I used to think that Chi Shu's preference for me was because I was slapping his beard and flattering him, and I would go crazy with him, make trouble together, and do all kinds of bad things together, or because I was the one who understood him best, and I was also the person who was most similar to me.

In the thousands of years that I have followed Chi Shu, in fact, I have not had many heart-to-heart conversations with him, and I don't even get along much with him in normal times, but I feel that every conversation is not so much a conversation as a question and answer, attack and defense. I had to tense my nerves and put on a different mask to live well, and we would always be accustomed to watching each other's every movement, every look, to guess each other's sincerity.

Someone once asked me, "Do I have to think about what to say in advance every time I see Chi Shu?" That's right, and it shows my hypocrisy and exhaustion word for word. But it doesn't matter, I'm used to this kind of scene.

I used to feel that Chi Shu, like me, seemed to be always looking for the meaning of existence. In other words, everything in the five realms of Brahma seems to have no meaning to him, it is nothing but nothingness, it doesn't matter about fairness, it doesn't matter if it's good or evil, everything seems to be done at will, according to nature. And those whitewashed and self-conscious, in his eyes, are just like clowns jumping off beams, boring smoke clouds, he is tired of hearing and seeing. Chi Shu is undoubtedly lonely. Because everything in the Futu Palace is fake, then what he has must not be real. I guess he never really had anything. He would run to Qishan alone to see the dark and real night sky, and he would guard the only living spirit tree in the palace and take care of it. So it turns out that the invincible Chi Daren is also afraid of loneliness. I even looked at him coldly countless times, and a trace of indescribable pleasure rose in my heart, it was so good that someone lived in hell like me, and was lonely for a hundred lifetimes. You can't be born, you can't be a walking dead, and you can't die.

But such an emotionless person does not know when he suddenly changed, and even I can't guess his thoughts and emotions many times. His sometimes imminent departure, temptation and impermanence from time to time, made me suddenly panic.

"What you get from a lie must be a lie. He said.

I didn't want to memorize it, but it backfired, and the more I wanted to forget, the clearer it came to my mind. I have lied countless times in my life, told countless lies, and said very few words from the bottom of my heart. I know that Chi Shu hates lies, but I can survive for a thousand years with lies.

I was afraid of this feeling, and I was afraid of this unknown getting out of control.

I don't want to know what Chi Shu's connivance with me is, and I don't want to know. Or rather, I'm afraid to know.

The world is so big, why do you have to be bound by these cumbersome feelings, you can live a chic and comfortable life by yourself. I've seen too many crazy men and women, and I always feel that they are too tired to live, and I am afraid that I will have that day.

So I'm afraid to break that boundary, and I don't want to have more complicated entanglements with him in addition to the relationship between master and subordinate. It's good that we're like that now.

He will always be my Chi Lord, the Chi Auntie I hated thousands of times but still rescued in the blood-colored corpse forest of the Innocent Sea.

I am a demon, I want to be the king of all living beings, how can I be bound by these ethereal things? So when I summoned the Mother Earth, and when it washed the Stygian Sea and the clouds in blood, I really wanted to destroy the heavens and the earth, but in the end, I didn't do that.

It doesn't matter if it's a temporary idea, or whatever, I just suddenly don't want to do that...... Because of the dripping blue blood, the most rebellious and cruel person, but at that moment I calmed down all the violence.

It's incredible to think about.

I once expected that if there was only the Heavenly Dao in the world, then I would definitely be the one who always stood outside the Heavenly Dao. The weak never raise their heads, and the strong are unattainable. I'm used to living a life of being uninhibited and uninhibited, so I don't want to be bound by those strange feelings.

If we think of emotional bonds as a chain, then there are too many people in the red dust who carry these heavy chains and walk slowly, but I want to wander in the Brahma realm carelessly, and no one will become my bondage. I longed for a boundless sense of freedom, as if there would never be anyone or anything worth caring about, as if everything was ethereal to me and could dissipate at any time.

But I still seem to be infected with the earthly fireworks. Whether it is Qianye or Silent Cloud, I clearly understand that I and them are always people from two worlds, but I still chose to wait twice. Waiting for a grand scene of sky lanterns that the clear boy promised to bloom for me, waiting for a final ending that is full of silence and perseverance.

I am a contradiction, I despise the vulgarity of the world's emotions, but I unconsciously want to be warmed. Just like Yuan Qichen once said: "I have observed you, some moments I think you are very pitiful, and some moments I feel that you deserve it." You always like to reject other people's kindness, such as my kind reminder to you, such as the kindness of Prince Qianye to you. But it's ridiculous that you want someone to love you. Although I am dead, that does not prevent me from laughing at you. So, she was right.

"Don't hate, the heavens don't know that there is such a person. "I also told Yuan Qichen. Since the world has given me no mercy, then I will return to the world to be cold. So don't talk about love, I don't even want to hate, what about heaven and earth? The journey of a thousand mountains, the road of life and death that stepped into the land of Naiyu, I didn't care about it. Even if it is paranoid or distorted, I never admit defeat to anything that tries to hit me, even if I have to pay a thousand times the price for it, I will accept it calmly and willingly.

Good and evil are opposed, as light and darkness are. If there is no reflection of each other, then everything is just nothing. There is always a place for the devil. So even if I am extreme and persistent, cold-blooded and unintentional, I just want to live, so how can vulgar and ignorant others judge my worldview?

I'm tired of seeing the life and death of this world, the cause and effect of good and evil, so I laugh at the pedantry of the world and laugh at their ignorance, and I feel that I am different. It is not easy to be born in the mortal world, so why cling to putting those heavy shackles of love and love on yourself. You'll be tired, you'll never be able to walk anymore. I think I've always lived in a world where everyone is drunk and I wake up alone, but sometimes I'm suddenly scared, afraid that one day, suddenly someone will stand up and say that I'm the one who is drunk. Therefore, I must kill this possibility at all costs, since I am the king, how can I be bound?

Brahma is big, earthly and noisy. The law of the jungle is the strongest, and we are all running non-stop.

I never look back, and if I stop, I'm dead.

Some people may say that you run too fast and you won't have time to enjoy the scenery along the way. But I know that what didn't stop me was just a passing moment. I fantasized that the end of the sky would be a world of beauty, and that was what I wanted.

The front door of the road to kings is wide open, but not everyone can set foot on the road.

So I'm not going back, I'm destined to be the one on the way home.

Even at the moment of burning, did I lose? I lost. Did I win? Of course I won.

If I can reach the level of high and cold, I am willing to be lonely for the rest of my life. I would like to live alone, alone, dancing alone, waving alone, defending my perseverance in a way called Sang Wushi.

(Sang has no time to finish)