevelt's lieutenants, named Budd, had a brilliant and useful insight into praise and compliment: it is more effective to praise the good of others behind the scenes than to compliment them in person.

It is a supreme technique of praising people behind their backs, and among all the methods of compliment, it can be regarded as the most pleasing and effective.

Would we be upset if someone told us: so-and-so said a lot of nice things about us behind our back? If this kind of praise is said to us in front of us, it may make us feel false, or suspect that he is not sincere, so why does it feel pleasant to hear indirectly? Because that's a compliment.

Bismarck, the iron-blooded chancellor of Germany, in order to win over a subordinate who was hostile to him, systematically praised this genus to others, knowing that those people, after hearing it, would definitely pass on what he said to that subordinate.

Praise others, and most importantly, make people willing to believe and accept. Therefore, when giving praise to others, you should use your brains more, and make the "high hat" too white and vulgar, which will not only spoil yourself, but also make others lose their appetite.

2. It's okay to "quiet" him a "silent"

【Social Rubik's Cube】

The farmer and his wife took a pig out of the pigsty and prepared to kill it for the holidays. The pig said, "Wait, why don't you kill the dog?" The farmer told him, "This is God's punishment for you, you can only eat and sleep, but the dog can watch over the house." The pig said calmly, "If that's the case, then let me go!" Didn't God punish me so badly that I was born a pig instead of a dog? The farmer laughed and turned to his wife, "Change a pig, and this one will be next year!" ”

Humor is the lubricant of relationships, it replaces complaining with a kind smile, avoiding arguments, and it can also help you make many impossible possibilities, and it can produce far more than a grin.

Noble humor can dilute contradictions, eliminate misunderstandings, and get the unfavorable party out of trouble. George Bernard Shaw, the world's master of humor, was once hit by a cyclist on the street. The perpetrator was so frightened that he hurriedly apologized to Xiao Weng in a panic, but Xiao Weng said to him: "Sir, you are more unfortunate than me, if you work harder, then you can go down in history forever as the hero who killed George Bernard Shaw!" One sentence lightened the tense atmosphere. Humor is an indispensable lubricant in social situations, which can make people's interactions smoother, more natural and more harmonious.

Humor is a panacea for embarrassment, and sudden dilemmas in conversation are often overwhelming, but with the right amount of humor, everyone can get out of the dilemma.

For 20 years, Japan's Teru Tako has been engaged in the study of various manifestations of people when they are in awkward situations. "People are humiliated in public, and it is usually not seen as a joke or a trivial matter," he noted. When a person's feelings are hurt, most of us get angry, stammering or flushing. However, we can have a smarter solution, to remain silent, or to try to change your situation. ”

Don't spend a lot of time worrying about the hurt you've been doing, and don't ponder the "why is this man doing such a prank on me?" Some people may be deliberately embarrassed because they feel that you are a threat to them, or they want to punish you for doing something sorry to them. Others are accustomed to making such jokes, and they don't think about whether others are hurt or not. For such a person, there is no need to care whether he is intentional or not.

Humor can also bring you closer to others. If you have a sense of humor, you have an affinity, and people will naturally want to talk and associate with you, because your humor brings them joy without stressing them.

There was a young man who had recently become chairman. On his first day in office, he convened a meeting of the company's employees. He introduced himself and said, "I'm Jerry, your chairman. Then he quipped, "I was born to be a leader because I was the son of the former chairman of the company." Everyone in the meeting laughed, and he laughed himself. He uses humor to prove that he can see his position in a fair way and has a human understanding of it. In fact, he said euphemistically: Because of this, I want to work hard with you to make you change your opinion of me.

Sometimes we do need to express human touch in a fun and effective way, providing people with some kind of care, emotion and warmth. It is said that a lawyer, who had a music fan next door to his apartment, used to amplify the volume of the record player to an unbearable degree. The lawyer could not rest, so he took an axe and went to the door of the neighbor. He said, "I'll fix your record player." The music fan was taken aback and hurriedly apologized. The lawyer said, "I'm sorry, don't go to court to sue me, look at me with all the murder weapons." After saying that, the two laughed like friends.

The lawyer wasn't trying to smash a neighbor's record player. He's aptly expressing his displeasure with his neighbors — note it: it's the stereo, not the people — and his behavior seems to be saying to music fans, "We're friends, I want to get along with you, and as for the turntable being a turntable, it can be fixed." Of course, the so-called "repair" is just to turn down the sound of the record player.

If you're not confident enough in your humorous approach, learn childlike humor. Even after the age of 60, we are often moved by the humor that children generate from innocence. They are genuinely honest and do not hide any facts. When they unabashedly tell what they think or the truth of the truth, people like them at once, and they feel relaxed and happy with no one.

Once, Ferris invited a few friends to dinner at home. When a friend came, his wife asked his little daughter to say a few words of welcome to the guest. She was reluctant and said, "I don't know what to say." At this time, a friend who came to visit suggested: "If you hear what your mother says, you can say it." His daughter nodded and said, "Oh my God! Why should I spend money on a treat? Where does our money go? Ferris's friends burst out laughing, even his wife was embarrassed.

That's childlike humor. His daughter spoke her mother's thoughts in a very innocent way, which forced the adults to seriously review their own thoughts, and at the same time alleviated our worries about money. Ferris got something out of this: childlike humor makes us seem extra sincere.

People who are good at understanding humor are prone to liking others; People who are good at expressing humor are easily liked by others. People with a sense of humor tend to maintain a harmonious relationship with others. In real life, there is often no shortage of head-wrenching problems that remain unsolved, but with a little humor, they are often solved. Make the conflict between colleagues and husband and wife turn into friendship. Humor also shows self-confidence and boosts confidence in success. Faith may sometimes be more important than competence. The difficulties and twists and turns of life can easily cause people to lose self-confidence and give up on their goals. Dealing with setbacks with humor can often rejuvenate the sails of hope for the future.

A sense of humor is not something that everyone is born with, it requires you to be based on knowledge and cultivation, try to make yourself as relaxed and free as possible in the process of socializing, and find ways to speak wittily and funny. At first, it may seem unnatural, but as you practice, you'll become comfortable with humor and you'll become more and more popular.

