There is a basic principle for success that we should keep in mind.

The principle is that success depends on the support of others.

If you want to be the kind of person you want to be, you have to rely on the support of others.

Let's look at the problem this way: an official who relies on others to carry out his instructions, if they do not carry out, this official will be dismissed by his superiors, while ordinary employees will not be dismissed;

A salesman relies on others to buy his products, and if no one buys them, he fails;

In the same way, the dean of the university relies on the faculty to implement his teaching plan;

A politician relies on voters to elect him;

A writer depends on his readers to read his books.

A person can only become a big boss if the employee obeys his leadership and the customer accepts his sales plan.

There was a time in history when a person could ascend to the throne and sit firm through violence or threats.

Of course, everyone will either obey his leadership or risk losing their heads.

Today, remember that a person either supports you wholeheartedly or simply does not support you at all.

It's time to ask, "Yes, I have to rely on others to be successful, but how can I get their support?" ”

Answer this question with a phrase and they'll love and support you.

This chapter will teach you how to do this.

The following scenario happens several times a day, where a committee or group meets for nothing more than the purpose of studying the list of promoters, the ranking of new jobs, the appointment of leaders, etc.

Honor, i.e. who should be the chairman of the company, the boss, the new sales manager, etc.

A list is presented to the panel, and the chair will ask you something like, "How do you feel about someone?" ”

Then they will express their opinions and make various comments.

For some people, it's positive comments, such as: "This guy is good, people have high reviews of him, and his skills are good." ”

"Mr. B is very personable and reasonable, and I think he will definitely get along with us."

Some of the names have negative or even angry comments, "I think we should seriously consider this guy C, he seems to be very difficult to get along with." ”

Someone else criticized C as follows: "I know that C has a high level of technical skills, and I have no doubts about his ability. But I suspect he won't be accepted by everyone, he doesn't respect people at all. ”

Here's a particularly important result:

In at least 90% of people, the first thing mentioned is whether the person is popular or not, and in the vast majority of cases, popularity is far more important than the technical aspect.

The above is also suitable for the appointment of university professors.

Speaking from personal experience, I've attended many of these meetings to recruit new employees.

When a name is mentioned, the first thing people think is, "Will he fit in?" ”

"Will the students like him?"

"Will he cooperate with the rest of the staff?"

"Isn't that unfair? That's not a professional hiring standard, is it? No, if someone is not popular, he will not be able to get along well with his classmates, and he will not be able to mobilize the greatest enthusiasm and efficiency of his classmates. ”

Keep this in mind, no one is forced to move to a certain position, but is promoted.

In this day and age, no one has the time and patience to go to great lengths to promote another person.

Only when someone's achievements make him stand out from the crowd will he be selected.

Only those who know they are popular and reasonable will be promoted to higher positions.

Your friends are very limited in their ability to promote you, but if you are popular with everyone, it will be much easier to promote you.

Successful people have a plan to do good things for the people, do you have one?

You may be surprised, but it's true, many great people have a written plan to do good for the people.

Let's take a look at President Johnson! Long ago, while he was developing his amazing powers of persuasion and was inventing his 10 mantras for success, he was elected president.

His method, which can be noted even by an ordinary observer of a president, can be adapted to a variety of occasions, and is quoted in full here as follows:

1. Learn to remember names. If you fail to do this, it is a sign that you are not interested enough in this person or the matter;

2. Be an easy-going person. Others will not be nervous with you, be a mature person;

3. Be a peaceful person. This way you won't be angry about small things at every turn.

4. Don't be self-centered. Avoid giving others the impression that you know everything;

5. Develop qualities of interest. In this way, people can get something valuable by getting along with you;

6. Get rid of the habit of scribbling, albeit sometimes subconsciously;

7. Heal all your misunderstandings and misunderstandings. Eliminate your hostility;

8. Practice caring for people until they learn;

9. Don't be reluctant to congratulate others on their achievements, or show coldness when they are dissatisfied, and be clear about love and hate;

10. Give others spiritual strength, they will truly love, support, and like you.

The rules may seem simple, but the power of "loving others" is enormous, which makes it easy for President Johnson to be elected and easy to get support in Congress.

It is because of respect for these 10 principles that President Johnson is more likely to be promoted.

Read these principles again and again, and you'll notice that they make a lot of sense.

