Everyone wants to be happy, but how can we be happy? Happiness must be given first – maybe not the only answer, but it will be the best answer.

Jesus said, "Whoever loses his life because of me will have eternal life." This is an eternal truth, and there is a Chinese proverb that says, "The flower giver dyes the fragrance with his hands." "Good is rewarded with good, and evil is rewarded with evil." What are good deeds? Muhammad said: "A good deed is an act that brings laughter to the faces of others." "To please others is to do good.

Speaking of which, some people may ask, "What is good and interested in other people's affairs, this is all nonsense!" He also said: "I don't bother to ask other people's affairs, I just need to earn money, live comfortably, and get what I pursue. ”

Do you know what are the main causes of worry, fear, and depression? The reason is that you only think about yourself, and when you are pleasing others, you will not have time to think about yourself, the Persian religious scholar Zoroste said: "Being good to others is not a duty, it is a pleasure, because it enhances your health and happiness." Link, director of the New York Center for Psychological Services, once said: "I think one of the most important discoveries of modern psychology is that it has been scientifically proven that self-sacrifice and discipline are necessary for self-actualization and happiness." Franklin put it more simply: "When you are good to others, you are best for yourself." ”

Let's look at the following four aspects and examples to see if it is necessary to please others:

First, thinking of someone every day and trying to make them happy will help you overcome depression.

Here are a few excerpts from the book "What Life Means to You" by the famous psychologist Dr. Adler for your reference:

Depression is a long-term feeling of anger and blame for others, which aims to win the care, sympathy, and support of others, and the patient still seems to be depressed by their own guilt. Most of the first thing a depressed patient remembers is: "I remember I wanted to lie on the couch, but my brother lay down first, and I cried until he had to get up for me." ”

Depressed patients often take revenge on themselves by committing suicide, so the doctor's first step is to avoid giving him any excuse to commit suicide. The first rule of my own therapy is to relieve this tension first, and I say, "Don't do anything you don't like." "It doesn't seem like much, but I'm convinced it's the root of everything. If the patient can do what he wants, who else can he blame? And how to take revenge on yourself? I would tell them, "If you want to go to the theater, or take a vacation, do it." If you don't want to go halfway, don't go. "It's the best-case scenario, because his sense of superiority will be satisfied. He does what he wants, just like God. However, this is completely out of his habits. He originally wanted to control others and blame others, and if everyone agreed with him, he couldn't control it. In this way, none of my patients have committed suicide.

Patients usually reply, "But there's nothing I like to do." I was prepared how to answer them, because I've heard them so many times that I would say, "Then don't do anything you don't like." Sometimes he would reply, "I want to stay in bed all day." "I knew he wouldn't do that as long as I agreed. And if I object, it will cause a big war. I'm usually bound to agree.

Here's one way. Another way to deal with their lifestyle is more straightforward. I told them, "Just follow this prescription and make sure you're cured within 14 days, and that's to find a way to please people every day." "See what they think. Their minds are already occupied by themselves, and they think, "Why should I worry about others? Some people will say, "It's too simple for me, I've been pleasing people all my life." "In fact, they absolutely never did. I told them to think again. They didn't think about it anymore. I told them, "When you can't sleep, you can think about who you can make happy, and it will be great for your health." ”

The next day I asked them, "Did you do what I suggested last night?" They replied:

"I fell asleep as soon as I got to bed last night." Of course, this is all done in a gentle and friendly atmosphere, without showing a hint of superiority.

Some people will say, "I can't do it, I'm so annoyed!" I would say, "You don't have to stop worrying, you just have to think about other people at the same time." "I'm going to shift their attention to others. A lot of people say, "Why should I please others?" Why don't others come to please me? "You have to think about your health." I replied, "Others will suffer later." Hardly ever I've met a patient who said, "I thought about it as you suggested." "All my efforts are just to increase the patient's interest in others. I understand that the cause of their illness is a lack of communication with people, and I want him to understand that as well. When he was able to put others on an equal footing with cooperation, he was healed...... The hardest of the Ten Commandments is to "love thy neighbor...... The highest we can expect of a person, and the highest praise we can give, is that he should be a good colleague, a good friend, a good companion in love and marriage.

Second, many patients can't find the cause of the disease from the medical point of view, they just feel sorry for themselves and can't find the purpose of life.

Margaret Taylor Natz, a former elementary school teacher, eventually became the most popular woman in the U.S. Navy, and because of her bad heart, she spent more than a year in bed unable to move, spending 22 hours a day in bed, and she thought she would spend the rest of her life in bed. If it weren't for the Japanese bombing of Pearl Harbor, she would never have been able to really face life again.

When the bombing happened, everything was in chaos. A bomb exploded near her home, knocking her out of bed. The Army sent trucks to pick up the wives and children of the Navy and Army servicemen to take refuge in schools. People from the Red Cross call those who have spare rooms. They knew she had a phone call next to her bed and asked if she would like to help with the contact center. So she recorded where the wives and children of the Navy and the Army were staying, and the Red Cross would ask the gentlemen to call her to find their relatives.

