My learning is progressing day by day, the baby is growing up in my belly day by day, Zhang Xiaoning does not accompany us anywhere except for work, he bought prenatal education books, and we take turns to tell stories to the baby every day.

One day, Zhang Xiaoning got off work: "Don't reduce the number of people in the office, you need to transfer two, their families are nearby, they have to take care of their parents, they don't want to go, I'll go, let's go back to my house." ”

I was worried, although Zhang Xiaoning's parents were very good, but I grew up in the countryside, how used to being different from them, I have an endless inferiority complex in the face of them, how can I get along?

Zhang Xiaoning saw my worries: "Let's live alone, you are pregnant now, go to my parents' house during the day, and I will pick you up from work at night and go back to your home, my parents are very happy when they hear that you are pregnant." ”

So we went back to the city and lived in the Mandarin Duck Building of Zhang Xiaoning's unit, just a single room, and the kitchen and toilet were shared.

I'm literate, and it's much easier for me to do things. Take the bus to my in-laws' house every morning, pick me up from work in the evening, and take the bus home together, and the happiness continues.

"You are pregnant, don't do anything, don't care about anything, just give birth to our grandchildren in peace." The in-laws said.

When Binbin came back from school, he saw me chattering happily and saw my big belly: "Mom, do you have a baby?" ”

"Yes."

"Then you have a baby, will you not want me anymore?"

"No, we'll love you more, and multiple younger siblings will love you together, okay?"

"Great."

"Is he a brother or a sister?"

"Do you want him to be a brother or a sister?"

"I hope it's my sister, when she goes to kindergarten, I'm going to take her, I'm going to protect her."

"Okay."

I took him in my arms, what a kind, what a lovely child!

I wanted to pick up Binbin to and from kindergarten, but my mother-in-law and father-in-law disagreed.

I discussed with Zhang Xiaoning: "No matter how good my grandparents are, they can't replace my parents, so we have to bring them ourselves." ”

"I've thought about it a long time ago, but the place where we live is not very good at the moment, and my parents will definitely not let Binbin live with us."

Although I didn't do anything for a day, I felt very tired, I was careful in front of my in-laws, for fear that the place was not done well, and they would be unhappy, I tried my best to learn from my mother-in-law's way of doing things and dealing with people, but my humble heart jumped out of inferiority from time to time.

My belly is getting bigger and bigger, and I can't move anymore. Zhang Xiaodan: "Sister-in-law, Wang Lei and I have already received a marriage certificate, their school has assigned us a two-bedroom building, I will move the things, you have a big belly now, don't run back and forth, you and my brother will live, right?" ”

"That's not good, so where are you going to stay when you come back?"

Mother-in-law and father-in-law: "This method is good, such a big belly, so bumpy back and forth a day, we don't feel at ease!" ”

So Zhang Xiaoning and I lived in a small bedroom, bought a small bed for Binbin, and put down our bed next to us, although the house is so small that you have to go to bed when you enter the door, but the family of four is crammed together, it is very happy and warm.

A few months later, I gave birth to a daughter, and my in-laws were very happy: "It is a blessing for our family to have children and daughters!" ”

Zhang Xiaoning hurts me again, and she can't put down her daughter: "Seeing that you are such a small person, it is really great to be able to give birth to our daughter naturally, and my Zhang Xiaoning is worth it in this life." ”

He hugged his daughter and looked, as if he couldn't see enough, and said to me: "Your facial features are too similar to you, it's just one big and one small." ”

Mother-in-law's hearty three meals a day make the little guy nutritious, born very good-looking, full forehead, white skin, black and dense hair, and a ruddy little mouth, is a lovely person.

Discharged from the hospital three days later, Zhang Xiaoning asked for leave, he didn't let me move anything, worried that if I held the child for a long time, I would have back pain and arm pain in the future, and the child would not let me hold it unless I was breastfeeding. My milk is sufficient, the little guy eats well, very well-behaved, doesn't cry or make trouble at night, I give her the nickname Yiyi, Zhang Xiaoning is my lifelong dependence, the big name Zhang Yibin, and Binbin.

Zhang Xiaoning became his daughter's slave, he washed his daughter's diapers by himself, and he also washed his daughter's bath by himself.

Soon the daughter was full moon, Zhang Xiaoning applied for a two-bedroom apartment, and her mother-in-law and father-in-law were reluctant to let us live until our daughter was one year old, and Binbin went to primary school before moving out.

I was particularly reluctant, but I was used to being obedient since I was a child, and coupled with this marriage that was not the right household, my inferiority complex made me dare not say anything in front of my in-laws, and I stayed obediently.

