There are some taboos in social interaction that you can't even touch, if you touch it, you will offend people, and if you touch it, you will suffer a dark loss. Sometimes you don't realize it, and people are already full of hatred for you; You think you're doing a decent job, but people think you don't know how to move forward...... Therefore, we must see clearly where the taboo lies, and then carefully bypass it, and never fall victim to it.

1. Don't touch that "reverse scale"

【Social Rubik's Cube】

Words should not pierce the bone marrow, and banter should not be used to make people's hearts sick.

- Lu Longqi

According to ancient Chinese legends, the dragon's throat is about a foot in diameter and has "reverse scales", and only this part of the body has scales that grow in reverse, and if you accidentally touch these "reverse scales", you will be killed by an enraged dragon. It doesn't matter how you stroke or knock the other parts, only this piece of reverse scale can't be approached no matter what, even if you touch it lightly, it's a big taboo.

Therefore, we can know from this that no matter how noble and great a person is, there are "reverse scales" in his body. As long as we don't touch each other's "reverse scales", we won't get into trouble. In the development of interpersonal relationships, it is necessary for us to study in advance to find out where the other party's "reverse scales" are located, so as not to be offended. After graduating from the health school, Xiao Li went directly to a nearby hospital as a nurse, with a probationary period of three months, and if she qualified, she would be retained, and her luck was indeed good. The nurses in the hospital like her very much, especially Sister Zhao, the head nurse, who treats her like a sister. Seeing that the three-month internship period was about to expire, Xiao Li made a fatal mistake at this time. One day during the lunch break, several nurses got together to chat, and Xiao Li suddenly asked Sister Zhao: "Sister Zhao, how old is your child?" Why don't you bring it to the hospital to play! Everyone was stunned, and Sister Zhao reluctantly replied with a smile: "Ah, I haven't had a child yet!" An old nurse hurriedly diverted the topic and talked about tourism, but Xiao Li didn't look at it, and added: "Sister Zhao, then you have to hurry up!" can't just care about your career, not having children is the biggest regret of a woman's life! Xiao Li thought that his words were very decent, but he didn't expect that as soon as the words fell, Sister Zhao's face was swollen and red, and she scolded: "Which green onion and which garlic are you, can you take care of my affairs?" Xiao Li was dumbfounded, crying aggrievedly, and after persuading Sister Zhao to leave, an old nurse told Xiao Li that Sister Zhao couldn't have children at all, and in this hospital, everyone didn't even dare to mention the child's matter!

As can be imagined, Xiao Li's internship was unqualified and he was returned to school. When Sister Zhao replied that she didn't have a child, and the other nurses diverted the topic, she really shouldn't continue to ask, but she added a sentence self-righteously, and it caused a big disaster.

Everyone always has their own weaknesses, shortcomings or stains, and when talking to each other, we must avoid these things that he (she) are taboo, because everyone has taboo psychology, even Lu Xun's Ah Q, who is accustomed to using the spiritual victory method, also has taboos. Although he used to comfort himself with the method of spiritual victory, he rarely lingered on it. Others bullied him and scolded him, he could control himself, and his mind could quickly balance, but he was taboo for others to say that he was "leprosy", because he did have a small leprosy scar on his scalp. Whenever someone said the word "leprosy" in front of him, or made a sound close to "lai", or mentioned the words "light", "bright", "lamp", "candle", etc., he would "get angry with all his scars, curse with his mouth, and beat those with little strength."

In the feudal era, there were countless cases of people falling to the ground and different heads because they were not attentive to their words. Chen Sheng, a peasant hero who worked as a long-term worker and later rose to prominence, tabooed others to say that he was born as a farmer. Several of his troubled brothers were killed for unwittingly mentioning in front of him about the past that damaged his "image as a leader".

Zhu Yuanzhang, the founding emperor of the Ming Dynasty, once worked as a monk and did a "thief" (uprising was synonymous with a thief in the feudal era), since he became an emperor, he was very taboo for people to mention his previous "undignified" past, if someone said in front of him that "monk", "monk" or even "life" would attract the disaster of killing, he did not allow others to mention "thief", and even the word "then" with the sound of "thief" was not allowed to mention, and it would lead to death.

In the feudal era, this kind of taboo psychology developed to the point of reaching its peak is the Daxing "literary prison", and many literati and scholars have lost their lives in vain because of the taboos of those in power, which is sad and lamentable.