Soon she found out that her husband was safe. So she tried to cheer up the wives who did not know the life and death of her husband, and to comfort the widows, many of whom had lost their husbands. A total of 2,117 officers and soldiers were killed this time, and another 960 are missing.

At first, she was still lying in bed answering the phone, and then she sat on the bed. Eventually, as she became busier and more excited, she forgot about her illness and began to get out of bed and sit down at the table. Because helping those who were worse off than she was, she completely forgot about herself, and she no longer had to lie in bed, except for the eight hours she slept every night. She found that if it weren't for the Japanese attack on Pearl Harbor, she might have been a waste for the rest of her life. She was comfortable in bed, she was always passively waiting, and now she realized that subconsciously she had lost the will to recover.

The attack on Pearl Harbor was one of the greatest tragedies in American history, but it was the most important thing for her personally. This crisis allows her to find the power she never knew she had. It forced her to shift her attention from herself to others. It also gave her an important reason to live, and she no longer had time to think about herself or her condition.

Someone might say, "These things are not good, and if I meet orphans on Christmas Eve, I will help them: if I had happened to Pearl Harbor, I would have liked to do what Mrs. Yates did, but my situation is different." My days couldn't be more ordinary, I had to do boring work for 8 hours a day, and nothing interesting ever happened to me. How can I help others? ”

That's a good question. No matter how monotonous and dull your life is, even if you have nothing to do and are idle; But if a parent, friend, or relative is sick, you can take care of him, and you can rest assured that he is sick! Even if you are a shoes-shiner, when someone else's shoes are shining, you will be satisfied; Even if you are a water worker, you will be happy when others drink water; Even if you are a cleaner, you will be happy when the road is clean and everyone is comfortable! The question is, have you ever expressed a fervent and sincere interest, and what is in it for you to do so? That is, of course, to bring greater happiness, greater satisfaction, and greater pride in oneself.

Third, when you are good to others, you are the best for yourself.

William Phelps is a professor at Yale University.

When he goes to a hotel, barber shop, or shop, he always chats with the people he meets. He wanted them to feel like they were human beings – not screws on a machine. Sometimes he would compliment the waitress in the shop for her beautiful eyes or hair. He would ask them if they were tired from standing all day while getting a haircut, and he would ask them how they got into the barbering business, such as how long they had been doing it. How many times have you done it? He counted them together. He found that being interested in them would bring them a lot of fun. He often shook hands with the porters. After a long day at work, it will lift his spirits. One hot summer day, he went to the train dining car for lunch. The food trucks were packed, stuffy, and slow. The waiter finally came and gave him the menu, and he said, "The guys who are cooking in the kitchen are miserable today." The waiter started cursing, he thought he was angry, he said, "Oh my God! Guests are complaining about the bad food, they complain that the service is too slow, that it is too hot and that the food is too expensive. I've listened to these complaints for 19 years, and you're the first and only guest to ever show sympathy for the chef. He prayed for more guests like you. ”

The waiter is so amazed just because he treats the chef as a human being, and all he wants is to be treated as a human being. Sometimes he met someone walking with a dog on the road, and he never forgot to praise the dog. When he walked past and looked back, he would often see the man pat his dog appreciatively, and his appreciation regained his appreciation.

Once in England, William met a priest who genuinely praised the priest's strong, intelligent sheepdog. He asked the pastor to tell him how to train the dog. When he walked away, he looked back and saw the sheepdog on his master's shoulder, who was patting him on the head. Just by showing interest in the pastor's dog, he can make the pastor happy, and the dog will be happy, and of course he will be happier himself.

Fourth, if a person wants to be happy, he should not only think of himself, but should think about others, because happiness comes from you being for others and others for you.

One woman used to live on social assistance in Philadelphia. The greatest tragedies of her young years came from the poverty of her family. She has never been able to enjoy a proper social life like other girls. She was shabby, often too small, stretched on her body, and of course the style was outdated. She felt shameless and often cried and fell asleep. In desperation, she suddenly had a plan, and every time she was at a party, she asked her boyfriend to talk about his experiences, thoughts, and plans for the future. She asked these questions, not so much as to be particularly interested in their answers, but only to distract them from the fact that she was dressed shabby. But something amazing happened: as she listened to the young people, she learned something and became genuinely interested. She became so interested that she forgot about the costumes. But what amazed her the most was that because she was a good listener and encouraged them to talk about themselves, and they were always happy with her, she gradually became the most popular girl, and three men asked her to marry him.

Now, do you get the idea? It is impossible for a person to truly live his life when he only thinks of himself. As Dreiser said: To help others live better, we should act now and not waste time. I can only go through this path once, and if I can do any good deeds, please let me do it now, and don't let me procrastinate or despise me, because I can never go back to the old way.