I think Shen Bingwang was inspired by feelings, and he saw his shadow in me, ostensibly talking about me, but actually talking about himself.

It turned out that my guess was right, but these words also touched me.

"Do you think it's hard to say, 'I was wrong,' or 'I love you,'"

"I was wrong, hard."

I changed my words again.

"No, I love you, it's hard."

Shen Bingwang said in a deep voice: "It's not difficult to say words themselves, what is difficult is our cognition of them, with cognition, there are constraints, we won't say it easily, and we won't be able to appreciate their power."

Let me ask you, the day before yesterday, when you were self-criticizing, did you feel that you were very courageous? Feel comfortable? ”

I nodded.

"That's because no one refutes you and gives you applause, but whenever someone says that you are putting on a show, in order to gain a sense of existence, with your temperament, you will be uncomfortable, and even have to make more explanations, the more you explain, the more powerless you are, and your emotions will be unstable again."

I listened patiently, and his words went to my heart, but I didn't expect him to have such a delicate side.

"Because you are very simple and have no city, whoever asks you, you answer, whoever wants to listen, you speak, whoever agrees with what you say, your expression will look good.

Whoever disagrees with you, you will be more serious, and you have to convince that person to approve of you, arguing is indispensable, and it is not impossible to quarrel.

I used to be the same, I didn't like to talk, I couldn't say 'I love you', I couldn't say 'I was wrong'.

Now I can say it naturally, they have no restraint on me, but it is too late, I can only say on my father's grave, he was angry with me, he died of illness.

It's not that I didn't know how to talk about them until my dad died, but when I could say them, I learned that my dad was gone, so I regretted not letting him see 'I was wrong' and 'I love him'. ”

Shen Bingwang took a sip of water and continued: "We are a poor village in a poor county, and we can't afford to study, so I followed my dad at the age of eight or nine, doing small jobs and tiling mud on the construction site, and planting rice and planting hammers and mallets.

I got married when I was fourteen, and when I was playful at this age, my dad couldn't control me anymore, so he stopped working with him.

At that time, what was popular in the non-mainstream, long hair dyed, tattoos and studs, the so-called bastards, at that time, the control was relatively loose, and the bastards were babbling wherever they went, and it was just some girls and women who liked this kind of scene, and even worshipped.

That year, I got a little girl pregnant, and married her in a responsible manner, and my father-in-law is also an honest man.

Soon, the child was born, I am definitely not responsible for taking the child, young and don't like to talk, no one wants to find a job, just Internet cafes, game halls, KTV, billiard halls, tea bars, casinos everywhere, someone makes trouble we will shoot, no light and no heavy hit, no one makes trouble we are looking for trouble, no trouble and no money to take it, the boss hires you as a thug, and it is not for you to play with a stick knife.

In the fight, it was inevitable that there would be bruises, especially when I was fighting, I was beaten with a stick and bandaged and hospitalized for a few days.

My dad punched and kicked me, but it didn't matter, I hit it, anyway, the pain was bearable, I said that I have a child now, and I haven't been in shape, and the child is not in good shape, and the child is not in a down-to-earth way to find a class, and I can't see the milk powder money when I wander around and make trouble.

I'm also angry, looking for someone in the class who doesn't want me, what can I do? Idle at home, aren't you scolding and scolding? A ruthless cross-provincial came to Lane City.

No one can contact me, I was still a child at that time, and I didn't care so much about my wife and children, anyway, I couldn't make money and never went home, how could I stand being kicked in the face every day? As a punching bag?

If I don't know the place well, I will go to inquire who is good in Lane City, and I will find whoever is great, and they all say that Gazi is powerful, so I went to his field to apply for security, commonly known as Ma Zai.

Gazi has a lot of things to do here, black and white all, not only who is out of the field and makes trouble, but also what kind of forced demolition and demolition of nail households, chasing arrears, kidnapping the girl that Gazi has a fancy, and the business on the rivers and lakes is the buying and selling of a finger, a hand, and a leg.

Most of the money released by Gazi is hard, and many large and small company owners in Xiangcheng have suffered losses, you take the RV mortgage, or an unsecured loan, as long as you sign the contract, he just won't lend you money, and said that he has already paid you, and he will sue you if he doesn't pay back.

I stayed here for five years, that is, in 2000, there was a round of blackouts, and Gazi went in and was sentenced to a suspended death, and now Gazi should come out, and he is sixty years old.

Gazi entered, Gazi's apprentice Jin Zi got up, and he urgently needed a capable horse boy to deter the situation, seeing that my means were more ruthless, I never said a word, and I became Jinzi's driver.

I began to have the right to speak, so all the horses in the field to count the chips of the share, I have a share, the casino on TV has seen it, piles of cash chips, is to the number of people, in the process of counting chips, 10,000 pieces out of a few is negligible, at the end of the day the horse boy can also get thousands of range.

There are fewer on-site fights and killings, most of them follow the gold in and out of the erosive secret places, that is, marijuana, K powder and other drug transactions, of course, there is also the sex trade, which refers to entertainment videos under surveillance, or live videos, uploaded to pornographic websites.

In this year, I bought my first BMW, thinking that I had money, and then I confessed my mistake to my dad, saying I love you, there is nothing that cannot be solved at home, and drove home directly, and when I got home, I learned that my dad had died of illness for two years.

On his grave, I confessed my mistake to my dad with remorse and said that I loved him.

After I left, my mother was sick, with incurable hypochondriasis, no strength, and couldn't do even the slightest key work, and my wife was in confinement, and the child had to be fed, and the burden suddenly weighed on him.

My dad came back from work during the day to eat, scolded and went out again, opened a taxi at night, lasted for more than two years, lacked sleep for a long time, overworked, and suffered from cardiovascular disease.

He didn't know how long he could last, he didn't know how long my mother would live, he couldn't contact me, and he didn't know when I would come back.

I took them to Xiangcheng and lived in Hui District, where I gave my mother various examinations and treatments, and her condition improved.

My mother didn't know what work I did, so my wife kept it a secret, so she said that I was a full-time driver, driving for the big boss, and the family was happy.

In 2002, Jin Zi and Mazi in Ning Province were at odds, and they fought in groups, and the casualties were relatively large.

I will run and run, the countryside back and forth, the days of escape are not good, the little lover in front of the eyes do not dare to date, can only light a few incense and smell it, the most terrible thing is that as soon as I hear the sound of the police car, the nerves will collapse, and there will definitely be problems with the spirit after a long time.

After escaping the arrest for a year, I really couldn't stand the mental torture, my wife persuaded me to turn myself in, saying that my mother couldn't contact me, and my condition was going to deteriorate. What is there to be afraid of.

On September 8, 2003, the Xiangcheng Branch turned himself in and was sentenced to one year and nine months in prison, which was also the first time I was in prison.

If I had been caught, I would have been sentenced to at least four or five years in prison. ”

Shen Bingwang paused, turned his head to Zhang Yujun and said, "You are different from him, the probability of him going up the mountain is very small, you are going up the mountain."

If you go up the mountain like this, you will have to endure all the hardships, because you are embarrassed about anything, you can do whatever you want, anyone will come to bully you, you can't do it when you step on the sewing machine, you can't do it, and the torture of the police officer is indispensable, the only advantage is that you don't say a word, the police officer is bored with you, and you can feel better.

So what I'm going to talk about next is for you, so you have to be mentally prepared. ”

I know that Shen Bingwang's story must be a lot, and to some extent, it is also very exciting, at least he turned back and did not lose his humanity.