Loneliness can be an emotional death or a spiritual precipitation. It may take more perseverance to endure loneliness than to endure poverty, which may reduce one's worth, and loneliness, which can ruin one's life or improve one's character.

Uncontrollable loneliness is a serious personality disorder

Michael Jackson is gone, and as we all know, the world-class icon's life is not happy, he has said more than once: "I am the loneliest person in the world." ”

"I didn't have a childhood at all, I didn't have a Christmas, I didn't have a birthday," he said. It was not a normal childhood, there was no joy that childhood should have! ”

When he was 5 years old, his father formed the "Jackson Five" orchestra with his four older brothers. His childhood has been "rehearsing and rehearsing from morning to night, endlessly"; On weekends when people are entertained, he runs around until four or five o'clock in the morning on Mondays, when he can go home to sleep.

As a child, Jackson struggled to get his father's approval, he "became famous at the age of 8, released a record at the age of 10, and became the youngest champion singer in American history at the age of 12", but he still did not get his father's approval, and he was still beaten and scolded from time to time.

Psychology says that before the age of 12, children's values and judgment have not yet been established, or are being perfected, and the words of parents are authority. When they fail to meet their parents' high expectations and are denied and blamed, even if they are wronged, they still firmly believe that their parents are right in their hearts. Jackson's "compulsive behavior, inferiority complex", etc., when he grew up, should be related to his father's negative evaluation.

His father often laughed at him: "Oh my God, this nose is so big, it's not inherited from me!" Mr. Jackson said he was embarrassed by the comments, "I wanted to hide myself and I wanted to die." But I still have to go on stage and accept the scrutiny of others. ”

Subsequently, Michael Jackson's "self-harm" and repeated painful plastic surgery were related to this experience in childhood.

Jackson sings in "Childhood": "People think I'm doing weird performances because I'm always a child...... I'm just trying to make up for a childhood I never enjoyed. ”

"I've never been truly happy, and it's only when I'm on a show that I feel close to satisfaction," Jackson said. ”

Vince Patterson, a former Jackson choreographer, said: "He had a sense of fear of the crowd. ”

At home, Jackson often confided in his admirer, "Diana (a mannequin)," about his timidity and his fear and helplessness in dealing with the media.

He married Elvis Presley's daughter, Lisa, and caused a sensation on the planet at the time, but the two did not have a happy married life, and Lisa said, "I feel powerless about a lot of things...... It felt like I had become a machine. In 1996, he married Debbie again, but the happy days did not last long, and the two divorced in 1999; Later, he became close to Britney, but Britney kept insisting that we were just good friends.

Jackson bluntly admitted, "No one can appreciate my inner world." There are always quite a few girls who try to do this, to save me from the loneliness of the house, or to taste the loneliness with me. I don't want to put my hopes in anyone, because I am convinced that I am the loneliest person in the world. ”

Obviously, there are many factors that contributed to the unfortunate life of this Uranus, and it is these factors that have led him to become "the loneliest man in the world" and go through his life alone.

In this world, there are many people who feel lonely, or rather, everyone is more or less lonely, however, don't let loneliness become a norm, it's not normal!

People who indulge in loneliness are afraid of interacting with others, and sometimes inexplicably close themselves off, escape from society, fear life, be lonely and self-appreciative, and be disease-free**. They have no friends, let alone bosom friends; They like themselves more than others, and they have a bit of a "narcissistic" flavor; They have some inferiority complex in their bones, and they are always worried that they will not be accepted by others, so they simply refuse to contact others; Most of them regard their home as the world, computers and TV as their friends, and they can only feel at ease when they stay at home, and they will feel unsafe when they leave this environment; They simply don't know how to fill the void in their hearts.

In modern society, the high-rise buildings in the city gradually alienate interpersonal relationships, lose neighborhood relations, and increase the distance between people. In such an environment, everyone has some lonely personality and loneliness to a greater or lesser extent. At the same time, the mechanized mode of life also makes people lack enough time and energy to cultivate interpersonal feelings, communication is often just for entertainment, drinking is just to buy drunk, and when you return home, you fall asleep, so as to escape the trivial things that annoy people. The members of the "Lonely Ones" are constantly growing......

