In social interaction, there are both "Yangguan Avenue" and many "single-plank bridges", and some people perform poorly in social interaction: gibberish, self-righteous, and unproportionate...... This is all pushing oneself onto the "single-plank bridge", which will inevitably lead to friction and contradictions, and even if the ability is strong, it will inevitably end up betraying one's relatives. So don't walk on this "single-plank bridge" that is difficult and runs into walls everywhere.

1. Don't be a person without credit

【Social Rubik's Cube】

In life, if you lose your credit, you are like walking with the dead.

—Herbert

People need to be very honest in their interactions, but also need to be true to their words and deeds, if they can only say big things, write empty checks, but do not fulfill their promises, such people will definitely be spurned and despised by people.

Failure to keep a promise made by a boss will not be conducive to establishing a good image in front of subordinates, which will lead to the failure of communication between superiors and subordinates. Director Tian of a certain agency is a well-known cheque machine, and he only promises, not cashes. Not long ago, a young man from the unit, who graduated from computer science, called him to the office early in the morning and said with a smile: "Xiao Chen! I read your resume, not bad, yes, in the future, the computer of our unit will be handed over to you to be responsible, you will see what is wrong, and you will look at it if you need to upgrade or something! There is a future, I like talents with expertise the most! The young man was excited: "Director Tian, don't worry, I will do a good job!" Within a few days, the young man worked overtime every day and overhauled several computers in the unit, and Director Tian said happily: "Xiao Chen, I won't wronged talents, I will definitely promote you after this period!" The young man was so happy to "slip" the director every day, and even went to the director's house to teach the director's son to learn computers, and the colleagues in the unit saw the young man working so hard, but they just shook their heads secretly. One month, two months, three months...... There was still no news about Director Tian's "promotion", so he couldn't help it, the young man ran to ask Director Tian, and he agreed: "Well, I have to study it again!" The young man was really anxious and angry. Colleague Lao Zhang patted the young man on the shoulder and said, "Admit it!" Director Tian's words can't be believed, four years ago he said that I was promoted to be a section chief, and I am not a small section member now! ”

Soon after, there was a big mistake in the work of the department, Director Tian was so anxious that he jumped to his feet, but still no one was willing to help him, and finally he was demoted and transferred, and everyone applauded: "The check machine is finally gone!" ”

There is a kind of failure of leadership, which is the most unsympathetic, that is, treating everyone as a dou and coaxing everyone at will. When you can use everyone, you make wishes and promises, and good words are piled up in a basket, and everyone has to serve for it; And when I don't need it, I do my best to do what I can, and my memory is not good, and I forget everything I said before. Such a leader has lost the mass base and the support of the people, and once it encounters any mistakes or mistakes in its work, it will immediately fall down the wall and be pushed by everyone, and it will be irretrievably defeated. Therefore, when a leader must make a promise, so that he will be successful when dealing with his subordinates.

The Chinese nation has an ancient tradition, that is, the importance of credit and reputation. There was a story of "holding the pillar and keeping promises", preaching: In ancient times, there was a young man who met people under the bridge. He waited for a long time, and the person he was dating was gone. After a while, the river rose and overflowed the bridge, and in order to keep his word, he clung to the bridge pillars and waited for his friend's arrival with one heart. The river rose higher and higher, and drowned him. Although this young man's behavior of hugging the pillar and dying is a bit pedantic, however, the character of "words must be believed, deeds must be fruitful" is always worthy of admiration.

In Chinese history, there are countless stories of this kind of "treating people with trust". The Chu people praised Ji Bu: "It is better to get ten thousand catties of gold, than to get Ji Bu Yinuo." Confucius also listed "believing in friends" as one of his aspirations in life. "People have no faith, and they don't know what they can do" is his old man's famous saying. Obviously, attaching importance to credit and reputation has become the fundamental code of our ancestors.

Some people verbally say "it's okay" about anything, "one word, wrap it up on me", and promise it in one mouth; However, if you promise in your mouth, you forget it in your head, or if you don't forget it in your head, you don't do your best, you will brag when you do it, and you will be silent if you can't do it. This kind of commitment is child's play, irresponsible behavior of friends, or sooner or later, it will have to be abandoned by others.

When you make a promise to someone easily, you don't think about the difficulties you may encounter in doing something. In this way, when the difficulty comes, you will only stare dryly. Thus giving the impression of "not keeping promises". The more promises, the more questions. Therefore, "light promises" are bound to be "untrustworthy".

