Once a person is hurt, the most likely emotion is resentment. This emotion came quickly. The woman wants her ex-husband to have bad luck with his new wife; The man wanted to betray his friend and was fired...... Whether passive or active, resentment is a pent-up evil that suffocates pleasure, endangers health, and hurts the resented more than the resented.

Hatred can lead to a loss of reason and a great mistake

Hatred is the fire that is planted in our hearts, and if we don't manage to extinguish it, we will inevitably burn ourselves. Sometimes, even if you have been burned to ashes, the other person is still unharmed. Hatred often sways people's minds and makes them misanalyze and judge complex and volatile situations. Therefore, it has been said that a person who is swayed by hatred must be an immature person. Because a wise person will definitely know how to eliminate the interference of external factors and adopt a rational approach when choosing and judging.

During the Three Kingdoms, Cao Cao went through hardships and dangers, and after pacifying the Qingzhou Yellow Turban Army, his strength increased, his momentum was shocked, and he had a stable base, so he sent someone to pick up his father Cao Song. When Cao Song passed through Xuzhou with a family of more than 40 people, Xuzhou Taishou Tao Qian was out of kindness, and at the same time wanted to take this opportunity to accept Cao Cao, so he personally greeted Cao Song's family and set up a banquet to entertain him warmly for two consecutive days. Generally speaking, things are more in place when they reach this point, but Tao Qian is not enough, he has to send 500 soldiers to escort Cao Song's family. In this way, good intentions do bad things. The escorted group of people were originally the Yellow Turban Yu Party, and they only reluctantly submitted to Tao Qian, and Tao Qian did not give them any benefits. Now they saw that the Cao family had countless vehicles loaded with treasures, so they had evil intentions, killed Cao Song's family in the middle of the night, robbed all the property and ran away. After Cao Cao heard about it, he gritted his teeth and said: "Tao Qian indulged the soldiers to kill my father, this revenge is not shared!" I want to do my best to wash Xuzhou in blood. ”

Subsequently, Cao Cao personally commanded the army and slaughtered to Xuzhou, regardless of men, women and children, and chickens and dogs were not left anywhere. Frightened, Tao Qian almost wanted to cut himself and apologize to Cao Gong to save Li Min from fire and water. However, things suddenly took a sudden turn for the worse, and Lü Bu led his troops to break through Yanzhou and occupy Puyang. What to do? The father's revenge has not been avenged here, and there is another war over there! If Cao Cao was swayed by the idea of revenge at this time, then he must not have seen the development trend of the matter, nor could he perceive the urgency of the situation. But Cao Cao is Cao Cao after all, he is a very calm and composed person, and he is also a person who is very good at controlling his emotions. Because of this, he immediately analyzed the seriousness of the situation - "The loss of Yanzhou is equivalent to cutting off our way back, and we must plan early." So, Cao Cao gave up his plan of revenge, pulled out the village and retreated, and went to recover Yanzhou.

is also a hero of the Three Kingdoms, on the other hand, Liu Bei, just because his righteous brother Guan Yu died at the hands of Eastern Wu, he ignored the dissuasion of Zhuge Liang, Zhao Yun and others, and insisted on going his own way and killing Eastern Wu. In the end, the revenge was not avenged, and Lu Xun burned down the company camp for 700 miles, and he felt shameless to see the ministers in Shuzhong again, and died in the White Emperor City depressedly, and since then Xishu has been in a slump.

Who has a bigger enmity between Cao Cao and Liu Bei? Obviously Cao Cao, Cao Cao died more than 40 people in the family, and Liu Bei only died his brother Guan Yu. But Cao Cao was obviously much calmer than Liu Bei, and in the face of the sudden change in the situation, his thinking and judgment were not affected by the revenge mentality, so he was able to get out of this crisis and keep his territory and power.

It can be seen that it is easy to sort out, and hatred is easy to mess up. As human beings, it is obviously unrealistic to say that we can get rid of the seven emotions and wash away the six desires, but it is not difficult to relax our feelings and try to avoid being controlled by our emotions.

