Lin Yushan rang the call bell to call the nurse and asked him out of his ward on the grounds that the man was affecting her rest.

That night, under the effect of the tranquilizer, she fell asleep and woke up and fell asleep, and so on.

There are some fragments of memories from childhood to adulthood in my mind.

The picture in my mind is mostly black and white. It seems that only the days spent with Xu Mengzhou have been dyed with warm colors.

She recalled that after three years of separation, she met Xu Mengzhou for the first time in the mourning hall, and he looked haggard in a black shirt.

The way she kissed him for the first time in the underground garage.

She was embarrassed by her classmates on her birthday and got into a fight with her roommate, and Xu Mengzhou appeared to help her out.

And her favorite, the way they kissed each other on the roof of the Altay chalet bathed in the first rays of the sun.

and the way he personally rescued himself from Yangshou Mountain.

There seem to be many more vivid memories like this......

But when you think about it, it seems like it's only been almost eight months.

If Xu Mengzhou and her are destined to have no results, then turn those past into memories and seal them in the bottom of your heart.

The bright moonlight shines through the window on the hospital bed and floor tiles, and in her world, it gently leaves the last light for her.

I don't know how long it took, but my physical and mental strength reached the limit. Lin Yushan's eyelashes fluttered, his eyelids slowly closed, and he fell into a deep sleep.

Next.

Yao Qing finished the school morning arrangement, packed her things in her schoolbag as usual, and went to the hospital early to accompany Lin Yushan.

As soon as she got out of the elevator at the inpatient department, she saw a person sitting at the end of the corridor, and she tilted her head to get closer to see clearly.

Xu Mengzhou sat on a small stool that was obviously a little crowded. The stool is against the wall and the back is against the wall. He closed his eyes and rested, his head tilted back uncomfortably, and he only opened his eyes when he heard footsteps.

Yao Qing glanced at the situation in the ward through the window, and asked him with a surprised expression, "Teacher Xu?" How did you... Did you just sleep here all night? Isn't there a place for family members to accompany the bed? ”

Xu Mengzhou was even more haggard than when they met last night. If it weren't for the fact that she had seen him handsome and upright before, Yao Qing really couldn't overlap the man in front of her, who looked unkempt and unkempt, and his clothes were dirty, with the impression of Teacher Xu.

"It's okay..."Xu Mengzhou pulled the corners of his chapped lips and whispered, "She doesn't seem to have woken up yet, wait ......"

Before the words fell, there was a strange sound in the ward.

There was a muffled thud, followed by a crisp sound similar to the crash of a steel frame falling to the ground, dragging a scalp-ting, sharp scrape against the floor tiles.

Before Yao Qing could react, Xu Mengzhou had already immediately got up and pushed the door in.

The window of the room was open, and I don't know how long it had been open, and the cold wind blew shivers as soon as I entered.

Lin Yushan lay on the floor, struggling to prop up his upper body with his hands. She couldn't move her ankles, and she was dragging a large piece of fallen steel frame at the end. It was a steel frame that was originally attached to the foot of the bed to tow the left foot, but now it has collapsed.

She stretched her hand forward as if she were reaching for something.

Xu Mengzhou's gaze followed her fingertips, and she saw that the thing she wanted to reach was the bouquet of lilies she threw at herself yesterday.

Flowers and leaves are scattered all over the place. After a night, the originally plump petals have curled up due to dehydration, and the white color has turned yellow.

Lin Yushan looked up when he heard the sound of pushing the door, and saw Xu Mengzhou and Yao Qing rushing in one after another, so he immediately retracted his hand, and the expression on his face was a little embarrassed.

"How are you? Where did you fall? Xu Mengzhou squatted down in front of her in a panic, and subconsciously stretched out his hands to pick her up.

Lin Yushan pursed his lips, turned his head away from him, and pushed him away. This effort involved the wound, and she took a deep breath in pain and did not say a word.

Yao Qing on the side saw that the atmosphere between the two was not right, put down her backpack and took the initiative to help Lin Yushan, "Teacher Xu, you can help call the nurse to take a look at the situation, I'll help her." ”

Xu Mengzhou couldn't rest assured, and was worried that she would hurt herself because of resistance, so she had to get up and go to the service desk to call the nurse.

The nurse quickly came over and re-erected the traction steel frame, and after checking to confirm that the surgical site was not displaced, everyone finally breathed a sigh of relief.