Ordinary people also have taboo psychology, if you say in front of the top bearer that he is "angry and difficult to rush to the crown" or "why is this lamp suddenly not lit"? Or "It's really sunny today", people will definitely change color in anger, and sometimes even open their eyes in anger and walk away, and then you will be embarrassed.

So, how do you avoid it?

We believe that we should first understand whether the other party has taboos, and regard the taboo things of the other party as forbidden areas, and avoid them very carefully, so as not to touch the other party, do not say "bright" in front of the top winner, do not say "fat" in front of the fat man, do not say "monkey" in front of the thin man, do not say "Wu Dalang" in front of the short man, do not say "ugly eight monsters" in front of the unattractive person, do not say "pivotal" in front of the cripple, and do not say "endure humiliation and bear the burden" in front of the camel's back. We should also try to avoid talking about other people's frustrations. For example, don't show off your college life in front of those who fail the college entrance examination, talk less about having children in front of those who have been married for a long time and have no children, and don't talk about Lou Arat's in "Fifteen Runs" in front of those who steal.

Exposing one's own sore spots is not a pleasant thing for anyone, so when dealing with others, be careful to avoid minefields, do not mention what others consider to be weaknesses, and do not use insulting language to attack others' physical defects.

2. Don't be offside

【Social Rubik's Cube】

The lion king had two servants, the fox was responsible for taking care of the lion king's daily life, and the goat was responsible for taking care of the house. One day the lion king fell asleep on the stone chair, and the fox did not know where to go, so the goat came in and helped the lion king to the bed, and when the lion king woke up and asked what had happened, the fox and the goat were killed together. The minister asked the lion king why he did this? The lion king said: "The fox is dereliction of duty, the goat is offside, in my opinion, the harm of offside is more serious than dereliction of duty!" ”

Offside is a very dangerous move, as it breaks the original order and brings unpredictable variables to the development of things.

At work, offside is the most important thing.

Du Gang is a newcomer to society, strong in blood and ambitious. Soon after he arrived at the unit, he accumulated a stomach of opinions, in his opinion, the top boss Hu Section Chief is an incompetent person, who will only flatter and handle the work in a mess, and he really can't bear to work under such a person. So he found an opportunity to talk to the bureau leader about his ideas, and the leader listened to his opinions very carefully and said that he would deal with it as soon as possible. Sure enough, a week later, Section Chief Hu was transferred, and the bureau sent another section chief surnamed Lu, Section Chief Lu was very capable, and he made the work of the department clear in a few days, which made Du Gang admire, but Du Gang didn't stay in this department for long, and soon there was a place to work at the grassroots level, and Section Chief Lu thought that Du Gang was very capable, so he recommended him.

This kind of offside is stupid, blaming your boss will only put yourself in a difficult situation, and the new boss will also see you as a threat, who knows if you will do the same thing again.

There is also a kind of offside called skipping report, in the work, skipping the report means going past the immediate boss and explaining your views to the higher-level superiors to fight for rights.

Wang Tao, the person in charge of the foreign language reference room of a scientific research institute, is a young man who lacks experience in this area. When the superior assigned a project that required a large number of foreign language materials to be used for scientific research tasks, the leaders of the institute repeatedly considered it, hesitated, and it was difficult to make up their minds for a while, and they could not come up with a feasible plan. At this time, Wang Tao bypassed the leaders of the institute and volunteered directly to his superiors, saying that there was no problem in undertaking this kind of task. This practice undoubtedly hurt the feelings of the leader, in fact, Wang Tao can talk to the leader appropriately, from the perspective of sharing pressure and worry, for the sake of the leader. This will not only help the leader solve the problem, but also make a good impression on you. The key to Wang Tao's wrong approach is that he is not thinking about the leader, not only does he not help the leader solve problems, but he also subconsciously thinks that the leader is incompetent. When leaders need it, they don't give comfort and worries, but pressure and stimulation. When you hurt the feelings of your direct leader, your superiors will not appreciate and be satisfied with you.

It's not a good idea to shy away from your boss in everything. People who try to skip the level of reporting, often hurt themselves. Even if you're "right," you're still going to disrupt the organization's operations and cause headaches for senior executives. Even if you're lucky enough to succeed, senior executives will be suspicious that you might do the same for them.