The big guys, the big guys in industry, art, science, and politics were likewise human beings and were very zealous.

They all do everything possible to make people welcome them.

However, don't try to buy friendships, friendships are not something that can be bought and sold.

If there is true friendship in the gift, then it is not a bad thing to give a gift;

However, if there is no sincerity, such gifts can only be seen as revenge or bribery.

Last year, during the National Day, I happened to be in the manager's office of a trucking company.

Just as I was leaving, a guy from a small local company came to give me a gift.

Obviously, my friend was enraged and he nervously demanded that the gift be sent back.

Immediately after the delivery man left, my friend explained to me:

"Don't get me wrong, I love giving and receiving."

He then listed a list of gifts he had received from friends for me to listen to.

"But," he continued,

"When this gift is given in order to get my deal from me, it's clearly a bribe, and I don't want that. We terminated our business with them 3 months ago because they were not doing well at work, I didn't like those employees, but their salesman kept calling me. ”

"What annoys me even more," he continued,

"Last week the same delivery salesman came here and brazenly said to me, 'I'm insisting on getting this deal back, and I promise God you'll be satisfied.' If I had accepted their stolen goods last time, this time this man would have said, 'I'm sure you like our gifts, right?' ’”

Friendship can't be bought, and if we try this, we will fail in two ways:

1. Waste of money;

2. Being looked down upon by others.

In building friendships, take the initiative – and leaders usually do that.

"Let him act first." "Let them call us." "Let him speak first." This is a very common situation.

Yes, it can happen easily and naturally for you.

But to others, it's not fair.

If you always let others lay the foundation of friendship first, maybe you won't have many friends.

In fact, the leader's approach is to take the initiative to get to know others.

The next time you're in a large group, pay attention to one important thing, and the person who introduces yourself the most is often the most important person.

If someone comes up to you, helps you and says, "Hello, I'm Li Lin," then that person must be amazing.

If you think about this observation a little, you will see that the important reason for this is that he is developing friendships and making friends.

Always think about others.

A friend of mine once said, "I may not be very important to him, but he is important to me, so I must know him." ”

Have you noticed that some people are lonely when they are waiting for the elevator if they don't have their acquaintances around.

Ordinary people don't take the initiative to talk to the person next to him.

One day, I decided to do a little experiment.

I decided to speak to a stranger who was waiting for the elevator with me.

I've been watching his reactions, and in a total of 25 experiments, I've gotten friendly answers.

Of course, it may not be polite to talk to strangers, but most people don't mind.

If you give someone a pleasant review, he will feel good about himself, you will feel better too, and it will help you relax.

Every time you tell someone something pleasant, you get pleasure from it, just like you warm up a cold car.

Here are 6 ways to help you make friends:

1. Introduce yourself when you have the opportunity. At a party, at a meeting, on an airplane, at work, in short, this includes any venue;

2. Make sure that others get your name directly;

3. Make sure you can pronounce his name as correctly as he does;

4. Write down other people's names, and make sure they are correct; Usually people care a lot about the correctness of their names. If possible, also write down the address and phone number;

5. If you feel someone wants to know more, it's important to leave him a note or a phone call. Most successful people keep in touch with new people through letters or phone calls;

6. The last, but by no means unimportant, one to tell pleasant things to strangers will give you the confidence to prepare for a new task.

By following these 6 rules, you will be considerate of others.

Note that people don't usually get this to do that.

The average person is not active at all in introducing himself,

He always asks others to introduce themselves first.

Be proactive, be bold and make friends like successful people, don't be timid, don't be afraid to show up.

Find out who others are and let them know who you are.

Recently, a colleague and I were asked to preliminarily screen a person from among applicants for an industrial sales job.

We found that an applicant named Zhao Chen had very good conditions, he was very smart, looked British, and looked very ambitious. But one thing makes us start to think that he is not qualified, at least temporarily.

Zhao Chen's biggest limitation is that he wants others to be perfect, and he will worry about many small things, including mistakes in grammar, not being particular about smoking, and smelling clothes.

Zhao Chen was surprised to know that he had these problems, but since he was eager to get a high-paying job, he asked if there was anything we could do to help him overcome his shortcomings.

