On this day, Miao Xiaohui called Liu Yiyi to tell that Professor Li of Peking University, who specializes in women's issues, gave a free lecture at the provincial library and asked her to listen to it. They went on Sunday afternoon, and when they arrived at the venue, Liu Yiyi learned that Professor Li was a woman. I have a sense of intimacy, and I won't talk like Professor Tao. Professor Li talked about women's issues around "sex", and when it came to Yi, he put forward three principles, privacy, adulthood, and mutual consent, as long as these three articles are not violated, society should not intervene. Because the body is one's own, one has the right to dispose of one's own things, which is a test of how open and tolerant a society is. There was a commotion in the venue. Liu Yiyi went to see Miao Xiaohui, and Miao Xiaohui said: "In the future, men will be more free, and everything they do is legal." The government can't control it, can you still control it? In the future, the government will not care about gambling and drug use, anyway, the body is its own, and the money is also its own. Liu Yiyi said: "She is really a woman, why did she come to dig a trap for us?" I don't know if she has a daughter, and if she has a daughter, she won't say that. Miao Xiaohui said: "In the future, if we women still have any hope for love, this can only be a fool's tragedy." Liu Yiyi said: "I don't blame her, this is a way of thinking in a desire-oriented society, human nature is desire, desire is human nature, this is the awakened modern person, the professor can be an exception?" It's legal for men to do this, so what feminism is there to talk about? It's too embarrassing and too risky to be a woman now, and it's not surprising to sit at home and suddenly find out that you're an AIDS patient. What else can we say but admit that we deserve to be unlucky? He also said: "If the government really doesn't care, the underworld will be in charge." My cousin was not angry and was controlled by those people, who stipulated that she should receive at least ten guests a day. Later, those people recruited prostitutes on the blog, and they were discovered and arrested. My cousin took off a few layers of skin before she came out, but she didn't have any money, and she didn't have any youth, so she was miserable. Miao Xiaohui said: "Professor Li's ideals are too pale and hypocritical in the face of reality. Maybe she wanted to sow dragon seeds, but all she could harvest was fleas. Liu Yiyi said: "My heart hurts, let's go." ”

Liu Yiyi didn't know what she should do or what she could do. Is it free? Freely. But freedom doesn't mean anything to you. Desire takes precedence, this is a mistake of the century, and it is also a worldwide mistake. Men lose love and gain desire; Women lose love, and what they gain is loneliness. When it comes to desire and body, women are bound to be losers, because youth will not last forever. When the infinity of desire becomes possible, love becomes impossible. She felt that there were high walls on all sides, and there was no way to go in either direction. To find a way, you need to have the courage to break through the wall, and she doesn't have the courage. She felt that she was standing alone in time, hanging from each other, looking around at a loss. The darkness around me was so dark and a little damp that I could only grope my way forward. The dampness in the thick darkness soaked the clothes, and there was no light, and there was no way out. At a certain moment, there seemed to be a light flashing, in the distance that I don't know how far away. Before she could see it clearly, it flashed and passed, leaving a clear bright spot in the dark depths of her mind, burning her faintly painfully. This dull pain continues, perhaps, forever and ever.

She convinces herself that this is fate, that tragedy is natural and innate. In that case, what's the point of resisting? In this world of desire, if a woman is no longer young and beautiful, what reason and right does she have to ask men to love her, love her, and be loyal to her? If he says it's too demanding, too cruel, too impersonal and inhumane, because he's a man, what does she have to say? Perhaps, he should be understood; But what should I do after understanding him? The age of desire is a tragic one for women, who silently endure an inhuman fate under the banner of humanity. It has been said that the disintegration of matriarchal societies is a historically significant defeat for women. Perhaps, the emergence of a desire-oriented society is another historic defeat for women! Yes, it's a little thing, a little thing that has nowhere to talk about. But this little thing is the happiness of her life, and it is also the happiness of countless silent women in their lives, and this little bit has converged into a vast sea. Liu Yiyi suspected that she had depression, the more she doubted, the more depressed she became, and the more depressed she was, the more suspicious she became. She was silent a lot, in the company, at home. Silence, silence, perhaps, will be silent forever, until the depths of time. There, everything comes to naught, and absolute fairness is obtained in the end.

What worries Liu Yiyi the most is Qinqin's future fate. How I hope that in the future, there will be a person, a man, who will truly love her, love her, and be loyal to her. If you want to say that you have any other ideals in life, this is the biggest ideal in life. However, she didn't want to deceive herself, and she didn't want to deceive herself even more after listening to Professor Li's report. She knew that this ideal was a luxury. Since it is fate, how can Qin Qin hide from it? For Qinqin, he and Song Xusheng are concerned about tea, meal, stitch, line, word by word, bit by bit, but will there be a day when one day in the distant future, he will be thrown down by a man who is invisible in the depths of the years, like throwing a cigarette butt and a broken rag? Liu Yiyi felt pain in her heart, she didn't dare to think about it, and she couldn't help it, it seemed that she had a compulsive imagination disease, forcing her to imagine all kinds of details, clear, realistic, vivid, a reflection of her own life. Thinking of Qinqin's carefree and happy childhood, she has a clearer and clearer voice in her heart: Qinqin, you must not grow up!

At noon this weekend, Liu Yiyi was bored at home. Qinqin fell asleep, and Song Xusheng didn't know where to sing and dance. Somehow, she suddenly had an impulse to pull out the drawer at the head of the bed, and at the bottom of the drawer, she found a swimsuit, wrapped in plastic paper. It was more than ten years ago, not long after she got along with Qin Yixing, she knew that he took his daughter to swim, so she asked him to take him there once. He agreed, and bought this swimsuit, but he didn't make it, and he didn't do it for several years. She picked up her swimsuit, and the plastic paper shattered at the touch of it, fell to the ground, and turned into dust.

Under the swimsuit, Liu Yiyi saw that the bracelet was still so tender yellow, so bright, and there was no trace of time. She picked it up and tried it on her wrist, and a chill came to her heart. She walked out onto the balcony, where the sun was just setting in the west, and the golden waves were dancing on the river, and a steamer passed by, making a low whistle. On the other side of the Lujiang River, the Lushan Mountain reveals a calm outline, and at the bottom of the mountain are the Lujiang University and the University of Finance and Economics. Many years ago, when she first entered college, what a pure yearning for life and love! Love used to be my own faith, but there is no place for faith in this world. In a few years, Qinqin will begin to understand these things. Perhaps, before she has grown up, it is necessary to destroy her natural sprout of faith, and destroy her so that she will not be destroyed by tragic fate, because she will also become a woman. It's cruel, but it's even more cruel if you don't destroy it, and cold-blooded people won't be hurt too much. Will this work? Is it okay not to do that? She couldn't answer herself. Staring at the Lujiang River and Lushan, Liu Yiyi floated through many past events and many old people in her heart, and everything seemed like a dream.

Standing for a long time against the wind, his face was already a little numb. She suddenly felt that the sky was dark, and she vaguely remembered that there was a solar eclipse today. She looked towards the sun, which had turned into a black shadow with a yellowish glow around it, slowly trembling. She gently pulled the bracelet off, held it up to her eyes, and wrapped the black sun in it. Suddenly, the light and shadow in front of her blurred and began to turn, faster and faster, forming a black vortex, spinning, spinning, as if to suck her in.