"If you want to get something, you can call us nurses or family members, how can you get out of bed rashly! You're quite clever enough to lower the bed and climb down ......" The nurse shook her head as she picked up her pen and wrote in her notebook: "Alas... Luckily, I didn't touch it. Your family must always watch it, she can't move easily! ”

Lin Yushan's face was red and white, and he nodded stubbornly. As he swept the floor, he noticed that the bouquet of lilies had moved from the ground to the bedside table.

The broken flowers and leaves have been carefully cleaned up, leaving only a few intact ones that are inserted in a disposable plastic cup filled with half a glass of water, which looks quite funny.

His eyes quickly moved away from the bouquet of flowers and the person, and his heart seemed to be touched.

Yao Qing glanced at the two of them and coughed lightly: "... Well, I need to go to the bathroom. ”

Yao Qing quickly walked out of the ward. Lin Yushan sat up and wanted to stop her, but his shoulders were instantly pressed down by a pair of big hands from a man.

Too close and inevitable eye contact.

The strength of the patient is no match for anyone. Lin Yushan had to lie down obediently, but he still tilted his head to the side where he couldn't see the man.

Xu Mengzhou walked to the window and closed the window, and then pulled the quilt on the corner of the bed to Lin Yushan and covered it. Then he returned to the chair next to the bed and sat down, his hands on his knees slightly clenched, and his bones were red.

His heart sank, and he slowly spoke: "Yushan, do you remember the day before your internship, I told you that after you graduate, I have something to tell you?" ”

She didn't answer, and the empty room was filled with only the man's voice.

He was still looking in her direction, his eyelids drooping slightly, "This thing... It's a knot that I haven't been able to untie for years. I originally wanted to wait until you graduated to confess to you, but I didn't expect you to be almost as ...... as Professor Lin."

"It's my fault that I've been hiding from you for so many years." The man's Adam's apple rolled, adjusting his breathing, "Now, I'll tell you the whole story." ”

Lin Yushan's voice was smooth, and he couldn't hear emotional fluctuations, "Say it." ”

Everything you need to know is already known. The hysteria had been exhausted yesterday, and after a night, the somatization symptoms had disappeared, and now her mind was calm.

Xu Mengzhou slowly opened his lips, his voice trembling.

Finally, when this moment came, he had to tear open the most secret and painful old scar in his heart and show her.

He didn't dare to let himself forget at all, in the past six years, in every sleepless night, that deep mountain forest is still vivid.

"Six years ago, when I was 24 years old, Professor Lin was doing a research project on the geology and landform of Ailao Mountain. He took a team of four from South China University of Technology to Yunnan, including me, who was about to graduate from graduate school at that time. ”

"At that time, we all thought that this was just an ordinary subject of research..."

The man lowered his eyes, and his tone was so light that it seemed to be telling a story from a long time ago.

"Since there was no place to stay near Ailao Mountain, after the day's regular work, we spent the night in the mountains with our own field equipment as planned. Actually, that day... We were supposed to stay in our tents that day and not go anywhere. As long as he stays in the tent, Professor Lin will not ......"

Speaking of this, Xu Mengzhou's temples were bruised, and his voice couldn't help but tremble.

"I have a close relationship with Professor Lin. He once said that I was the most valued student since he started his teaching career..."Xu Mengzhou sorted out his emotions and continued, "That evening, the sun had not completely set. The other two team members had already rested due to fatigue, and Professor Lin took the initiative to say that he wanted to take me around and see the scenery outside of work. ”

Lin Yushan still had his back to him, but his thoughts gradually began to follow his statement, and the hand holding the horn became tighter and tighter.

's father's personality is relatively withdrawn and serious, and he does value and trust Xu Mengzhou as a student from the bottom of his heart. Otherwise, when the father and daughter lived in Guangzhou, how could the father be willing to let his daughter come into contact with the students every once in a while.

He continued: "Although we were in the field, we all thought that we would be fine with us, so we carelessly did not bring a satellite phone, nor a lighter or food, and we went into the mountains again. Along the way, we talked about the Proterozoic, about lithologic assemblages, about special structures, and about you..."

Xu Mengzhou raised his head, his eyes were full of warm moisture, "Professor Lin told me that I am afraid I won't be able to see you for half a month when I come to Yunnan this time, and I really miss his baby daughter... He also said that you are different from other children, even if you are left alone at home, you are able to take care of yourself. He said, "You're a very strong little girl......"

Her father thought she was strong.

the father who remembers to be few words and stern; Would the father, who had worked so hard for her teaching work that he couldn't take care of her, proudly praise his daughter in front of others......