Whether or not many promises can be fulfilled depends not only on subjective efforts, but also on objective conditions. There are some things that can be done under normal circumstances, but later they cannot be done for a while because of changes in objective conditions, and this is a common thing. Therefore, in our work, we should not make rash promises, and when we make promises, we should not pat our chests categorically, and we should leave a certain amount of leeway. Of course, this kind of leeway is to prevent the other party from falling from the peak of hope into the deep valley of disappointment, and not to bury the opportunity for oneself not to work hard. You have to do your best. If you're not sure, don't make promises. When you have no choice, you must seek truth from facts, and say a few points with some certainty, so that after a long time, people will trust you and treat you as a reliable person.

2. Don't show too much

【Social Rubik's Cube】

When we think of the impermanence of good and evil, we should not get carried away because of a moment of luck.

- Aesop

If a person has no edge, he can't lift it, so it's a good thing to have a edge; But if the edge is too exposed, it will stab others, such a person will naturally not have any good popularity, and no popularity is not a small problem, it will directly affect the success or failure of your social networking. Therefore, when interacting with people, it is best not to be completely sharp or sharp, and it is best to find a balance between the two.

There is a duality in everything, the good side and the bad side. The same thing, if understood in a good way, is a good thing; But if you understand it from the bad side, it's a bad thing. This is where popularity comes in, it can sometimes make the bad good, and the good can also make the bad. If you are popular, then every thing you do, others will talk about it, and even if you do something wrong and offend others, others will understand your mistakes in good faith. Living in such a relaxed and harmonious environment, you have no psychological burden, and you can enjoy yourself everywhere. But if you are not popular, then every time you do something, others will pick a bone in the egg, not to mention doing wrong things and offending others, even if you are cautious and careful everywhere, everything is right, others will not think so, do not look at you properly. Living in such an indifferent environment, you will feel that you are a superfluous person, and don't talk about joy and happiness anymore. There are thousands of roads under the feet of people who are popular, otherwise, there is only one single-plank bridge left. And if you want to have a good popularity, don't be sharp and aggressive.

In many cases, we are not necessarily faced with issues of principle that are major issues of right and wrong, and there is no need to go-for-tat. Take a step back and others have passed, and you can pass smoothly yourself. Relaxed and harmonious interpersonal relationships can bring us a lot of convenience and avoid a lot of trouble. If you have great ambitions, you can concentrate on accumulating strength. If you just want to be an ordinary person, show your edge, and express yourself everywhere, it is a very dangerous thing to live calmly and freely. You can advance or retreat, the two ends are the road, why not?

Some people may think that this is too worldly and too sleek, right? In fact, the convergence mentioned here is actually a shortcut to protect the healthy development of personality and successfully realize self-worth.

How many people have to smooth out the edges and corners in order to adapt to society, so that they are exhausted, and in the end they still achieve nothing. Isn't there a saying that "a good knife is on the edge"? A person's edge should also be shown to everyone at a critical time, when necessary, when people will naturally recognize that you are indeed a sharp sword. Instead of taking it out and waving it from time to time, it will kill others until they are willing to leave a piece of armor. The blade needs to be sharpened for a long time, and it is only for a short time, and if you don't know how to maintain it, it will only blunt.

The great writer George Bernard Shaw won the respect and admiration of many people. It is said that he was very intelligent and humorous since he was a child, but when he was young, he was very fond of showing off his edge, and his speech was also harsh, and anyone who said a word to him would have a sense of incompleteness. Later, an old friend said to him privately: "You are often silent now, which is very funny and pleasant, but everyone thinks that if you are not there, they will be happier, because they are not as good as you, and with you, people will not dare to speak." It's true that you're slightly more talented than theirs, but what good will it do you if your friends will gradually leave you? The words of his old friend made George Bernard Shaw wake up like a dream, and he felt that if he did not rein in his edge and completely reformed, society would no longer accept him, let alone lose his friends. Therefore, he set the goal that from then on, he would no longer speak bitter words, but to exert his genius in literature, and this change created his later status in the literary world.

This example tells us that the usual sharpness will make us all betray our relatives and enter a dead end, and if we properly restrain our edge, use our talents to useful things, and accumulate strength, we will inevitably make a career.

In contrast to "sharp edge", we advocate the philosophy of "silence is golden". After Lin Liang was assigned to a certain aquatic company, he was really unaccustomed to the lazy work in the unit and the lack of progress. Two months later, he wrote a letter of 10,000 words to the big leader, expressing his heart directly, and approved it from top to bottom, and his colleagues thought that he was "sick", and the leader was dumbfounded, and as a result, Lin Liang was transferred away in less than a month.