It is not difficult to detect the brewing of a skipping report, and it is often difficult to conceal who is the skipping report. There are a number of precautions that can be taken by your superiors for this type of action, and they are usually able to settle things before you act.

Generally speaking, the actions that motivate a person to take a report by skipping the level of reporting are none other than the following situations:

(1) I should have been promoted a long time ago, but my superiors didn't do it, and they didn't even mention it.

(2) The work department is not running well, but the superiors cover it up, and if the people above know about it, it will definitely cause shock.

(3) My superiors are accommodating to people who don't do their duty, but they give me a lot of work, and he doesn't care about me or what I do.

(4) My superiors know that I am more capable than him. He hated and feared me, so he suppressed me and always made me do thankless work. He would never let anyone know about my outstanding performance, he was afraid that I would rise faster than him, and he took credit for my work.

(5) The work of the superior is not effective, which affects the work efficiency of the organization.

"Not in his position, not in his politics", you have to take your time if you are ambitious, and people who want to ascend to the sky through offside are actually doing things that are in the opposite direction.

3. Don't be reckless in front of your leaders

【Social Rubik's Cube】

You only know one thing, and that is that you don't know anything.

– Socrates

If you do not pay attention to maintaining the dignity of the leader, even if you are only eight years old, you will inevitably take the road of being idle. In particular, some people with strong ability and high academic qualifications tend to be arrogant and arrogant when showing their talents, contrast with the leader, and even belittle and despise the leader. In front of the leader, you can't get along with yourself.

Liu Ming is a graduate of a prestigious foreign language university and is assigned to work in the foreign affairs department. Since he spoke English fluently, the leaders valued him very much at the beginning and were ready to send him abroad for further study. But a year later, this eye-popping opportunity was given to another colleague who had joined the unit with him. After that, Liu Ming stayed in the unit very unpleasantly, and finally resigned and went to another unit. Afterwards, someone asked him why, and he regretted that he was too flirtatious in the original unit, and he couldn't speak a few words of English with the leader at every turn, and it happened that a deputy leader of this department was an old cadre who had never learned English, so Xiao Liu's behavior was very annoying to the leader.

The nineteenth-century English statesman, Sir Jude Fair, once taught his son: "Be smarter than others, but don't tell people that you are smarter than him." ”

"Shooting the bird in the head" has become a secular law of the Chinese and a failure of Chinese culture. "Rising bird" was originally a character who pushed the times forward, but sadly became synonymous with the victim of "love to be in the limelight", which is the sorrow of a society and the sorrow of a culture.

However, as a subordinate, how to maintain the dignity of the leader is not only a matter of face, but more importantly, a matter of a person's cultivation. Imagine that if a leader does not have the ability to control his subordinates, and in turn lets his subordinates lead the way, there can only be two results: one is the resignation of the boss, and the other is that he is fired, so a smart subordinate will not hit the stone with an egg.

Throughout World War II, Stalin relied on two people most militarily, one was the military genius Zhukov, and the other was Vasilyevsky, the chief of the General Staff of the Soviet army's base camp.

As we all know, Stalin gradually became dictatorial and authoritarian in his later years, and his "self-respecting" personality made it impossible for him to allow anyone in the world to be more intelligent than him, and it was more difficult for him to accept the different opinions of his subordinates. During World War II, Stalin's excessive self-righteousness caused the Red Army great suffering, suffering avoidable losses and heavy losses. Zhukov, who once made the right advice, was once driven out of the base camp by Stalin in a fit of rage. The exception was Vasilyevsky, who often played an outstanding role by making Stalin unwittingly adopt his correct battle plan.

One of Vasilyevsky's clever tricks is to subtly exert influence during rest. In Stalin's office, Vasilyevsky liked to "gossip" with Stalin, and often "casually" and "incidentally" talked about military issues. But the wonderful thing is that after Vasilyevsky was gone, Stalin often thought of a good plan. It won't be long before Stalin announces this plan at a military conference. So everyone praised Stalin for his foresight, but only Stalin and Vasilyevsky knew best in their hearts who was the real initiator and who was the real creative idea.

Stalin's arbitrariness in his later years can be said to have reached a strong level, and the reason why Vasilyevsky was able to constantly make Stalin accept his correct battle plan was because he took advantage of his special status and did not directly express different opinions, but "inadvertently" revealed some of his "ideas" in casual chats with Stalin, and used these ideas to imperceptibly influence Stalin's military concepts and make him make his own decisions after being inspired.

