Suddenly, one day, I found that since I went to work, my colleagues around me have changed one after another, which is not the reason for my frequent resignation, maybe since I started to return to this society, many rules have begun to change. I remember my first job, some of my colleagues are still in touch, although everyone has left the original place, but there is something that has been tethering us, we used to talk about work together, but now we put aside work and talk about everything except work. But when I come back as a soldier, it seems that the rules of society have been quietly changing, but I still face the current situation as I used to behave in the past.

That's why I'm still reluctant to change myself for a lot of things, but I have to make some changes in order to be in today's fast-paced society, which makes me feel sick from the inside out. Modern people call this situation emotional intelligence, so if nothing else, I am certainly classified in the group of people with low emotional intelligence, because I never try to please anyone, as for work, I only complete my part, as for the rest, either according to the situation, or depending on the mood.

I often try to find the previous state, whether it is work or life, I used to be friends with colleagues, although I can't compare with the chickens and pigs, but at least I can evolve from ordinary colleagues to ordinary friends, for me it's actually enough, but, I try to be happy with everyone or responsive, in fact, on the contrary, many times it's not my problem, so sincerity is a thing of nonsense in my opinion, especially aside from your parents, The premise of this thing is that the pros and cons need to be weighed, and the principle of profit first. So I slowly gave up the stupid idea of being friends with my colleagues, and when I think about it, that kind of thinking is not just stupid, but more than a little stupid, what a pure big fool!

I don't know if it's because I used to be an art student that created my current personality, but I briefly dissect myself: still rebellious, occasionally naïve, unstable, etc., in an adult man in his thirties. So at this age, is it time to leave behind those rebellions, those immature thoughts or actions? Or at this age, it should be the stage of having a family and children, taking on the role of the head of the family, so when you should be able to rebel or a series of other thoughts or actions, when this kind of thoughts or actions are about to breed, they are trampled down by a subjective consciousness like a heavy foot. Is this the life I or the vast majority want? I don't know, I don't dare to know, to be honest, I don't have a lot of plans for the future, and I don't have the idea of getting ahead, and I don't want to stand out from the crowd, not to mention that I'm not a crane, and maybe I'm not even a chicken.

I guess there's a bastard,

Hiding in my heart,

can comfort him,

There is only strangeness and debauchery......

Just like Pu Shuge sings, slowly I don't want to please everyone, this kind of flattery is only based on interests, of course, I don't want to please as much as possible, I kind of enjoy the world of a person, not to give up socializing, but to leave more ineffective social time to myself in a daze, listen to music, write or something, at least wasting this part of the time will make me feel more meaningful during this time, as for what the meaning, I don't know, in short, I just feel comfortable.

Many people don't understand my behavior, they think it's shameful to waste time, in the past I may accept it humbly, bow my head and even scratch my head with a smile, and now you say yours, I don't bother to raise the bar with you, do you say comfortable? Are you done? Okay, then I'll continue.

Of course, not everyone doesn't understand me, there may be, they may be doing the same thing as me, and they don't want this noisy world to take away a piece of pure land (quiet land) from their inner group.

Since I returned to work this year, I feel that my state is not as good as day by day, just like the previous mobile phone battery, and now I don't seem to be able to find that spare battery, or is my heart starting to be restless again? This agitation doesn't mean I'm going to quit my job or anything, but the current feeling makes me feel very uncomfortable, and they say that I just don't have a partner, find a partner to talk to, and then if I can get married, I can get married and get married as soon as possible. But all the restlessness or other activities in my heart had nothing to do with it. I knew that I was going to debate this with them at this time, and I would definitely bow down, because the people around me were either married or had children, and there were also people who were ready to find a partner or talk about marriage, but I was still like a headless fly who didn't know what I was going to do.

I have a brother named King Feed the Horse,

Living in a small town in the north like me,

Suddenly one day he said he was going to a distant land,

Leaving home with his story......

Every now and then I turn on the player and play the songs I have heard and the songs I have not heard, usually at this time I only listen to ballads, because ballads are the most honest, ballads are not extreme, they will be angry, but they will not hate life. It will be sad, but not so bad that it will want to die. Will be lonely, but not so much that there is no smile, cool low-key. Take dreams as horses, it's a pity everywhere, dreams are in the distance, and the road is at your feet.

When you really take this step, you will find that feeding the horse with dreams, the more you feed it, the more stupid it becomes, the poetry and the distance, the farther away the dirty. I'm still growing, I'm still looking at the past and being stupid. Again, fuck it, love what!