After some young people arrive at the new unit, they will make a lot of comments regardless of the occasion, talk uncontrollably, and have the spirit of "the newborn calf is not afraid of the tiger", but this kind of sharp edge is likely to make the more subjective leaders and colleagues feel that you are arrogant and extreme, and have a bad impression of you. Besides, the shallowness and impetuousness of the mouth are also damaging your image. You might as well keep a proper silence, which is a sign of humility and friendliness, but also a manifestation of self-confidence and strength, showing your edge in your work, and winning a reputation for your excellent work performance and humble style. Even if you are really smarter than others, you don't have to make "everyone on the earth know", you can adapt to the complex interpersonal environment and have a good popularity.

3. Don't just point fingers at others

【Social Rubik's Cube】

He who cannot be conquered with gentle words, even less with serious words.

- Chekhov

In our dealings with others, we often make the mistake of blaming others. "Oh, you're not doing it right!" "Why can't you even do this little thing!" Accusations like this can be heard everywhere in life, but casually blaming others is not a good thing, and it can cause serious obstacles to your interpersonal communication.

There is a gentleman who likes to argue with others in order to show off his knowledge, and if you don't argue with him, he will not come to trouble you or hurt you.

This gentleman is a very good person, faithful, does not lie, does not pretend, never opportunistic, does not do anything wrong, and does not take advantage of others.

How can such a good person not be popular with others?

It turned out that he valued himself too much, thinking that he was a perfect person, and that everyone should take him as a model and a mentor. Therefore, he likes to teach and guide others anytime and anywhere. When he sees that others have a little bit of shortcomings, he criticizes and blames them, and puts on a sanctimonious and sacred demeanor just like an adult manages a child and a teacher does to a student. They even deliberately exaggerate the shortcomings of others, and describe their momentary negligence or unintentional mistakes as bad intentions or misconduct.

At the same time, he could not tolerate any disrespect and disloyalty from others. If he suffers a little loss or is deceived by others, then he will attack, ridicule, ridicule or insult him as a person who is the most heinous and shameless person.

Just think about it to know how terrible this kind of person is, and it will arouse the hatred and disgust of others everywhere.

A person is strict with himself and does not do anything wrong, which is naturally a very correct thing. But don't think too highly of yourself because of this, demand others by your own standards, think that everyone else is stupid, and only you are a saint. For the mistakes and mistakes of others, we must first analyze the reasons for their mistakes, which may be affected by the bad environment, may be because they do not know clearly, or they may just be negligent for a while, and sometimes they may make mistakes because of the pursuit of good, subjectively seeking good, and objectively making mistakes. Except for some social scum who are really hostile to others, who should rise up and attack, the mistakes made by most people can be forgiven and corrected. We should have an attitude of being kind to others, and explain and persuade others' mistakes sincerely and tactfully, comfort their distress, and encourage them to correct them, which will be more effective in improving your interpersonal relationships.

In 1863, the Battle of Gettysburg began, and on the night of July 4, General Lee began to retreat south. General Lee fled to the Potomac River with his defeated troops, and was caught between the rising waters of the river ahead and the pursuing government forces in the rear. As long as the remnants of General Lee's army were completely defeated in this battle, the civil war would soon be over. In response to this God-given opportunity, Lincoln confidently ordered General Vader by telegram: "Strike at once, and call an emergency military conference without notice." Another envoy was then sent to urge Vader to act immediately.

And what about General Vader? Completely contrary to Lincoln's orders, he gave advance notice to convene an emergency military meeting. Then he hesitated and procrastinated. Eventually, the water receded, and General Lee fled with his army across the Potomac River.

When Lincoln heard this, he was furious, and in his disappointment and anguish, Lincoln sat down and wrote a letter to Vedder. The contents of the letter reflect Lincoln's great discontent:

[GK2] My dear general:

I don't believe you can understand the grave consequences of General Lee's escape. He would have been in our hands, and the war would have ended as soon as he was captured, and with our recent victory. Now that the war could go on indefinitely, how can you guarantee success if you didn't capture General Lee last week, and now that he has fled south of the Potomac River? I can't expect you to change the situation, and I don't expect you to do better now. The opportunity has been lost, and I am truly saddened. [HT] [HK]

After writing this letter, Lincoln had another thought in his mind: in any case, the mistake had been made, and there was no use in sending this letter except to make himself feel happy for a while. Vader would defend himself and attack himself in turn, which would only make everyone unhappy and even jeopardize his future, so that he would be forced to leave the army.