Instead of exhausting our life's energy because of resentment, always remembering the people and things that hurt you, tormented by memories and hatred, it is better to forget them and free our hearts from imprisonment. If you have this thought in trouble, your life will inevitably be less troubled, and your mind will naturally be wiser and easier.

If you're narrow-minded, it's hard to take on heavy responsibilities

In life, we occasionally meet such people - they are narrow-minded, and they will hold a grudge for a long time for some small things, and an unintentional word will also make them angry, that is, what we often call small belly chicken intestines. It is conceivable that such a person will naturally not have any good popularity, let alone achieve a great cause.

Just like Zhang Zhao during the Three Kingdoms, although he was entrusted with a great task before Sun Ce's death, he was unable to pay homage to the prime minister because of his narrow-mindedness.

Once, Sun Quan feasted the ministers and asked Zhuge Ke to toast everyone. Zhuge Ke toasted the ministers one by one according to the order. When Zhang Zhao arrived, Zhang Zhao was already drunk and refused to drink, but Zhuge Ke still persuaded again, Zhang Zhao said unhappily: "Where is this respect for the elderly!" Sun Quan deliberately gave Zhuge Ke a problem, saying: "Let's see if you can let Zhang Gongli Qu Ci drink the wine, otherwise you will drink this glass of wine." ”

So, Zhuge Ke said to Zhang Zhao: "In the past, my master was ninety years old, and he could still wear stubbornness and lead troops to fight, not to mention that he was old. Now, leading troops to fight, please be in the back, and drink and eat, please be in front, how can this be said to be disrespectful to the elderly? Zhang Zhao was speechless, so he had to drink the wine, but since then he has held a grudge against Zhuge Ke.

One day, Sun Quan and Zhuge Ke, Zhang Zhao and other ministers were discussing in the palace, and suddenly a group of birds flew to the front of the hall, and the heads of these birds were white. Sun Quan didn't know what kind of bird it was, so he asked Zhuge Ke: "Do you know what the name of this bird is?" Zhuge Ke replied without thinking: "This bird is called pulsatilla." Zhang Zhao was the oldest among the ministers, and he had white hair, he thought that Zhuge Ke was taking the opportunity to make fun of himself, so he said to Sun Quan: "Your Majesty, Zhuge Ke is deceiving people!" Never heard of a bird called a pulsatilla. If there really is a pulsatilla, then should there be a bald mother? ”

Zhuge Ke immediately retorted: "Parrot mother, this kind of bird, everyone must have heard of it? If it is according to the old general, then there must be a parrot father, can the old general hit this kind of bird? Zhang Zhao was speechless.

Because of his small capacity, it is difficult for Zhang Zhao to have a good relationship with people. After Gan Ning surrendered to Wu, he was anxious to make meritorious contributions, so he asked to recruit Huang Zu, take Liu Biao, and asked himself to be the vanguard. Sun Quan felt feasible and was ready to implement it. Zhang Zhao disagreed, Gan Ning was very unhappy, and sneered at each other: "The country is appointed by Xiao He to pay the king, and the king slaughters and guards and is in turmoil, and Xi admires the ancients?" Seeing this situation, Sun Quan hurriedly persuaded: "Xingba, this year's discussion, determined to pay Qing, but Qing should be reluctant to build a strategy, so that Bikezu Zeqing's work, why do you suspect Zhang Changshi's words?" Although Sun Quan relieved the siege for the two, he obviously sided with Gan Ning.

From this trivial matter, it can be seen that in fact, the Eastern Wu generals are not convinced by Zhang Zhao. Later, Sun Quan really made Gan Ning the vanguard to conquer Huangzu and won a great victory.

