Being kind to others is the first thing

"Be kind to others and take kindness from others" is a criterion for Zeng Guofan to deal with interpersonal relations, which makes Zeng Guofan's career prosperous. Zeng Guofan's good deeds with others are everywhere. Therefore, most of his staff respected Zeng Guofan as a teacher, admired him very much, followed him in everything, and regarded him as a model. Therefore, there is a saying that the shogunate is like a canal, and these staff members are deeply influenced by Zeng Guofan, or imitate his perseverance, or learn from his bravery, or understand his way, or law his honesty.

"Be kind to others, take kindness from others" comes from "Mencius". Zeng Guofan inherited this idea and explained it in detail: "The way of the ancient sages is to be kind to others. To teach people with words is to teach people with kindness; To smoke people with virtue is to raise people with kindness: all things that are good to people are also. However, my goodness is limited, so I take others as good. If a man is good, he will benefit me; If I have good, I will benefit others. Born in chains, so the goodness is endless; Inject into each other, so the source of good is inexhaustible. The way of the monarch is nothing more than this; The way of Confucianism is also very great. It is said that Mencius emphasized the humble adoption of various opinions, so in Zeng Guofan, taking and taking the two things became two aspects of a process that promoted each other and never ended.

At the same time, Zeng Guofan also identified this as one of the fundamental principles for handling interpersonal relationships. He wrote in his "Diary": "The ninth brother came to talk for a long time, and talked to him about the way to be kind to others and take kindness from others,...... Whether it is for the top, for the bottom, for the teacher, for the younger brother, for the elder, for the young, if they are immersed in each other with kindness, they will see the benefits of each other day and do not know it. And, where he was in power, he sought to translate this principle into a system that must be followed. In 1859 he wrote to his subordinates: "Your Excellency has said that you should be kind to others and to be kind to others...... In the future, I hope to take what everyone will do, and what will happen to others, open a list at any time to see, and summarize the accounts once a month. "Isn't this a translation of established principles into a system or a method of work?

"Be kind to others and take kindness from others" is a criterion for Zeng Guofan to deal with interpersonal relations, which makes Zeng Guofan's career soar.

It is not uncommon for Zeng Guofan to take kindness to others, such as listening to people's advice, acting on things, adopting the opinions of his subordinates and politely expressing the emperor's will, and so on. This is true for big things, and it is also true for small things. If the incident of "entering the dinner" is avoided, it can better explain Zeng Guofan's kindness to others.

Zeng Guofan adhered to the teachings of his father, Mr. Hoshioka, and got up before dawn, and served breakfast as soon as the cannon sounded. When he was in the Dongliu camp, Ouyang Zhaoxiong and Li Suyi, Cheng Shangqi, and Li Shenfu had a meal together, and the group thought it was bitter. After recovering Anqing, Ouyang Zhaoxiong wanted to return home in the first half of September, and put wine as food, and calmly said during the banquet: "People here must not get up early, but they can't eat their ears." What if I want to save you from entering the dinner for all of you? Zeng Guofan smiled. Therefore, Ouyang Zhaoxiong teased Li Suyi with a book and said: "From now on, all the gentlemen sleep and eat well, how can you repay me?" When the ancients ate, they would sacrifice to those who first ate and ate. Li Suyi replied: "The admission to the dinner has been exempted, and I feel the lotus!" Wei Shangqi and Shen Fu have to start their own stoves, and they may inevitably ask Mr. for money. Although this was a joke for a while, the situation at that time can also be imagined.

Although the matter of avoiding "entering the dinner" is small, it can be seen that Zeng Guofan's attitude of taking people for good. When he was first in Beijing, he also picked his nose and eyes, relying on his talent and arrogance, so he offended some people, and later he bowed to himself and repented, feeling that "being kind to others" is the first wonder of not making enemies; And "taking others for good" is an excellent prescription for perfecting yourself.