At this time, if there was one person who was most qualified to criticize people, it was Lincoln, but he did not do that. The bitter lesson has taught him that sharp criticism and vicious accusations will have zero effect.

So, the letter was not sent, and it was stored forever. Imagine how General Vader would feel if he read this letter. And how will it react? If you want to provoke a rebellion that will be hated for years or even to death, then you can try to make some scathing criticisms of people so that your wish can be easily granted.

Blaming others is a powerful dynamite that can ruin relationships, so when we encounter problems, let's try to put ourselves in the shoes of others, a little less blame, and a little more understanding, which will be more beneficial to you.

4. Take the annoying person in stride

【Social Rubik's Cube】

Magnanimity is the virtue of not reciprocating the harm done to the individual, and it does not value the hurt that it has, and it does not take the opportunity for revenge, even when it has been offered to him.

- Bao Ersheng

In life and work, we will inevitably encounter some people who have nothing to do, people who are jealous of their abilities, people who spread rumors, people who are hypocritical and insidious, and so on. How should we get along with these people?

Maybe you are indeed kind to others, but your goodness may not be exchanged for goodness, you need to know that any creativity is an objective challenge to mediocrity, any cleverness and wisdom are contrasting with stupidity and arrogance, any good intentions are objectively exposed, embarrassed and unpredictable; And any selflessness seems to be the appearance of a person who deliberately has a small belly and chicken intestines. At work, the better you do, the more your colleagues will hate you, and this is a reality that you can't help but face. Ordinary people will have four ways to deal with people with sinister intentions:

One is to hate against evil. Less than a month after Du Li went to work, she formed a feud with several female colleagues in the unit: the director's sister-in-law was bullying, the cashier Zhao Xin was snarky, the desk colleagues were sinister and cunning, and the typist Zhu Xue sowed discord...... In short, there are few good people in the unit. Her boyfriend persuaded her to be more tolerant and have something to say, but she was scolded by Du Li, and she decided to give those women a little bit of power, so that they knew that no one was easy to bully. Since then, Du Li has been arguing with them every day, scolding them, making small reports to leaders, and informing colleagues...... After a period of time, although Du Li also suffered a lot of dark losses, the arrogance of several colleagues was also suppressed a lot. Du Li was proud, but she didn't expect her boyfriend to propose to break up. He said: "Look at the way you look now, what is the difference between you and those women, and your mind is full of thinking about how to calculate others, I can't stand you anymore." Du Li was stunned by this result, she obviously just wanted to seek justice for herself!

It is not advisable to think that he and his small circle are innocent angels, and that all the people around him are devils and villains, so they gnash their teeth all day long, bitter and hateful, and are obsessed with their hearts, and cannot live all day, because this is first a neurosis, and the second is to use evil for evil, which is already evil in itself, and is already no different and convergent with the devil and villain in his or her mind.

The second is to fight evil with suspicion. muttering, covering up, suffering from gains and losses, hesitating, for fear of being deceived, always feeling embattled. As a result, you may have suffered two fewer losses, but you have lost many friends and opportunities, lost your generosity and confidence, and lost the possibility of making a difference.

The third is to speak loudly against evil. Sensational against evil, with pathos "show" against evil: words must be called sinister, words must scold the world for all evil and I am good, and the world is turbid and I am clear; Words will sweep away thousands of armies like a sweep; How many tons of *** will be blasted. There is a popular saying that the mission of intellectuals is to criticize. This is especially true for intellectuals living in developed Western countries, because the mainstream of their environment may be complacency, material comfort, relative or temporary stability, the "end of history" and even hegemony.

Fourth, we should fight evil with negativity. Not resisting, doing nothing, only knowing how to feel sorry for oneself, this is the so-called negativity. Zhang Jun is a well-known good man, but he has suffered a lot for this temper. In this life, Zhang Jun hates the female manager Li Feihua the most, and she will definitely send Zhang Jun to run the most difficult business; Running a familiar business, Li Feihua will definitely let him hand it over to a novice; If there is any good thing, it must not be Zhang Jun's turn, overtime, emergency business trips, Zhang Jun has not escaped once...... "What a fucking Li Feihua!" I'll be in her hands for the rest of my life! Zhang Jun complains to his wife, children, relatives and friends every day, "Last time, it wasn't her who stepped in, the business manager was mine!" "Today, Li Feihua arranged a 'good job' for me again...... "Over time, everyone was very tired of complaining about him, and as soon as he started, everyone dispersed, and everyone said: "Lao Zhang is very good, but he loves to complain too much!"