3. Title is learned

【Social Rubik's Cube】

The fox and the wolf want to ask the hen for an egg, and they decide to split up to see who can succeed. The wolf rushed to the hen's house first: "Hen! Give me one of your eggs, you are so hardworking, so capable, so kind, you will definitely help me with this, right? The hen looked at the wolf coldly: "Stop dreaming! How could I possibly give you eggs, get out of here! The fox came, and he said affectionately, "Mother chicken, can you do me a favor?" I need an egg! The hen thought about it and gave the fox an egg. The wolf jumped out and said, "It's not fair! I speak sweetly more than that! The hen sneered and said, "At least the fox knows how to call me Mother Chicken!" ”

Salutation, is the first word when dealing with people, it is also a pass to enter the social door, the title is decent, can shorten the distance between the two sides, the title is inappropriate, it will cause the other party's unhappiness, so that both parties fall into a very embarrassing situation.

There used to be such a story: a young man rode a horse, and it was almost dusk, but he couldn't go to the village in front of him, and he couldn't go to the shop behind. When he was in a hurry, he saw an old man passing by, and he shouted on horseback, "Hey! Old man, how far is it from the inn? The old man replied, "Five miles! The young man rode his horse and galloped away, but he ran for more than ten miles in one breath, and still found no one in sight, and he thought to himself, this old man is really hateful, and he lies and deceives people, and must go back and teach him a lesson. While thinking, he said to himself: "Five miles, five miles, what five miles!" Suddenly, he woke up, isn't this "five miles" a homonym for "rude"? So he turned his horse's head and hurried back. Catching up with the old man, he hurriedly turned over and dismounted, and called affectionately: "Old man! Before he finished speaking, the old man said, "The inn has gone too far, if you don't dislike it, you can come to my house to stay." ”

This story is so widely circulated because it illustrates a simple truth: in dealing with people, the title is a big problem, and if the title is good, the other party will naturally be happy, but if the title is not right, it will be troublesome. For example, the young man in the story was lectured by the old man because he was too rude to the old man, but when he addressed the old man politely, the old man also changed his attitude and invited him to be a guest cordially.

So, what is the proper name? This should be determined according to the specific circumstances of the other party, such as age, identity, occupation, etc., as well as the occasion of the interaction, as well as the relationship between the two parties.

(1) Titles between relatives. Among relatives, elders should be referred to by relative titles, such as grandfather, grandmother, father, mother, aunt, uncle, etc. It is impolite to address elders by their names, positions, statuses, occupations, etc. For peers, they can be commensurate with each other by relative titles or titles in a ranking sequence, such as elder brother, younger sister, second brother, third sister, etc.; Husbands and wives can be referred to by name, and when they are together, they can use nicknames, but they should not be used in front of parents, children, and in public.

(2) Titles between acquaintances. For acquaintances who are more closely related, the corresponding titles can be roughly modeled on the gender, age, and identity of their relatives, and they can also be called "surname plus kinship", "name plus kinship", "name and kinship", such as "Grandma Li", "Uncle Du", etc.

On some formal and public occasions, acquaintances may be addressed for their positions and occupations, and they may also be commensurate with "surname plus position and professional title", "name plus position and professional title", and "name plus position and professional title". Such as "Director Wang", "Director Li" and so on.

Older, higher-ranked, and higher-ranking people often address the names of people who are younger, lower-ranked, and younger, and this kind of address is crisp and straightforward. On the other hand, it is not polite for a person who is younger, has a lower position, or has a younger rank to call someone who is older, has a higher position, or has a higher rank.

Between friends, classmates, and colleagues, because they have been together for a long time, they can be called casually, and they can add "old", "small", "big", etc. before the surname, such as "Lao Ding", "Xiao Chen", etc.

(3) Addressing strangers. Generally speaking, the following methods can be used to address strangers: First, use a generic name. According to the specific age, gender, occupation and other conditions of the person, they can be called "comrade", "friend", "master", "sir", "miss", etc. Generally speaking, a man can be called "sir", an unmarried woman is called "miss", a married woman is called "madam" or "wife", and if a married woman is not too old, she is called "miss", and the other party will never be disgusted. And to call an unmarried woman "ma'am" is extremely disrespectful. Therefore, it is better to call "Mrs." and "Mrs." "Miss" than to call each other "Mrs." and "Mrs." Generally speaking, a woman of maturity can be called a "lady". The second is to call each other by the title of relatives, according to the gender, age and other conditions of the other party, according to the other party's gender, age, etc., to be referred to by the relative titles of parents, grandparents, and peers, such as "uncle", "aunt", "grandfather", "aunt", "sister-in-law", "eldest sister", etc. When calling the other party "sister-in-law" or "eldest sister", you must be cautious, because it is difficult to determine whether the other party is married, and it is safer to call "eldest sister" if you are not sure.

In addition, different regions and different living habits have caused various dialects, so special attention should be paid to the similarities and differences between dialects. A group of young people went to the Chengde Summer Resort for a tour. On this day, they came out of the summer resort and wanted to go to the Eight Kings Temple, and in order to take a shortcut, two young men went up to ask for directions, and met a girl who sold ice cream. A young man stepped forward and called out politely: "Little master! At first the girl did not answer, and the young man, thinking that she had not heard, cried out again. immediately angered the girl, and she was not forgiving, and said angrily: "Go home and call your little master!" "The two young men are quite self-contained, they suppressed the anger and did not have a seizure. I was polite to ask for directions, but I was scolded, why is this? Later, they learned that the local peasants called the monks and nuns their masters, so it was no wonder that the girl lost her temper.

It's not uncommon to use the wrong name like this, so when you go to a foreign place, you should have a little understanding of the local folklore, and it is best to call each other according to different occupations.

Addressing people varies from person to person and from place to place, communication starts with a salutation, and a proper and polite salutation will make you more popular in your interactions with others.

4. Criticism should also be humane

【Social Rubik's Cube】

A person who criticizes openly is unlikely to be welcomed, if not resented for it.

—Heine

In life, criticism and praise are as essential, because everyone has shortcomings, if you want to go further in your relationship with someone, in addition to general care and praise, you must also be good at giving good criticism of his shortcomings, so that you can often win his trust, and even regard yourself as his confidant, but it should be noted that when criticizing the other party, the wording should be as tactful as possible, if your criticism is too harsh, it may make him stand on a hostile position with you.

During the American Civil War, his subordinates asked President Lincoln about the number of enemy troops, and Lincoln replied without thinking: "Between 1.2 million and 1.6 million." When asked on what the basis was, Lincoln said, "There are three or four times as many enemies as we are." Criticism that comes as soon as you open your mouth is like a direct slap in the face, and there are very few of our troops who do not arouse resentment, and the enemy is not 1.2 million to 1.6 million? In order to criticize the officers for exaggerating the hostile situation and exculpating the blame, Lincoln cleverly made a joke and mocked the officers who lied about the military situation. This kind of criticism is obviously much better than a blunt rebuke.

