Experience the taste of daily socializing

Socializing is inseparable from life, but not all socializing is refreshing, on the contrary, it is often boring. In the face of this contradiction, what did Zeng Guofan do? Zeng Guofan boasted of his talent for connoisseurship throughout his life, mainly due to his experience and observation. He can see through people's character and personality from their every move, every word and every word. For social etiquette such as eating, inviting, and giving, he can also observe the thickness of human affection and the high and low customs of the world.

At the end of the seventh year of Tongzhi (1868), Zeng Guofan returned to Beijing after a 17-year absence as a co-organizer of the university, the governor of Zhili, the first-class Yongyi marquis, and the minister of the Qincha. His disciple Li Shuchang wrote the following sentences when he was doing the "Annals" for his teacher: "When the ministers in the court wanted to be prosperous, when they retired from the court, thousands of officials paid attention. This is not an exaggeration. 17 years ago, Zeng Guofan as a registered squire, Mo Ming to join the army, after more than ten years of arduous efforts, finally the capital of Jinling for more than ten years, almost overthrew the Qing Dynasty of the Taiping Heavenly Kingdom to suppress, which has not participated in this thrilling ministers of the court, Zeng Guofan created a "myth" and "miracle", in the eyes of the courtiers, he is not only a hero, but also like a "hero". Moreover, in the past seventeen years, the high-ranking officials and dignitaries of the year have long been different, and for the nouveau riche in the court, whether it is qualifications or merits, they can hardly look forward to Zeng Guofan's back. The vast majority of them could only look up at the 58-year-old important minister Zeng Guofan, who bent over and stepped off the soft sedan chair at the dismount in the palace.

During his more than a month in Beijing, Zeng Guofan clearly felt the "glory" in his life and the "pride" on his way. His schedule was even fuller than usual, and in addition to meeting with visitors more than a dozen times a day, he also had to go out to visit people from all walks of life. He needed too much socializing. Because in his opinion, rejecting others is one of the "proud" ends, and it is a taboo to break away from officialdom and go to defeat. Here's what he was up to:

On the twenty-first day of December in the seventh year of Tongzhi, he was invited by the official gentry of Huguang to go to the banquet of the Huguang Guild Hall, listen to the opera, drink, and toss until the third watch of the next day after lunch, before holding the tired body and taking the second son Ji Hong to leave the Huguang Guild Hall that he was very familiar with and bid farewell to his fellow villagers.

At the same time the next day, he was invited by the protégés of various subjects to attend a banquet in Wenchang Hall. Zeng Guofan has served as an examiner many times, and his protégés can be described as many, and this time more than 30 people from six subjects feasted Zeng Guofan. One is the Sichuan Township Examination, the second is Ding Weihan Teaching and Learning, the third is the Ji Youshun Tianxiang Examination Re-examination, the fourth is the Gengxu Dynasty Examination Papers, the fifth is the Gengxu Bagong Dynasty Examination Papers, the sixth is the Gengxu Examination Records and Papers, watching the drama after drinking, and the second is returning to the apartment.

On the 23rd, the Jiawu and Wuxu departments were invited in the same year, and the officials of the Beijing government were invited to "eat a meal in each of the two places".

On the 24th, Jiangsu Tong Province invited Zeng Guofan to Wenchang Pavilion for a banquet.

On the 25th, at the invitation of the three university scholars, Wu Ren, Zhu and Rui, Zeng Guofan went to the Wish School to attend the banquet. ……

Zeng Guofan used to be a squire of several ministries in Beijing, and after serving as the governor of Liangjiang in the local area, he controlled the four provinces, so wherever he was an official, there were public invitations from various ministries and provinces.

Zeng Guofan is very familiar with this kind of eating and banquet, but this time he participated as a host and guest, of course, it is not what it used to be. The person who asked him was to contact the feelings, and the second was to hope for care. Because Zeng Guofan's "favor" has not declined and is relied on by the imperial court, his words are naturally respected by the imperial court. In order to please this important minister, a scholar not only praised Zeng Guofan's "Jiang Zhonglie Shendao Monument" during the banquet, but also "recited it like a stream", leaving no word behind, which made Zeng Guofan feel emotional.

