If we still want to make friends and get help from others, then leave some virtue for ourselves and don't talk about the shortcomings of others. Even if you have to say it, you can be flexible, this is a quality that should be possessed in interpersonal communication, and it is a necessary skill to achieve good friendship.

In "Han Feizi: Difficult to Say", there is such a description of the dragon: The dragon is supple by nature, likes to be close to people, and can even be used as a mount. However, the dragon's jaws have more than a foot of long scales, and if someone touches it, it will be furious and cause life.

In fact, not only dragons have reverse scales, almost every animal in nature has its own taboos. For example, cats don't like people to pinch their tails, cows don't like red, etc. Another example is Mr. Lu Xun's Ah Q, Xianglin's sister-in-law, and Kong Yiji, although the three have very different personalities, they have one thing in common - they are most afraid of others exposing their shortcomings. Ah Q is the most taboo for others to mention the scars on his head, if someone commits this taboo, he will definitely be angry and compete with others, and Xiao D has suffered because of this; Xianglin's sister-in-law is most afraid of others saying that she is "unchaste", which is an indelible shame for her life; Kong Yiji doesn't like others to laugh at his past troubles, once someone mentions it, he will blush, and he has to argue three points if he is unreasonable.

Everyone has shortcomings, and some may be very clear in their hearts, but it is uncomfortable for others to say it. As the saying goes, "you don't hit someone in the face, and you don't expose your shortcomings when you scold someone", and no one is willing to let others attack their shortcomings. If you are indiscriminate and blindly talk about the shortcomings of the other party, it is easy to lead to quarrels and swords, which will eventually lead to a lose-lose situation.

The root cause is that the reason why people are afraid of being exposed is mainly due to their self-esteem and feeling that they can't get over their face. Therefore, if you want to build a good network, you must not touch the weaknesses of others. Zhang Sanqi is bitter and mean, and often takes pleasure in exposing people's shortcomings. At a gathering of friends, neighbor Li Si didn't dare to drink more because he had a strict wife, so Zhang San took advantage of the alcohol and shouted: "Do you know why Li Si drinks like poison?" Because he's afraid of his wife! Once Li Si was drunk and drunk, not only was he slapped twice by his wife, but he was finally driven to sleep in the living room. Li Si was exposed by Zhang San in public, and he couldn't help but be ashamed and anxious, but because everyone was not good at attacking, he shirked something and left his seat.

A few days later, Zhang San's family went shopping in the city, and when they went out, the wind was refreshing, and soon after they arrived in the city, it was cloudy. Zhang San's wife was worried about the insect-dried rice in the courtyard, so she urged Zhang San to go back quickly. Zhang San hadn't bought anything yet, and thought that Li Si was at home, so he said disapprerovingly: "It's okay, Li Si is at home today, he will help us take it back." ”

However, when Zhang San's family returned home, they found that the rice dried in the courtyard had been soaked by the rain. The so-called "distant relatives are not as good as close neighbors", Li Si's cautious eye is certainly not worthy of praise, but in the final analysis, it is Zhang Sanjie who is short of people, in order to be quick to speak for a while, offend his neighbors, and make him hold a grudge, why bother? In fact, there are not a few people of the Zhang San type in life, they seem to have taken "exposing people's shortcomings" as a great joy in life, and it seems that only by saying other people's "short" can they show their "long", but they don't know that the result of this will only be annoying, so that friends are afraid to avoid it.

As the old saying goes, "Don't talk in front of you", it is a warning not to hurt the self-esteem of others in their interactions. In life, each has its own strengths and weaknesses. If you take your own strengths and are shorter than others, you will have no one in your eyes; If you think that you are shorter than others, you will lose self-confidence. This is a special point to pay attention to when socializing. During the Spring and Autumn Period, Yan Zi, the prime minister of Qi, was a short man and once went to Chu for a visit. The monarch of Chu deliberately wanted to make a joke about Yanzi's dwarf, so he ordered that only the small door next to the gate be opened. When Yan Zi saw it, he knew the intention of the king of Chu, so Yan Zi said: "Only those who go to the dog country will enter through the dog cave." Today, I am on an envoy to the State of Chu, so I shouldn't have entered the city from this gate. "The monarch of Chu wanted to humiliate Yan Zi, but he didn't admit it, but he was humiliated by Yan Zi in turn. We should learn from this in our interpersonal interactions and avoid talking about each other's shortcomings as much as possible. If we always focus on other people's weaknesses, and always take other people's weaknesses as the target of attack in interpersonal interactions, then there will only be two situations: first, others are unwilling to associate with you anymore, so that your friends will become fewer and fewer, and others will avoid you, avoid you, and do not care about you, until you are left alone; Second, others also counterattack you and expose your shortcomings. This will inevitably lead to a situation of exposing each other's shortcomings, laughing at each other, and then developing into mutual hatred, as a result, your network of relationships will inevitably break, and others will not judge you much better.

Ancient and modern, Chinese and foreign, but all cultivated people never take pleasure in revealing people's shortcomings. According to the record in "Feng's Wenjian Ji": Cheng Hao, who was in the Lang of the Criminal Department of the Tang Dynasty, never talked about the shortcomings of others. Even when his friends talked about it, he never participated in it, and defended the ridiculed: "It's all a lie, it's not true, it's not believable." Then, list some of the person's strengths. Think about it, if you can be like Cheng Hao, how can you not win the favor of others, and how can you not know that you are all over the world?