Here are three pieces of advice to him:

1. Let's face it, there are no perfect people. Yes, there may be some people who are closer to perfection, but there are no people who are absolutely perfect. Human beings are in nature to make mistakes, and that includes all people;

2. Acknowledge the fact that others have the right to be different. Don't act like God in everything, and don't hate people because they have different habits than you do, or they don't dress differently, or have different beliefs, or cars. You don't have to approve of other people's actions, and others don't have to cater to your liking;

3. Don't be an improver. Add a little more "this is life" philosophy to your philosophy of life. Most people are adamantly opposed to people saying, "You're doing something wrong." "You have the right to keep your opinion, but sometimes it's better not to give it away.

Zhao Chen humbly and seriously adopted these suggestions. A few months later, he looked like a different person. Now he can accept anyone, 100% good or 100% bad.

"Besides," he said, "the things that used to hate me in the past are kind of funny now." I suddenly understood how boring the world would be if everyone in the world were the same, if everyone was perfect. (There is a lot of everything.) ）

Note this simple but crucial fact:

There is no one who is completely good, and there is no one who is completely bad.

A flawless person simply does not exist and cannot exist.

Now, if we don't control our thinking well, we will find that everyone has something to hate.

In the same way, if we can control our minds properly, we will find that there are many lovely, respectable flashes in each person.

This is how it should be viewed.

Your brain is a spiritual radio station, and this broadcasting system works through two channels.

Let's say today your boss calls you into his office and reminisces about your work with you. He congratulates you on the success of your work, but also gives some suggestions on how you can do better.

Then that night you will revisit it again and again and react to it.

If you choose N channel, the broadcaster will say:

Note that your boss is a whiny person, he doesn't accept anyone's advice, think about what people say about him, he is not a good person. This boss will sanction you, will oppose you, and the next time he tells you to go, he will not go. It's better not to wait any longer and ask tomorrow what exactly does his criticism of you mean?

And if you choose Channel Y, the announcer will say something like this:

You know, your boss is a very nice guy, and the advice he gave me was very good. If I had listened to his advice, my work and my position would have changed, he had done me a great favor, and tomorrow I would like to thank him for his constructive help. Mu Mu is right, he said that my boss is a very good person......

In this particular case, if you listen to Channel N, you may do something that is not good for you, or even do something dead, which will only damage your relationship with your boss.

If you listen to Channel Y, you will definitely benefit from his advice, and at the same time, it will shorten the distance between you, and you will be glad that you met it, so you might as well give it a try.

Remember, no matter which channel, the longer you listen, the more willing you will be to listen and the less you want to change the channel, this is a fact and will form a habit. Because a thought, whether positive or negative, can trigger a whole set of chain thoughts.

For example, at first, you may not like a person's accent for such a small thing, but soon it will involve more irrelevant things, such as political opinions, religious beliefs, car type, personal habits, husband and wife relationship, combing hair, etc., if you think like this, you will dislike this person more and more, of course, this will lead you astray and lose a friend.

Your brain is your own.

Therefore, you have to control your mind radio station.

When your thinking object is a person, it's best to get into the habit of listening to Y channel.

If Channel N wants to interject, stop thinking immediately, change the channel immediately, and think about the good in others.

It's also a chain reaction, and the thought of it can make you think of many other good things, and you'll be happy.

When you're alone, you, and only yourself, can decide whether to listen to Channel N or listen to Channel Y.

However, if you talk to someone, they will have a certain influence on your thinking.

We must remember that most people do not understand the concept of "thinking for others".

It's very common for people to casually speak ill of almost everyone else you know.

For example, a colleague will talk about another employee's shortcomings;

A neighbor tells you about another neighbor's house ugliness;

A salesman will belittle a competitor's product.

It is dangerous if you listen to negative comments about others, and in the end, you will also oppose him.

In fact, if you don't pay attention, you say, "Yes, that's not enough. You haven't heard of ......", which really adds fuel to the fire.

This kind of thing will have the opposite effect, and it will be self-defeating.

There are two ways to prevent someone from moving you from Y channel to N channel.

The first is to use questions like "I'm sorry Zhang San, let me think about it, I still want to ask ......" to quickly and carefully change the topic;

The second method is, "I'm sorry Zhang San, I may be late......" or "I should go, please forgive me." "This will give you a quick relief.

Make a firm promise to yourself:

Don't let others bias your thinking, and keep listening to Channel Y.

Once you master the art of thinking about the good in others, you will be more successful.

I'm here to introduce you to a salesman for an insurance company. How to benefit by talking about the good in others.