At the time of socializing, Zeng Guofan felt that Jingshi was far from a place to stay for a long time, and he felt that there were thousands of hands and eyes grasping him and looking at him. He felt at ease outside and in the local government. He said in his "Diary": "Drinking and eating in Beijing, socializing, and being tired every day is far less free than being free from other provinces. Asking oneself about one's chest and adding a lot of vulgar thoughts is meaningless. He dragged his tired body every day and ran to the banquet, which was nothing more than "favoritism", that is, to give face to others and let others say good things. This is not the same as him being a local official, playing chess a few games a day, and falling asleep when he is tired.

He painfully felt the immutability of people's hearts and customs. Advocating power, the ministers of the government and the opposition are staring at power, stammering, obedient, sycophant, flattering, all kinds of unaccustomed things have been around for decades, how can they change? ! But he must become a "sharp soldier" on the battlefield of communication in order to achieve a lifetime. It's called a contradiction!

People are most afraid of being light and superficial, and have no connotation

The personality weakness of the conceited person is that he thinks he is smart, but "smart" is the evaluation that people crave, and it shows that people with this evaluation have a higher IQ than others. But some people who think they are smart will be mistaken by their cleverness. For example, habits such as self-righteousness, not listening to other people's opinions, and always liking to say "no" to others are common mistakes made by these people. A person who thinks he is smart has an advantage over others in terms of IQ on the surface, but in fact his crisis is very obvious, that is, he is self-centered in dealing with interpersonal relationships. The frustration of such people can happen at any time, and the advice for such people is: please don't be conceited and learn to respect everyone!

What kind of person to use well is not a small problem in general, but a big problem. Zeng Guofan's employment technique is: let the people who understand stay, and let the confused people go away. The key to a person's success or failure lies in whether he can transform the ability of the person he has a relationship with into his own ability. Only by never forgetting to ask for self-help, can we seize the opportunity and create a brilliant life. Zeng Guofan believes that people are most afraid of being light and superficial, without connotation, and a few contacts will make people feel vulgar or annoying. Anyone who has a certain degree of knowledge or cultivation can be calm and steady, humble and open.

Zeng Guofan has a deeper understanding of lightness, he said: There are about three ends of the thin character of mortals who are most likely to be offended: hearing that others have bad virtues and corrupt deeds, listening tirelessly, being jealous of others' merits and reputations, rejoicing that others have disasters, and being happy that others have disasters, this is one end of Bo Virtue; People are ordered by the sky, ministers are ordered by the king, and sons are ordered by the father, which are all a certain number, but some people can not accept the arrangement of fate, and they want to be noble in a humble position, and they plan themselves day and night, and put themselves in a wise place, just like a piece of gold, when smelting, they think they are Mo Xie, a sword like a cadre, this is the second end of Bo De; The chest contains the clear turbidity of the society, right and wrong, but does not clearly express approval or opposition, this is the good intentions of the sages and philosophers, if you want to reluctantly divide what black and white, when you encounter something, you will be excited and public, this is the habit of the scribe frivolous, the form of prostitution, we people do not perceive it to imitate it, at every turn to distinguish between good and evil, the evaluation of the inferior, so that the excellent people may not be able to be encouraged, and the inferior people have almost no foothold, this is the third end of Bo De. Now that I am old, I need to guard against these three ends. Therefore, Zeng Guofan is most opposed to those who gloat, arrogant, presumptuous, and self-righteous, and he himself is a person who is self-disciplined and rigorous, and sees more of the strengths of others. He was especially a man of great compassion, and even in the difficult years when he was unable to protect himself, he was not indifferent to the calamities that had befallen some of those who had a reputation for meritorious deeds, but took care of them as much as he could.