Although transient or occasional loneliness does not cause psychological and behavioral disorders, long-term or severe loneliness can cause certain emotional disorders and reduce people's mental health. Loneliness also increases the isolation and alienation from others and society, which in turn reinforces the loneliness of the person, which will inevitably lead to the physical abnormality of the alienated individual over time.

Without communication and communication, the mind can only be a dead silence

Cao Fei, whose husband died tragically two years ago, was devastated and has been in a state of loneliness and pain ever since. "What should I do?" One day a month after her husband left her, she asked the doctor for help, "Where am I going to live?" Do I still have happy days? ”

"Your anxiety is due to the fact that you are in the midst of an unfortunate experience, and it is natural to be very sad to lose your partner in your 30s," the doctor said. But over time, these pains and worries will slowly fade away, and you will start a new life—to get out of the shadow of pain and build a new happiness for yourself. ”

"No!" "I don't believe I'm going to have any happy days," she said in despair. I'm not young anymore and I have a 7-year-old child by my side. Where else can I go? "She became depressed and grumpy, and her face was tense ever since. No one can really get into her heart, her world.

It's okay to occasionally give yourself a space to be alone when you're unhappy, but if you continue this behavior for a long time, it's a psychological disorder. In fact, modern urbanites have become more and more accustomed to closing themselves off. I don't know when people began to be afraid of what happened outside, unwilling to communicate with others, unwilling to understand what was going on outside, and sealed their hearts tightly for fear of being hurt a little.

People with autistic personalities often feel lonely. Some people have made some "small mistakes" in life, because the moral concept is too strong, resulting in self-blame and self-depreciation, looking down on themselves, and even insulting, hating, and abandoning themselves, always feeling that others are blaming themselves, so they live in seclusion and isolation from the world; There are also some people who pay great attention to the quality of their personal image, and always feel that they are ugly, this kind of self-suggestion makes them pay great attention to the evaluation and gaze of others, and finally refuse to associate with others; Some people, due to the excessive protection or control in their childhood, are more fragile and have low self-confidence, as soon as someone says something, they will sit in the right seat and feel nervous.

A person who closes himself off will never find happiness and happiness in his heart, and although all the good things are in front of him, if he doesn't open the closed door and go out, then he won't get anything. Life is short, we need three or five confidants, we need to try the joys and sorrows of life, so that life can be called complete. We don't have to struggle with self-fear, and we don't need to live too carefully, we can do what we want to do, and say what we want to say, so that we can be happy and life will not lose its meaning because of the monotony of autism.

Autistic personality is a lock of the soul, a closure of all opportunities for oneself to integrate into the group, and an autistic personality will not only ruin one's life, but also make friends and relatives around him sad together. All in all, an autistic personality can bury a lifetime of happiness. Therefore, we should be brave to come out of the haze of autism, to enjoy the fresh air outside, the bright sunshine outside, in this contemporary society where the pace of life is accelerating, we must get out of the cage of autistic personality and enter the ocean of the group. Only in this way can you find the confidence, happiness and joy that truly belong to you.

Autistic personalities always bring a heavy shadow to our lives and lives that we cannot get rid of, making us close the door to our emotions. Without communication and communication, the mind can only be a dead silence, so be sure to open your heart and start now.

In fact, as long as you are willing to open the window, you will see how gorgeous the scenery outside is; If you are willing to open up, you will see how kind your friends and loved ones are around you. Life is so beautiful, how can you find trouble in self-isolation? We live to always seek the first rays of sunlight when the sun rises. When we truly remove the shackles of the autistic heart, when we welcome a better future with a happy mood, you will find a different world, an environment full of friendliness and warmth.

Embrace the world with your heart, or life will collapse

If you don't want to fall into loneliness, then you have to get out of your small space, learn to take the initiative to open your heart, communicate with others, communicate more, find more things to do, and let yourself have some sustenance, which will make loneliness leave you, and your soul will be richer and more leisurely.