In fact, in many cases, the effect of criticism often lies not in the harshness of the words but in the ingenuity of the form, just as a pill with a layer of sugar coating can not only alleviate the pain of the person taking the medicine, but also make people willing to accept it. The same is true for criticism, if we can add a "coat" to it when necessary, we can also achieve the goal of "sweet medicine also cures".

Although everyone knows that medicine can cure diseases, it is still difficult to swallow bitter medicine, and frank criticism is hardly welcome, if not resentful. So before criticizing a person, you might as well praise him, and say that he is full of joy, and then you point out his white "slight" flaws, I believe he will be more willing to accept, this law Changsun Empress has tried to use it in Tang Taizong, and the effect is very good.

Wei Zheng is a famous counselor in the history of our country, and many things that Tang Taizong wanted to do were stopped by him. As a result, Tang Taizong felt very uncomfortable and couldn't bear it. Once, when he retired to the palace, he was still angry, saying, "One day, I will kill that hillbilly!" Empress Changsun learned that the emperor was going to kill Wei Zheng, so she hurriedly changed into court clothes and congratulated the emperor, Taizong was puzzled, so he asked why, Empress Changsun said: "I heard that the lord is straightforward, Wei Zheng is loyal and straight, just because His Majesty is the lord, isn't this a thing that should be celebrated?" Tang Taizong couldn't help but turn his anger into joy when he heard this, and Wei Zheng's head was naturally saved. Later, Wei Zheng died of illness, and Tang Taizong still said with tears: "With copper as a mirror, you can tidy up your clothes; Using history as a mirror, we can see the rise and fall; With people as a mirror, you can know the gains and losses. Now that Wei Zheng is dead, I have lost a good mirror! ”

Empress Changsun is really a very intelligent person, she first praised the emperor's wisdom, which made Taizong very happy, and then tactfully pointed out that Taizong should not kill his ministers indiscriminately, Taizong listened to it and naturally agreed. Since it can be seen that the "good medicine" does not need to be "bitter", the "good medicine" is wrapped in "sugar coating", and the effect of curing the disease will be better.

Note that the purpose of criticism is not to disparage or discourage others, but to help others correct their shortcomings. In order to achieve the desired end, it is necessary to master the art of criticism.

(1) Just talk about things, don't mention the past

Some people like to settle old accounts when they criticize others: "By the way, you have done ×× things before, and you have done ×× things." "By the way, tell me about the last time you ......" This way of calculating the ledger is also very common when mothers scold their children. But this way of blaming can be said to be ineffective. As far as being scolded is concerned, if you settle old accounts, you will inevitably feel that the other party does not have enough reason to pull out history. Not only did he not reflect on it, but he even wanted to retort, "In that case, why didn't you say it at the time?" Or think, "It turns out that he has long been prejudiced against me." ”

When criticizing others, you should not elevate "partial" faults to "all", or even go to the upper line, such as: "You are such a despicable person!" "You're careless in everything!" "You don't always grow!" This type of criticism is offensive, and the other person will think that you are looking for something trivial to make a fuss and take the opportunity to retaliate.

It is also necessary not to "strain" personal insults, and once the critic is personally attacked, he will naturally take hostile defensive measures. In this case, criticism has completely degenerated, and even evolved into confrontation between the two sides.

(2) Roundabout, curve to save the country

Do not directly criticize the other party, but use analogies and examples to remind the other party, prompt the other party to dispel doubts or fears, raise awareness, and correct shortcomings. For example, if you want your child to tidy up his room, you might want to tell him, "If the room is tidy, you can entertain friends here." If you look for clothes, audio tapes, and books, you will find them quickly. ”

Sometimes silent behavior is more important than vocal criticism. There was a big boss who started many big stores. He visited one of the stores every day. One day he noticed a customer waiting at the counter to buy something, and no one noticed him. The salesperson was standing on the other side of the counter and chatting. At this time, the big boss didn't say a word, quickly stood behind the counter, and took the things to the customer to buy. His actions were a harsh criticism of the salesman.

(3) The tone is cordial, not arbitrary

There is a kind of attitude and a kind of language. If the attitude is sincere, the tone will definitely be cordial, which makes people feel comfortable listening to it; If you are blunt and self-righteous, others will not buy your account. Some people always like to use "you should do this......" and "you shouldn't do this......" when criticizing people, as if only their opinion is correct, and this self-righteous tone will only cause people to resent it.

It can be seen that the critic is quite knowledgeable, and if the criticism is appropriate, the other party will be very grateful to you, and if the criticism is inappropriate, he will bring humiliation on himself. Therefore, when criticizing others, we should reveal human feelings in the well-intentioned criticism, so as to better achieve the desired effect.

5. Have something to say

【Social Rubik's Cube】

The wind and the sun argued over whose strength was greater, and the wind said, "I can prove that my strength is great, look! There is an old man in an overcoat walking underneath, and I can get him to take it off faster than you do. So the sun hid itself in the clouds, and the wind blew with all its might, but the stronger the wind blew, the more the old man tightened his coat with his hands. Finally the wind was exhausted and stopped. The sun came out of the clouds and began to smile kindly at the old man. Soon the old man wiped the sweat from his forehead with his hands and took off his coat. So the sun said to the wind, "Kindness and kindness are always more powerful than anger and violence." ”

Communicating with people without giving in will delay the matter to be solved, which is not beneficial to both parties. But if you can follow the principle of harmony and communicate everything with reason, then the matter will be resolved satisfactorily and quickly.

A lawyer thinks the rent is too high and asks for a lower one, but he knows that the landlord is a very stubborn person. "I wrote a letter to the landlord saying that I wouldn't live in the house when the contract expired, but I didn't really want to move," he said. If the rent could be lowered, I would continue to rent, but I'm afraid it will be difficult, and I have tried to negotiate with others after moving in, but it has not been successful. Many people have told me that the landlord is a difficult person to deal with. But I said in my own mind, 'I'm learning how to behave with people, so I'm going to try it on him and see if it works.'" ’

"As a result, when the landlord received my letter, he came to me with his lease deed, and I treated him warmly at home. At first, I didn't say that the rent was too expensive, but I first talked about how I liked his house, and believe me, I was indeed a 'sincere compliment'. I admired his ability to manage the properties and said I would love to stay for another year, but I couldn't afford the rent.