No matter how enlightened a leader is, he doesn't like to give too straightforward advice and criticism, because it directly threatens his power. Even though he sometimes accepts your direct advice and achieves remarkable results, and admits your abilities in his heart, it is your opinions and suggestions that he appreciates, not the way you speak.

In short, there is no way to be in front of the leader, because as a leader, he has the power to kill and kill, and if you don't get it right, you will be refuted by him, which is really not worth it.

4. Maintain isodistance in social interactions

【Social Rubik's Cube】

If you want others to do to you, you have to do unto them as you would like to be treated.

—Dale Carnegie

In social activities, we often need to deal with several people at the same time, and in this case, it is often easy to make the mistake of favoring one over the other. Your "thick" person may be a little embarrassed in joy, but the person who is "thin" by you is destined to be full of resentment. Doing so can have a serious impact on your relationships, and the best thing to do to avoid this misstep is to follow the principle of equidistancing.

During the outing, Xu Wei, the squad leader, took four girls to pick mushrooms, and when they came back, three of them pouted and looked unhappy. The counselor asked a few girls why they were angry? They replied, "What do you mean?" went out together, but the squad leader only showed courtesy to the girl, and ignored us, did any of us offend him? After listening to this, the counselor talked to Xu Wei, but Xu Weiwei was wronged: "I'm just more familiar with that girl, so I said a few more words, and I didn't dislike the other three girls!" In the end, Xu Wei found the three girls, sincerely apologized to them, and invited them to a meal, and the three girls forgave him.

This kind of thing is not uncommon in social interactions, whether you are intentional or unintentional, it will affect interpersonal relationships, so you must be cautious in your words and actions in social interactions, and keep an equal distance from people.

When shaking hands and greeting each other, they should be carried out in the order prescribed by etiquette, and should not be carried out in a jumping jump without saying the order of priority. When shaking hands with multiple people, take care that the time to shake hands with each person should be roughly equal.

When exchanging business cards with a small number of people, you should hand them over one by one in the order prescribed by etiquette and ask them for advice. Those in the room don't necessarily want your business card, but it's rude not to give them based on your own judgment.

A man should not be caught between two women when he is walking or sitting with them, otherwise the man will have to juggle the conversation with them. The best position for men is to sit or walk on their left side. Because if you sit in the center or walk in the middle, it will be difficult to treat them absolutely "equally" on the left and the right.

However, there is an exception to this rule. When an unmarried man is traveling with two single women, if he approaches one of them and moves away from the other, it may cause them uneasiness. Therefore, in this case, it is better for him to walk among them.

When entertaining customers, whether it is a large customer or a small customer, try to take care of it and try to avoid unnecessary misunderstandings. At a large thank-you dinner held by a company, salesman Zhou Ping and other salesmen are busy greeting their customers, Zhou Ping has a lot of customers, he has greeted small customers, and he borrowed the meal time to talk with a large customer, because this large customer has had a misunderstanding with the company, through conversation, and this large customer basically achieved the purpose of communication, and eliminated the misunderstanding. Afterwards, a small customer called, saying that he didn't want to use the company's products, Zhou Ping was very surprised at that time, because the two sides have been working well, although the product is not large, but has always maintained business contacts, and the relationship is very good, he doesn't know what offended this "God". Later, after many inquiries, it turned out that at that dinner, the customer was sitting at his adjacent table, and because he was snubbed, he wanted to terminate the cooperation. Later, after Zhou Ping continued to explain, the customer was saved.

When you go to the company to negotiate business or do things, you should try to chat with the office business staff after entering the office to adjust the atmosphere, not just talk to the business executive, and look at no one else, making people feel that you only recognize the leader and snub other people present, which will often receive bad results.

A boss who deals in building materials in the south often comes to the company to negotiate business, but every time he comes to Corey, he only talks to the business executive, and there is no one around. He didn't even say a word of greeting to others, just like a passerby. Speaking in a very loud tone, he often said that he had a good relationship with the director and section chief of a certain factory, as if he did business not by strength, but by relationship, and everyone was very disgusted with him. He came to Corey to contact the business, when the business director was not there, no one paid attention to him, and no one took the initiative to help him, he called to find someone, and replied "no" - no one helped him find it; Ask for information and answer "I don't know" – even if it's clear. In this way, the seemingly shrewd southern boss actually did a very unshrewd stupid thing, because he ignored the "equidistance" rule.