After her husband died of a brain tumor, Karina became depressed and grumpy, and for years afterward, her face remained tense.

One day, Karina was driving on a crowded road in the town when she noticed a new fence erected around a house. The house was more than a hundred years old, white in color, with a large porch, which used to be hidden behind the road. Now that the road has been widened and traffic lights have been erected at the entrance of the street, the town has a bit of an urban flavor, but the compound in front of this beautiful house has been encroached upon.

But the mud floor is always clean, and bright flowers bloom on it. A small, thin woman in an apron would often be there tending to flowers and mowing the lawn.

Every time Karina passed by the house, she had to look at the fence that had been erected so quickly. An old carpenter also built a rosette and a gazebo, painted snow-white, to match the house.

One day, she pulled over to the side of the road and stared at the fence for a long time. She was amazed by the carpenter's skill. She couldn't bear to leave, so she simply put out the fire, stepped forward, and stroked the fence. They also smell of paint. The woman inside was trying to start a lawn mower.

"Hello!" Karina shouted and waved her hand.

"Hey, dear." The woman inside stood up and wiped her hands on her apron.

"I'm looking at your fence. It's so beautiful. ”

The strange woman smiled and said, "Come and sit on the porch for a while, and I'll tell you the story of the fence." ”

They walked up the back door, and when the fence door opened, Karina was overjoyed, and at last she came to the porch of the beautiful house, drinking iced tea, surrounded by an unusual and pleasing fence. "This fence wasn't actually for me." The woman said bluntly, "I live alone, but there are many people who come here, and they like to see really beautiful things, and some people wave at me when they see this fence, and a few people like you even come in and sit on the porch and talk to me. ”

"But after the road in front of you was widened, so many changes have taken place here, don't you mind?"

"Change is a part of life and what forges personality, dear. When something happens that you don't like, you are faced with two choices: either you are bitter and angry, or you can move forward. When Karina got up to leave, the woman said, "You are welcome at all times, please don't close the fence gate, so that it looks friendly." ”

Karina ajar-closed the door and started the car. There was a new feeling in her heart, but I couldn't put it into words, except that around her angry heart, a hard wall had collapsed and replaced it with a neat white fence. She also intends to leave her fence gate open, to show kindness and welcome to anyone who is ready to approach it.

No one will set limits for you, and the real rival in life is actually yourself. Others will not block the bridge of communication with you, but if you close yourself off, how can you get the love and care of others. Get out of your own small space, open your heart, face everyone around you with sincerity, and harvest friendship at the same time, the world in your eyes will be better.

Therefore, if a lonely person wants to overcome loneliness, he must stay away from the shadow of self-pity and bravely walk into the crowd full of light. We're going to get to know people, we're going to make new friends. Wherever you go, be cheerful and share your joy with others as much as possible.

The loneliness of not being understood can be transformed into a bright bloom

In life, it is impossible for everything to go smoothly, and loneliness is inevitable in the journey of chasing dreams. If we can be humble and wise in the face of setbacks, and maintain a calm and peaceful state of mind, we will be able to fully understand the generosity of life. As Marx said: "A good mood can relieve physical exhaustion and pain more than ten good medicines." "On the runway of life, don't be complacent because of the small profits in front of you, you should take a long-term view, and only the final victory is the most successful life.

Cactus is a very common plant, its growth rate is very slow, even after three or four years, it is still only the size of an apple, and even looks like it is not old and decrepit. People always like to put it in an inconspicuous corner of the balcony. It didn't take long for it to start being forgotten. One day, however, it could suddenly sprout a trumpet-shaped flower from the corner of the balcony, graceful and elegant, with a bright color. That's when its beauty was discovered. It can be said that after several years of obscurity, the cactus ball has been exchanged for a brilliant bloom.

