After taking a sip of wine, I continued: "I have been looking for her again for the past three years, and I have used almost all my strength, but it doesn't matter. Later, it was I who went to Lhasa to look for her, because I received a letter from her, and then I met you on the way. ”

Xiyue nodded and answered, "She told you she was in Lhasa?" But why didn't you find her? ”

I smiled miserably: "I also know the truth, it turns out that the three letters she sent me were all made by Tian Jie." ”

"Ahh Xiyue looked at me in surprise and was stunned before saying, "In other words, she has never contacted you in the past three years?" ”

"yes, isn't that ridiculous? I always thought that I would have a future with her, and I have been working hard, even taking out a loan to buy a house and waiting for her to come back. ”

Xiyue was puzzled and asked, "Why did Tian Jie do this?" ”

"How do I know," I sighed, "but I'm thankful to her, and if she hadn't fabricated those three letters to encourage me, I would have fallen into impersonation." ”

Xi Yue nodded thoughtfully: "So, then I understand Tian Jie's approach." ”

"So I don't blame her at all."

"She really cares about you."

I didn't speak, Xiyue stared at me like this, with a strange look on her face, and her eyes were intertwined with the light of being clear and extinguished.

For a moment, we were all silent, the surroundings were quiet, the street lamp outside the window was faintly lit through the glass of the balcony, and the room was strangely silent.

"I'd love to know what you'd do if she suddenly came back one day and stood in front of you?"

"Me!" I smiled, "I've thought about this many times, and if you asked me a while ago, I probably wouldn't hesitate to tell you, I'll hold her and tell her I've been waiting for you...... But now, I'll probably just smile and say long time no see. ”

Xiyue frowned slightly and looked at me: "In this way, are you willing to do it?" ”

I don't know how long she was silent, but Xiyue finally opened her mouth to break this deathly silence.

"What can I do if I am reluctant, and the heart-rending retention is just a manifestation of unwillingness."

I drank the cup in one gulp and continued: "Tian Jie is right, if she still has me in her heart, she doesn't need me to look for her for three years, since she hasn't thought about coming back to me, then why should I never forget?" ”

"Then you really never thought about looking for it again in the past three years?"

I tried to calm my mind, relieved my breath and said, "I always thought that she would be my wife, the one who would grow old with me and watch the sunrise and sunset. Of course, I took her as my whole life...... In the past three years, there have been many warblers and swallows around me, but after thousands of sails, I can no longer find the feeling of the original light boat. ”

Xiyue took the initiative to pick up the wine glass and touched it with me, and after drinking it, she said with a hint of regret: "Gao Chang, it's actually not a big deal, you will always forget her in the future, first forget her appearance, then forget her voice, forget your vows, forget your love for her, not now, you can do it in the future." ”

"Yes, maybe one day, I will forget the appearance of her who I loved so much at that time; Maybe one day, I will forget all the details that I have ever experienced together; Maybe one day, I'll forget to fight for her. But I think that no matter how time passes, I will never forget the desperate mood when I loved her in the first place. ”

"Well, I can understand that it's a kind of infatuation with three thousand weak water and only one scoop."

"Am I stupid and useless?"

"Of course not, it's not a shame to love only one person for the rest of your life."

We touched another cup, and Xiyue continued: "But what I want to tell you is that since you know that it is an irreparable relationship, you can't continue to quench your thirst like this, you can't live with memories anymore, you still have a future!" The one who is more suitable for you must still be waiting for you somewhere! You need to pack up your mood and get ready for her arrival! ”

I thought my eyes must have been misty, so I looked at her like this and said stupidly, "Where is the one you are talking about?" ”

Xiyue shrugged.

Once the pent-up emotions in the heart find an outlet, they will be like a volcano erupting, and there is nothing they can do to stop it.

My desire to confide in her grew stronger: "Do you know what that feels like? To love someone is to love like that for many, many years. Finally, one day, I found that I no longer loved, and I didn't need to love anymore, but I didn't have the joy I imagined. My heart suddenly became empty, I didn't know who else I could love, and I didn't know how to love, I was afraid that I would fall in love with someone like this again without results, and I was afraid that I would lose it again and be hurt again. ”

She looked at me with distress and said, "You must have had a hard time all these years, right?" ”

"I feel like a piece of grass, I can pull out too many threads, but I can't cry out in pain. Forced to smile in the company every day, and get drunk alone after work. I'm used to loneliness, I'm used to discussing things with myself, I'm used to taking blows, when everything becomes a habit, I find that I'm lost myself, I find that I'm not interested, I lose my love and lose my interest. When alcohol doesn't have a hypnotic effect, I start to fear the moment when I have to go to bed every night, in the dead of night, I just wait, wait, stay up, I can't hold on, so I fall asleep, sometimes on the sofa, sometimes by the bed, sometimes in the bathroom. All these years, I have come through like this walking dead. ”

Tears flowed uncontrollably, torrentingly.

It was the first time in my life that I cried without fear in front of a woman who was not very familiar.

Feeling my gaffe, I wiped a handful of tears: "I'm sorry, I lost my temper." ”

She shook her head gently and said, "It's okay, I can understand." ”

My heart gradually began to be quiet, like a sea without waves in the dark, a trace of sleepiness hit me, I said in a daze, I was sleepy.

Then a gentle voice sounded in the obscurity, as if from a distant paradise.

"Sleep, get a good night's sleep, everything will be fine after dawn." That was the last thing I heard.

……

When I woke up in the morning, I slept on the sofa with a blanket on my body, Xiyue was gone, and the coffee table was cleaned up, as if everything last night was just a dream I had.

After sleeping on the couch all night, I was a little stiff and slowed down for a long time before I sat up and looked around the room.

I couldn't find the slightest clue about what happened with Xiyue last night, and I seriously doubted that I really had a dream last night.

I was eager to ask for a certificate, so I took out my mobile phone and sent a WeChat message to Xiyue.

"Did you drink with me last night?"

It didn't take long for her to reply: "I haven't drunk much, why do you remember everything?" Then I have to remind you, don't forget to buy me rat poison! ”