Therefore, in social situations, we should strive to treat many friends and partners equally, and do not make people feel that there is an obvious difference between relatives and distances, cold and warm, light and dark.

5. Don't mess with right and wrong

【Social Rubik's Cube】

In the nest of right and wrong, people use their mouths, and I use their ears; In the bustling field, people move forward, and I lag behind.

- Jin Lansheng

Where there are people, there is right and wrong, and right and wrong in the office happen every day, and it is not smooth to say that it is not cleaned up. For these rights and wrongs, you can hide as far as you can, and it will not do you any good to provoke right and wrong.

You may be a person with a great sense of justice, and you can't help but stand up to "uphold justice"; Maybe you're an extrovert and you're going to say things you can't see, or maybe you're a ......

But no matter what kind of person you are, a word of advice, don't provoke right and wrong, there are many troubles behind right and wrong. A and B, two usually good colleagues, have recently counted each other down in front of you, but the two are still friendly on the surface. Therefore, you are afraid that if you speak good things on both sides, you will be considered a two-headed snake. In fact, in addition to this, you should be more careful, because another possibility is whether A and B are testing you for something?

Let's start with the former. Some people are narrow-minded, very stingy, and jealous, so it is not surprising that because of some problems, the two of them have heart problems, but on the surface they are unwilling to turn their faces, so it is natural to confide in those close to them.

It's not difficult for you to be a sandwich person, and it's a magic way to treat the two of them coldly, and if the other party finds that no one sympathizes, it must be full of taste, and he will definitely find another "caring person", so you will automatically "get rid of".

If you find out that the two of them have other intentions to test your likes and dislikes of them, you should take it one step at a time. Since the other person's motives are not good, you don't have to be overly compassionate. Say to them, "I'm sorry, but my opinion doesn't matter to you!" "This move, they will inevitably retreat in vain.

When someone asks you to be a "peacemaker" in official business, you actually have a lot of points that you should pay attention to.

There are too many delicate relationships between department heads, most of them are friends and foes, no matter how good the personal relationship is, in front of the boss, since it is under the competition, he holds up a protective umbrella, and there are countless struggles between the rights and wrongs of others. Today, A and B are like the best partners, and they have become "iron buddies" in the office, but it is very likely that a few days later, the two will turn against each other and become enemies.

Therefore, some people may hope to turn hostility into friendship for the sake of certain goals, so as to facilitate future work, but it is too abrupt to come forward in person, so they find a "peacemaker". It is a good thing to turn enemies into friends. But in addition to doing good deeds, do something to protect yourself, that is, set a line for your actions.

For example, if someone asks you to be a "peacemaker", you may as well only be a guest at the cooking bureau, or as the initiator of some parties, but it is not advisable to crown all the responsibilities on your head and focus on the anti-guest. It's best if you don't comment on the rights and wrongs of both parties, and it's better to explain to someone and tell them that "the bell needs to be tied to the bell", and your obligation ends here.

If you are dissatisfied with your boss or the company, there will always be a lot of people, and when you meet a colleague to complain, you should mean that someone is deliberately making things difficult for him, or that the company is unfair to him in some way, you should be able to care about the interests of your colleagues and stay out of the matter.

For example, a colleague may have a gap with someone and point out that the other person is targeting him in everything he does, or even misleading him.

You may be very patient to listen to him pour out his bitterness and listen to him in detail, but I advise you to only listen and not ask. In particular, don't ask about the cause and effect of the incident, because once you become an insider, you are considered to be the "judge" of course, which is very bad.

You just need to calm down and enlighten him: "I see that someone's heart is not bad, and you will be happier when you think of the good in everything." ”

If you are dissatisfied with the company, your position is more complicated, standing in the company's position is what you should be, but standing on the side of your colleagues is harmful. However, it is rude for people to come to you and remain silent. You might as well tell him: "The company's system is constantly improving, this time you feel unfair, maybe it is the transition period of the new policy, you might as well talk to your boss openly, but you can't stick to your own opinion." "It's best to take it lightly.

A colleague who has always been loyal and has served the company for many years suddenly resigned, causing public opinions, and many colleagues even tried every possible way to ask the parties in detail, vowing to find out the truth.

