In the urban area of Jiang* City, on a highway bridge, a young man was lying on the side of a low guardrail.

He kept his head down and looked back and forth at the rushing river below, and was finally caught in the sunset reflected in the dark water.

This bespectacled, thin young man who should be more Sven should be more Sven, but his face is unshaven and decrepit.

The collar of the shirt under the windshield coat is yellow, and I don't know how long it hasn't been washed. And he is still wearing a pair of indoor slippers on his feet, which looks out of place with his sloppy dress, which is easily reminiscent of a mentally disturbed homeless man.

And this young man is me.

I now carry an unopened pack of cigarettes in my coat pocket, and a brand new lighter, and I am holding this bottle of beer in my right hand, although it is open, but most of the wine is left.

Now I am very conscious, and I do not have any mental illness, and I am able-bodied and have a normal body temperature.

At least......

In the results of the physical examination a month ago, I was still very healthy.

Aside from 500 degrees of myopia, which might be said to be "visually impaired", there is nothing I should classify as a "patient".

But I felt sick, very sick, my whole body was always uncomfortable, I didn't eat anything, and I felt pain all over my body as soon as I sat down.

So I went to the doctor, and the doctor asked me to do a series of tests, and then after reading my test data, he smiled politely and said that I was not sick, I was healthy, and I went back to drink more hot water.

But why did I come to the hospital if I wasn't sick?!

Is it just to drink more hot water reasonably?

Of course, I've drunk I don't know how many pots of hot water have been after that, and the situation still hasn't changed.

After so long, let me introduce myself first!

I'm twenty-six years old, single, and my name is Lu Ziqiao... Ahh

My name is actually Lu Ruqiao.

"Lu Ziqiao" is the nickname my friends gave me, because my real name is just the same as a major character in a well-known sitcom, and I am easy to get confused when I hear too much.

Of course, I am completely different from Lu Ziqiao, except that I don't look like him at all, I usually don't talk as much as him, and I can't say any famous words that can see through life, and I haven't been good at picking up girls.

I am usually very serious, very dedicated to feelings, and very dull in dealing with people, so it can be said that I am not like "Lu Ziqiao" at all.

I've been an introvert since I was a kid, and I'm not flexible, and I prefer to be more slick than tactful, and the reason for that is simply because I hate complexity.

Because I was more direct in what I said and did, I didn't have many friends when I was a student, and I was often isolated.

When I was in elementary school, I tried to build relationships with other classmates, perhaps because of my clumsiness and stubbornness, but they felt that I was provoking them.

Even when I told them I was sorry and explained why I said that, they responded to me by singing a harsh and upbeat song while circling around me.

And even when I find an opportunity to participate in their ghost hunting games, I always play ghosts, give me all kinds of nicknames that I don't like, and even start scribbling on my desk, throwing stickers at me in class, or stabbing me in the back with the tip of a pen......

Because of my silence, they intensified.

So I gave up befriending them in my clumsy way.

Because I realized that I didn't really want to be friends with these people, I just wanted them not to bother me.

So I asked one of the leaders out and got into a big fight with him, and I even came to help him, so that the matter ended up in the principal's office.

Although I was beaten up by a large number of people in the back, in the end, I was the only one who was called out to my parents, received a lot of criticism, and this incident left me isolated in the class and even in the whole school.

But at least they won't come to my desk anymore to scribble or do other boring things.

That's good, isn't it?

After this, if they dare to do so, I will swing my fist at them, and show that I am going to hit them, and they will run away immediately.

Besides, after being isolated, I can read books with peace of mind, knowledge will not bother me, once I understand and remember, it will always be in my mind, and there will be no inexplicable changes, which is in line with my temper.

So learning about new things and new knowledge has always been something I'm interested in, so my academic performance has always been good.

After that incident, I went to middle school, and the people I often came into contact with in the school were only the school committee and teachers, and secondly... The cafeteria is kind and a bit of Parkinson's aunts.

However, among the general classmates, it seems that they call me "four-eyed boy" and "nerd" behind their backs.

Obviously I'm not in their way, so why are you talking about me like this?

Maybe...... Just because I'm in their sight, right?

But I'm not an invisible woman, and my gender is also a man.

We can't go to Thailand, and then go to space to eat radiation, come back and strip naked and play special PLAY.

So I can't meet their demands, and I don't bother to deal with them, so I don't need to change my image in their eyes.

So I got used to being silent, to reading alone in my seat, to not socializing with the people around me.

And my academic performance... It's okay, but in fact, my learning talent is average, and no matter how hard I work, I'm barely in the top ten in the class.

I'm not like the main character in other stories, I'm a genius kid at the beginning.

Born as a human being, I am very ordinary, and ordinary cannot be more ordinary.