Fellowship with sincerity, generosity and tolerance wins

Regarding the words "sincerity and forgiveness", Zeng Guofan said: "The way to control the generals is the most expensive and sincere, not the power technique." He also said, "Our generation always asks for it with sincerity and deals with it with an open heart." Sincerity is dedicated and sufficient, and there will be a logical day without changing its normality; If the heart is weak, it will not be polite, and it will not be coerced for personal opinions, and it can be forgiven in the end. ”

When Zeng Guofan first held a regimental training, he had no soldiers and no courage in his hands, no inch of land under his feet, and no penny in his body. At that time in Hunan, there were Jiang Zhongyuan's Chu Yong, Luo Zenan's Xiang Yong and Wang Zhu's Xiang Yong, each with a certain amount of power. Among them, Jiang Zhongyuan's Chu Yong left the country to Guangxi, and there was the famous Battle of Lingyidu, and later defended Changsha and transferred to Jiangxi. Tsang, however, was able to be their spiritual leader, coordinating the actions of the various ministries. Later, although the relationship with Wang Ju broke down, there were many reasons. Moreover, after Jiang Zhongyuan died in battle, Liu Changyou, Xiao Qijiang, etc., who took over his troops; After Luo Zenan's death in battle, Li Xubin, Li Xuyi, Jiang Yifeng, etc., who took over his troops, also accepted the command and dispatch of Zeng Guofan. In the process of gradual development, some non-Hunan generals also came to Zeng Guofan's side one after another, such as the Manchu Taqibu, the Mongolian Duolonga, the Henan Li Mengqun, the Guangdong Chu Ruhang, the Sichuan Bao Chao, and the Fujian Shen Baozhen.

What is the force that makes these heroes and heroes and people with lofty ideals gather under the banner of Zeng Guofan? In addition to the common goal of protecting the country and the people, maintaining the famous religion, and determined to kill thieves, they are heart-to-heart, which is the personality strength of Zeng Guofan. This strength of personality arises from the words "sincerity" and "forgiveness" that he strongly advocates and practices in practice, that is, "treat others with sincerity and tolerate others with forgiveness". The so-called "sincerity and forgiveness add the world, then the group of shadows".

"Treating people with sincerity" should be a basic virtue for all officials, generals, and leaders. Treat others with sincerity, then people may also treat themselves with sincerity, which is called sincerity for sincerity; Even if a small number of people do not treat themselves sincerely, they will eventually be condemned by public opinion, and they will be shocked to their senses. If you treat others with power, arrogance, and selfish opinions, you may also gain momentum for a while, but in the end you will be spurned by history. Zeng Guofan had insight into the world and knew the historical facts, and said to his brothers with deep feelings: "Guan Ziyun: If the fight is full, people will generalize, and when people are full, the sky will generalize." The rest of the heavens are invisible, and they are still generalized. Huo's full, Wei Xiang's generalization, Emperor Xuan's generalization; Zhuge Ke is full, Sun Jun generalizes, and Wu Zhu generalizes. It's too late to wait for others to regret it! "That's a thought-provoking insight!

The central content of the "forgiveness" advocated by Zeng Guofan is what the Analects say: "Establish people if you want to establish people, and reach people if you want to achieve them." If you want to get something, you have to consider what others will want to get, and push yourself and others. Zeng Guofan said: "Who doesn't want to establish oneself? If you can push people to stand up, then you will have the same spring as things! On the other hand, it is, "Do not do unto others as you would have them do unto you."

If I do not want anyone to be hypocritical, I should not be hypocritical. If I don't want people to treat me with power, I should not treat people with power, and so on, which are important principles of interpersonal relationships.