The reason why Zhang Zhao can't be a prime minister is also because of his arrogance. Although Zhang Zhao is an important minister of Eastern Wu, he actually does not have any eloquence, but he has no one in his eyes. There are talented people in Eastern Wu, Zhou Yu is the first to be recommended, and Lu Su is second, and he doesn't put Lu Su in his eyes, he said: "Although Lu Su is talented, he is not humble enough, he is too young and inexperienced, and he is embarrassed to be useful." ”

Not only that, but Zhang Zhao's courage is not strong enough. In the autumn of the thirteenth year of Emperor Jian'an of the Han Dynasty, Cao Cao led hundreds of thousands of troops to the south in an attempt to seize Jiangdong. Fortunately, Zhou Yu and Lu Su persevered, and Cao Cao was defeated at Chibi.

In addition to being outspoken and loyal, Zhang Zhao may not have much talent in other aspects, and because of his small strength, he cannot handle the relationship with his colleagues, so if he is allowed to be the prime minister, the monarchs and ministers of Eastern Wu will be separated and divided, so he will not be able to worship the prime minister in the end.

People like Zhang Zhao are not uncommon in life, of course we can't do this, and we don't have to fight with this kind of person, we should be generous to avoid conflict with him, of course, if he has a bad impact on your life development, then skillfully deal with him and use strategies to deal with him. In short, we must not undermine our interpersonal relationships and drag down our success because of our lack of energy, and at the same time, we should also think twice before doing things that are "interesting to the listener" and try to do as little as possible.

When you forgive others, you are also forgiving yourself

In this world, a person can hurt others even if they have good intentions. A friend betrays you, your parents scold you, your lover leaves you...... In short, everyone gets hurt.

Maybe yesterday, maybe a long time ago, someone hurt you, and you can't forget. You didn't deserve it, so you buried it deep in your heart and waited for revenge. But now you should understand that it is not beneficial to do so, and that not letting others go is not forgiving yourself.

You must have seen women whose faces are wrinkled with resentment, deformed with remorse, and have stiff expressions. No matter how beautiful they are, the improvement of their appearance is not half as good as what can be improved by filling her heart with tolerance, tenderness, and love.

The psychology of resentment can even ruin your enjoyment of food. The sage said, "It is much better to eat vegetables with love than with resentment." ”

If your enemies knew that your resentment against him had exhausted you, made you tired and nervous, hurt your appearance, damaged your health, and perhaps even shortened your life, wouldn't they have applauded?

Even if you can't love your enemies, at least love yourself. so that the enemy cannot control your happiness, your health, and your appearance. As Shakespeare said, "Do not burn yourself with anger because of your enemies." ”

You may not be able to love your enemies like saints, but for the sake of your own health and happiness, you should at least forget about them, and it is wise to do so.

William Gaynor, the former governor of New York, was shot and nearly killed by a madman after being attacked by an insider's tabloid. As he lay in the hospital struggling for his life, he said, "Every night I forgive everything and everyone. Isn't that ideal? Isn't it too easy, too good? If so, let's look at the theories of Schopenhauer, the great German philosopher and author of "pessimism". He thought that anger was a worthless and painful adventure, and that when he walked through it seemed to exude pain all over his body, but in the depths of his despair Schopenhauer exclaimed: "If possible, there should be no resentment towards anyone." ”

Leo Tolstoy once told the story that a king wanted to make a great effort, and if there were three things that could be solved, the country would immediately become rich and strong. First, how to predict the most important time. Second, how to know the most important people. Third, how to identify the most important tasks. So the ministers offered advice, but they could not satisfy the king.