During the Xianfeng period, Zeng Guofan was stationed in Qimen, full of dangers, and the reserves were extremely poor, which was the most difficult time in his life. One day, I suddenly remembered that there were many masters of scripture in that area of Anhui, who had suffered from wars, were displaced, and their lives and deaths were uncertain, so they sent people to inquire around, and the surviving people gave letters to them, asking them to meet with the shogunate in the army, and the dead people gave their families a pension and asked them to keep the articles they left. Masters like Fang Zongcheng and Dai Pingping in Tongcheng, Yu Zhengxie in Shezhou, and Cheng Hongzhao in Guizhou all relied on this kind of help to get out of danger.

There are many people who follow Zeng Guofan to fight in the army, especially the staff and subordinates who give advice, and they all hope to get the recommendation of Zeng Guofan, the "alliance leader", and soar. Zeng Guofan did not hesitate to recommend his subordinates and staff, but he also had conditions for recommending people, that is, he must really work for him, not afraid of hardship, and not talk about conditions. Otherwise, he would not be procured. In addition, there are three kinds of people Zeng Guofan who are unwilling to play, one is a person with a poor reputation for high morality, one is a person who is too fast to move too fast, and the other is a person who is unwilling to become a leader.

The first type of people, such as Zhou Tenghu and Jin Anqing, are often impeached as soon as they are promoted. For example, as soon as Zhou Tenghu was released for bail, he was impeached in a series of chapters, and then he died of depression, which greatly saddened Zeng Guofan. In his "Diary" in September 1862, he wrote: "After receiving Shaoquan's letter from Shanghai, I learned that Zhou Tenghu had died in Shanghai. The old man was recommended for his death, but he was impeached and died of depression. You ruined your reputation, but you are enough to kill, and you are pitiful and hurtful. Zeng Guofan learned a lesson, and when Jin Anqing, who was repeatedly impeached and had a very bad reputation, served him in the scene, he insisted on using only his own strategy, not others, and explained in a letter to Zeng Guoquan: "Meisheng's views are hated at home and abroad, and it is not for no reason. "If you take more words and use them at the rate, then the bullet will be handed over immediately, which will not benefit me and will damage the canal." Yu plans to buy rice from himself and will not be rehired. ”

The second type of people, such as Yun Shilin and Guo Songtao, were directly or indirectly protected by Zeng Guofan, and were promoted to three levels in two years. In October 1865, when the Qing government wanted Li Zongxi to act as the governor of Caoyun and Ding Richang to act as the governor of Jiangsu, and consulted Zeng Guofan, Zeng Guofan immediately expressed his opinion and put forward his own reasons: he thought that the three moves in one year were an extraordinary disaster. The officer is more than honest, only slightly shorter, and the right to lead the seal is inevitably too hasty. Although Ding Richang said that he was familiar with Yiwu, his qualifications were too shallow. The hope is not floating. Foreigners are deceitful, and non-famous ministers are not enough to restrain their trickery and deter their arrogance. It's hard for this person to do that. In short, I did not agree to this arrangement, so as to eliminate the disadvantages of too sudden promotion. As a result, the Qing government accepted Zeng's opinion and immediately withdrew the proposal.

As for the third type of person, I don't want to be out of office or don't want to be kind, and after being insured, I don't think I'm gracious, but I become an enemy, which makes Zeng Guofan sad. Although his name is unknown, it can be ascertained that it is true. In a letter to Zeng Guoquan, he said of the difficulties of Baobao: "There are many difficulties in protecting people in modern times. Those who have protection but others do not think it is against the people, and those who are protected but do not think that virtue is against the enemy. Yu Yueshi has been deep, even if he recommends the virtuous, he has many scruples, not thick in the past and thin now. This can be said to be Zeng Guofan's experience and experience. Always keep the words "respect" and "forgiveness" in your heart for life, and you should bow down and treat others with forgiveness. "Respect" is cautious, no matter how big or small, do not dare to have the slightest negligence. Treat others with "forgiveness", leave room for others in everything, do not take credit alone, and do not shirk responsibility for mistakes. If you can always keep the words "respect" and "forgiveness" in your heart, you can take on important responsibilities for a long time, and your future is limitless.