"When I first started in the career of personnel insurance," he said.

"My career is going hard, really hard. In the beginning, it looked like there were more competitors than customers. I quickly learned the fact that all insurance professionals today know that 9 out of 10 potential customers decided they didn't need more insurance. ”

He continued: "But I'm doing a good job right now. It's not because I know a lot of tricks, it's important not to misunderstand me. ”

"The foundation of my success," he continued, "is one thing, because I like other people, and I really like the other person I'm trying to sell insurance." Let me say it again, I really like them. I can see the good in others. Some of my colleagues also pretend to like their customers, but that doesn't help. Your hypocrisy can't be hidden from even a dog. Your mannerisms, your eyes, your facial expressions, if you're pretending, will all show it. ”

"I'm doing the same thing as them when it comes to gathering information about people who might be my customers, I need information about age, where I work, how much money I make, how many children I have, and so on."

"I've also received projects that no one else ever cared about, and that's why I liked him. Maybe it's what he's doing, maybe I'll find it in his files, but I've found something that makes me like them. ”

"Then, no matter which possible customer I pay attention to, I think back to why I like him," he added. After I have made him a lovely person, I will tell him about insurance.

"It's a small trick that works. Because I like him, he will like me sooner or later. Soon, instead of sitting at one table, we sat on the same side of the table and we worked together to develop his insurance plan. Because I was his friend, he trusted my judgment and advice. ”

"People don't take your advice at the beginning. But I've found that as long as you keep liking him, he'll eventually come over and we're good to go. ”

"Just last week," my friend continued:

"I made a third call to a difficult customer. He met me at the door, and before I could say 'good morning,' he came up to me and embarrassed me, and he kept going, almost holding his breath, until finally he said, 'Don't come here again.'" After he said this, I stood there, looked him in the eye for five seconds, and then said softly, sincerely, 'But Mr. Chi, I am visiting you tonight as a friend.' ’

In the end, he bought a life term insurance policy of 100,000 yuan.

Mr. Wang has always been known as the king of furniture in the south.

He started from scratch 21 years ago, and now his annual sales in our urban area alone reach 640,000 yuan.

Mr. Wang attributes his success to his attitude towards people. He said:

"Treat your customers as if they were guests."

Isn't that for someone else's sake?

Isn't that the simplest formula one can apply to success?

Be sure to treat your customers as if they were guests in your home.

This trick also works outside the store.

By substituting "employee" for a customer, "an employee should also be treated as a guest at home." ”

Give your employees the best treatment and you will get the best cooperation and the best results.

Think better for the people around you, and you will get the best in return.

The first reviser of this book is a good bosom friend of mine who owns his own management consulting firm.

After reading the above description, he commented: "It is the result of love and respect for others, and let me tell you about the experience of a friend of my own; What does his experience show if you don't respect and love others? “

Here's what his experience has to teach us:

"My company received an application to provide consulting for a small beverage dispensing company, with a contract value of up to 100,000 yuan. The customer, Cao Jian, had little formal education, his business was in a slump and he had made some mistakes in recent years, and he paid a big price for it. ”

"Three days after the contract was signed, a colleague and I drove to the plant, which took about 45 minutes. I've forgotten what to start with, but I did say something about this customer's weaknesses. ”

"Soon, we talked about his stupidity that brought him his current predicament, without talking about how to solve them.

"I remember saying a very clever remark, that is, 'The only thing that makes Mr. Cao Jian fall behind is that he is too fat.'" My colleague laughed and walked up to the same example, and that his son was also fat, the guy was at least 35 years old, and laughed at him for being able to speak Chinese. (In China, children all speak Chinese.) ）”

"During the whole journey, we didn't talk about anything else, all we talked about was my numb customer, Cao Jian.

"Also, the meeting that afternoon was very cold. In retrospect, I think he must have thought, 'These guys think I'm stupid, they must want to say nice things to make me money.'" ’

Two days later, I received a two-sentence letter from this customer, Cao Jian. The letter said, 'I have decided to cancel your consultation and please let me know if I have any fees to pay you as of today.' ’

"By picking on his weaknesses, with only 40 minutes of time, we lost $100,000 of our contract. Even more sad is that he later signed a contract with another company to get the professional help he needed.

"If we had focused on his merits, we wouldn't have lost this customer. Besides, he does have merits, and most people have merits. ”

My hundreds of experiments have shown that:

The people who talk the most are often not the most successful.