Zeng Guofan said: The Holy Gate is kind and benevolent, and benevolence is forgiveness. Poverty, cheapness, success, glory, reputation, shun, these numbers, I like them, and everyone likes them. Poverty, cheapness, defeat, humiliation, rebellion, these are the things that I hate, and all the people are evil. …… My brother must work hard from the word "forgiveness", and put himself in place wherever he goes. I want to stand firm step by step, and I need to know that others must also stand firm, the so-called standing; I want to be able to work everywhere, and I need to know that others must also be able to work, the so-called Daye. Today I am in good times, and I expect that there will be times of adversity in the future; Today I am domineering, and I expect that others will also be domineering over me, or my children and grandchildren. Often with the word "forgiveness" self-conscious, often leave the rest of the people, then there are few thorns. Zeng Guofan emphasized strict self-discipline, leniency towards others, not complaining about heaven, and not caring for others. He believes that if "he complains about heaven without a cause, then heaven will not allow it; If you don't care about people for no reason, people will not accept it. …… Whenever you are about to complain, you will think to yourself: What is the deficiency of my fruit and the anger of this injustice? Suddenly introspective, resolutely go". Those who fail to be strict with themselves and be lenient with others will not be able to establish themselves in the end, and countless facts in history have fully proved this. Therefore, Zeng Guofan has always advocated "taking the ability to establish and reach as the body, and not complaining and not being particularly useful".

Friendship with sincerity and generosity not only made Zeng Guofan increase the charm of his personality, won people's support and sincere help to him, and had a good influence on the people around him, but more importantly, it also made Zeng Guofan less of many enemies.

People who love face are not easy to achieve great things

Loving face is a character weakness of many people. Indeed, face is a big problem, because everyone has to fight for face and save face, in order not to lose face. In fact, it is precisely because of the fear of losing face that many people can't do big things, and they are afraid that they will lose face if they don't do anything well, which makes people embarrassed. Those who have achieved great things must put down their shelves and not be afraid of losing face, so that they can finally earn back face for themselves.

If one person wins the game, it will cause a lot of trouble. Of course, it may be difficult to save your face. It is not easy for people who love face to achieve great things, and some people often cause their own interests to be harmed because of "love of face". Although Zeng Guofan is a very face-loving and humble person, when the opportunity he has been waiting for for a long time comes, he does not hesitate to seize this opportunity immediately.

When the Hunan army was preparing to start the Battle of Anqing, the Taiping army Li Xiucheng and Chen Yucheng used tactics to break through the important military defense line of the Qing army, the Jiangnan camp. This military situation brought a long-awaited opportunity to Zeng Guofan and his generals in the Hunan army, that is, an opportunity to grasp local real power. And the advent of this opportunity is not so simple, thanks to Su Shun's recommendation and mediation.

Emperor Xianfeng was terrified when he heard the news that the camp in Jiangnan had been breached in Beijing. He knew that the last bit of possessions of the Qing army's green battalion had been lost this time. For many years, he has always dreamed that the Hunan army would attack the Taiping army in the middle reaches of the Yangtze River, and the green battalion would attack the Taiping army in the Nanjing area. In this way, the hard battle was fought by the Hunan army, but the fruits of victory could be picked by the green battalion. The Hunan army is able to fight, so he doesn't want it to get too much honor. Otherwise, this armed force will be arrogant and arrogant at that time, and no one will be able to control it, and it will really come to Beijing to create a rebellion against the imperial court, or to divide the feudal towns, so how can it be obtained? But now, the defeat of the Jiangnan camp has made Emperor Xianfeng have to wake up from his dream, and he must face a new reality. He pinned his hopes for defeating the Taiping Heavenly Kingdom entirely on the Hunan army, Zeng Guofan, Hu Linyi and others.

When Emperor Xianfeng was still waking up in his dream, Su Shun secretly pushed Zeng Guofan to the official position of governor of Liangjiang.

When He Guiqing, the governor of Liangjiang, was dismissed, Emperor Xianfeng was originally going to make Hu Linyi the governor of Liangjiang. After Su Shun learned about it, he said to Emperor Xianfeng: Hu Linyi is in Hubei, and everything in government and military affairs is handled very well, and he cannot be moved. It is better for Zeng Guofan to be the governor of the two rivers, so that the upper and lower reaches of the Yangtze River can be governed.