Tsang advocated that those who bully or deceive themselves should not be taken lightly. This trait of his character is fully reflected in the events that were widely recited during his study and during the two years of recruitment.

Zeng Guofan was studying at Yuelu Academy in Changsha, and there was a classmate who had a temperament, because Zeng Guofan's desk was placed in front of the window, the man said: "The light of my reading comes from the window, doesn't it let you cover it?" Get out of the way! Zeng Guofan did as he said. Zeng Guofan studied hard at night with the lamp, and the man said: "If you don't usually study, do you still have to be noisy in the middle of the night?" Zeng Guofan had no choice but to recite in a low voice. But soon Zeng Guofan tried to raise people, and when the report was reported, the man was even more angry and said: "The feng shui of this house was originally mine, but you took it away!" The classmate next to him was not convinced, so he asked him: "Didn't you ask someone to place the location of the bookcase?" How can Zeng be blamed? The man said, "That's why they took away my feng shui." The classmates all felt that the person was unreasonable and held grievances for Zeng Guofan, but Zeng Guofan was kind and pleasant, didn't care, persuaded his classmates, comforted his roommates, and had nothing to do, which shows Zeng Guofan's self-cultivation and bearing in his youth.

Zeng Guofan was eager to seek talent when he later served as the governor of Liangjiang, so there were times when he was deceived. There is a person who pretends to be a school official, visits Zeng Guofan, talks loudly, talks and laughs, has an indispensable generality, Zeng Guofan Lixian Corporal, and is devoted to all kinds of people who cast the screen, but he doesn't like people who talk big in his heart. Seeing that this person was clever in his words and curious, he talked about the need to put an end to deception in employing people, and he said in a righteous way: "Whether you are deceived or not depends on what kind of person you are." I have seen a little bit of the world, like the sincerity and virtue of the Lord of the Middle Hall, others can't bear to deceive; Like Zuo Gong (Zong Tang), he is strict and upright, and others dare not bully. And there are many people who do not deceive others but still suspect that others have deceived them, or who have been deceived but do not know it. Seeing that this person had talked about the four kinds of "deception", which was quite reasonable, he couldn't help but be overjoyed, and said to him: "You can go to the barracks and see the people I use." The man answered the promise. The next day, after meeting with the Chinese military officers of the battalion, he said to Zeng Guofan in a matter-of-fact manner: "There are many heroes and heroes in the army, but I have found two gentlemen. Zeng Guofan hurriedly asked "who"? This person cited Tu Zongying and Guo Yuantang as opposites. Zeng Guofan was overjoyed and treated as a guest. But he couldn't find a suitable position for a while, so he temporarily asked him to supervise the ship's cannons.

A few days later, the soldiers reported to Zeng Guofan that this person had escaped with a thousand gold, and asked troops to be sent to pursue him. Zeng Guofan was silent for a long time and said, "Stop, don't chase." The soldiers retreated, Zeng Guofan put his hands on his beard, and said: "People can't bear to be bullied, people can't bear to be bullied." When the people around me heard this, they wanted to laugh but didn't dare to laugh. A few days later, Zeng Guofan's old words were brought up again, and his staff asked why he didn't send troops to pursue him. Zeng Guofan's answer was superior: "Nowadays, hair and twist are intertwined, this person only cheats money, if he is forced too quickly, he is afraid of entering the enemy camp, which is really harmful." The mere amount of money and the name of being deceived are insignificant. This incident not only makes people "spray rice", but also shows Zeng Guofan's "vision" and "mind".

It is difficult for ordinary people to tolerate these two things, especially for those who are brave for a while, and people often think that this is a coward's move. And Zeng Guofan's approach is the same as the practice of all those who have achieved great things, those who should endure must be endured, and they must not lose big because of small things.

Acquiring a successful personality is about making yourself stand out in the process of dealing with people. So in order to achieve a successful character, you must first have such a set of skills, do not be damaged by other people's bad words, and learn to see the edge between advance and retreat. Don't underestimate this, choose the big and give up the small, and deal with it calmly, which shows whether a person has ascended to the throne of successful character.

