He said to wait for my reply.

How can I respond?

I really want to say yes, I want to go home every day with someone I love, and say, "It's been a hard day."

I want to be able to cook a messy dinner together while we rest, and then eat it all laughing and frowning.

I think when I'm tired, someone can listen to me say, "I'm so tired," and then I can lean on his shoulder and cry silently for a while.

But do I deserve that kind of life?

This morning, when I was preparing breakfast, the buttered bread fell from my hand, and I thought it was going to stain the carpet, but I quickly bent down and grabbed it.

This action is particularly beautiful, almost like a martial arts master.

But when I looked up, the room was empty.

I wish there was someone looking at me and I could smile and ask him, "Am I good?"

He also laughed and teased me, saying that he had never seen a lawyer so agile.

Then we start the day happily, or every day after that.

I want to say yes to him.

But I am selfish and unfair to him.

As I said, I am a person with a lot of holes, my tragic childhood has created my stubbornness and loneliness, and the troubled family of origin has made me fall into anxiety and sorrow all day long, and I can't bring these things to a love.

It's not fair to my significant other.

Xiao Sun is a native of Chengdu, and his parents are both literary and artistic workers, and they are polite, and I was impressed when I only saw them once. His family is very similar to mine, both are "children and daughters", and the youngest grandson has a younger sister.

Their parents are still willing to give birth to a daughter after giving birth to their first son, which seems to me to be a fantasy.

Besides, I have also seen that girl, who has been pampered by her parents and brother since she was a child, and that kind of confident edge can't be suppressed, which makes her invincible.

But what am I?

I'm a monster.

"I can't say yes." I said in a deep voice, and as I said that, I felt like I had been cut by an invisible knife.

"Why?" Xiao Sun said a little anxiously, "Sister Zhang, yes, am I a little abrupt?" If you need time to think about it, I can wait......"

"We're all adults, we don't have children to do it, this kind of thing doesn't need time to think about it." I shook my head, "No, no, sorry." ”

Seeing Xiao Sun's lost expression, I felt that the invisible knife had once again passed through my body.

It hurts.

"Good...... Okay......" Xiao Sun nodded with a lost face, "Sister Zhang, don't apologize to me, it's me who should apologize, I'm really, really sorry......"

"No, it won't." I smiled and said to him, "It's a good thing to dare to express it, Xiao Sun, you are a very good person, I rejected you because of my own problems, I hope you don't feel sad." ”

"Hmm......" Although Xiao Sun nodded, I could tell from his eyes that he was extremely sad.

After attending Mengmeng's wedding, I gave her half a month off.

Although she wants to get back to work, the honeymoon is a once-in-a-lifetime thing, and I'd rather her take paid time off than spend that precious time at work.

A week passed quickly, and Xiao Sun and I handled a commercial dispute case together, but this time due to insufficient evidence provided by both parties, the verdict was not pronounced, and a second trial will be held soon.

"Xiao Sun, you can help me keep an eye on it in the next two days." I said, "I need to go home." ”

"Home?" He raised his eyebrows, "Sister Zhang, you look sad every time you receive a call from home, is something happening at home?" ”

"No, it's a good thing." I smiled and said, "My brother is getting married." ”

"Brother......?" Xiao Sun was obviously surprised, "Sister Zhang, you still have a younger brother?" ”

"Yes."

"You're so calm, I've never heard you say you have a younger brother."

"Just because I didn't mention it doesn't mean I didn't." I breathed a sigh of relief, "I haven't been home in years, this is the last time, I'm going to show up anyway." ”

"Last ......?" Xiao Sun obviously didn't understand, "Is there a last time to see your biological brother?" ”

"Yes." I was obviously a little happy, "Anyway, I'll be back soon, one day at the earliest, two days at the most, and I'll leave the matter to you for the next two days." ”

"Don't worry, Sister Zhang, it's no problem." Xiao Sun nodded, "But...... Don't you need me to send you? Are you driving back? ”

"Don't drive." I said, "There's no need to be so public, I'll just take the bus back." ”

"Okay, then you have to pay attention to safety, and send me WeChat when you arrive."