The king had no choice but to ask a very clever hermit, who was cultivating the land, and the king asked these three questions and begged the hermit for guidance. But the hermit did not answer him. When the hermit was tired of digging the earth, the king helped him to continue his work. When it was almost dark, a wounded man suddenly ran in the distance. So the king and the hermit rescued the wounded man, wrapped up the wounds, and carried him to the hermit's house. When he awoke the next day, the wounded man looked at the king and said, "I am your enemy, and yesterday I learned that you had come to visit the hermit, and I was about to intercept you on your return, but your guards found me, and they pursued me, and I escaped wounded, but I met you." Thank you for your help, and thank you for letting me know the most precious thing in the world, I don't want to be your enemy anymore, I want to be your friend, I don't know if you want to? The king smiled and said, "Of course I do." ”

When the king went to the hermit again, he begged him to answer those three questions. The hermit said, "I have answered you." The king said, "What have you answered me?" The hermit said, "If you had not taken pity on my fatigue and delayed me by digging the ground, he would have killed you on your return yesterday." If you don't have mercy on his wounds and bandage them, he won't surrender to you so easily. So the most important time you are asking about is 'now', and only now can be grasped. The most important person you are talking about is the person you are 'left and right' because you can influence him immediately. And the most important thing in the world is 'love', without love, what is the meaning of living? ”

Learn to forgive! People who hate others in trouble often cannot return safely from the shadow of being hurt, and the pain is always with them, but it is themselves who are hurt. Therefore, you must do your best to forgive others, and in doing so, you are forgiving yourself.

How many people can be accommodated by a person's mind, how many people can be won

Whether the world is wide or wide in the mind depends entirely on the size of the heart. If you are narrow-minded, your world will be small. If you have a big heart, then you can be all-encompassing. If we can expand the volume of our mind to infinity, then the world we have will also be infinitely vast. That is, the so-called "how big the pattern of the heart is, how big the stage of life is".

Our heart is like a container, how big your container is and how much it can carry will determine how much you can do and how much you can achieve. If our heart is only the size of a cup, then it can only hold a cup of water at most. In other words, if we turn the cup in our hearts into a pool, will we be able to hold more water? Then it becomes a river, it becomes an ocean...... That is, "the sea is tolerant of all rivers, and tolerance is great". As long as there is a pattern of seeing through everything, you can be open-minded and generous; Treat everything as "nothing", so that you can be calm and comfortable when you are in a panic; When you are sorrowful, add a little joy; When it is difficult, fight tenaciously; When you are proud, your words and deeds are as usual; When you win, you are not drunk or faint. Only those who are so open-minded are open-minded and generous.

When McKinley was president of the United States, he appointed someone as a tax officer, but many politicians objected, and they sent representatives to the president to ask the president to explain the reasons for sending that person as tax director. At the head of the pack was a member of Congress, who was small, hot-tempered, and spoke harshly and gave the president an embarrassing sneer as soon as he opened his mouth. If it had been someone else, he might have been furious, but McKinley ignored it, didn't say a word, let him scold hoarsely, and then said in a very gentle tone: "You should be able to calm down your anger now, right?" You don't have the right to scold me like that, but for now I want to explain it to you in detail. ”

These words made the congressman very ashamed, but the president did not wait for him to apologize, and said kindly: "Actually, I can't blame you." Because I think anyone who doesn't know what's going on is going crazy. Then he explained the reasons for the appointment.

Before President McKinley could finish explaining, the congressman was impressed by his generosity. He regretted that he should not have blamed a kind president for such a bad attitude, and his mind was full of thoughts about his own mistakes. So when he went back to report on the protest, he simply shook his head and said, "I can't remember the president's explanation, but there is one thing I can report, and that is — the president is not wrong." ”

Undoubtedly, in this encounter, McKinley has the upper hand. Why did he get the upper hand? It's because of his magnanimity. To be a man, first of all, we must have a broad heart, and the pattern of this heart must be large. How big the pattern of the heart is, how great the achievements in life are. Isn't there a sentence "the sea is inclusive, and there is tolerance"? This sentence is seen by many as their own code of conduct, and McKinley is one of them.

is also a heart, some people can hold a mountain or a sea in their hearts, but some people can only hold their own selfish interests and their own joys and sorrows in their hearts. How big the heart is, how big the world is, people with a big heart, can cast a big pattern, and those who have a big pattern can achieve a big climate! If your heart is not big enough, then use your experience and courage to prop it up.