He was like he'd never heard a tenant say that to him. He simply didn't know what to do. Then he told me about his difficulties, one of the tenants had written him 40 letters, some of which amounted to insults, and another tenant who threatened him with tearing up the rent contract if he couldn't get one of the tenants living upstairs to stop snoring at night. He said to me, 'How comfortable it is to have a tenant like you. Then, without waiting for me to speak, he subtracted a little rent for me. I wanted to reduce it a little more, and I told me how much rent I could afford, and he agreed without saying a word.

Before leaving, he turned around and asked me if there was anything in the house that should be renovated. If I had asked him to reduce his rent in the same way as other tenants, I would have failed like everyone else. I won thanks to this friendly, sympathetic, appreciative approach. ”

Arguing with others is like fighting cocks, the more the two sides fight, the more they fight, but it does not help solve the problem. What would have happened if the lawyer in the story, like other tenants, had scolded the landlord and then demanded a rent reduction? The landlord will definitely contradict the lawyer, saying how good his house is, how many people are waiting to rent, and the two will be unhappy because of this, and of course the landlord will definitely not deduct a penny of rent. Fortunately, the lawyer used a clever method, first praising the landlord's shrewdness, then expressing his liking for the house, and finally saying that he felt that the rent was too expensive, and in the process the landlord completely discouraged him, because the conversation between the two men was always in a friendly atmosphere and there was no dispute. The lawyer got the result he was expecting – the landlord reduced the rent.

U.S. President Wilson once said, "If you come to me with two fists clenched, I think I can tell you that I will clench my fists tighter; But if you come to me and say, 'Let's sit down and talk, and if we disagree, see why, what is the main problem?' We will feel that our opinions are not very far apart, that we have few differences and many similarities, and that it is not very difficult for us to get along as long as we have patience, sincerity and desire to approach each other. ”

Beirut is an income tax consultant for companies. On one occasion, he argued for two hours with a government tax inspector over a crucial sum of $8,000. The $8,000 is actually a dead account receivable that cannot be recovered, so it should not be subject to income tax. But the inspector insisted on accepting it. The inspector was arrogant, cold, and stubborn. The more you argue with him, the more stubborn he becomes.

Beirut knew that such an argument would not lead to any result, so he changed his tactics and began to praise the inspector, saying that the matter was not worth mentioning compared to other important and difficult matters to deal with. Beirut said that most of his research on tax issues comes from dead knowledge in books, while the work experience of the auditors is rich, and the knowledge is all a summary of actual work experience. He really envied this kind of work, which would teach him a lot. These words made the inspector sit up straight in his chair and talk for a long time about his work and about his children. The tension eased all at once. Before leaving, the inspector told Beirut that he would consider the issue and respond in a few days. Three days later, the inspector called Beirut and decided not to collect the income tax.

In this example, Beirut uses two methods to achieve its goals: arguing with others; If you have something to say, it's good to say. With the former method, the inspector became more and more stubborn, while with the latter method, the inspector softened and did not have to desperately insist on his position, and in the end Beirut succeeded, and the inspector let him go. In your interactions, if you argue with someone when you are emotional, your anger may disappear, but will your challenging tone and hostile attitude make him agree with you? If Beirut had argued with the inspector if it had taken its own right, it might have ended up with a different outcome.

It is absolutely impossible for us to change anyone's thinking with verbal battles, and the vast majority of arguments will make the other side more insistent on their own positions. And even if you win an argument once in a while, you won't get the convincing and favor of others! Therefore, when encountering difficult people and things, you may wish to be affectionate and reasonable to the other party, and I believe that you will definitely achieve satisfactory results!

6. Teach you how to say "no"

【Social Rubik's Cube】

No matter how beautifully decorated the lie is, it can't be trusted. Telling the truth will not disappoint you completely.

- Azaev

In interpersonal communication, it is very difficult to reject others, and if you are not careful, you may offend people, so everyone should learn to master some skills to skillfully refuse others' requests for help without hurting others' friendships, and to gain the understanding and understanding of others.

Let the person seeking help know that you really have more than enough to do.

A friend of Xiao Chen's who became a life insurance broker told Xiao Chen about the benefits of life insurance, and then asked Xiao Chen to buy 1 million yuan of insurance from him. Xiao Chen knew that this move would indeed be beneficial, but considering his financial situation, Xiao Chen shook his head slightly. "Dude, I really want to help you with this, but I just calculated, the monthly insurance premium is equal to 1/3 of my income, and I now have to pay a mortgage of nearly 2,000 yuan a month, and I have a wife and children at home......" "Okay, okay!" My friend interrupted Xiao Chen's words: "I didn't force you to buy it, I just recommended it to you!" Stinky boy, if you make a fortune in the future, you must take care of your brother more! A storm ended in laughter, and the friendship between the two was not affected in the slightest.

Interpersonal relations scientists tell us, "We need to shake our heads softly and not strongly after listening to other people's statements and requests." As soon as others see you shaking their heads, they know that you have refused, and then you can calmly say the reason for refusal, so that others can easily accept it.

Naturally, there must be a good reason for refusal, a good reason so that people will understand the hardships you can't comply, and they won't hold a grudge against you.

(1) Leave room for answers

If someone asks you for help, and you can't do it or don't want to help in your heart, you don't have to refuse, so as not to embarrass others with a basin of cold water. In this case, you might as well come up with a "delaying strategy". There is room for the answer: "I am not sure that this can be done, but I am willing to do my best for you, you go back first, and I will inform you as soon as there is news." After a period of time, you can call or ask someone to send a letter to tell him: "I have been running for several days about this matter, and I have contacted many units, but there is really no way, please don't rely on me, so as not to miss your matter." "In this way, there will be no embarrassment on both sides.

If someone asks you to help you find a job, you might as well do this: immediately ask the other party to write a resume, including which school you graduated from, what you are majoring, your interests and strengths, and your ideological performance. In this way, others will see the fact that you want to help them, and create the illusion that they may have found the right person.

At the same time, you can be honest and honest: "Your business is my business, and I will do my best." I'll take your resume to an acquaintance right tomorrow...... Will you come back in a few days? ”

After a few days, you should make a phone call or visit in person before the person arrives. "I've been active for your business for the past few days, and the unit at the east gate may have little hope, but the unit at the south gate says it wants to study and study."

After another two or three days, you took the initiative to find him: "I'm really sorry, what you entrusted has been failed at present, I have passed through all the people I know, but ...... I really can't help it, I'll talk about it when I have a chance later. ”

Even if you didn't go to those acquaintances at all, they must be grateful to you.