Many times, for some reason, our talents are not discovered by the leadership in time, and are placed in a small corner like a cactus. At this time, we must learn to endure loneliness, put aside negativity, silently accumulate strength, and one day you will bloom as amazing as a cactus.

As a child, he was lonely because there was no one to play with. He loves to draw and often doodles at home alone. When he was older, he used chalk to draw small people, trains, and houses on the gray walls. Ever since he was in elementary school, he has felt that he is different from others. "Others say that this child is very tall. In fact, when I play with others, I always feel that there are two me, one is playing and the other is watching calmly. "He likes to draw and read, and wants to be a famous painter when he grows up.

When he finished the college entrance examination, his parents resolutely opposed his artistic dream. He didn't argue, and threw a sentence at his parents: If science and engineering can draw, he will read it. Originally, it was just a willful prevarication, but I didn't think that my parents really found a major where I could paint, called "Architecture".

What do architects do? At that time, not to mention that he didn't know, and few people in China knew. The Department of Architecture was restored in 1977, and when he went to Nanjing Institute of Technology (Southeast University) in 1981, the principal at that time was Qian Zhongshu's cousin Qian Zhonghan, who had traveled to Europe for six or seven years, traveled to four or five schools, and came back without a degree. If you study hard for three days in a row, you will find that the teacher is not preparing for the class at all, and just asking a few questions can make the teacher unable to get off the stage. ”

So in his sophomore year, he began to skip classes, often soaking in the library to read, Chinese and Western philosophy, art theory, history and humanities...... It's dark to see. Recalling that time, he said: "Just after the reform and opening up, everyone has a strong desire to learn about the outside world. ”

After graduating, he entered the Zhejiang Academy of Fine Arts, where he wanted to do something like architectural education, but found that the art world knew nothing about architecture. In order to make ends meet, he worked in a company affiliated to the Zhejiang Academy of Fine Arts, got married at the age of twenty-seven or eighteen, and lived a quiet life. But he always felt that he was not free, and the other one he was watching again, his eyes cold. After a few years, he finally chose to resign.

Over the next decade, the architects around him became famous, and he seemed to be insulated from architectural design, living a life of seclusion, spending his days on construction sites doing manual labor with craftsmen, wandering around the West Lake, drinking tea, reading books, and visiting friends.

In solitude, he did not give up thinking about architecture. He does not encourage demolition, is unwilling to "repair the old as new" on old houses, does not like landmark buildings, and hardly does commercial projects, in China, where the rapid urbanization of the countryside and the industrialization of architectural design are carried out, he has always kept a certain distance from the trend, which makes him controversial, makes him unique, and makes his alternative great.

Although his preference for traditional architecture once made him a little low, he stayed true to his ideals. "I'm going to walk alone and see how far I can go." Based on this idea, in the past eight years, from the five scattered houses to the renovation of the Ningbo Museum and the Southern Song Dynasty Royal Street in Hangzhou, he has been "insisting on an alternative": "My principle is that after the renovation, the building will smile at you." ”

His name is Wang Shu, and he is the dean of the School of Architecture and Art of the China Academy of Art.

On the afternoon of May 25, 2012, the Pritzker Prize Ceremony was held in the Great Hall of the People, and Wang Shu stepped onto the podium. This international architecture award, which is equivalent to the "Nobel" and "Oscar", fell into the hands of the Chinese for the first time.

"I have to thank you for those lonely years." Talking about the secret of success, Wang Shu said that because of loneliness in his childhood, he cultivated an interest in painting and an ignorant concept of architecture. After graduating, because of loneliness, I was able to calm down and think, and many of my future design inspirations came from that period.

Although Zhang Chu sings in the song: "Lonely people are shameful, life blooms like flowers, and we can't let ourselves wither." But we can't forget another sentence: "Really good people must feel that they are lonely, and they are also soberly aware that their excellence comes from loneliness." ”

Every river has its own life curve, and it will flow out of its own life trajectory. In the same way, every river has its own dream, which is to run to the sea. Our lives, sometimes like sediment, settle down unconsciously, and eventually realize their own accumulation. Once you've settled, you may never need to work hard anymore, but you've lost the chance to see the sun. So, no matter what state you are in right now, you must have the spirit of water, keep accumulating strength, and keep breaking through obstacles. If the time is not right, you can gradually accumulate your own thickness. When one day you find that the time has come, you will be able to rush into the sea and realize the value of your life.