You can't get everyone's approval for everything, but if you recognize your worth, you won't be frustrated when you don't get it. You should see opposition as a natural reality, an incentive for yourself, because everyone who lives in this world has their own opinion on the things of the world.

Looking around the world around us, it is very obvious that it is very difficult and impossible to make everyone happy with themselves. In fact, if 50% of people are happy with you, that's a pleasant thing. Know that around you, at least half of the people will disagree with more than half of what you say. Suffice it to look at political campaigns in the West: even if the winner has an overwhelming majority of votes, as many as 40 percent still vote against. Therefore, it is very normal for ordinary people to raise an opinion at any time, no matter when you raise an opinion, 50% of people may raise an objection.

When you realize this, you can look at the objections of others from a different perspective. When someone disagrees with your words, you won't feel depressed, criticize others or change your opinion on the fly in order to win their approval. Instead, you'll realize that you've just happened to run into someone who belongs to the 50% who disagrees with you. Just recognize that every emotion, every point of view, every word, or everything you have will always encounter opposition, then you can get rid of the trouble of feeling low. When we do something with some kind of consequence in mind, and when that happens, you don't have a big mood swing or be caught off guard. Therefore, if you know that there will be people who disagree with your opinion, you will not bother yourself, and at the same time, you will no longer see the denial of a certain opinion or emotion of others as a negation of you as a whole.

Remember the "three precepts" of being a man

Not deceiving others and not deceiving oneself is the foundation of Zeng Guofan's life, because it is related to a person's loyalty and integrity. Zeng Guofan's thought can actually be used as a necessary condition for self-cultivation, as the pursuit of purity, perfection and beauty in human nature. "Pride" is the worst nature of life. It would be a mistake to equate the character of success with pride. What people who really get a successful personality do: Humility! How is Zeng Guofan doing? There may be one or two successful things in a person's life, and after success, he often commits the problem of pride, Zeng Guofan also has such a time, but he can immediately quit impatience and change his course after being defeated by arrogance. Zeng Guofan's reform of the good things is roughly the following three ends.

The first is to abstain from too much talk.

In the eyes of today's people, Zeng Guofan seems to be a gentleman with a feather fan in his hand, unsmiling, and calm and wooden. In fact, this represents his character in his mature years. In his early years, Zeng Guofan was talkative, loved to be in the limelight, and liked to socialize. He himself knows that "too harsh words are annoying", and he has made up his mind to reduce his contacts, but it is difficult to change. "The meaning of a good name is that he claims to be one level higher than others", he also said that this kind of psychology has been deeply hidden, "when can I pull out this root"?

Once, Dou Lanquan came to learn, Zeng Guofan did not understand the meaning of his friend, so he "said that his words were weak and he talked about reasoning with others", which was originally a matter of enriching his studies, but it backfired, and the two broke up unhappily. The "Diary" said: "Holding disagreements with each other, repeatedly arguing, and having a stubborn attitude in the remainder, they are very special, and they suspect that others are not modest, so why do they blame others and secretly blame themselves?" On the ninth day of November in the twenty-second year of Daoguang (1842), Zeng Guofan went out four times, first to Daiyun's house to pay tribute to his mother's birthday, which was a festive thing. Then he went to He Zizhen's house. After returning home, I read "Redemption Hexagram", and went to Dai Yun's house for dinner, "before and after the banquet, I talked a lot", discussed poems with Tang Peng, and "exaggerated words". On the same day he said in his Diary:

Where the games of the past are easy-going, they can't stand on the cliff shore, but when the past is still getting scarce, they must be respectful when they meet, and gradually change the habit of expulsion; Those who usually debate and boast must not become deaf and dumb, but when they talk about gradually humbling, they must be sincere in their mouths, and strive to overcome the habit of arrogance. These two habits are deeply rooted in my heart. The day before yesterday, in addition to meditating on the words, there is no place to start, and now I forget it? In the future, quit talking too much, such as quitting smoking. If you lie again, the gods will die! and ask those who do not forsake me, and always blame them for this. Because Zeng Guofan talked a lot and was self-righteous, he sometimes hurt the feelings between friends, and the conflict between him and Xiao Cen arose. He usually takes Xiao Cen as his confidant, but when he occasionally disagrees, he loses his temper, he says that this is completely because he does not cultivate enough on weekdays.