"No problem." I nodded and said to him, "If you have something to do at home, you can also go and get busy first, there shouldn't be any lawsuits except for that business dispute recently." ”

"My home is in Chengdu!" Xiao Sun smiled and said to me, "Don't worry, I will definitely stick to my post." ”

Looking at Xiao Sun's state, I feel very happy.

He didn't alienate me because I rejected him.

As long as I can work with people I know, I feel confident.

He will definitely find a better partner, but that person definitely can't be me.

Why don't I want to cut ties with that mountain village forever?

When I was twenty-three years old, I unilaterally cut off all contact with my family, changed my address, changed my phone, and found a new job. I thought I could start a new life, but they called the police.

They claimed that they were worried that their daughter was deceived in the city, and asked the police to look for them, but their acting skills were so good, and the police believed me, believing that I was a person who was blinded by the colorful temptations in the city.

Yes, parents are worried about their missing daughter...... What a normal reason?

My address, company, and phone number were all known to them, and the next day, they came to my company to make a big fuss, they cried and shouted, and portrayed me as a person who did not repay my kindness, was disloyal and unfilial, and they made up lies in front of all my colleagues.

But who can listen to me? At that time, 1,800 yuan of my monthly salary of 2,200 yuan was sent to my family, and the family of three needed to support me alone.

If I disappear, they'll call the police. The police are highly educated, and they are willing to believe that "blood is thicker than water", "mother and daughter have no overnight feud", and "biological mothers will not harm their daughters", and I understand them.

But it was hard for them to understand me, after all, they hadn't experienced my life.

That incident made me deeply understand that this family relationship is not at all broken, if I dare not show up when I get married, I will be charged with another crime, and all the achievements that I have accumulated so far may also be threatened.

I bought a bus ticket, put on casual clothes and set off.

I can't let the people in the village know how well I'm doing in Chengdu, or they'll become a bottomless pit hovering over my life, sucking all the blood out of me.

The bus, normal clothes, and just the right amount of light makeup were enough for my trip.

I'm just an ordinary person, I don't have extra money to help them, and I don't have the ability to arrange a job for anyone who is idle in the city, I am just me, an ordinary person.

The car drove away from Chengdu and circled the mountain road for more than two hours before finally reaching a place 10 kilometers from the village.

Next, you need to take a black car, and then turn three jumpers.

I set out in the morning and did not enter the village until late afternoon.

The village is indeed preparing for the wedding, the roads are full of tables, telephone poles are plastered with red paper, and the wedding will start tomorrow.

"Laidi?!" An aunt suddenly recognized me.

"Yes." I nodded and looked at her, "I'm back." ”

"Tsk......" she pursed her lips with a little disdain, and then squeezed out an ugly smile, "How many years have you not been back?" Is it that good in town? ”

"Not good." I shook my head, "But Chengcai got married, I'm my sister, and I have to come back." ”

"Huh?" She nodded without smiling, "Then you should go home quickly." ”

I nodded at her and walked towards "home" with a long sigh of relief.

I haven't lived at home since my first day of high school.

When I was in school, I lived in the school, and I worked outside on weekends and winter and summer vacations, which was a strange place for me.

The atmosphere of the villagers also made me feel stressed, they are like the best informants in the world, and every word you say at home will spread throughout the village the next day.

Especially me.

A stubborn woman who doesn't want to earn tuition for her younger brother and prefers to go to school by herself.

A slutty woman who fell in love with the "bright lights" of the city and was reluctant to go home to see.

A miserable woman in her thirties who is not married and no one wants to take her in.

A stingy woman who doesn't care about her brother's marriage, doesn't pay a bride price or a down payment on a house.

A failed woman who has worked hard for more than ten years and still hasn't "returned home".

This is what the villagers see as me, and I am a famous joke in the village.

My existence is a classic topic that every family will discuss and enduring for a long time.