The same is true for other aspects. In business, if someone asks you to see if you can approve some factory-priced products for him through connections, you'd better act immediately: "Okay, I'll try my best to help you." "Immediately ask the other party what model they want, how much they want to approve, and so on. Then follow the above steps, after a few days, don't wait for the other party to come to the door, you should explain to the other party, saying that you have already found a leader, it is difficult for the head to speak, or that all the products have been fully ordered by others, and you can only wait for the opportunity to talk about it in the future.

Someone wants to take advantage of your business trip and ask you to buy a certain model of product for him. Please do not refuse the other party's request immediately, but immediately accept the money given by the other party for the purchase of goods, and frankly state that you will help him find it, and if there is one, you will help him buy it back. Then, at the place of business trip, I will call or telegram the other party, saying that you have visited several large shopping malls and have not found that type of product, etc.

In this way, drawing inferences from one case and using them flexibly, it will create some "no capital and ten thousand profits" of human debts in daily life, which is also a common foreshadowing for sophisticated friends to ask for help.

This method should not be commonly used, and can only be used occasionally as an emergency method. If you do it often, you will definitely expose flaws and be criticized. Most people like people who walk the talk, but few people will use the magnanimity to understand why you can't do something. We often hear A complain about B, saying, "B clearly agreed to me, but ......" In fact, although B may have promised A, it was just that B was afraid of being embarrassed and embarrassed to refuse. But does a certain person really blame himself and not others? I'm afraid not, and in the eyes of others, I always feel that a certain B is wrong, because when I arrived at that field, no one paid attention to everything about him at the beginning.

(2) Crying poverty to the other party

If you are financially well-off, you may encounter friends who ask you to borrow money from time to time, but you are not a banker and you are often strapped for money, so what should you do?

If someone says to you, "I need a sum of money urgently, but I don't have any money," and wants to borrow money from you, you can actually tell them that you don't have any money like them. "You have difficulties, I have difficulties, let's work together!" This can be very effective when someone wants to borrow money from you.

In other words, while listening to the other person's complaints, they should not be outdone to complain to the other person, because the other person usually wants to ask you for help because they think that "your situation is not worse than his, so it is more likely to ask you for help." At this time, it is not only necessary to destroy the basis of the other party's insistence, but also to have a frank dialogue with the other party on the same psychological basis as the other party to relieve the other party's dissatisfaction and insecurity, because if you only refuse in two or three sentences, the other party will feel that you have money and will not want to lend him money, and once you let the other party feel this way, it will be bad for you.

Rejecting others is a complex discipline and a must for interpersonal communication. When you learn to reject others without offending, you are already a social master.

7. Don't talk about it

【Social Rubik's Cube】

A house cat befriended a wild cat, and he often brought his own food to the wild cat, and the wild cat often took him out to play. It seems that they get along very well, and the house cats cherish their friendship, but they break up soon after! The other wild cats all asked the wild cat why they wanted to leave the house cat, and the wild cat sneered and said, "Who is its friend?" I'm just a spectator of its show! It shows off every day, 'The owner bought me another set of clothes!' ''My master rewarded me with a fish!'' ''The master praised me again!'' 'Phew! Whoever wants to be with it goes, I never want to see it again! ”

In social interactions, many people are prone to make a mistake - boasting about themselves. They always think that they are better than others in everything, so whenever they meet relatives and friends, they can't wait to brag about their experience and experience, but they don't know that this often overwhelms their friends on the side.

A lady's baby daughter, after graduating from Harvard and returning to China, worked in a financial institution in the Special Administrative Region, earning a salary of tens of thousands of Hong Kong dollars per month. Of course, this lady is quite proud, and when she faces relatives and friends, she must talk about her daughter's scenery and her daughter's salary. was discovered by her daughter by chance, and tried her best to stop her mother, saying that if she always praised her daughter and highlighted her own goodness, what would people feel, and don't hurt others because of this.

The daughter's words are reasonable. It can be seen that when describing oneself, it is necessary to prevent overly highlighting oneself, and not to make others psychologically unbalanced and unhappy, so as to affect the relationship between them.

After winning two Academy Awards for Best Actress, Ingrid Bergman won the Best Supporting Actress award for her superb acting skills in "Murder on the Orient Express". However, when she accepted the award, she repeatedly praised Frankina Curtis, who competed with her for the Best Supporting Actress award, thinking that the real winner should be the loser, and said sincerely: "Forgive me, Frentina, I didn't plan to win the award in advance." ”

As the winner, Bergman did not bother about his achievements and brilliance, but admired his opponent and tried his best to protect the face of his opponent. Whoever this opponent is, he will be very grateful to Bergman and will recognize her as a close friend. It is really a civilized and elegant demeanor for a person to be so kind to competing opponents and so intimate with partners at the moment of honor.

The above story tells us that in order to maintain a good interpersonal relationship, you must think about the other person's feelings in everything you say and do, learn to soothe the other person's heart, and not make the other person feel dwarfed. At the same time, your soul will be comfortably masturbated and you will be in a good mood.

It's not uncommon to see people talking about their pride. Not only will the other person not think that you are "amazing", but you will even be considered by the other person as immature, someone who sells the good old days, etc., so try not to mention your own pride.

Don't talk about the smugness, especially

In front of frustrated people, please keep your mouth firmly shutHowever, everyone wants to be considered good and be rated a little higher. Knowing that you can't talk about things you are proud of, but you can't help but talk about them, this is one of the more troublesome aspects of human nature. Therefore, of course, it is impossible not to talk about the proud things at all, but it is also about the proud things, so you might as well pay attention to the way you talk about them.

In particular, you should pay attention to your pride, never mention it before the disappointed person, so as not to make people feel that they are being compared.

Once, a gentleman invited a few friends over to his house for dinner, and these friends knew each other well. The main reason why they gathered was to use the lively atmosphere to make a friend who was currently at a low ebb feel better.

This friend closed the company not long ago due to poor management, and his wife was also talking to him about divorce because of the pressure of life.

The friends who came to eat all knew what was going on with this friend, and everyone avoided talking about career-related things, but one of the friends couldn't help but start talking about his money-making skills and spending money because he was making a lot of money at the moment. The frustrated friend bowed his head and said nothing, his face was very ugly, and he went to the toilet for a while, and then he went to wash his face, and then he left early.

Everyone will experience a low point in life, and everyone will encounter unsatisfactory times. At this time, showing off your pride in front of a frustrated person is tantamount to sticking a needle in someone else's heart one by one. It hurts others, but it doesn't do you any good.