There are many such people in life, who have been nagging, nervous, sticky, endless bitterness, endless anger, endless complaints, endless "objectivity", and at the end of his or her life, he or she is already a foregone conclusion, and he or she is still complaining about heaven and others.

So, can we do it, keep clean and stable, maintain ethics and maintain a good mood, maintain a sense of justice and rationality, and maintain inaction and disbelief and maintain kindness to others? Many times, the vast majority of your colleagues are fine, at least normal. Because this is too normal, it will also make some people furious, right? And most of the time, the vast majority of people, their attitude towards you depends on your attitude towards them. As for their faults, they are not necessarily more than you, even if they are often not less than you. In any case, we can strive to make ourselves a factor of peace, of unity, of civilization, and not the other way around; We can strive to be calm, calm, reasonable, courteous, and helpful, and not the opposite, irritable, paranoid, domineering, and making enemies on all sides. Even with those or one of those colleagues who are really hostile to you or have already done anything to hurt you, you can ask yourself, what is wrong with you? What is the record of putting him or her in harm's way? Is it possible to dispel misunderstandings and turn "enemies" into friends? You also have to put yourself in the other person's shoes and think about whether the other person is also excusable.

In the long run, all personal jealousy and resentment, all the clamour, all the signatures and complaints, whether it is gossip, or sticks and hats, will have a very limited effect in a relatively stable climate, and may play a counterproductive role. You don't blame it, it's self-defeating. You can act normally, react smoothly, maintain a good attitude, and be free from interference, so that all kinds of things can be carried out step by step. As the saying goes: "A slap doesn't make a sound", for the person you hate, you ignore him and let him toss alone, it is estimated that he will soon find it boring. But if the other party is making endless trouble, then you have to find a favorable time to fight back hard and let him relent, which is enough.

5. Don't just express yourself

【Social Rubik's Cube】

Although self-attention is necessary in dealing with people, it must not be revealed in interactions, because that would create embarrassment or be artificial.

– Kant

In the social scene, you can't just show yourself and don't care about others, otherwise you won't be welcomed wherever you go.

Some people don't care about other people's attitudes and thoughts when they speak, but they just talk endlessly, and when they talk about happiness, their eyebrows are fluttering, and as soon as you interject, you will be interrupted immediately. There are still a lot of people like this. Li Xiao is such a person, as long as he opens the conversation, it is difficult to stop. With him, you have to be a reluctant listener. He could even speak from morning to afternoon without even repeating a single word, and I really don't know where his words came from. Every time he asked someone to chat, everyone stayed away because it was really boring to be with him.

When people interact with each other, the important thing is the communication and exchange between both parties. In the whole conversation, if only one person is talking, it is not easy to resonate with the other party, so the effect of communication and exchange cannot be achieved. In other words, give others the opportunity to talk during the conversation, and blindly nagging will make people reluctant to talk to you.

Everyone has a different perspective on things, and if you impose your own views on others in the process of interacting with them, it will cause dissatisfaction among them. In fact, due to different life experiences, everyone will have different understandings of things, and it is normal for them to have their own opinions. However, when others disagree, they categorically reject it and impose their own views on others, which will inevitably give people the impression of narrow-mindedness and extremism, making it impossible for the conversation to continue, or even breaking up unhappily. When you talk to someone, you should be considerate of their feelings, be tolerant, and continue to discuss with them even if they have the wrong point of view.

Lin Feng is the president of the student union of the foreign Chinese college of a university, a talent, good at speaking, and excellent eloquence. But he has a characteristic, he is competitive in everything, and he often fights with others because of his views on some issues, and he is willing to give up only when he has to fight to win or lose. I always think that what I say makes sense, but what others say doesn't. Other people's opinions and opinions are often dismissed by him as useless. When everyone discusses something, as long as he is present, he will speak sharply, refute this for a while, and criticize that for a while, as if he alone is right, and no one else is as good as him. If you don't say that the dead are alive and the living are immortals, you won't give up. In this way, the atmosphere is often tense, and in the end everyone has to break up.