Emperor Xianfeng took Su Shun's advice. In this way, Zeng Guofan became the extremely important official position of Governor of Liangjiang.

In fact, apart from Zeng and Hu, it was indeed difficult to find a candidate for the governor of Liangjiang at that time. There is also an understanding of this within the Hunan army. Regarding this profound change after the defeat of the Jiangnan battalion, Zeng Guofan and other generals of the Hunan army seemed to have a premonition. When the news of the complete destruction of the Jiangnan camp reached Anhui and Lianghu, the generals of the Hunan army were not in the slightest saddened by the tragic end of their kind. On the contrary, they were all full of joy and encouragement, and they celebrated with their hands, thinking that the day had come for the Hunan army to come out. After Zuo Zongtang heard about it in Hunan, he let out a long exclamation: "Providence has a turning point!" ”

The people next to him asked him why he sighed like this, and he explained: "The Jiangnan battalion will be a soldier, and it is not enough to please the thief, so it can be completely cleansed, and the latecomers can be caught off guard." The "latecomers" he meant were, of course, the Hunan army.

On June 17, Emperor Xianfeng's edict was delivered to Anhui, and Zeng Guofan burst into tears when he read it. This was an important gift from the imperial court, providing him with a great opportunity to display his talents. He had been looking forward to it for many years, and now that it had finally arrived, his feelings were truly indescribable. He hurriedly gave Emperor Xianfeng a thank you, just for fear that this official position in his hands would slip away if he was not careful, he wanted to grasp it firmly and never let go. In the compromise of Shane, he no longer had the same politeness as in the past, such prevarication words, and what was shown between the lines was complete complacency, and the determination to show his talents. He said: The country is troubled, and it is not the time for the courtiers to be safe! The only way to do your best is to bite the oath, to clarify and reap the territory; Get out of the car and suffer from illness, save the life quickly, and answer a few times higher than just in case.

Hu Linyi heard the news in Hubei, and also said: "The imperial court can hand over the major events in the south of the Yangtze River to Zeng Gong, and the affairs of the world are not enough to be peaceful." ”

△ Decryption of Zeng's Relaxed Character:

Forgiveness is the foundation of success, Zeng Guofan believes that a person who is good at being a person always forgives others in a way that removes jealousy. We know that jealousy is the feeling of resentment towards someone who is better than oneself in terms of talent, opportunity, reputation, and status. This is a negative way of being a human being and a negative factor in interpersonal communication. We should be tolerant and not jealous. Are you a person who is obsessed with seeing others as eternal rivals? Or is he a tolerant and generous person who turns hostility into friendship? What is the purpose of forgiving others? In order to seek the capital of success.

Forgiveness is not a concession to issues of principle, but a tolerance and understanding of some unprincipled shortcomings and faults of others. Forgiveness may seem like a contradiction, but if intolerance and harm can only lead to a vicious circle of retribution, then there will be the consequence of "when is the time for retribution". At the same time, people who refuse to forgive others often suffer from insomnia, gastrointestinal upset, and even high blood pressure. However, once they forgive others, they rise above a great setback—a process of spiritual purification that can be called regeneration. Of course, forgiveness can only be best achieved if the person who has been hurt has had time to deal with his anger, to recognize his responsibility for the whole incident and the consequences of refusing to forgive.

Forgiveness is not only a manifestation of love, but also a very high state of life, on the surface, it is just a decision to give up revenge, this view may seem somewhat negative, but true forgiveness is a positive behavior that requires great spiritual strength to support. Forgiveness is an indispensable quality of life, a manifestation of the correct self-consciousness of life. Only when a person knows himself correctly can he have a forgiving mind. The benefit of being a human being and forgiveness is the harmony and harmony of interpersonal relationships.

