A beggar man inadvertently picked up an Aradden magic lamp, but he didn't expect that with a small hand, a divine soldier really appeared.

The divine soldier said that he could fulfill his three wishes, and with a half-believing attitude, he made the first wish: "I want two and a half meters of copper wire." ”

With the clap of the magic lamp's little hand, two and a half meters of copper wire really fell from the sky. Then he exchanged it for 250 yuan at the recycling station, and the magic lamp suggested that he could think big about his wishes, and not worry that he would not be able to achieve it.

So he made a second wish: "I want five meters of copper wire." Shen Deng thought that this guy was hopeless, but he still gave him a five-meter copper wire, and this time the sixth child was exchanged for 500 yuan from the scrap yard.

At this time, the magic lamp couldn't stand it anymore, he asked the sixth child to look at the suffering people behind him, if he seriously made a third wish, maybe the fate of mankind would change because of him. This time, the sixth seemed to understand the good intentions of the magic lamp, so everyone was given a ten-meter-long bundle of copper wire, and everyone came to the scrap station to line up for recycling, and this happy appearance also made the old six feel very pleased.

Maybe in our eyes, the sixth child is ridiculous, but in his cognition, copper wire is everything to him, and why don't we?

I once serialized a novel on my website, and in the middle of it, I noticed a huge plot hole, so I posted it out to discuss it with readers, but, surprisingly, they didn't even notice it - even though it seemed to me that the hole was big enough to affect the reading.

It's the same in life, there are a lot of things that you care about very much, and maybe the people around you don't even notice. This is also in line with what is known in psychology as the "spotlight effect".

The "spotlight effect" was first proposed in an article published in 1999 by Thomas Gilovich, a professor of psychology at Cornell University, and Kenneth Savisky, a professor of psychology at Williams College. In one study, the two psychologists asked some of the participants to wear special T-shirts that were printed with images of a singer with questionable fame among college students.

For their own period of testing, each participant wearing a special T-shirt was asked to knock on the door of a room and enter the room, accompanied by a staff member, who was already filled out by 4-6 participants in formal attire.

After the participant wearing the special t-shirt leaves the room, the staff will ask the person wearing the t-shirt how many people think they have noticed his clothes, and then ask the other participants if they have noticed what patterns are on the clothes of the person who enters the door later. The results showed that the number of people who actually noticed the pattern of the T-shirt wearer's clothes was much smaller than the T-shirt wearer's own estimates: more than half of the T-shirt wearers gave the figure, but the number of other participants who actually reported noticing the pattern was only about one-tenth of the total.

In another experiment, two psychologists asked some participants to predict whether their physical appearance would be compared to their usual physical features on certain special occasions and how they would be evaluated. Summarizing the answers, it was found that it was actually not so easy for others to really distinguish between their physical features on special occasions and their usual physical features for those who thought their physical traits were discovered by others.

Based on the results of several experiments, Girovich and Savisky conclude that people tend to overestimate the degree to which others pay attention to their behavior, physical characteristics, and even long-term behavioral patterns.

In other words, in our daily life, it is easy for us to amplify or even fabricate the attention of others based on our own thoughts, as if only one of our heads in the crowd has a spotlight that can shine brighter than others, and everyone will pay more attention to the brighter place.

When I was still in school, I was nervous when I was called up by the teacher in class to answer a question. Therefore, when I stand up, I must pull the hem of my clothes to look more procent—as if if I don't, people will laugh at my wrinkled clothes or behave inappropriately.

There were times when I might have been hoarse, or I had mispronounced a word, or I was so excited that I squirted my saliva. At that time, my first reaction was, "Oh my God, I made a fool of myself in front of everyone, what would they think of me?" ”

But in fact, when I cautiously tested my classmates after class to see what I thought about how well I was asking questions in class, I found that not many people knew when my voice was low or when I mispronounced a word when I was answering a question – they barely even looked up at me. I was a little relieved when I received such an answer, but when I was called up by the teacher in the next class to ask questions, I would think worriedly, "The teacher and my classmates are watching me, they will see what I do, and I must not make a fool of myself." ”

In fact, such experiences and feelings are very common. The classic answer that once swept the Internet - "What do you see? "What are you doing?"

It's a disguised manifestation of the spotlight effect – someone else is actually looking at the east and west at all, but we feel that he is looking at himself.

There are many cases similar to the spotlight effect in daily life.