There are also people who are very keen to highlight themselves, and when interacting with others, they always like to talk about things that they feel honored about, and they don't care about the feelings of the other person. Ms. A is such a person, no matter who comes to her house, before the chair is hot, she tells you the things worth showing off in her house one by one, and her expression is still very proud. An old classmate's husband was laid off and was a little financially strained, but instead of comforting others, she said to the classmate: "My old man's monthly salary is 800 yuan, and our family can't spend it all." Her daughter bought her a beautiful dress, and because it was very valuable, she went to people to show it off: "This is the dress my daughter bought for me in Hong Kong, guess how much?" One thousand eight hundred. After speaking, he had a very smug expression, which meant: "How about it, I can't afford it." ”

Although it is said that it is the common psychology of human beings to express themselves, we must also pay attention to scale and proportion. If you are just enthusiastic about expressing yourself, despise others, and disdain others, it is easy to give people a bad impression of boasting.

When Luo Ning was first transferred to the company, in order to let others understand him as soon as possible, leave a deep impression on others, and express himself everywhere. Originally, it was something that the leader already knew, but he had to report it actively. In front of his colleagues, he said every day that he was knowledgeable and capable, how well he did when he was in a certain unit, how good his grades were when he was in college, how much his teachers valued him, and how much his classmates admired him. At first, everyone listened to him carefully, but later, everyone was very disgusted with his performance and felt that he loved to express himself too much.

Once, the leader asked everyone: "There is a job, who can do it?" As soon as he saw the opportunity coming, he preemptively said to the leader: "I can do a good job." "It makes everyone's hearts not very happy. In fact, he was not sure at all, but in order to show himself, he slapped his swollen face and became fat. But then, he made a difficulty, he was really not sure about this job, and he didn't have any bottom in his heart to do it well or badly. It can be seen that he has the idea of asking his colleagues for help, but everyone laughs in their hearts, and no one helps him. A colleague said, "If you don't have that diamond, don't do porcelain work." It made everyone laugh, and he had to smile bitterly. Later, he did not complete the work on time, and the leadership was very angry and criticized him. A colleague said to him, "It's time for you to learn your lesson and work hard in the future." He kept nodding his head.

A person, when getting along and interacting with others, should pay more attention to the psychological feelings of others. Only by grasping the psychology of others can we truly win the appreciation and favor of others. If you only care about showing yourself, stealing the limelight in front of others, and not giving others a chance to perform, you will be jealous and fall into an embarrassing situation in interpersonal interactions.

6. You can't open your mouth to speak

【Social Rubik's Cube】

The secret of socializing is not to hide the truth, but to tell the truth without angering the other person.

- Taro Hara

In social interactions, some people speak as if they don't go through their brains, saying whatever comes to their minds, and these words are often inappropriate and out of proportion. As a result, I offended people unconsciously.

Song Guang is kind-hearted and willing to help others, but he has not been able to win the favor of others, why? The reason is that he often offends people by speaking. Once, he enthusiastically introduced a male colleague to a partner, and he said, "This girl, tall and beautiful, you go and meet, I think you two are quite suitable." The colleague was very interested and asked him about the girl. After listening to his introduction at that time, my colleague felt that this girl's conditions were not suitable for him, but my colleague was embarrassed to say it to him, so he said to him euphemistically: "I'm very busy now, I don't want to be friends for the time being, let's talk about it later!" He heard his colleague say this, and knew that his colleague disagreed, so he looked unhappy and said: "What's so great about you, this can't work, that doesn't work, what else do you want to find?" You're so crazy. When my colleague heard this, he said angrily: "I just don't want to be friends now, what kind of heart do you have!" If you don't agree, you don't agree, if it's really that good, you can handle it yourself, and you don't have a partner anyway. In fact, he introduced a friend to a friend, no matter whether it was successful or not, his colleagues should thank him well, but because he spoke hurtfully, which caused the dissatisfaction of his colleagues, he retaliated with him. It was supposed to be a good thing, but he didn't grasp it well, but offended people, which was really "thankless". In real life, there are many people like him.

A girl is going to Shenzhen to break through, and before leaving, she goes to visit a friend who used to be very good. When a friend learned that she was going to Shenzhen for development, instead of encouraging her, he laughed at her and said, "You haven't mixed up in this small place, so you want to go to Shenzhen to develop?" Shenzhen lacks you! What kind of place is that?! I walked out into the street and met three people, two undergraduates, and one doctoral student! How do secondary school students mix there! I think there are people who are stronger than you, and there are few people who have developed well, so I think you should think about it! As a friend, I remind you to see how capable you are. When the girl heard this, she was very angry and got up and left her friend's house. In her mind, she always remembered the words of her friend.

As a friend, even if you don't say words of encouragement at this time, you shouldn't pour cold water, which will hurt your friend's self-esteem and affect future interactions.