Therefore, you are reminded to get along with people and remember not to talk about your pride in front of the disappointed.

If you're getting complacent, it's not easy for you not to talk about it, but what high-spirited person isn't? So there's nothing to blame for this. But when talking about your pride, look at the occasion and the person. You can talk about it in public, talk to your employees, and enjoy the admiration they cast at you, but don't talk to the frustrated person, because the frustrated person is the most vulnerable and the most caring, and your talk is full of sarcasm and mockery in his ears, so that the frustrated person feels that you "look down" on him. Of course, some people don't care, you say yours, he listens to him, but there are not too many people who are so arrogant. Therefore, the pride you are talking about is a disservice to most of the frustrated people, and this taste is only known to those who have tasted it.

In general, frustrated people are less aggressive, and depression is the most common state of mind, but don't think they always do. After listening to you talk about your pride, they generally have a psychology - resentment. This is a kind of dissatisfaction with you that goes deep into the bottom of your heart, you are foaming at the mouth, but you have unknowingly planted a bomb in the heart of the frustrated, and you can't draw more.

The frustrated person's hatred against you will not be immediately apparent, because he is unable to show it, but he will vent his hatred in various ways, such as saying bad things about you, pulling you back, deliberately making enemies of you, the main purpose is to see how long you are proud, alienate you, avoid meeting you, so as not to hear your proud things again, so you lose your friends unconsciously.

When you have something proud, get promoted, make a fortune, or everything is going well, don't talk about it in front of people who are frustrated.

Even if there are no people here who have really been disappointed, there are always people who are not as good as you, and your pride may still make them disgusted, and people are always jealous, which you must admit.

In interpersonal communication, you should not talk about or talk less about the proud, at least before others mention the proud, and do not talk about it yourself, so as not to give people the bad impression of showing off.

8. Find topics to make them no longer strangers to each other

【Social Rubik's Cube】

When like-minded people get together, friendship begins.

—Emerson

When people first meet, it is easy to be cold and silent due to their unfamiliar relationship with each other, and there is an embarrassing situation, so the most important thing for people who have just met is to find common topics.

During the summer vacation, Li Lei's sister brought her boyfriend home, and one day her sister had something to go out, so she asked Li Lei to accompany her future brother-in-law. After my sister left, the two sat in the living room silently. The brother-in-law broke the silence first: "You will take the college entrance examination next year!" "Yes!" The two were silent again, Li Lei thought for a while and asked, "Have you stayed here until the end of the vacation?" "Ah, this, not necessarily!" The silence came again, and he couldn't stand this embarrassing atmosphere, so Li Lei had to pretend to be very sleepy, go back to the room to sleep, and leave his future brother-in-law alone in the living room.

There are generally three reasons for silence and coldness in conversations: one is that you need to think about the problem after it is raised, or there is some interference that makes it inconvenient to continue the conversation. In such situations, one or both parties can be patient and do not have to break this normal silence. Second, due to time constraints or a change of mind, the other party does not want to talk anymore, and often hints by silence. In this case, it is necessary to make accurate judgments, stop in moderation, and leave in time, generally do not embarrass the other party, and do not just "wishful thinking". The third type of silence is due to the fact that the two sides do not understand each other, do not know how to talk more appropriately, or the problem is difficult to handle, which makes people more and more restrained and affects the smooth progress of the conversation. This phenomenon of being cold after a few words often occurs in the course of the first interaction with strangers. The main reason why many people are reluctant to associate with strangers is that they are afraid of having nothing to say, or not speculating. When encountering such silence, it is necessary to find a topic and break the silence. In fact, Li Lei can talk about many topics with his future brother-in-law, such as the interesting stories of the sisters and brothers, the situation at home, and even online games and martial arts novels...... It's a pity that they didn't find a common topic, so they had to ramble a few words, making the scene cold and awkward.

How do you find a topic to break the silence? Then it is necessary to consider it on a case-by-case basis. If you are a complete stranger and have not yet met, then you must look at your face, find words and temptations, seek common ground, and grasp the common ground is to grasp the topic that can be discussed. If it is because the words are not speculative, there is a problem, then you should have a high profile, seek common ground while reserving differences, or review your own inappropriateness, apologize, if the other party has any concerns, or the reason for the silence is unknown, then there is nothing to say, just find a topic, arouse the interest of the other party, tell a joke, talk about some interesting things can enliven the atmosphere.

Depending on the situation, you may choose to take the following approach:

(1) Find topics on the same or similar factors

A friend talked about a scene he witnessed. Once he went out to stay in a hotel, a traveler who stayed before him was already lying on the bed leisurely watching TV, and a traveler who stayed after him rested for a while, made a cup of tea, and studied the first-comer while sipping tea: "The master has been here for a long time?" "Ahead of this guest." "Listening to the accent, aren't you from Dalian?" "Oh, Shandong Zaozhuang people!" "Zaozhuang is a good place! When I was in elementary school, I learned about it in the comic book "Railway Guerrilla", and I went to Zaozhuang three years ago, and I played it with great interest! Hearing this, the guest of Zaozhuang immediately became interested. So, these two people talked with the railway guerrillas from Zaozhuang. That kind of intimacy, people who don't know the details will think that they are old friends reunited. Then they exchanged business cards, had dinner together, and soon negotiated a deal, and before going to bed, they actually signed the contract they brought with them......

Their conversation and success lies in finding common ground. The common ground and proximity of the two sides is the breakthrough point for the dialogue.

(2) Ask and talk about what you want to know

In the first relationship, each of you has a certain intention, so you can ask questions and answers according to your intentions, and you can ask whatever you want to know. But there are two things to be careful about when doing so: don't form a string of cross-examinations, and don't pry into the other party's privacy. The best thing to do is to talk about your own situation first if you want to know about the other person's situation, and you expand your open area to encourage the other person to expand the open area, so that it is easy to find a lot of topics to talk about. If you want to know more about the other person's spare time, you can ask the other person: What are your hobbies? What do you like to do in your spare time? But it is likely that the other party only said "like to travel, listen to music" such a sentence, and then no longer say it, then you talk about your hobbies, talk about it in a specific and detailed way, so that it will trigger the other party's interest in talking and make the conversation interesting.

(3) You can talk about hot issues in society

As soon as two strangers come into contact, it is not appropriate to talk about matters that are purely personal life, but they can talk about the hot issues of social phenomena that people know about nowadays. If the other party doesn't know yet, you can introduce it a little. For example, recent social news, movies, TV dramas, and newspaper articles that have a great impact can be used as topics and close media for conversations.