In this regard, good friends saw it, but they knew Zeng Guofan's character, and they were unwilling to persuade him. Only Dai Yun dared to expose it. pointed out the three faults of Zeng Guofan. Later, Zeng Guofan wrote in his diary: "Dai Yunyan said that the first thing to quit is the word 'slow', saying that I am slacking off everywhere, and I am really in the middle of it. He also said to his friends, each of them is too deep, does not know the amount and then enters, does not leave a sense of proportion everywhere, and dies to the small one, and the big one is fierce, and must not be careless. He also said that I am not shrewd, but I am too mean, and I must be careful step by step. These three words are all medicinal stones. ”

A few days later, Zeng Guofan celebrated his father's birthday at home, Xiaoshan also came, and the words of the two collided during the banquet. Zeng Guofan realized the seriousness of the problem and personally went to Xiaoshan's home to apologize. In the diary of the day, he summed up that he had three major mistakes: Xiaoshan had a gap with Yu, and he was not good at it. I have always been faithful to others, why do people not see faith? I can be respectful to others, why do people have abuse? And even if it makes people have it, why is it so wanton to abuse, angry and disregardful, almost forgetting oneself and kissing like this! There are three major faults in this matter: unbelief and disrespect on weekdays, and too deep in each other, one also; One word is incompatible, resentful and rude, and the other is also; After the discord, people are easy, but I am blatantly unkind, three also. Evil words do not come from the mouth, and angry words do not come from the body, I don't know this, let alone ask anything else? Keep this in mind and think it is a precept. Zeng Guofan's father saw that he did have a lot of problems, and immediately sent him a letter after returning to Hunan, Zeng Guofan's diary talked about the content of the letter: adults teach to protect oneself three things: abstinence, labor, and diet. He also said that mortals make friends, only to see that friends are not friends and I am, so today I am in charge of Bao, tomorrow Qin Yue, saying that I have a gap with Xiaoshan, and it is the fault of everyone who is happy and loyal, so it is advisable to change it quickly, go to Xiaoshan's place, and admit that it is not in person. Clouds and qi are not the way to protect the body. The kid read it horrible. The boy is happy and angry, tired and itchy, and lingers in the arms of adults all the time. If you don't respect yourself, you're a beast.

Dai Yun's words and his father's letter touched Zeng Guofan a lot, but Zeng Guofan still repeated the same mistakes in the future. On the nineteenth day of the first month of the twenty-third year (1843), the Huguang students held a group worship in the Wenchang Pavilion, and Zeng Guofan presided over the affairs of the hall at that time, and he should try his best to entertain the former classmates in both public and private affairs, but he "did not mean to belong to the guests, and there was no sense of solemnity". He admits that "socializing is a last resort", and he neglects his classmates so much, "regretting and living".

Zeng Guofan reviewed himself at the same time, but also had a tendency to go to the other extreme, he deliberately distanced himself from his friends, thinking that not being together often, but adding a little respect, and he thought of a famous quote by Lu Xinwu: "Light and tasteless, cold and disgusting, and not enough." This is commonly referred to as "misfit". Neither is the left, nor is the right. Wu Zhuru enlightened Zeng Guofan and said that although friendship is natural and whether it is related or not, it is also determined by exhaustive manpower. But in the final analysis, people can win the sky, and everything can not be "attributed to the number", such as the philosophy of knowing people, the deed of friends and friends, and the meeting of monarchs and ministers. Therefore, it is said that life is also sexual, and a gentleman is not a life."

Since then, Zeng Guofan has become more and more mature in dealing with others, and his self-righteous faults have also changed greatly. Saving face, in particular, has become an important principle for making friends in the future.

The second is to abstain from anger.

