Relatives and friends are a general term for relatives and friends. Kinship, because it is linked by blood, therefore, the parties connected by this have a natural sense of closeness, and over time, of course, there is affection and friendship. Friendship is mainly formed by combining similar thoughts, tastes, and personalities. None of them are isolated or transcendent from social relations, they are all part of social relations. We always have to deal with friends and relatives in our daily lives, so the language art of talking to friends and relatives should not be neglected.

●Mutual trust

Relatives with ancestors, friends with teachers, and friends with comrades. The bonds between relatives and friends are mainly blood and affection, so they should be like-minded, care for each other, and help each other. In terms of language, the tone is simple, loyal, not polite, not fake, appropriately open to the self, open the heart, talk to relatives and friends with a true self, treat people equally, understand each other, strive for the trust of the other party, and trust each other at the same time. To this end, two points should be noted:

One is to answer the question from the other person's point of view. When answering the other person's questions and evaluating the other person's language, first ask yourself, "Why did he say that?" "If I were him, would I say the same?" Even if you can't meet the other person's request, you should exchange opinions with him in an appropriate way to make people feel that you are reasonable.

The second is to sympathize with the other party's thoughts, practices, and statements. Someone highly admires the phrase "I don't blame you for feeling this way, and if I were you, I probably would think the same way." Actually, the merit of this sentence is to show understanding of people. When both sides understand each other, the work will be done. Of course, understanding things does not necessarily have to agree with and support, and some things, understand their feelings, but do not necessarily affirm their practices and ideological starting points. Therefore, it is impossible not to be principled and sympathetic to everything.

Mutual trust in language can easily make relatives and friends think that we are "our own people", and they will get a great sense of comfort and psychological satisfaction, so that they can better understand and support our work.

●Move with affection, know with reason

Offense and defense are both strategies. The attacker is active, the defender is passive, the offense is aggressive, and the defense is the defense, both of which have their own merits and are indistinguishable. However, offense and defense are not incompatible. Defending can be described as an attack of "not letting go", and attacking can be described as an "active" defense. In our linguistic interactions with relatives and friends, attacking and defending has its own unique subtleties.

Among our relatives and friends, it is not uncommon to see intercession agents. On the one hand, it is normal for relatives and friends to help each other, and on the other hand, because you may have a certain strength and do things easily, so many relatives and friends have to ask for you. What should you do if you can't refuse all of them, and it's hard to satisfy them all? Instead of being passive and defensive, it is better to "take the initiative".

"Taking the initiative" is to take the lead in launching an emotional offensive and "going against the current". Because since relatives and friends have a request, then their best trick is nothing more than a close relationship and a relationship, and the premise is that you may not agree. If you are warm and sincere, it is easy to move the other person. At this time, you can do what you can do, and what you can't do, you can infect and persuade the other party with affection, so that they feel that you have your difficulties, so as to obtain the other party's understanding and no longer force it.

●Keep your distance and avoid it appropriately

There are some things that are inconvenient to refute relatives and friends directly, and they cannot be accepted, so they can keep a certain distance from this, or "avoid" them in language. That is, on the one hand, you can push the problem away and make a state of inadequacy; On the other hand, it can also be said that he will never mention this matter, and even pretend to be deaf and dumb, and will not answer positively; On the other hand, it can be refuted in a tortuous way. The basic methods are as follows:

1. Relay by others

This method is to ask a third party with a better relationship to do the work on your behalf. For example: "He is not in good health these days, I don't think he should bother about this matter for the time being." "Last time, he and Manager Wang had a bad time about this, do you want to find another way so as not to embarrass him?" When these words are spoken by a third person (preferably a family member), your attitude will naturally be known to your relatives and friends.

2. Prevarication

For example: "I can't decide this matter alone, and I have to discuss it with everyone, I'm afraid it will be difficult to pass." ”

When it is inconvenient to say otherwise, prevarication is actually a better way.

3. Answer questions that are not asked

For example: "Can you help with this?" "I have to go to a meeting tomorrow." Rejected the other party euphemistically with an answer that was not asked.

4. Procrastinate in answering

For example: "Please come to my house for dinner tonight." "I'm afraid it won't work today, but I'll definitely come next time." It's not really time to say when the next time will be. If the other party is a smart person, it will no longer be difficult for others.

5. Change the subject

For example: "Please help with this!" "You haven't eaten either, have you?" As soon as the other party hears it, you don't want to answer his question, and you give an eviction order ("I want to eat").

● Shift the center of gravity to replace the peach with plums

"Offer it, don't do it", this is a sentence in "Zuo Chuan: Twenty Years of Zhaogong". "Offering can be substituted" has become an idiom, meaning suggesting what is feasible and replacing what should not be done.

Relatives and friends may ask for a thousand strange things, as long as they do not violate the principle, they should try their best to help, and they must not be careless and perfunctory. However, we should not refuse certain things that violate the principles entrusted by relatives and friends, and we should help us think of some other good ways to replace them after explaining the reason. Because most people have a kind of compensation mentality, although the result is not very ideal, but seeing that the other party has done their best, the emotion is satisfied, which to some extent offsets part of the original disappointment. If, without violating the principle, other solutions are found for relatives and friends, it will be more satisfying for relatives and friends.