Although I may not have a bad aptitude, I think it is still too difficult to be at the top of my studies because there are many more gifted and talented people in the world who are doing the same or even more hard work.

Sometimes I think, "Ah, so many people who are more talented than me are working hard, why don't I just be a happy salted fish?"

Of course, "lack of talent" may just be an excuse for my own inability to move forward, but I really didn't do anything other than study after eating and before going to bed.

I racked my brains for a long time to think about this, but I couldn't figure out what was wrong with me, and before the college entrance examination, I was also trying to review my notes and tutoring materials that had been piled up into a "wall", and I suffered from insomnia for several days.

As a result, I fell asleep while compiling the English test essay, but fortunately, God willing, I still took a copy of the college entrance examination.

Although I didn't go to the national focus, and I didn't change much in my long college life, that is, I was more lazy than before, and I didn't read books often, but with more free time, I did have some friends who talked a lot.

Perhaps because I was used to silence in the past, the few speeches I made now were the result of my own careful consideration, and I no longer thought of what to say as before.

As a result, someone said to me, "Hey, you're a pretty good person!" and put their hands on my shoulders and dragged me to various activities.

It's a novelty to have someone else next to you, and they're a completely different group of people than the guys I've been through before, and they don't mind my clumsiness very much.

So every time they invited, I would agree, and I forced myself to be socially interested.

So after that, I thought that my destined ordinary life took a major turn.

One day, the school organized a large-scale theatrical performance, and I was dragged to participate in the male and female anti-skewer program and forced to wear a bunny girl costume.

When I walked on stage, my face was stiff enough to sharpen a kitchen knife and was painted with exaggerated and fancy makeup, and in this way I met a girl in a suit who was also participating in the show, she had a sweet voice, and she was also handsome in men's clothes, even if she was mixed in with the crowd, she stood out from the crowd, and it could even be said that she stood out from the crowd.

My face slackened, and there seemed to be a star twinkling in my eyes......

......

"Hiccup!"

Lu Ruqiao, whose cheeks were slightly red, burped, and he glanced at the wine bottle and found that the wine inside was almost bottomed out.

Draining the rest of the wine in one gulp, he threw the bottle into the river and watched how it floated through the water until it was nowhere to be seen.

Alcohol didn't blur his consciousness, but made his long-buried memories clearer.

He slipped his frozen hand into his coat pocket, took out the cigarette case inside, tore open the film package, opened the cigarette case, pinched the filter with two fingers, and finally took the cigarette with the mellow nicotine smell in his mouth.

Then he took out a brand-new lighter from his coat pocket, and with a "click" of it, the flame swayed in the cold wind, and when he approached the cigarette, the flame simply went out, and he had to press it again, and the cigarette was successfully lit.

Then Lu Ruqiao, who was holding a cigarette, looked up at the sunset in the sky, and while puffing up his chest, he put his frozen hands into the coat pockets on both sides, and the vehicles on the bridge whistled behind him with their shining and dazzling headlights, and the back of the windbreaker swayed back and forth in the wind.

"Ahem!ahem!!"

Such a meaningful moment only lasted for a few seconds, and Lu Ruqiao was choked by the smoke that jumped into the trachea, and he had to immediately clamp the filter with his fingers to remove the cigarette, and the other hand kept fanning off the overly strong smoke from his mouth.

This is the first time Lu Ruqiao has smoked, and although he has learned well, he is still just a novice, and the stimulation of inhaling these smoke mixed with car exhaust and dust is still great.

Wow!

"Huh?"

There was a dog barking behind him, Lu Ruqiao looked back and found that there was a little brown-haired teddy dog barking at his feet, and Lu Ruqiao, who was immersed in memories and failures, smiled awkwardly at it.

"Baby, don't be around the psychopath, come to Mommy!"

A fashionable young woman wearing mink, carrying a satchel, and perming curly hair hurriedly held the dishonest poodle in her arms, as if she was afraid that Lu Ruqiao would bite it.

Lu Ruqiao scratched his hair that had been blown messy by the cold wind a little troubled, and after looking at the people and dogs, he asked:

"It's... Your son?"

"Neurotic!!"

The angry young woman held the dog in one hand and the curly hair hanging down in front of her forehead with the other, stepped on the "clucking" high heels, and left with a curse.

"Alas......"

Lu Ruqiao, who looked confused, took a cigarette and returned to the guardrail. He took a puff of his cigarette at the rising moon, and the smoke was accompanied by a long sigh.

Maybe I'm really having some mental problems?

Lu Ruqiao shook his head and left what had just happened behind.

Where did I remember just now?

Oh yes! I remembered.

That was the first time I met Lin Ruyan, the opposite sex who made me deny my past thinking.

She's so good, so good.

I can't put into words how I felt when I met her in college, and I had never experienced the excitement and joy in my previous life.