Actually, is it good for you to know the truth? Definitely not, there are a lot of disadvantages. For example, you may be caught up in the personnel whirlpool for no reason, and you may know that the secrets of the executive level have some influence on your work attitude. Also, you're more likely to be listed as a "molecule."

Therefore, the past is about to pass, and there is no need to pursue it; Unless this colleague has always been quite compatible with you and automatically expresses his affection to you, but you should only be a listener, and never be a "broadcaster".

What you should do is to send sincere blessings and give each other a souvenir as a memorial to the friendship between the two of you! Or, invite the other person to a meal as a farewell.

As for the actions of other colleagues, you don't have to ignore them or criticize them, which is called being alone. Don't mess with anything and don't mess with right and wrong, if you fall into the circle of right and wrong, it will be difficult for you to get out, at least you will be disgraced, and you will not be a person inside and out, so don't be delusional to be a "saint" who "helps the world", or "be alone"!

6. Jokes are not made randomly

【Social Rubik's Cube】

There are many people who, if it weren't for that uncontrollable desire to speak, would be more like themselves.

- Howe

You can eat more food, jokes should not be made indiscriminately, and decent jokes can enliven the atmosphere and relax the nerves, but if you don't grasp the proportions well, you may hurt your feelings and even cause trouble.

If you don't believe me, if you don't believe me, take a look at the following examples:

A. A girl is tall and bloated, although she is over 30 years old, she has not completed her marriage for a long time. She attributed the difficulty in choosing a mate to her poor physical condition. Therefore, she has always been very painful in her heart, no matter how she dresses, or how she talks and behaves, she tries to avoid showing her fat. On this day, recreational activities were held in the unit, and everyone talked and laughed, and suddenly changed the topic to bodybuilding. A male colleague joked to a certain girl with a smile: "Alas, if you participate in bodybuilding, you will become a light little swallow long ago!" This joke, which implied blaming her for being fat, suddenly touched on a certain girl's taboo. I saw that her face was red, and she didn't say a word, turned her head and left the venue. Back in the dormitory, she lay on the pillow and wept secretly, so angry that she didn't think about eating or drinking for a whole day. Afterwards, it was the female friend in the dormitory who persuaded her to stop her inferiority complex.

B, Wang and Xia are roommates, and the two are inseparable and close like sisters. One day, Wang was in the middle of a group of girlfriends and had a discussion about Xia's dress in person. She used a joking tone, saying that Xia's dress was like a tube, and her leather shoes were like a boat, and she was also picky about her hairstyle and knots. In fact, when Wang said these jokes, he had no malice in his heart, nor did he think that it would cause Xia's unhappiness. She just wanted to use these funny words to remind Xia to improve her clothes and dress herself up more beautifully. However, Xia was angry, and she replied with a sinking face: "I don't know how to dress up!" You're the right fit everywhere! Since then, the relationship between the two has been estranged all of a sudden, and Xia has something to say, and he will never say anything to Wang again.

In both stories, the joke is just a loss of friendship, but in the following example, the joke is a loss of health.

Zhang Bo and Xiao Shao are colleagues who have a good relationship, Zhang Bo is very aggressive by nature and likes to joke. April 1 April Fool's Day is approaching, and Zhang Bo is determined to "shabu" Xiao Shao once. At noon, Xiao Shao was sitting on the edge of the stone chair with a few colleagues chatting, and Zhang Bo ran out of the office in a panic: "Xiao Shao! You're still chatting here, your mom is dead! When Xiao Shao heard this, he almost fainted, his father died early, and his mother pulled him up, but he didn't expect that Xiao Shao stumbled into the office, but Zhang Bo smiled with his colleagues here. Two minutes later, Xiao Shao rushed out of the office and grabbed Zhang Bo's shirt angrily: "Why are you cursing my mother to death!" Zhang Bo pushed him away: "April Fool's Day!" Xiao Shao was even more angry, the two quarreled, in a fit of anger, Xiao Shao pulled out a switchblade out of nowhere and stabbed Zhang Bo, Zhang Bo fell in a pool of blood, and after being rescued, although his life was saved, his body was torn and weak, and Xiao Shao was sentenced to six years in prison for intentional injury, and this right and wrong was just because of a joke that went too far.