Zhang Xiaoning's work is getting busier and busier, he goes home late every day, looking at him who is tired, I am very distressed, try to do everything well, don't trouble him, I learn to take my daughter by myself, Binbin kindergarten teacher will assign some painting and manual homework every day, I can farm and grow vegetables, how can I see these when I grow so big!

My mother-in-law felt that I couldn't take my daughter and couldn't help Binbin with her homework, and she was obviously a little unhappy, so I was careful to work as much as I could to please her.

One day, my father-in-law bought a handmade origami and painting book for Binbin, so I learned according to the instructions in the book, and slowly I could draw some simple paintings and make origami, so I gave Binbin guidance, Binbin's homework got better and better, and every time I could get praise from the teacher, the little guy was happy and proud.

I spent every day in a cautious way, and slowly, I felt that I was very sad, irritable, and in a daze. When I breastfeed my daughter, I will think of my grandmother's swearing and my stepmother's mental abuse, and I will be very angry, so I will put my daughter on the bed, and sometimes my daughter will cry and I will look at him indifferently, and I will not be so patient with Binbin anymore.

One night, Zhang Xiaoning came back from work, and her mother-in-law: "Your daughter-in-law doesn't know what's wrong, she is dumbfounded every day, do you want to take it to the hospital?" ”

Zhang Xiaoning looked at me with tears in his eyes: "I'll take you to the hospital tomorrow." ”

When I arrived at the hospital, I was diagnosed with postpartum depression: "This disease is a serious disease, you can't be careless as a family member, you have to accompany you more, you can't take medicine for breastfeeding, I can't prescribe medicine to you, go to my psychiatrist for psychological counseling first, and if it doesn't work, wean the child and treat it with medication." ”

Zhang Xiaoning hugged me: "Can you tell me what happened?" You have come through so many tribulations, how come you have a good life and then you get sick? ”

"I feel that I can't do anything well, my daughter can't take care of me well, and Binbin can't tutor well, I'm very sad."

"Did my mom say anything about you?"

"Nope."

"Shall we move out and live on our own?"

"Your parents will be upset"

"Sooner or later, we have to be independent, we can't rely on them for a lifetime, I told my parents that it's okay?"

I nodded, and we went to the psychiatrist: "Tell me what you think makes you the most sad and sad." ”

"I remember my grandmother's swearing when I was a child and my stepmother's mental abuse later, and I was very sad."

"And who do you live with now?"

"Father-in-law."

"Are your parents-in-law good to you?"

"Okay."

"Do you feel happy, then?"

"Not happy."

"Can you tell me the reason for my unhappiness?"

"It's very depressing every day."

"Do you think your husband is good to you?"

"Good, very good."

The doctor let me out, and she told Zhang Xiaoning to go in.

After a long time, Zhang Xiaoning came out and took my hand and went home.

"Mom and Dad, let's move out and live on our own."

Mother-in-law: "Lingling is sick, how can you move out?" You have to go to work, can she take care of the child? ”

"I'm taking time off work to take care of it."

"Men want to focus on their careers, do you often ask for leave without delaying work?"

Zhang Xiaodan rushed here after knowing that I was sick: "Mom, what age is it, the young people now have to live separately from the elderly, you think it's good for the family to live together for three generations, but you have to think about your sister-in-law, she is only twenty-one years old this year, she is still a child in the city, I am twenty-one years old and still in college, what do you know!" Don't be too demanding! You didn't understand anything when you gave birth to my brother, and you didn't raise us all the same? I asked my classmate, he is an expert in this area, everyone has postpartum depression, some people are serious, some people are not serious, my sister-in-law is not particularly serious, treat it well, the main thing is that the family should accompany and take good care of it, and it will be fine soon. ”

We bought furniture and moved into our own home, Binbin followed us, Zhang Xiaoning took personal leave, washed and cooked every day, shuttled Binbin to and from school, and took care of Binbin, daughter Yiyi and me: "You record your daily things, the good ones include the bad ones, what you think in your heart, how to remember it." ”

So I learned to keep a diary.

Zhang Xiaodan also invited the art teacher of their school to teach me sketching, and I spent the rest of my time learning sketching except for breastfeeding Yiyi every day, and slowly, my painting level became higher and higher, and the characters and fruits I painted were lifelike.

Yiyi babbles like a chatter every day, especially sticky to her father, Binbin teases her sister every day when she comes home, and she is reluctant to let her cry, I find that life is so beautiful, I am no longer sad, I no longer love to be angry.

Half a year later, I went to the hospital for a follow-up, and the doctor said that I had recovered, Zhang Xiaoning happily invited our family of four to a restaurant for a big meal, looking at two lovely children, a spoiled lover, life is so beautiful, so warm.