I think I fell in love at first sight, and after that time, in order to see her again, I racked my brains to calculate the "chance encounter" again and again, and even made myself like a stalker, constantly inquiring about her.

It was only as I got to know her that I soon encountered obstacles, and as soon as they appeared in front of me, they were as difficult to shake as a mountain.

Lin Ruyan's popularity is very high, she is the flower of the university's broadcasting department, and the broadcasting department is all handsome men and beautiful women, she can become a recognized department flower, and it is natural that she is the school flower of the school.

The attention and sheer number of competitors around her didn't hold me back, as I said earlier, I'm a person who takes matters into account and will act once I have made up my mind.

However, what held me back was that it turned out to be ......

She already has a boyfriend.

It can't be helped.

In my opinion, love is something you want me to do, and coercion is not loved, and I don't want the person I like to be disgusted with me.

Since the famous flower has a master, it is time to stop.

It's not my style to take people's favors.

Even if I think it's flowers on cow dung, people may not love my piece of cow dung.

So after I found out about it, I stopped reaching out to her too actively.

Of course, because she wants to go to graduate school, she often soaks in the library, and I "just happen" to study more in the library.

So... I didn't miss this opportunity.

It was easier than I thought I could have been, and I kept myself as unobtrusive as possible, which was very easy for me.

Wearing thick glasses and an inconspicuous gray coat, I waited silently near her usual seat.

And she often comes here alone, sitting in a corner that no one else notices.

Her boyfriend is a well-known rich second generation in the school, and he doesn't like to come to this place that needs to be quiet and has no red lights.

And then she doesn't seem to have any same-sex friends on her side, and as for the other people who admire her, it is estimated that no one dares to provoke her boyfriend after knowing the identity of her boyfriend.

As for the specific occasion for how we got acquainted, it was a very ordinary and random thing - we were both reading a niche book called "The Second Judgment", and there was no one else around, so I tried to talk to us. And she seemed to be very impressed with me on that show, and she actually laughed when she recognized me, and then we naturally chatted.

For the situation at that time, I only remember that I was surprised by the erudition she showed in the chat, it seems that when she entered this university, even if she didn't care about her major, her cultural achievements were greatly exceeded, but her parents were in the province, and she didn't want to be too far from home.

At this time, I defined my relationship with her as a friend, an ordinary friend.

After getting to know each other better, I realized that I probably didn't want to fall in love with her, but just felt the smell of "kind" in her.

So during that time, we talked about everything, from trivial things in life to big future ideals, we knew each other, understood each other's voices, and the so-called confidants were like this, right?

And I know she's lonely.

This is not my personal delusion.

This is what she said personally. She said that she and her boyfriend did not have a good relationship, she did not like to contact his friends, and she hated being dragged into a group of people to drink with them.

It made her feel like a barmaid, or an ornamental vase, which was not her liking.

Her dream is to be a radio host, and she wants to warm people's hearts with her voice. Listening to the stories told by others when they connect, giving them advice, and receiving their thanks, she says that this kind of life makes her feel satisfied just thinking about it.

She also told me that she herself was actually an outlier in the eyes of many people, and she had never had anyone to talk to.

As for why she accepted her boyfriend at the time, the reason was also very simple.

She also likes to be quiet, just like me, but it's different from my little transparency that doesn't get noticed. She is always stared at by a group of people, and the days of being asked questions at every turn make her feel tired.

So Lin Ruyan agreed to her current boyfriend's pursuit, so that she can do what she likes with peace of mind, and now she has no gossip or worries.

They don't interfere much in each other's daily lives, and they are in a very free state.

After I learned this, I also told her some of my past, and she listened patiently and sighed: "We really look like ah!"

Are we really alike?

I don't know, and I still don't know.

But I did get along well with her, and after a few conversations, we exchanged contact information, and I was able to talk to her even when I left the library where I needed to keep my voice down.

She would come home during the holidays, and at such times, she would often be in a good mood, and she would always send me some short songs that she hummed, and at the end she would ask me what I thought with a very expectant tone.

I don't have much research on music, but I have collected a lot of praise on the Internet.

I'm not very good at complimenting people, but the Internet is too convenient, and if you want to make girls happy in different situations, there is already a group of ancestors who can sing and cry and write a rich experience book.

For this reason, I frantically learned from the experience of my ancestors to supplement my emotional intelligence, and responded to her steadily with words that were not abrupt or exposed my inner excitement.

And she will often reply with a smug smile, or say in her voice, "Is it really that good?", and her tone is full of high and pride, which always feels extremely cute when she listens.

I once talked to a netizen about me and her in an anonymous state, and when I heard that I was communicating with a goddess who had a boyfriend like this, the netizen was very worried and said:

"Brother, aren't you being used as a spare tire?"