(4) Find topics from the specific scenery in front of you and around you

One of the distinguishing features of face-to-face direct communication is that both parties are in the same place. When you really don't have anything to say, you can also find a topic to talk about in the sight as far as you can see and the objects that exist around you, so as to arouse your interest. If the other person flips through a book when they are silent, you can deliberately ask, "What kind of book is this?" So thick? Looks like you like to read, right? Nowadays, many young people are keen to watch television, listen to music, sing karaoke, gather and gossip, etc., which are all beneficial cultural life, but we must not neglect the ...... of reading" so that the conversation will continue and something very meaningful will be discussed. It is also easy to find topics to talk about from the scenery outside the window, the change in the weather, the furnishings of the room, the clothes of the other party, and so on.

In fact, it is not difficult to communicate with strangers, it is important to dare to open your mouth and say the first sentence, even if there is a cold scene, it doesn't matter, as long as you take the initiative to find a topic, you will find that there are many sources and opportunities in interpersonal communication, seize it, you can successfully resolve strangeness, and achieve success in future communication.

9. Get out of the predicament in a few words

【Social Rubik's Cube】

Words can call the dead out of the grave and bury the living in the ground; Language can turn a dwarf into a giant, and it can also defeat a giant completely.

—Heine

In interpersonal communication, we often encounter some unexpected things, sometimes because we have lost our words and said the wrong thing, sometimes because the other party reacts unexpectedly, sometimes because of changes in the surrounding environment, there are factors that we have not taken into account, etc. In short, these sudden changes often put us in a dilemma and embarrassment. If we are in a predicament, we need to adapt and skillfully extricate ourselves from the predicament.

"The World Speaks New Words" once recorded a nine-year-old child surnamed Yang, who was really a genius.

One day, a guest named Kong Pingjun came to his house, and he brought out bayberry to entertain him. Kong Pingjun pointed to the bayberry and joked with the child: "This is the fruit of the Jun family." ”

Unexpectedly, the child immediately replied: "I haven't heard that the peacock is the master's poultry!" ”

From the other party's surname, he called the peacock Kong poultry, which was absurd, and immediately and forcefully replied to the other party.

Quickness in social interaction is a superb ability. Generally speaking, the more knowledgeable and experienced a person is, the more resilient he is. Because they are quick to react, they are able to mobilize their long-term life experience and various knowledge to think and solve emergencies in social situations. So that "there is no way out of the mountains and rivers", and it will be transformed into "another village".

So, how do you adapt to a dilemma?

(1) Humor

In communication, when there is a conflict, humorous language can produce a magical effect in some situations.

A respected judge proudly said: "Young people are terrible nowadays!" Have you seen how they hunt? Oh, my God! Shot after shot, a lot of bullets were used, but the wild duck didn't see a single one. Tomorrow, I'm going hunting, I've always been a shot, young people should really learn more! The next day, a large group of people surrounded the judge to go hunting in the suburbs, and as soon as he chose a place, a wild duck flew out of the grass, and the judge hurriedly raised his gun and "bang", but the wild duck ran away with a scream! I only heard the judge say to himself: "That's weird! For the first time, I saw a dead mallard duck still flying. Everyone laughed together, and the embarrassing scene disappeared without a trace in the laughter.

(2) Sedation

The emergence of special situations is often a matter of moments, if you are shocked and lack composure, it can only be at a loss, adding chaos to chaos. At this time, it is necessary to pay attention to maintaining psychological stability and calmly facing various problems that arise, so that it is possible to deal with special occasions skillfully and tactfully.

A middle-aged man has a big grin and a good joke, and at a class reunion, he met his former tablemate, Ms. Du, because he hadn't seen him for a few years, he felt very cordial, and the man didn't joke on the ground. "Alas! Why didn't your husband bring it to me, isn't he as handsome as me, so you're embarrassed to bring him! The person next to him hurriedly grabbed him: "You drank too much, stop talking nonsense!" Ms. Du also smiled reluctantly. It turned out that Ms. Du's husband died of illness nine months ago. Ms. Du couldn't help but want to cry when she thought of it, but she didn't expect that the man didn't understand the meaning of the person next to him at all, and was still joking relentlessly. The other classmates had no choice but to tell him the truth. The man was stunned at the time, he did not apologize in a panic, but pulled Ms. Du aside, and said apologetically: "I'm really sorry, my mouth is always uncovered, my mother also passed away four months ago, I understand your feelings, alas! If there's anything I can do to help, just ask. Ms. Du shook her head: "Thank you for your kindness, I'm okay now." I know you don't have a heart, and it's not a big deal! So the two of them talked and laughed again.

Imagine what it would have been like if the man had not been able to keep his composure at the time and immediately apologized to Ms. Du. Ms. Du will be the center of attention of the audience, which is equivalent to exposing her pain to the public eye again, so that Ms. Du will have to cry and make the venue an embarrassing mess.

Therefore, when encountering this special situation, we must first remain calm, and then make a wise judgment to reduce the big things to the small and the small things to nothing.

(3) Resourcefulness

Speaking is often blurted out, and if there is an omission, only in an instant, give full play to their ability to adapt to changing situations and topics as soon as possible, and revise the content of their speech, so as to quickly adjust the discourse.

Once, a British TV station interviewed Liang Xiaosheng and filmed a TV interview program on the spot. The interviewer, a seasoned and witty Englishman, walked up to Liang Xiaosheng and said, "Please answer the next question without hesitation in the shortest one or two words, such as 'yes' or 'no'." Liang Xiaosheng nodded in approval. The visor made a crack, and the recording microphone immediately reached Liang Xiaosheng's mouth. The reporter asked: "Without *****, there may not be a generation of young writers of your generation, so is ***** good or bad in your opinion?" ”

Liang Xiaosheng was stunned, and the question was so "Diao", he had an idea, and immediately asked rhetorically: "Without World War II, there would be no writer famous for reflecting World War II, so do you think World War II was good or bad?" ”

The answer was so ingenious that the British journalist was stunned, and the camera immediately stopped shooting.

(4) Conversion

In social interactions, sometimes others want to inquire about things that are inconvenient or impossible for them to make public; Or you accidentally touch the other person's taboos, pain and privacy. In this case, only a quick change of topic is a universally effective emergency measure.

Situations in social interactions can change unpredictably, and if you are in control from start to finish, you can ensure that the results evolve according to your requirements and wishes.

