I often wonder why I'm so unhappy and irritable.

So much that I may break down and cry at any time, I never felt that I wanted to cry when I was wronged a little before, I don't know why I was wronged a little at this stage, I would want to shed tears?

has always longed to be understood and loved, but this road has been stumbling, and even lost its direction.

Because, if you love someone and give unreservedly, but you don't receive anything in return, you become unbelieving in love and dare not love. My friends were separated from me one by one, and I felt more and more lonely about my life, and the anxiety attached to it made me feel more and more tired.

Silently accepting the people closest to me, inexplicable temper, becoming too lazy to argue, but I still hate anyone bringing me any bad feelings. I am more and more afraid to make a wish, hoping to stay by someone's side all the time, or who can always be by my side.

There are too many unhappy points, and it is too strange, and I often don't know what I want, and later in my cognition, all feelings are deformed. It will definitely have cold power, mental torture and other people's warmth, no communication, no sharing, no care, self-doubt, and even feeling that this is the normal state of a relationship.

I don't know what kind of psychology this is?

Now, when someone gets along with me and has had a good time, I feel like there's going to be a big slap in the back of me.

This part of my past has become a part of my life, reminding me every moment that no matter who I see, my heart can't follow her.

I'm not unhappy, I'm actually quite happy, going out to dinner with friends, playing, watching movies, watching funny videos, I can laugh and breathe, but these are not really things that make me feel happy, it's like a knee jerk reaction, I laugh when I touch me, but it's over when the laugh is over. Even most of the time, in addition to being too happy, I feel more tired. I'm an empty shell.

I seem to have a good conversation with everyone, but they don't seem to be my friends, and when I encounter hardships, I pretend to have crossed those hurdles, deliberately looking vulgar and boring, but in fact I can't get over, they think I am too strong.

I long and hate feelings; While I was expecting someone to watch the sunset with me, I questioned how there could be eternal love in the world.

Therefore, every time I pushed away, I doubted myself after pushing away.

I hate me so much, and I like me so much.

Now, whenever I meet someone with whom I'm okay with me, I can't help but imagine what we'll end up with.

I would imagine that there was a sudden contradiction and conflict between us, and then we hurt each other and finally parted ways. This kind of imagination makes me feel frightened and uneasy, and I can't really invest in my feelings.

Still, I try to make myself happy. I eat with my friends, play together, watch movies together, and watch funny videos together. These activities really allow me to forget my worries for a while and make me feel relaxed and happy. However, when I am alone, I find that this joy is only short-lived and does not really touch my heart.

I seem to be able to get along well with everyone, but deep down, I don't really see them as my friends.

When I encounter difficulties and pains, I pretend that I am strong and able to get through them easily. I'll act like I don't care, as if everything is under my control. But actually, I didn't really get past those hurdles.

I longed for someone to be with me to watch the sun go down and share the good times in my life together. But at the same time, I wonder how there can be eternal love in the world. This contradiction and entanglement makes me feel miserable. I hate myself so much, and yet I like myself so much. I longed to be able to find my worth, to find something that would truly make me feel happy and fulfilled. I hope that I can become stronger, more confident and have the courage to face the challenges and difficulties in life. At the same time, I also hope that I can be more tolerant and understanding of others, and no longer hurt the people around me because of my emotions.