In fact, the quality of people like them is not bad, but the bad thing is that they have not mastered the sense of proportion. Unless they don't speak, as soon as they open their mouths, they offend people, and over time, people really don't want to associate with such people from the bottom of their hearts.

In interacting with others, if you want not to offend others, you must pay attention to the proportions of your speech, consider problems from the standpoint of others, think about others, and try not to anger the other party, which is not conducive to the quality of your interpersonal communication. The same sentence plays a completely different role on different occasions. A person who is comfortable in the social arena knows what to say and what not to say on different occasions.

Xiaoxue is a native of Fujian, has been in Beijing for more than three years, and a few days ago she was dealt with, and the conditions are very good: her home is local, she has a house and a car, and her character and appearance are good. Colleagues were very envious of her, saying that she had found a good partner, and congratulated her. But a colleague said: "Your conditions are not very good, why did you find one with such good conditions?" Is there something wrong with this person? It was a very pleasant mood, but it was ruined by her sudden words. A colleague hurriedly played a round and said, "How can you say that about people? Our Xiaoxue conditions are not bad, the skin is good, slim, and the personality is good, just this alone, what kind of can't be found! The colleague who poured cold water knew that he had said something, and said embarrassedly: "I didn't mean that, really, Xiaoxue, don't get me wrong." I think your boyfriend's conditions are too good, and the conditions of your family are too different, I just think it's a little incredible. Xiaoxue was very angry: "You are still belittling me, what's the matter, my family's conditions are not as good as his, so what?" He's just taking a fancy to me, what's so strange! It's rare and weird, I think you're the one who has the problem! ”

This colleague who poured cold water on him actually didn't have any malicious intent, but he didn't know how to speak. I don't know what to say and what not to say, so a few words will offend people. If she really thinks so, she shouldn't say it, just know it in her heart, if she doesn't speak, no one will look at her as dumb, why bother to say it and make people unhappy? I made a fuss and didn't have a staircase to go down. When interacting with others, you must speak in a measured manner and avoid saying things that others don't like to hear, so as not to anger the other party and affect the relationship between the two. In order to win the favor of others, it is necessary to pay attention to the psychological needs of others and think more about them.

7. Don't talk about people

【Social Rubik's Cube】

Slander does not bring harm to the slandered, but it often brings disrepute to the slanderer.

- Chad Colton

In social interactions, people hate nothing more than gossiping and gossiping about others. The practice of gossiping about others is the most undesirable, and gossiping too much will inevitably cause unnecessary trouble.

Xiao Huang is the backbone of a certain unit. In the past, the leaders valued him very much, and he did all the important work in the unit, but since a new colleague was transferred to the unit, his life has not been so good. This newly transferred colleague is not a fuel-efficient lamp, and he is close to the leader every day, and when he has nothing to do, he runs to the leader's office and talks endlessly with the leader. And often help the leader to do some private things, therefore, the leader attaches great importance to him, and the leader attaches great importance to what he says. But what puzzled Xiao Huang was: this new colleague was against him everywhere, which made him puzzled, the two of them had no grievances and no hatred, why couldn't they get along with themselves? One day, Xiao Huang's work was done, and he wanted to report to the leader, so he went to the leader's office, but when he walked outside the office door, he heard this new colleague saying bad things about himself: "Xiao Huang's character is still good, but his work is too careless, and his business is not good." Xiao Huang thought to himself: "It turns out that he is making his own little report, this guy is really not a thing, he is actually this kind of villain, in order to elevate himself and belittle others." In fact, this new colleague's business is not good at all, but I didn't expect to make small reports behind my back and gossip about others. He didn't go in, and when he heard this, he turned around and went back to his office, and he didn't get angry. Since that small report was completed, the leader has not taken Xiao Huang as seriously as before, and many of the rights and wrongs of many workers in the unit are caused in small talk, and the work is handed over to new colleagues to do. Gradually, many people in the unit knew what this new colleague was like, and they were very dissatisfied with him, but they couldn't afford to provoke him. The leader trusts him very much and defends him everywhere, so he is very proud.

Later, there was a change in the personnel of Xiaohuang's unit, and a new leader came, and this new leader was very bold, and after taking office, he carried out reforms in a big way. When the department is reorganized, according to the regulations of the unit, if there are no people in any department, they can only be laid off. Because this new colleague usually likes to beat other people's small reports and gossip about others, he has no popularity at all, so no department wants him. In the end, he had no choice but to be disgraced. There is only one result of making a small report - to arouse the other party's grudge. Some people will fight back immediately, and some will "take revenge for a gentleman, it's not too late for ten years", at least you and the other party already have a disagreement. Of course, if the other party doesn't know that you did it, it's a different story, but it's not easy to make people unaware of it.