However, "there are unforeseen circumstances", and sometimes it is inevitable that the other party will seize the gap and take advantage of the situation in social interaction. When you're in a passive situation, the quickness to get out of the situation is very necessary.

Generally experienced people, after a long period of social practice, have a special ability to get out of trouble with composure and resourcefulness. When they are about to be in or have been in a difficult situation, they know that the first thing is to be calm and calm, and with this calm attitude, they adjust their mentality to a state of resilience.

We must not be bound by existing thinking patterns and mental structures, and we must be good at coming up with new ways to liberate ourselves according to the new and changing situation. In the face of criticism, criticism, attack, and questioning, you should quickly stimulate and mobilize the power of your thinking.

Improvising in difficult situations is a very good social skill. With this ability, no matter what happens, you can rely on extraordinary wit to block the soldiers and cover the water. When you see a square, you are square, and when you meet a circle, you are round.

10. Speak wisely as you like

【Social Rubik's Cube】

The gray wolf is old, too old to hunt, and the little wolf is still too young, what should I do? You can't wait to starve to death! On this day, the gray wolf came up with an idea, he made a "nest" with only one mouth out of a branch, and then put two carrots in it, and he and the wolf cub stayed nearby. After a while, a rabbit came running, looked at the two carrots, looked around suspiciously, and finally rushed into the trap, and the old wolf immediately pounced on the rabbit, and had a full meal with the little wolf. The little wolf asked, "Why did the rabbit get into it?" The gray wolf smiled: "It likes carrots!" Do what you like, don't be afraid that it won't be fooled! ”

Psychological research shows that emotions lead to action. Positive emotions, such as liking, pleasure, and excitement, often produce behavioral effects of understanding, acceptance, and cooperation; Negative emotions, such as hate, hatred, anger, etc., can lead to rejection and rejection, so if you want people to believe that you are right and act according to your opinion, you need to give people what they like first, otherwise, your attempt will fail.

To make others' attitudes towards you change from rejection, rejection, and indifference to interest in you and pay attention to you, you need to guide and stimulate the positive emotions of the other party to the greatest extent. "Doing what you like" is actually a process of guidance and stimulation.

There are many ways to express this process, and the common ones are mainly the following:

(1) Discover the "shining point" of the other party. Be good at praising others, and be good at complimenting others sincerely from the perspective of understanding. And be perceptive and good at discovering the good side of the other person.

(2) Find the other person's "points of interest". When talking to someone, it is often the case that the other person is not listening to you, but doing or thinking about something else; Or the mouth is coping, but the eyes are looking elsewhere; Or is it to change the subject and talk nonsense with you...... In this case, you should abandon your topic as soon as possible and look for his "point of interest".

All who spoke to him in person at Theodore Roosevelt's estate were amazed at his knowledge.

"Whether a Western Wrangler or a New York politician or diplomat came here," Tedford wrote, "Roosevelt was good at finding a topic to talk to." ”

How can this be done? Very simple. While waiting for a visitor, Roosevelt often sat late into the night, reading material that would interest the visitor.

Roosevelt knew that in order to find the key to the heart of man, he had to talk to him about what he longed for most. Professor William Felise of literature mastered this as a child.

"When I was eight years old, I was a guest at my aunt's house," Felice wrote, "and a middle-aged man came in the evening. He exchanged a few pleasantries with his aunt, and then his attention turned to me. At that time, I was especially fond of warships. He told me many interesting stories about warships. After he left, I said happily: 'What a good man! How interested he was in warships! And my aunt told me that he was a jurist and that he was not very interested in warships. Then why does he keep talking to me about this? I asked. Because he is a truly cultivated man. He sees that you are interested in warships, so he will talk about this. This will pique your interest. He tries to make you like him. Felix then added, "I will always remember this insight from my aunt. ”

So, are there any benefits to adopting this approach in business activities? Let's look at Eastman's experience.

Eastman, the CEO of Kodak, invented film before he could shoot movies. His invention brought him great fortune and made him one of the most famous businessmen in the world. Despite this, he still craves praise from others just like a normal person.

Eastman donated the Eastman Music School and the Kayburn Theatre in Rockstar in honor of his mother. Illison, the manager of a chair manufacturing company in New York, wanted to get an order for the theater seats, so he went on a date with Eastman.

An engineer told Illison that Eastman was buried in a pile of papers on his desk. Hearing someone coming, he raised his head in the direction of the comer and said, "Good morning! Sir, is there anything wrong? ”

After the introduction, Illison said: "Mr. Eastman, I envy your office when I am waiting outside to see you, and if I had such an office, I must be glad to work in it, you know that I am a businessman with a duty on the inside, and I have never seen such a beautiful office!" ”

Eastman replied, "You remind me of something I almost forgot." The house is beautiful, isn't it? I loved it when it was first built, but now there's so much so busy that I can't even sit here for weeks to look at it. ”

Illison walked over and touched the siding with his hand and said, "It's made of English oak, isn't it?" It's a little different from Italian oak. ”

Eastman replied, "Yes, it's oak from England." A friend of mine knows how good the wood is, and he picked it for me. Eastman then showed Illison a tour of the room layout, paint colors, carving techniques, and so on, which he had helped to design.

While they were complimenting the carpenters indoors, Eastman went to the window and graciously offered to donate some money to Rockstar University and the Municipal Hospital. Ellison was enthusiastic about his philanthropic efforts.

The two of them went on to talk about many things in life, work, and business, and Ellison always expressed his admiration at the right time. Their conversation lasted far more than five minutes, and Illison not only got that seat contract, but also became good friends with Eastman.

In the process of building a good relationship, it is important to achieve the same interests of both parties. If both parties like the same thing, it is easy to get along with each other. By extension, in other things, they are willing to cooperate with each other. Therefore, in interpersonal communication, you should try to find out what the other person is most interested in, and then approach them from this aspect. Illison was clever enough to do this, and if he offered his intentions as soon as they met, Eastman would negotiate with him on a business-like basis, which would have taken a lot of effort to get the deal. But when Ellison mentioned Eastman's office design as he liked, he began to treat him as a friend, and finally readily agreed to his request. It's all because Ellison found a topic that Eastman was interested in. "Those who are moved by the heart do not care about the love first", after the heart is moved, the heart is moved after the heart is straightened out, and after the heart is straightened out, things will naturally develop in the direction you expect.

Everyone has a certain interest, if you can impress the other person on the topic that the other person is interested in, then no matter what you have to do, you are already halfway to the battle, give them what they like, give them what they want, this is the secret of success of social masters.