The transition from bad relations to forgiveness between Jefferson, the third president of the United States, and Adams, the second president, is a vivid example. On the eve of his inauguration, Jefferson went to the White House to tell Adams that he hoped the-for-tat campaign had not ruined their friendship, but before Jefferson could speak, Adams roared again, "You drove me away!" The friendship between the two broke down and the relationship was suspended for 11 years. It wasn't until a few of Jefferson's neighbors visited Adams that the sturdy old man was still telling the embarrassing story, but then he burst into words, "I've always liked Jefferson, and I still like him." The neighbor passed the word to Jefferson. Jefferson didn't care about his previous suspicions, and he took the initiative to ask a friend who knew each other well to pass the word, so that Adams also knew what he was thinking. Adams later wrote back to him, and the two began perhaps the greatest correspondence in American history.

It can be seen that as long as a person holds the principle of forgiveness, he can win the respect of the other party and lay a good foundation for his own success. So, how can forgiveness be the foundation of human life? Here are a few suggestions.

(1) To be a person must have an upward spirit: people who are jealous of others often spend their precious time on jealousy of others, but they have anxiety, sadness, suspicion, depression, annoyance, hostility and other bad emotions, which is the most stupid approach. Why be jealous of others? If you learn and learn from each other's strengths, won't it become your own precious wealth? Time is like an arrow, life is short, rather than spending limited energy on jealousy of the success of others, it is better to seize the opportunity to do a few tangible things, isn't it more meaningful? Just like Lu Xun said, "Don't just use force to erase the opponent and make him as empty as yourself, but should step over the predecessor who is standing, taller than the predecessor." Lu Xun's words are long-focused, because the achievements of others do not hinder themselves. We can understand the predecessors that Lu Xun refers to as those who walk ahead of us, those who succeed before ourselves, including those who live in the same time and space as ourselves. Jealousy in life mainly occurs among people in the same environment, in the same field. Plekhanov once said: "In the history of the development of human intelligence, it is extremely rare for the success of one figure to prevent the success of another." "When a point of view is put forward and a research is successful, what will be left to future generations is a new field and path, so the world for people to be hired is even broader. This is true in the field of science. The same is true in other fields, as long as you are willing to struggle, constantly improve your ability and competitive psychological quality, you will definitely be able to catch up with or surpass others with real talent. Jealousy is a negative emotion that hinders the progress of young people. When you devote yourself wholeheartedly to your career, there will be no time to be jealous of others, because "jealousy is a wandering emotion, and the only person who can enjoy it is the idler".

(2) To be a man, we must go to the "sour grapes" and take the "sweet lemon": the "sour grapes" psychology refers to what you can't get, so you deliberately devalue it, so as to make yourself feel at ease and offset the unconvincing in your heart. In Aesop's fable, the story of the fox who can't eat grapes and says that grapes are sour is well-known. This shows that people who want to eat grapes but can't eat them use the method of belittling grapes to find psychological balance. It means that it doesn't matter if I can't get bad things, although this is a way to deceive myself, as long as I can comfort myself not to be jealous of others, it is also advisable. Sweet lemon psychology refers to a person who knows that his current situation is not ideal, but forces himself to say, "Isn't that also good?" ”

(3) Being a human being can help the adversary: When you find that the person you are jealous of needs someone to help him do something, you should help him wholeheartedly. At this time, you will be in agreement with his goal, and you will shift from jealousy of him to fighting for a common goal. When this meaningful thing is done, you have learned a lot from him, and you have gone from enemies to collaborators.

Being jealous of others is a mediocre way of life. You should look at the progress of others with an appreciative eye and then try to surpass them. If you don't have a running opponent, you won't know how much you can do, and if you find an opponent who can race, you will know your shortcomings, so you will make greater progress and faster, and constantly spur yourself to move forward and achieve greater brilliance in life.