In social interaction, jokes must be measured, witty but not hurtful, the following points are what you should pay attention to when joking:

(1) The content should be healthy

The content of the joke depends on the ideological taste and cultural accomplishment of the joker. Jokes with healthy content and elegant style not only give the other party enlightenment and spiritual enjoyment, but also a powerful shaping of their own beautiful image. When the pianist Poch once played, he found that half of the seats in the audience were empty, and he said to the audience: "Friends, I have found that the people in this city are very rich, and I see that each of you has bought tickets for two or three seats. So half the room burst into laughter. Pochi's innocuous jokes turned him into a victory.

(2) Be friendly

Being kind to others is a principle of joking. The process of joking is the process of communicating and passing feelings to each other, if you sneer at others by joking, and vent your inner disgust and dissatisfaction, then you can't see through it unless you are a fool. Maybe some people are not as articulate as you, and on the surface you have the upper hand, but others will think that you can't respect others and will not associate with you.

(3) Behavior should be moderate

In addition to words, jokes can sometimes be used to make others laugh through actions. There are a couple of young couples who have a good relationship and have endless jokes all day long. One day, the husband fiddled with a shotgun and said to his wife, "Don't move, I'll kill you if you move!" As he spoke, he pulled the trigger. As a result, the wife was accidentally severely injured. It can be seen that jokes must not be excessive.

(4) The objects should be differentiated

The same joke can be made to A, but not necessarily to B. People have different identities, personalities, and moods, and their tolerance for jokes is also different.

Generally speaking, juniors should not joke with their seniors; Subordinates should not joke with superiors; Men should not joke with women. When joking between peers, it is necessary to grasp the personality traits and emotional information of the other person.

The other party is outgoing, tolerant, and can be forgiven if the joke is a little too big. The other party is introverted and likes to ponder the meaning of the words, so he should be cautious when joking. Although the other person is usually cheerful by nature, if he happens to encounter something unpleasant or sad, he should not joke with him casually. On the contrary, the other party is introverted, but it happens that a happy event is coming, and a joke with him at this time will have an unexpectedly good effect.

(5) Necessary taboos

(1) Joking with elders and juniors should not be frivolous and presumptuous, especially avoid talking about men and women. Jokes made by several generations should be elegant, witty, humorous, and enjoyable. On such occasions, it is forbidden to talk about the affairs of men and women. When your peers make jokes about this, and you are present as an elder or junior, it is best not to mix it up, but just listen casually.

(2) Do not joke when alone with the opposite sex who is not related by blood. Even if it is a serious joke, it will often cause disgust from the other party, or it will cause speculation and criticism from others.

(3) Joke with people with disabilities and avoid them. Everyone is afraid of being joked about by others, especially people with disabilities. As the saying goes, don't scold the bald in front of the monk, and don't talk about the light bulb in front of the leper.

(4) When a friend accompanies a guest, avoid joking with friends. If you suddenly intervene to joke with them, divert their attention, interrupt their topic, and disrupt the conversation, your friends will think that you are discharging him.

Both parties can appreciate it as a joke, so think about each other before making a joke to see if the other party can accept it.

7. Enthusiasm should also be measured

【Social Rubik's Cube】

It is also rude to rush away guests who want to stay longer and to retain guests who want to leave. If a person wants to be hospitable, he should welcome his guests and send them out of the house when he gets up to say goodbye.

- Homer

Chinese people are warm by nature and advocate caring for others more than caring for themselves. It's good to be warm, but if you don't have a sense of proportion, it's too much.

Unlike Chinese, foreigners tend to emphasize individuality, so don't give your Chinese-style kindness to foreigners, otherwise it will be thankless.

For example: You ask a foreign friend, "Have you eaten"? He'll misinterpret it for you, taunting him for not even having anything to eat. You greet him: "Where are you going?" "He'll blame you for being nosy. When you see that he is wearing too little clothing when it's cold, you advise him, "It's time to wear more clothes." "You obviously mean well, but he will think that you have grossly interfered with his personal freedom. There was an English lady who had been in China for three years and spoke Chinese very well. A Chinese friend warmly invited her to her home, but she was disrespectful, and the British lady agreed. After entering the door, the Chinese friend took fruit and poured tea, and asked her mother to chat with the guest, and she went into the kitchen to stir-fry. The old lady was also very enthusiastic, holding hands affectionately and asking, "Girl, how old are you?" The English lady was stunned for a moment, and reluctantly replied that she was born in the seventies of the last century. The old lady pinched her fingers and continued to ask, "Then you are in your thirties, right?" Married? The lady replied "no" with a displeased face! The old lady slapped her face: "What's the matter?" If you don't get married, it's too late, hurry up and find one. Hey? Don't you have something unspeakable? The English lady could no longer sit still, she stood up and blushed and said, "My body is very healthy, and I have the freedom to choose whether to marry or not." I'm sorry, I still have to leave beforehand, please tell your daughter! With that, he left. The old lady sat there dumbfounded: "Why is this foreigner's face so anxious!" ”