The loneliness of yearning for freedom is not a kind of enjoyment

What people lack is often a calm heart to be alone, and in a too noisy living environment, we are more likely to lose ourselves. It is better to be like Hegel said: "Pack your bags, travel alone, be a solitary walker." ”

Many people like Sanmao and her interpretation of freedom. However, why has so many years passed, and there has never been a person like Sanmao? Why is it that her freedom can only be silently appreciated, and not directly imitated? Because we are afraid of being alone, we can't get rid of earthly distractions like her, so we don't get the freedom that she has.

We worship Sanmao walking freely in the Sahara Desert, but most people only dare to follow the tour group to see the flowers, and how many people are willing to carry a simple bag to travel alone? Most of us are pawns in this complex world, willingly at the mercy of others, including our loved ones, friends, superiors, and possibly anyone else in the world. We were afraid that we would be excluded if we were not at the mercy, and we couldn't afford that kind of loneliness, so when Sanmao's heart flew to freedom, we were willingly bound.

Some people also think that Sanmao is weak, because her words are always full of sadness, and her stories are always sentimental. Maybe that's right. But isn't this a kind of face and release of Sanmao's inner loneliness?

Sanmao's loneliness comes from her definition of the word "herself". Sanmao said: "In my life, I am the protagonist. At best, we are a hint, an encouragement, an inspiration, and a genuine concern for the lives of others. These attitudes may thus enrich the lives of others, but it is not possible for them to develop into acting as a substitute for the lives of others. We can't afford to live for another life entirely – even if someone else gives us that right. It's a kind of courage to stick to what you have to do. ”

Although modern women no longer marry their husbands and follow their husbands as they did in ancient times, most women are still willing to sacrifice themselves to fulfill men, and they don't know what it means to "love themselves" until they are injured and incomplete. Sanmao also loves Jose very much, but she has never lost herself because of Jose, she said: "I am not Jose's 'other half', I am myself, I am whole." For his own sake, Sanmao lives alone.

In the preface to "The Scarecrow's Notes", there is a description of a sparrow landing on the scarecrow and laughing at it, "This fool thinks he can really guard the wheat field? It's just a straw man who can't move! As soon as the words fell, it began to peck at the scarecrow's hat in a frenzy, and the scarecrow, as if he had no feeling, looked at the golden wheat field with his eyes unmoved, and his withered arms stretched out, but the scarecrow showed that unchanging smile when the evening wind beat its thin tattered clothes.

Sanmao is like this scarecrow, smiling persistently guarding the lonely wheat field in his heart.

Writer Sima Zhongyuan said: "If life is a cloud, its splendor, its brilliance, its change and drifting, are all natural, just because it is a cloud." Sanmao is like this, with her cloud-like life, stretched into a freewheeling image, no matter how life feels, whether it is sweet or sad, she has no intention of pretentiousness, between the lines, everywhere is silent singing, we can hear that kind of singing with our hearts, beautiful as heaven. People who are bound by civilization are mostly accustomed to the trivialities of the world, lost and unaware. ”

There is no need for the world to be sad for Sanmao, but to be happy for her, because she has found the olive tree of her dreams. On the road of wandering, the Silk Road flower language she sowed casually has been treating the youth diseases of a generation all the time, her legendary experience has become the dream of a generation of young people, and her works have become a complex of a generation of young people. She is still alive and dead.

Sometimes, give yourself some lonely time, be a lonely walker, you will walk more and more harmoniously, more and more calmly, and the more you walk, the more you know how to enjoy all the ordinary and humble joys between people. One day, when we reach the realm of the unity of heaven and man, there will no longer be sorrows and desires that bind the soul in the world, and the true freedom of life will be in front of you.