No one wants to associate with a gossip guy because the more he knows you, the more gossip he will make for you. Such a person is like a time bomb, and when you associate with him, you are in danger of being injured at any time. An important principle of social interaction is: don't get into trouble, others are lucky, no matter what your psychological feelings are, don't gossip because of jealousy, because it is the most stupid thing to do - you get nothing, but you offend a lot of people.

"Right and wrong are only because there are many mouths", today the east of the Dao, tomorrow the west family is short, this kind of person is not retaliated, cautious words are a kind of cultivation, a level, a kind of wisdom.

8. Don't make durian

【Social Rubik's Cube】

The exact life is: to maintain a life of freedom from the world in a suitable state.

- Montaigne

Some people are like durians, which are good on the inside, but just looking at the appearance is prohibitive. This is mainly due to their lack of attention to detail in communication, which makes it difficult to accept.

There are two new young ladies in a company, one is a wild type, surnamed Ou, and the other is a Sven type, surnamed Yang. Both are on probation, but only one can be left in the end. Miss Ou is a fashionable woman, dressed very fashionably, hot pants, camisoles, slippers, dare to wear anything into the office, hair dyed a color in a few days, avant-garde makeup, jingling accessories, everywhere you go to attract a lot of attention. And the other Miss Yang, on the contrary, is a decent suit every day, which is simply lackluster. One day, everyone was at work, and suddenly smelled a strange smell, everyone looked for it only to find that it was a bag of seafood to blame, who brought seafood to the company? Miss Ou laughed loudly and said, "It's mine, I want to eat it at night, so I'll buy it back at noon and put it away!" "Everyone didn't say anything, but they were all unhappy at work all afternoon! Two months have passed, and the two of them have done a good job, but in the end, Miss Yang was chosen to stay, because she and her colleagues get along more harmoniously, and Miss Ou has become a "public nuisance" in the eyes of her colleagues.

When some people interact with others, they do not pay attention to the details of communication, and their speech and behavior are casual, and they are also called informal. In fact, this is a wrong idea, gestures in communication are the standard for judging a person's character, if you are like Miss Ou who does not pay attention to details, then your image and interpersonal relationships will be affected.

There is a person who is very enthusiastic about others, and if anyone has something, he will help him. But he has a problem, that is, he does not pay attention to details. If someone is eating, and he happens to catch up, and no one waits for him to eat, he will immediately sit down at the dinner table, drink and eat, and be unceremoniously. At the beginning, because everyone had a good impression of him, no one took it to heart, but after a long time, they had an opinion about him, thinking that this person was too casual, although he was a good person, but this point was unbearable. Once, when the neighbor was having lunch, he entered the house and said, "It smells so good!" What kind of dish is it that I make? Yo! It's fish-flavored shredded pork! Today I have a blessed mouth. With that, he found a chair and sat down and waited for dinner. It doesn't matter what you eat, from more than two o'clock in the afternoon to more than eight o'clock in the evening, chatting while eating, talking about everything. After eating for an afternoon, he didn't feel tired, the food was cold, and he said, "Give it hot again." "When the heat is over, then you can continue eating. It's endless, it's unbearable. But no one is embarrassed to say it to him, usually the neighborhood relationship is good, if you don't let him eat, it will make the family lose face, how to get along in the future. One day, he went to a neighbor's house again, and when the neighbor's children came back from school, they said to their mother, "I'm hungry." The mother said, "Wait a little longer, and then eat when the guests are gone." But after a long time, he had no intention of leaving. The child was in a hurry, went into the house, and pretended to doze off. Only then did he think of saying goodbye, and when he was gone, everyone sighed. Later, whenever he came while they were eating, they quickly cleaned up the table and said, "It's a misfortune that you're in time, we're all finished eating." And so he was rejected.

In interpersonal communication, some details may seem inconspicuous, but they cannot be ignored. Otherwise, it will affect your relationship with others. In life, there are really a lot of such people, they don't pay attention to the psychological feelings of others, they think that they are acquaintances and friends with each other, they can talk about everything, they don't have to be so serious about things, and others will not have any opinions about themselves. Actually, this is a wrong idea. People who do not pay attention to details are not popular in social situations and are often resented and dissatisfied by others. In interpersonal communication, a person's character and cultivation are often reflected in the details. If you don't pay attention to these details, you will be ostracized by others in your social interactions, and no matter how warm and kind you are, your social interaction will still not be successful.