There is a lyric that says, "A person is not alone, but a person who thinks is lonely." To learn to be independent, one must endure loneliness. Maybe when a person is lonely, he will see himself more clearly, otherwise where does he get the loneliness, it is precisely because he finds the loneliness that he will think of something...... That's when loneliness arises. That is to say, the mentality determines your loneliness, everyone comes out of loneliness, as long as you dare to face loneliness, stretch out the hand of friendship, adjust your mentality, and do not trample on your soul casually, loneliness will run away.

Five years ago, a friend of Carnegie's was devastated by the loss of her husband, and after that, like thousands of others, she was plunged into a state of loneliness and pain. "What should I do?" One night, nearly a month after her husband left her, she ran to Carnegie for help: "Where am I going to live?" Do I still have happy days? ”

Carnegie explained to her that her panic was due to the fact that she was in the midst of an unfortunate experience, losing her life partner in her 50s, which was naturally devastating. But over time, these pains and worries will slowly fade away, and she will start a new life—a new happiness for herself from the abyss of pain.

"No!" She said in despair: "I don't believe that I will have any happy days. I'm no longer young, and my children are all independent adults and have families. Where else can I go? "The poor woman had severe self-pity and didn't know how to treat it. After a few years, Carnegie found that his friend's mood never improved.

At one point, he couldn't help but say to her, "I don't think you're trying to elicit sympathy or pity from others. Either way, you can rebuild your new life, make new friends, develop new interests, and never dwell on old memories. She didn't listen to him, because she was still feeling sorry for her fate. Later, she felt that her children were responsible for her well-being, so she moved in with a married daughter.

But the outcome of the matter was not very good, she and her daughter were facing a painful experience, and even intensified to the point that everyone turned against each other. The woman later moved in with her son, but it was not much better. Later, the children bought an apartment for her to live alone, which was not really the solution to the problem.

One day she cried to Carnegie that all the family had abandoned her and that no one wanted her as an old mother. This woman really never had a happy life anymore because she thought the whole world owed her. She is really pitiful and selfish, and although she is now 61 years old, she is still as immature as a child.

Many lonely and lonely people are like this because they don't understand that love and friendship are not gifts that fall from the sky. If a person wants to be welcomed by others, or to be accepted, he must put in many efforts and costs. If we want others to like us, we do need to do something. Love, friendship, or happy times are not stipulated by a contract. Whether the husband dies or the wife dies, the living have the right to live happily ever after. However, they must understand that happiness does not depend on others to give, but on earning the needs and affection of others for you.

Let's look at another story.

A cruise ship sailing on the blue waters of the Mediterranean, with many married couples on vacation, as well as many single unmarried men and women, all very happy, dancing to the beat of the band. Among them, there is a cheerful, pleasant single woman, about 60 years old, who also enjoys the music. This elderly single woman, like Carnegie's friend, had suffered the loss of her husband, but she was able to put aside her grief and start a new life and usher in the second spring of her life, which was a decision she made after much thought.

Her husband was the focus of her life and the person she cared for the most, but that's all in the past. Luckily, she has always had a hobby, which is drawing. She is very fond of watercolor painting, and it has become her spiritual support. She was busy painting, and her grief gradually subsided. And as a result of her hard work, she started her own business and became financially independent.

For a while, it was difficult for her to mingle with people or to put her thoughts and feelings out there. Because for a long time, her husband has been the center of her life, her partner and strength. She knew that she was not good-looking and that she did not have a lot of money, so in those days of despair, she repeatedly asked herself: how can she be accepted and needed by others.

She later found her answer—she had to make herself acceptable. She has to give herself to others, not wait for someone else to give her something. Thinking about this, she wiped away her tears, put on a smile, and began to get busy drawing. She also finds time to visit family and friends, trying to create a happy atmosphere, but never stays for long. It didn't take long for her to become a popular audience, not only when friends invited her to dinner or parties, but also held art exhibitions in the community clubhouse, making a good impression at every turn.

Later, she took part in a "trip to the Mediterranean" on this cruise ship. Throughout the journey, she has been everyone's favorite person to approach. She is very kind to everyone, but she never clings to them. The night before the end of the trip, her cabin was the busiest part of the ship. Her natural and unpretentious style impressed everyone and made friends with her.

Since then, the woman has taken many more tours like this. She knew she had to be brave enough to step into the flow of life and give herself to those who needed her. Everywhere she went, she left a friendly atmosphere, and everyone was happy to approach her.

Although the times are advanced and medicine is advanced, there is one disease that is becoming more and more common in our society, and that is loneliness in crowded people.

If we want to overcome loneliness, we must stay away from the shadow of self-pity and bravely walk into the crowd full of light. We're going to get to know people, we're going to make new friends. Wherever you go, be happy and share your joy with others as much as possible. Statistics show that the majority of married women are happier than they used to be. However, once the husband died, it was difficult for these women to regain their feet. Men have to drive themselves to continue working hard because of their work, based on the demands of the work itself. Usually, wives are family-centered and take their family as the main object of their relationship. Therefore, she was not mentally prepared for having to live alone or pursue personal happiness. But if she's determined to mature, she can do it.

Of course, loneliness is not exclusive to widowers or widows. Whether it is a single man or a beautiful girl, whether it is a stranger in the city or a homeless man in the village, they will all taste the same loneliness.

A few years ago, a student who had just graduated from school came to New York on his own, ready to make a big splash and bring a little luster to the city. The young man was handsome, well-educated, experienced, and proud of his own conditions. On the third day after the arrangements were made, he attended a sales meeting during the day, and at night, he suddenly felt lonely. He doesn't like to eat alone, doesn't want to go to the movies alone, and doesn't think he should bother some married friends in the city. Perhaps, we can add one more reason - he doesn't want the girl to entangle him.

Sure, he wanted to meet a good girl, but it wasn't just a random one from a bar or a bachelorette club or something. As a result, he had to spend a lonely and bleak night alone in the city where he was ready to make great progress.

In fact, living in a big city can sometimes make people feel more lonely than a small town; You also know that to live in a big city, sometimes you have to put a lot of effort into making friends and making them accept you and need you. Before you go to a metropolis, think about how you want to spend your days later – especially after work. Of course, you need to be with some people with similar interests, but you have to lend a hand of friendship first.

When you're new to an unfamiliar city, there's a lot to do – you can join a club – and you can increase your chances of getting to know people. You can also take adult education courses – not only for self-development, but also for peer and friendship.

But if you're just eating alone in a restaurant or drinking alone at a bar, it's no wonder you don't have any friendships.

No one can stop you in the way of life, you just have to choose between desire and action. The reason why loneliness chooses you is only because you have not acted for too long, you stay in the house all day long, and you do not go out to make more friends; You spend all day doing nothing, idle, and unwilling to do more; You see people in pairs all day long, and you're alone. In conclusion, you want to make yourself a lonely person, and this is the best explanation for why you are lonely. In fact, we are surrounded by people, and the terrible thing is that the secrets in everyone's hearts are at work, so we see too many single people in our lives.