Zeng Guofan's early personal cultivation was not as pampered and unfazed as he was later. On the contrary, when things don't go well, he gets angry, and his temper and personality are very unstable. In his early Diary, there are many examples of this.

On the third day of the first month of the twenty-third year of Daoguang (1843), the two members of Zeng Guofan came to see him in the same year, and after dinner, the subordinates had something unsatisfactory, and the Guofan lost his temper, angry, hysterical, and completely forgot his identity. Although dissuaded by friends, he still insulted him wantonly and had no fear. Afterwards, Zeng Guofan reviewed himself and regretted it very much. A few days later, my friend Feng Shutang came to visit Yun: "The roots in my heart are not exhausted, and I will have a long time, and I can't save it." "Diary" said: I have this anger to myself, only a few times to reflect on myself, but the rest of the people are especially knowledgeable. This year, I am determined to change people. It was only two days before the break broke up. Although we weep bitterly and regret it, how can it be too much! It's really a matter of choosing with beasts. A few days later, Zeng Guofan went out to pay homage, but because of the incompetence of his subordinates, he was repeatedly angry. said that he always reciprocates the word "anger" and the word "desire" every day, "knowing but not refraining, always this ambition is depressed!" hateful and shameful". On 16 March, he went out to pay a visit, and after having dinner at a friend's house, he waited for his successor, but after a long time, he was "furious and irrepressible." The punishment was in vain, and the ruin was brought to this point."

Zeng Guofan recognized the shortcomings in his personality and began to consciously adjust. At the same time, he insisted on writing the Heart Sutra to punish bad things. According to his "Diary", on the fifth day of the first month of June, he wrote the "Heart Sutra" to reflect on the past. On the eighth day of the first month of June, he wrote a book of "The Heart Sutra". On the tenth day of the first month, he wrote a volume of "The Heart Sutra".

On the first day of the fifth month of the twenty-fourth year of Daoguang (1844), the subordinates argued with Zeng Guofan because of the matter, Zeng Guofan was angry again, and in a fit of anger, he sent the two subordinates together, "the unhappy one day", and the next day the "Diary" said: "I am still upset about yesterday's events." ”

Zeng Guofan's perfect personality and roundness in dealing with people and things were formed after many hardships. Especially after Xianfeng came out of the mountain again in the eighth year, his personality changed greatly, and he almost changed a person. During this period, Zeng Guofan experienced many tests of success and failure.

The third is to abstain from "resentment" and "seeking".

Jealousy is jealousy, and seeking is greed.

Zeng Guofan believes that life certainly needs to have ideals and pursuits. But if the pursuit is excessive, he will commit a common disease, that is, what he calls "reluctant" and "seeking" the heart. "It is not common, and every person who is exposed to a similar name and a similar position; It is not common to ask for it, and every time it is exposed to the connection of goods and wealth, and the progress of the people is hindered. "If you want to benefit, you must first go to the heart, the so-called "people can be full of no desire to harm others, and benevolence cannot be used"; If you want to build a product, you must first seek the heart, the so-called "people can infinitely splendor hearts, and righteousness cannot be used".

I can't go, and my arms are full of thorns; If you don't want to go, you will be despicable when you are full of words. Zeng Guofan said, "The rest of these two are often added to the rule", but unfortunately it has not been able to be swept away. He then believed that the reason why people deceive others must be that they have something in their hearts, and he said: "People must be in the void, without anything, and then they can be true and without delusion." Those who cover the truth are not deceiving. The reason why people deceive others is that they must have something else in their hearts, and they have no private opinions in their hearts, and they dare not tell others, and then they make false words to deceive others. Therefore, those who deceive themselves also have private things in their hearts. ”

Based on his own experience, Zeng Guofan came to the conclusion that the word "vast" should be used as a "common medicine" to overcome psychological obstacles. And this vast, should see themselves as small, he said: "Quietly ponder the past and present for hundreds of millions of years, there is no endless period, in the course of life, dozens of cold and summer, only need to be heard." The earth is tens of thousands of miles, not exhaustive, people in it, sleep and rest, only one room ear during the day, only one ear at night. The books of the ancients, the writings of recent people, are as vast as a sea of smoke, and those who can reach the eyes of life are only one of the nine cows; Events are endless, the reputation is a hundred ways, and the person who can do it in life is just one of the millet ears in Taicang. ”