In life, many foreigners shout "can't bear it" the enthusiasm of Chinese, and they think that excessive enthusiasm violates their privacy. Therefore, if you are interacting with foreigners, you might as well talk about the weather and food, and it is unnecessary to be too enthusiastic about it.

Chinese people should not only be sincere and enthusiastic in dealing with people, but also conform to each other's identity and relationship, and conform to etiquette norms. If you blindly care about warmth and friendliness, and ignore the moderation of "etiquette", it is the so-called "enthusiastic offside". "Enthusiastic offside" is just as harmful as not being enthusiastic enough. "Enthusiastic offside" can be seen as a sign of disrespect and unculture.

For example, when talking to someone of the opposite sex who is new to you or who you don't have a deep relationship with, you should not ask about their marital status or talk about how much better they are than their partner. If you just met a lady who was nearly 30 years old and had not yet started a family, she immediately asked why she was not married, and even recommended herself to be a "matchmaker" for the other party, which is obviously inappropriate.

During a negotiation or dinner with a business partner, a person of the opposite sex suddenly gets up and walks out, most likely to "make it easier". Sometimes the other party may also make excuses for themselves, such as "go out and make a call" or something like that. At this moment, educated people will not ask each other "where is this trip", let alone ask to accompany each other to "call".

When Xiao Wang talked to the master, his mother had prepared the meal, and the master repeatedly refused, but he couldn't resist the enthusiastic and even somewhat tough retention of Xiao Wang's family, so he had to agree to have lunch together. Xiao Wang said to the master: "Come, wash your hands, take off your hat, and let's drink some wine." Xiao Wang found that the master did not take off his hat, so he said enthusiastically: "There is heating in the house, it is not cold, you don't need to wear a hat, take it off soon!" The master said repeatedly: "Okay, good, drink first, drink first." Xiao Wang was anxious: "Drinking is hotter, and it's time to catch a cold outside when you sweat!" Seeing that the master ignored it, Xiao Wang stood up and said, "I'll help you pick it!" Before the master could react, Xiao Wang had already taken off the worker's hat, and for a moment, the whole family was stunned, it turned out that the master had a bare head and no hair. Xiao Wang's hand holding the hat stopped in the air, but only for a second, he quickly put the hat on the master's head again, everything happened so fast, Xiao Wang and the master were so embarrassed that they didn't know what to do.

Excessive enthusiasm makes people feel rude, reckless, and uneducated, and the motivation and effect are often counterproductive. For example, if you toast each other at a banquet to show friendship, but if you are overly enthusiastic and force people who can't drink alcohol to drink or even drink excessively, you will lose your speech, which will ruin the atmosphere of the banquet and cause physical and mental harm to the guests.

Xiao Zhang once visited a friend's house, and the friend was very welcoming and prepared a sumptuous meal. He was grateful for his host's hospitality, but one of the dishes he liked the least in his life was the one he had ever tasted, and the host insisted that he taste his craft, saying that it was her best skill. Don't eat it, the host's hospitality is difficult to resist, and the dish has been put into his own plate, eat it, it is indeed difficult to swallow. In the end, in order not to disappoint the owner, he swallowed it head-on. After eating, the host proposed to go to the karaoke hall to play, and when he arrived at the song hall, the host enthusiastically ordered the song he thought he could sing for Xiao Zhang, so that everyone held the microphone, either unable to keep up with the beat, or singing out of tune, and finally had a lively time, but felt uncomfortable.

Some people are hospitable by nature and treat their friends as if they were not good enough. It is said that the sincerity of such a person should be the best to win the favor of friends, but the opposite is true. Anyone who has been warmly entertained by such a person will be more or less scorched by his enthusiasm. There is a social distance between people, and enthusiasm should be maintained within a limit. People who are too enthusiastic are actually trying too hard to bring the two sides closer. It is inevitable that this will cause the other party to be displeased.