There is a girl who was troubled by "seeing the light and dying" during her blind date journey, and had no choice but to turn to a psychological counselor. She told the counselor that she had gained a lot of favor from her blind date in the process of chatting with her blind date, but she didn't know why every date failed.

With the help of a counselor, the girl combed through her experience of each date in detail and finally discovered the problem: she took every date very seriously, believing that the slightest problem in any aspect would cause irreparable consequences. So, every time she went to an appointment, she was like going to the battlefield - carefully prepared in advance, for fear of a little mistake - nervously and repeatedly thinking about what she was doing badly and how she could not let the other party notice any of her imperfect details.

The consequence of this is that once she exaggerates the attention of the other person in her imagination, she will inevitably become nervous and strive to bring out the best in herself, and once she relaxes the slack, she will despair that the other person must notice and remember her imperfections. In this way, in the eyes of the girl, even a small episode that cannot be counted as a mistake such as a tissue falling is reinforced or even fabricated by the girl's knee-jerk "spotlight effect" (plus the tension that comes with it).

Why does the spotlight effect occur? Generally speaking, we cannot look at everything beyond our own perspective and individual experience, but are accustomed to seeing things from our own perspective, believing that we are more important than others, so we pay more attention to our own state and behavior. Of course, this is actually quite normal for ordinary people. As a result, we inevitably use our own thinking patterns to think about other people's reactions and make explanations that are in line with our own cognition. In this way, we mistakenly believe that other people think the same as our own – which magnifies the importance of our behavior, state, appearance, etc., creating an unnecessary sense of attention and tension.

We can avoid the spotlight effect by understanding that no matter what people look like, what they wear, or what they do, most of the time they are no more special than others – everyone is the same. So, of course, people don't give up their thinking patterns just because you think you're special, or follow your ideas to the same conclusions as you do, and give you more attention.

What's more, under the influence of the spotlight effect, others are also likely to pay more attention to themselves and think that they are being illuminated by the "spotlight". Just as you don't pay too much attention to other people's things, people don't care more about what you're doing.

Happiness is everywhere, but we are always used to looking into the distance and refusing to stare at our side. There is an encounter and a parting, the road ahead is boundless, since you have made a choice, you have to go through the wind and rain, regardless of the tears and waving goodbye. Learn to say goodbye to the past and say hello to the future. Everything will pass, and nothing will pass. Sometimes the sun is good, sometimes the sun is dark, that's life. Life is actually very simple, fight for what you like, cherish what you get, and forget if you lose! Be a serious person, live simply, never lose the integrity and sunshine in your heart, be an honest person, live a simple life, and make sincere friends! Plain and bland, but also a lifetime, be a man, don't be greedy, just be simple; Life, tranquility is enough.

You can start doing what you want at any time, and hopefully you don't tie yourself down with age and other things. Age is never a boundary, unless you make it difficult for yourself. Your attitude towards life determines the temperature of your life.

A simple life is an attitude, and when the mind is calm, it is peaceful. I'm not afraid of the long road, but I'm afraid of the old heart. What life gives you is so beautiful, simple happiness, simple people accompany you to live a simple life you like, enjoy simple years at the most beautiful age, and there is no need to wronged yourself to please anyone.

Being a human being is actually very simple. As long as you take me seriously, your business is mine. Life is short for decades, don't leave yourself any regrets, laugh when you want to laugh, cry when you want to cry, love when you should love, and suppress yourself meaninglessly.

There will be sadness behind everyone, and there will be unspeakable difficulties. Everyone will have their own tears to wipe and their own path to follow. Instead of pleasing others, it is better to arm yourself; Instead of escaping from reality, it is better to laugh at life; Instead of listening to the wind and rain, it is better to strike with your head held high.

Enjoy the sunshine and warmth of life with a simple state of mind, let happiness bloom like a flower, let the ordinary time bloom at your fingertips, and engrave the most beautiful life. Happiness is actually very simple, although it is ordinary, it has a quiet and distant mellow fragrance; It is like a ray of sunshine, although rare, but it has colorful beauty. Blandness is boiled water, tasteless when tasted, but in the blandness you see the true feelings, and in the blandness is an alternative kind of happiness.

People always don't have so much happiness when they are happy, and they feel quite happy when they lose. Ordinary life, real happiness, that is, feeling real happiness in ordinary days. May you and I be able to find the best happiness in our ordinary time.