Lin Yushan closed his eyes tightly, and his heart tingled. Large teardrops rolled silently down his cheeks on the sheets, and his throat finally couldn't help but be sour and choked up.

“… Later, we found a never-before-seen group of rock specimens to the south, and the road used to be very difficult to walk. Professor Lin said that I did not have enough experience in the field, and repeatedly asked me to stay where I was and wait for him to finish exploring the road ahead and then come back to me. ”

The man frowned remorsefully, his elbows resting on his knees against his forehead, his expression pained, "I should have followed!" But I listened to him and waited like a fool... Your father is protecting his students! He's protecting me! ”

"I waited for a long time in the same place, but Professor Lin was not heard from. There is no mobile phone signal in the mountains, and we don't have satellite phones with us," Xu Mengzhou forcibly endured the moistness that was about to appear in his eyes, and said in a trembling voice: "I looked in the direction he went, and I searched for a long time, but I couldn't find him... It's already dark, there's no heat, there's no food, and I can't imagine what will happen if I look for it again......"

"I realized that I couldn't go any further, and I had to go back to the camp while I was awake to inform the others, so that I could find Professor Lin! But after I tried my best to return to the camp to call the police, the search and rescue team found Professor Lin's... He's ......"

Xu Mengzhou's eyes were scarlet, and his voice was hoarse to the extreme, "It was a rainy day when the person was found, and the cause of Professor Lin's death was hypothermia, which was as ...... as your accident this time."

"Enough!" Lin Yushan hid his face and cried silently.

It turned out to be that cold and damp night in the mountains. She and her father experienced the same despair alone in different time and space.

"Because Professor Lin and I acted privately during non-working hours, South China University of Technology characterized the accident as caused by the teacher's illegal operation, so we only paid the pension according to the usual compensation. But I know that Professor Lin is all for me, he wants me to accumulate more experience, and the teachers are all for me......"

"Yushan, I know that you only have Professor Lin as your only relative in this world. But when he's gone, who's going to take care of you? I can't let you be sent to a welfare home for the rest of your life! I want to be responsible for you, I want you to receive a good education, and I want to raise you to be a person who is in charge of your own affairs, so I am determined to bring you back to Jingzhou. But I'm afraid that you won't accept me if you know the truth...... So, I have to beg the police to hide me in front of you in this accident. Let them tell you that Professor Lin died alone. ”

"Didn't you ask me why I became a teacher when I was aiming to do research in the field?" His tone tended to soften.

Xu Mengzhou took a long breath, as if the shackles he had carried for many years had finally been removed.

"Because I want to be a continuation of him."

"If it weren't for Professor Lin, there would be no Xu Mengzhou today."

Just two sentences, but it is worth a thousand words.

During the years of living in the Xu family, Lin Yushan felt that Xu Mengzhou was not only silent, but also had an indescribable sense of awkwardness.

She didn't understand why Xu Mengzhou was always trapped by the things around him. This is true for life planning, and the same is true for marriage.

It wasn't until now that Lin Yushan understood that her incomprehension was because she would not be swayed by anyone, and she was already a carefree person.

But she still can't forgive, can't forgive Xu Mengzhou for so many years of deception.

She didn't want his atonement. She wanted pleasure, unreserved trust and confession.

Even if it hurts, she is willing to dissolve it by herself.

The pillow was already soaking a large patch. Lin Yushan slowly turned his head to look at him.

With tears in her eyes, she muttered to herself, "It's been so long, wouldn't it be boring if I continue to hold on to this... But why would you rather tell Huang Ying than tell me? ”

"I didn't tell her! Yushan, if you give me a little time, I'll make it clear to her! Xu Mengzhou stroked her moist cheeks, and her heart hurt, "You can scold me a few words, and you can beat me." Let me do whatever I want, just don't hold it in my heart, okay? ”

Lin Yushan slowly raised his eyes, seriously looking at the man's face that was completely different from usual because of excessive fatigue, and a complex emotion surged in his heart, "I feel very powerless now, because the facts can't be changed..."

"You could have had countless opportunities to confess to me, but you didn't. In your eyes, I will always be a child who can't afford it... You never put me on an equal footing with you. You say you like me, probably because you pity me... I'd rather not have such a liking. ”

She lowered her eyes and closed them with all her might, "Teacher Xu, thank you for taking care of me for so many years. I won't hate you......"

"But I don't want to love you anymore."