Almost every time, the more successful the person he talks to, the more generous, the big picture:

That is, to ask others to talk more about themselves, their opinions, their achievements. Their families, their jobs, and the problems they have.

Generosity in conversation can open up your path to success in two important ways.

1. Generous conversation makes you have friends;

2. Generous conversation makes you learn more about others.

Keep this in mind:

An ordinary person's favorite thing to talk about is himself.

And a successful person is often a person with a big picture. He is willing to talk to you whenever he gets the chance.

Generous conversations are the easiest, easiest, and most assured way for you to gain friends.

The second advantage of generous talk is:

It's also important to learn more about others.

As I said in the first chapter, humans are the subjects of our Laboratory for Successful Paths.

The more we learn their thought process, their strengths and weaknesses, and the more reasons for doing something, the more effectively we will influence them to do things the way we want them to.

I'm here to tell you what an advertising agency does, and you might learn a few things from it:

There's a big advertising agency in Shanghai, and like all other advertising agencies, it's in business to tell people why they're buying what it's advertising.

But the company has its own unique point in requiring its copywriters to spend a week a day listening to people's reviews of the products they recommend, which can make their ads better and more effective.

Many advanced companies have a final meeting before their employees leave.

The reason is not to persuade these people to stay and continue to work, but to find out why they quit so that the company can improve its relationship with employees in the future, and you can benefit from listening to them.

Listening to the customer also benefits the salesman.

The average salesman is a good talker, while a sales manager is more like a good listener who can ask questions and get ideal answers.

The courtesy you show in your dealings with everyone is the best sedative you can apply.

In the process of relaxing yourself, the most effective way is to do something small for others.

Thinking of others can help you get rid of discouragement and nervousness.

If you analyze it carefully and thoroughly, you will find:

The biggest reason why you are nervous is to have a negative attitude towards others.

Therefore, it is necessary to look at others with affirmation and realize that the world will be a better place.

When things don't turn out as you think, it's a good opportunity to test whether you can do what others think.

How do you feel when you miss a lift?

How do you feel when you don't get an office in one of the units you belong to?

Or what do you think when someone criticizes the work you do?

Keep one thing in mind:

The thoughts you think when you fail determine how close you are to your next success.

There is a gentleman, who is a well-known person in the country, and his success process is not easy, and he answered this question like this:

"It depends on your attitude towards the problem and the way you look at it. For example, I never met a teacher worthy of my hatred, and of course, I was subject to discipline like any other student. But when I make mistakes, I always think it's my fault, and discipline is necessary. In the same way, I like all my bosses, and I always want to make him happy by doing more work than he expects. ”

"I've had my moments of disappointment, and sometimes I did want to be promoted, but it was someone else. But I never thought I was a victim of the boss's bureaucracy, bias, or misjudgment. I didn't resign in a hurry, but carefully analyzed the reasons, and it was clear that that person was more worthy of promotion than me, so what could I do to get the next chance? At the same time, I never get angry about failure or waste time criticizing myself. ”

When things go wrong, remember the speech of this well-known person.

There are two things to do:

1. Ask yourself, "What can I do to make myself more likely to get my next chance?" ”

2. Don't waste time and energy expressing dissatisfaction. Don't blame yourself and plan for success next time.

In a nutshell, if you want to succeed, try using the following principles:

1. Make yourself cuter and easier to promote. Be someone people like, so that you can be supported and add a boost to your successful plan;

2. Be proactive when making friends. Introduce yourself to others at every opportunity. Remember that you want to get someone else's name directly, and let someone else get your name directly. Leave a message or make a phone call to the friend you wish to make further;

3. Acknowledging human differences and limitations. Don't expect anyone to be perfect. Remember, others have the right to be different, and don't try to be reformers;

4. Listen more to Channel Y, a radio station dedicated to spreading good thoughts. To discover what is lovely and respectable in others, not what is hateful. Don't let others influence how you perceive others. Look at a special person with a positive attitude - get a positive result;

5. Use the big picture to talk. Like successful people, encourage others to speak up and let others tell you about their views, opinions, and accomplishments;

6. Be humble and polite at all times. This will make others feel good and you will feel good;

7. When you are frustrated, don't blame others. Remember, how you feel and react when you fail determines how close you are to your next success.