Zeng Guofan often puts himself in a small position to maintain his mental balance. He always feels that "I am not as good as others", that is, "I can't be on the same page as the sages", and he also thinks that there are "unreachable two". The more people who can see their own shortcomings and have confidence, the more they can grow, the more they can have the strengths of others, and the greater the possibility of success.

Zeng Guofan's determination and strength of will to get rid of his shortcomings and faults are rare, and they have played a great role in his lifelong temperament. The key to its success lies in three words: not to deceive yourself. He believes that the reason why people are unfavorable to self-cultivation and impermanence in doing things is nothing more than self-deception, and self-deception is so deceptive to others. As long as you can do it without self-deception, you can persevere in everything and achieve practical results. Therefore, he demanded that he "forbid bullying like fire".

In order to discover and correct his shortcomings without deceiving himself, Zeng Guofan adopted two methods: one was to write letters to his younger brothers, greet his friends, and ask them to point out their shortcomings from time to time; The second is to keep a diary so that you can reflect on your words and deeds every day. More than 100 years have passed, and it is difficult for us to find out how his friends and brothers pointed out the shortcomings of Zeng Guofan, but his diary has written a lot in black and white. For example, Master Ji intends to devote himself to the exam, but Yu is weak, how can he deceive people? It's just self-deception. Abandonment is so far, is it still salvable? (February Diary)

Dou Lanquan came, his words were reasonable, and Yu Shi failed to understand the meaning of his words, and he made a statement in vain, deceiving himself, why not! There is always insincerity in the heart, so the words are hypocritical, that is, talking to others, it is also shallow and ugly, and it is extraordinary, what is the benefit? (Ren Yin's November diary)

The guest came to show his poetry and admiration, and he was very sick. Confucius's so-called clever order...... This is the deception of others and self-deception, the destruction of faithfulness, and the loss of integrity. Cut the ring, cut the ring! (Ren Yin's New Year's Diary)

Watching people make poems and make poems, disloyal or untrustworthy, how can they be friends? The sage's so-called "kindness and gentleness are good and convenient friends", I mean it. (February Diary)

A man will be in the void, and will not possess anything, and then he will be true and without delusion. Those who cover the truth are not deceiving. The reason why a man deceives others is that he must have something else in his heart. …… Therefore, those who deceive themselves also have other private things in their hearts. (Ren Yin's November diary)

There are many humorous words, but they do not come from the sincerity of the heart, and the loss of words every day is really a ghost situation, let alone others? (February Diary)

In the past, Yu Shen lived alone and other things, all of which were not exhausted, and he is still aging, unsure, and regretting it too late! (Gengwu Leap October Diary) He who warns himself will do something; Whoever deceives himself will be defeated. If people want to build a house, they must first lay a good foundation, and if the foundation is not strong, no matter how good the house is, it will not last. If you are building a high-rise building, whether the foundation can be laid is even more important. The relationship between success in life and self-cultivation is also like this, the higher the will, the more you must lay a good foundation, the more you must change your shortcomings, and create a perfect personality. This truth is best stated in the "University", one of the "Four Books": "From the Son of Heaven to the common people, one is based on self-cultivation, and those who are chaotic and have not been cured are not, and those who are thick are thin and those who are thin are thick, and there is nothing to be done." ”

Zeng Guofan has a very clear understanding of this point, he said: "The ancient gentlemen who cultivated themselves and governed their families will be able to be safe and strong, and then there will be a revitalized home; It will make people pleasing to the gods, and then there will be auspiciousness. So how can you lay the foundation for success in life? Zeng Guofan proposed the way of "repentance", that is, by reflecting on one's own shortcomings and mistakes, and resolutely and thoroughly correcting them.